Sunday, October 31, 2010

He's Toast!

Waffles got burned!

Well, well, well. It's 8pm and Waffles has been matematically eliminated!  There is no way he can beat the awesomeness that is Josie.  So we are even.  I owe him nuttin'. 

As far as the league, I made a bone headed move.  Neo Baby was telling me that my San Fran picked sucked, so at the very last minute I changed it.  And San Fran won.  It was only 4 points but it might cost me the half year prize.  My own damn fault and not Neo's AT ALL.  I have a rule about not changing picks for a reason, yet I broke the rule.  Live and learn.  I still MIGHT win but it's going to be close.

If you happened to be on the North Shore of Massachusetts tonight, you might have seen a woman in a purple wig, witch's hat and red sox sweatshirt, wandering the streets.  She was warned to not stay too close to the blond headed boy, lest she embarrass him.  Sheesh.  Moi?

Play smart.


The Long Version

Evan Sugar Bear went to an all day birthday party on Saturday.  It was a paint balling party, so it was a day of shooting people, followed by a sleepover at the birthday boy's house.  Sooooo I figured it was time to visit The Seabrook Poker Room again.

They had a $80 11:15am tournament and a 1pm $160 tournament.  I opted for the cheaper earlier one.  I always start out slowly....observing my opponents.  I quickly noticed that the guy with the liver lips limped in with A-Q and A-K.  I also noticed that he'd check every bet and then call every bet.  A regular calling station.

I play maybe 15% of the hands in the beginning.  Only premium raising hands.  And raise I did.  No limping for me.  For the first time evar, I brought my mp3 player with me and listened to music for most of the tourney.  I think this really helped me have more patience than usual.

I won a couple of small pots and was doing fine when I got A-J hearts.  Liver Lips limped and I raised to 500, knowing that he could have anything.  He called.  Flop was low but 2 hearts.  I bet and he called.  Turn was an ace.  Not bad.  I made a big bet thinking Liver Lips would call and thinking I had the best hand.  He called.  I just knew he tried to limp in with an ace again.  River was a beeeooootiful heart.

The question was, what is the maximum I can bet that will elicit a call and not a fold.  I mean I did have the nuts.  I decided 1,600.  I put him on a big ace and since he was a calling station I thought 1,600 was the most I'd get.

But he raised.

He made it 3,200.  Hmmmm.......God did I want to jam all in, but I didn't want him to fold! I feigned contemplating folding, while I was contemplating my reraise.  I raised 3K more on top and he instacalled.  I said "Flush!" and he said "Me too!".  I flipped over my nut flush.  He had the 10-9 of hearts.  I totally didn't put him on a flush or he wouldn't still have chips.

I got a bunch of chips a little while later from another nice man, who was  unlucky enough to get trip aces (2 were on the board) when I flopped crub flush.  Flop was ace high all crubs and I had the 3-4 of clubs in the BB.  Since my flush was so little I bet big to get rid of anyone with a big club.  He called with his pair of aces.  Ace on the turn.  Shit.  I bet big and he raises.  I call and pray for no club on the river.  River was not a club but there's still a pair on the board and I know that means he could have a full house.

I check.

He makes a huge bet that leaves him with about 2k.  There's a ton of chips in the pot and the guy is staring me down.  He is one mean, ugly mo fo.  So I tell him this.  Well what I actually say is "The way you're staring at me is scaring me!"  So he stares more.  I'm thinking about raising him all in, but if I lose to a bigger flush or boat, why be down another 2K.  I really take the time to think this out and just call.

I show my flush and he shows trip aces, crappy kicker. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm easily the chip leader as we head to the final table.  Final table lasted almost 3 hours btw.  Anyway first hand at the final table is K-K.  Bitching!

I raise to 3x BB and get one caller.  A guy with NO FRONT TEETH.  I shiat you not.  I'm not talking about missing the front two.  This guy was missing the at least 8 of his front teeth.  He was sitting directly across from me the whole time so I had the ultimate view. 

Anyway, he and I are heads up and the flop is A-x-x.  I put out a little feeler bet and he's kinda shortstacked so he jams all in.  Great hand one of the final table!  I say to him (and I NEVER do this) if I fold, will you show me your cards? He says he'll show one card (which tells me he has an ace with a shitty kicker).  That's all I needed to know.

I promptly fold my KK face up.  I wanted my cards shown even more than his.  I wanted the table to know I was not bullying with my big stack.  If I was raising, I had it, and I'm able to fold KK.

Anyway, he shows his one card, the ace, and I tell him he's only showing one because he ain't so proud of his shitty kicker.  He starts laughing and flips over the 3.  Then he says,"I showed you.  That means you owe me a show!"

I say "I'm kinda busy right now, but maybe after the game!".

Everyone cracks up laughing and we continue to play. 

So I lost with my KK.  Next hand I play is A-K.  I raise and a kinda small but not too small stack jams all in.  My gut told me to fold, that I didn't need to gamble my big stack.  Yet I called.

He had A-Q and there was a queen on the flop, and I doubled him up.  Fucccccck.

Then I lose with AA.  I shiat you not.  I go into the first break with half of the stack that I had.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not shortstacked, but I have shared the wealth and that ain't good.

All those losses took place in maybe less than the first 20 minutes of the final table.  I didn't play another hand until the break, and even afterwards I was treading very carefully.

A guy at the table jammed all in with 9-7 and ended up with a full house.  So everyone started talking about the great virtues of 9-7.  "It's a  playing hand."  "It's a cracking hand."  blah, blah, blah.  And then, funny enough, it won again!  Whatev.  I couldn't fucking care less about how great it is, because it's shit.

A few hands later, I get 9-7 sooted.  I'm losing with KK, AA & AK so I am not playing that crap.  But I'm in the 10 seat, sitting next to the dealer, so as I fold it to him I say "It's a cracking hand but I fold."  He peeks and smiles at my 9-7 of hearts.

Flop is Jack high, ALL HEARTS.  Damn!  I could use some chips.  Dealer knows what  I tossed so he turns to me and smiles.  I haul back and smack him on the arm HARD, like it had a loud noise.  Yes, this was while people were in a hand.  I apologized though.  :)  He didn't seem to mind, but he did tell all the other dealers that I hit him.  I heard about it for hours afterwards.

Anyway, when a dealer gives you shitty cards, just smack him!  You're cards with change immediately!

Two hands later I get a biggie.  A lucky hand, which was a welcomed change at the time.  I had A-J, made a raise and got a call.  Flop was J-J-A.  Bingo!

I checked and this dude goes all in.  Yay!!!  I call!  He flipped over A-Q vs my A-J and I was free rolling!  Then I got a jack on the turn.  I said to the dealer "Please, no more jacks. 4 is enough!"

I rubbed the sore spot on his arm