Sunday, March 20, 2011

Poker, BlackJack, Poker, Poker and Crazy People

Got a minute?  Maybe a half hour?  I have a feeling this post is going to be a bit lengthy.  I played in a live tourney Saturday with Gary as I mentioned earlier.  There were 72 peeps 7 itm and first place was over 2K.  I really wanted to cash and I did not.  The sad part was I surely could've....surely should've.

We started with 15K in chips and I have 8 peeps at my table.  I recognize an older woman, very tight nit, who I've played with before and the guy with no front teeth who I split with once.  They def recognize me too.  You tend to remember those at final tables.  Not that she cashes alot.  I remember her nitting to the final table with like 10 in chips.  5 minutes into it NoFrontTeeth (Frank) says "Josie, remember we split a while ago?  Down to us two before you finally agreed?  You weren't so nice."  I say "Frank, why split 4 ways when you can split 2.  You should be thanking me.  Wanna split today?"

Here's hoping!

I play to the first break tight.  Very tight, but I hit a big pot when I have trip kings but check because of the 3 crubs on the board.  The guy makes a bet which I know is to buy the pot.  I have reads on him and a few others at this point.  I call and wait to see his cards.  He had ace high.  Trips win!

So when I sit down, I glance at the person to my immediate right.  I thought it was a man, who was wearing a pink breast cancer hat, and sunglasses.  Once I sit down, I see (s)he is wearing purple nail polish, so I'm like ooooohhhh (s)he's a girl.  Glad I figured this out before I said something stupid!  But when she bets, I see she has like bigger hands than anyone at the table, and when she talks she sounds like James EArl Jones.  And the best way to describe her (because I've been thinking about it) is to visualize Bayne, yes BAYNE, in a pink breast cancer hat, girls sunglasses, purple nail polish, some pink lipstick and his regular clothes.  That is exactly what she looked like.  And Bayne, I love you, but you'd never be mistaken as a woman. 

Anyway (S)he is a horrible player btw so I'm waiting for my opportunity to pounce.  I know Frank (no teeth) and Shelley (tight nit) have it goot when their betting so I'm playing iwth the shitty players and it's working GREAT.

Whenever I win a pot against a shitty player Shelley high fives me!  Girl Power!  With the (s)he there are 3 women at my table and we're the only women in the tourney.

Bayne Lady raises in early position and I have A-Q so I call.  It's us heads up.  Flop is 2-3-4 Bayne Lady jams all in.  Obv I fold, and I do it face up.  She too flips hers up and has A-Q.  Blah.  I smack her on the shoulder for her shitty bluff and it's like hitting a brick wall.  lol 

There's a chubby guy across the table and I am withdrawing chips from him like he's an atm.  3 hands in a row.  First hand I knew he missed the flop yet he bet.  I smooth call.  Turn he bets and I raise him.  He folds.  Next hand I have Q-Q and he raises.  I smooth call and see a 7 high rainbow board.  Unless he's raising with the Hammer my QQ is goot.  He bets out AGAIN.  This time I reraise big and he folds.  I show the Q-Q.  Next hand and we're on break.  I get up to leave and just ake a quick peak at my cards.  I decide to sit back down and play and win that final hand (total bluff) again this same guy.  I go into the first break with 21K, 7k over the starting chips.  This is exactly where i want to be.

When I play a tourney I like to have goals to achieve by every break.  It helps me to slow down a bit and have patience.  I don't need to be the chip leader I just need to steadily increase my stack.

An hour after that first break I was at about 29K....just shy of double my starting chips.  Perfect.  Owning the table.  Getting in goot when I had the best and folding with 2nd best.  Then I got 10-10.  Old guy raises and I call.  Flop is J-9-8.  He bets 5K.....what does he have? A-K? maybe A-J?  I get stupid and jam all in.  He thinks and thinks and thinks.....then he thinks some more.  I surely have tbe best hand I decide.  If he had better he'd instacall.  All the donks here do with very little.

Hmmm finally.......he says I just can't through this away and turns up A-A.  Ugh.  Come on 10 or 7 or Q.  Nope!  I double him up.  Half my stack gone.  then I lose another hand - which I have no memory of, but trust me, it sucked. :)  Now I'm short and I have K-Q sooted.  The guy I doubled up raises and I smooth call.  If i hit that flop I'm jamming.  Flop is K-10-x rainbow.  I jam all in and he calls with 10-10.  Ironic.

gg me....or not.

I go to Gary's table and when he sees me, his face lights up with the biggest shiteating grin I've ever seen.  Friends rock, huh?  I get it though.  He's never lasted longer than me there, and I always go deep.  And into the break he was kinda short and I was not.  I threw it away.  No donkeys to blame, no one spewing to talk about.  It was me. 

So I wait for a seat in the cash game, which I do not enjoy.  While I'm waiting I decide to play a little black jack.  Max bet is $4 so there isn't enough of a betting range (2 bucks or 4 thats it) to play the game properly.  But whatevah.  Gary's still in the tourney and I have time to kill.  Just for the heck of it I practice my card counting and bet the big $4 when the count is goot.  Oh and the guy playing next to me is blind.  Ever see a blind guy play blackjack?  lol He sucked.  He stood on every 14-15-16.  He really didn't know how to play but the dealer would call out the blind guys cards and the dealers up card.  And then we'd wait....slow game.  Um I dunno if you noticed, but I do not have a patience chromosome, so I decided to help him....while he was "thinking" on what to do with a soft 17 against a 5 I said.  "Double down!".  Just put another chip up.  He said okay, did it and won.  Then repeat and repeat again.  "You have a 14 and I have a 10." "Umm......." "Take a card John!!!!  Do it!"  Winner winner chicken dinner!  Then when the count was really good I guided the blind guy to win even more.  It was all going great.  I turned my $20 into $32, the blind guy had like doubled his stack since I sat was all great until.....

Blind guy went crazy.

He was playing all orange $4 chips.  And you can play either the blue $2 chips or the orange $4 ones. So now that he was winning (big change btw) he'd win one $4 orange chip, feel for it and add it to his stack.  Then, the dealer paid him off with (2) $2 blue chips instead of one orange.  He picked up ONE blue chip, held it up to his eye and said "It's a different color".  Dealer explained that he paid him 2 of those, but the blind guy freaked out.  STarted yelling that he was being gypped.  He asked me to call the pit boss (boy really) over, which I did.  Ugh.  Game stopped. (personally I'm thinking how can I exit stage left) And the pit boy hears that the dealer is gypping the blind guy.  So the pit guy turns to me and says, did he really gyp him?

Of course I explain what actually happened, but in doing so I upset the blind guy, who kept saying "Come on Jo! Come on Jo!" like I was lying.  omfg Exit!  Onto limit holdem.  I won $10 in blackjack.

I settle down to the limit game, which I HATE.  Everyone limps in and we'll just see who hits.  Ugh.  Of course I hit the first hand with a full house and get paid off by 2 peeps.  :)  I was actually up quite a bit in this game but lost with A-K twice within the span of 5 minutes and both times I hit A-K on the board to lose with top 2 pair.  Even so, I leave the cash game up $37.  Meh.  I leave Seabrook down a little over $50.

I am so aggravated even though I've been on a diet all week, I decide have chinese food with Gary afterwards.  I was starving though.  All I'd eaten all day was a banana and a tiny bit of muffin.  As we are walking into the restaurant I meet yet another crazy person.  Mind you, I am STARVING and all I want is my late dinner.  As I'm going in the door, there is a congregation of people (maybe 5) on the steps.  As I walk past, one CRAZY woman points at me and starts yelling LOUDLY "You!!!!!! You!!!!!  You're Italian arent you?!?!?"

Me meekly..."Um yes, I'm Italian."

Crazy Lady 'I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!! I'm Italian too!!!"

Me: "Mazel Tov!" (no I didn't really say that)  I was like "Wow, great, that's awesome you're italian."  Then she wants to high five....and keeps telling me how 'Italian" I look.  wtf does that mean anyway?  All I want is fucking food and she's standing between me and the entrance.  An all her friends or whoever they were, were looking at me like I was a sample in a petri dish.  Sheesh - No one's ever seen an italian woman before? When she starts calling me pretty, I give her her high five. (doesn't take much with me)  The best part though, is what she DIDN'T say.  She looked over to Gary, perhaps expecting me to be with Rocky Balboa, and opened her mouth - and nothing came out.  Speechless!  I was waiting for her to say  "Heeee's not Italian."  Instead she looked as though she was smelling rancid meat.  LOLLLLLLLLLL

I finally got to eat and head home. So I get home and in my mind, I'm reviewing all my bad moves and thinking bout how I didn't go deep even though I know I can.  I decide to hit the Fify-Fifty.  I want to go deep.

819 peeps in the Fifty-Fifty, with a $50 buyin.  It's not a tourney I usually play either but what the heck.  I played AWESOME, until I played badly.  :)  You're going to have to trust me on the awesome part.  I don't really remember the hands but I wouldn't have gone so deep had I not played awesome. 

I do, however remember the hand I shouldn't have played.  K-10 clubs.  I min raise in early position (mistake #1) and get reraised by the button.  I have oodles of chips so I call. (mistake #2)  Flop is Q-J-X two clubs.  I bet out and he jams all in.  Here comes mistake #3!  I call!  Open ended and frush draw.  I catch nuthing and I double him up.

I threw away maybe 18k in chips and I decide not to do that again.  I will not.  I play short stacked for hours and hours - only betting when I have it.  I was short when there were 220 peep left, but I hung on, played hard, wanting to be itm, which were 153 itm.  I hit that and then I kept going.


Very Josie 63rd out of 819.
* Oh and if you want to see my entire desktop background, click on ART by BASTIN where you will find the most beautiful photos, poetry and prose. 

I needed the final table for some serious cash, but 63rd place got me $130, so I won the money back that I lost in N.H.  Meh.  

Today I'm going to a birthday party.  My friend's son is turning 14 yrs old.  Then I'll be home in time to hopefully SURVIVE Donkey Island.

You should come by and play with me.  Look up veryjosie on fulltilt to find the game.  It should be very interesting.

Play smart.



Gary said...

The drunken Italian woman did absolutely look at me, thinking, "Morta Christo." You could absolutely just tell, with this one, that she had no love for the Red Sea Pedestrians.

PokahDave said...

As always...a humorous take on the Seabrook

KenP said...

and keeps telling me how 'Italian" I look. wtf does that mean anyway?

Might be time to start thinking about bleaching the stash.

Of course, I'm not one to talk. An ancestor was described as having a coat like a Golden Retriever. (True) But he was also described as quite nice and of course that is me to a tee.

Josie said...

Pokah Dave, We have to do a threesome next time - you, me and Gary. We'll hit rockingham if that's you're preference.

Kenneth P Asshole, I do NOT have a stache. Grrrrrrr

Gary, She gave you la funga.

KenP said...

I hate it when you miss the part where I admit to being quite nice.

Josie said...

Ken, The white hot fury over your stache comment distracted me from the rest of your gibberish, but now I am composed.

You have a coat like a golden retriever? What does that mean? Alot of body hair? :)))

lightning36 said...

Nice post, Joe. We learn:
1) You chipped up, then ... spewww. No story here. Move along ... lol.
2)You angle-shot blackjack and try to take advantage of a handicapped guy.
3)Gender confusion a theme running through your post. Standard.
4) Always Sicilian "friends" intertwined in your story. Standard.
5)Male friend of yours trashed on your blog. Standard, just a different friend this time. : o P
6)And in comments ... another suggestion of a "threesome." Waaaay too much Waffles influence.

Kudos to Ken P. for catching on about the 'stash without even meeting Joe in person.

"Lightning can affect the brainstem, which controls breathing. If a victim appears lifeless, it is important to begin artificial resuscitation immediately to prevent death by suffocation." Wikipedia

KenP said...

Humm, I have a coat like a Golden and Sparky suffers from reading comprehension. Hmmm...

What part of ancestor needs explaining?

lightning36 said...

Okay, okay ... this is of my own free will:

Josie is a wonderful person -- intelligent, warm, caring, and attractive. She does not have a moustache despite her ethnic roots. She is an outstanding tournament player who is currently working on the few leaks in her game. She is honest and a pretty good friend, despite sometimes having obnoxious guys as friends ... ahem ...

Josie said...

Lightning, I'm grinning from ear to ear. I will now remove the knife from your throat.

Josie said...

Well Ken, you said you were like you ancestor, didn'tcha?

SirFWALGMan said...

Laughing at Bayne comment. Continuing reading. Why the fuck you invite Pokah Dave and not me?

SirFWALGMan said...

You totally look Italian.

NEVER EVER FOLD OESFD on the flop. YOU ARE AHEAD THERE! What the hell are you beating yourself up about? Jesus Christ. You wan't to get in there every day and twice on Sunday. A flush draw or a straight draw ok.. fold them in a second by 16 outs 2x over is an INSTANT call no question about it. Period. End of story. Stop being results oriented.

Did I tell you that you look Italian?

Josie said...

Waffles! I didn't bother to invite you cuz I knew you were busy with the baseball lesson - tourney started at 1:30pm. Def next time!

Josie said...

Waffles, Yes I get it. I look Italian. In fact I'm going to take it FROM YOU as a compliment, cuz you're so sweet.

Bayne_S said...

I had to try out my WSOP ladies event costume somewhere. Seabrook seemed unlikely place to run into anyone I knew

Josie said...

Bayne, next time try women's clothes. Just adding lipstick and nail polish, while I admit is fun, just won't do the trick for a manly man like you.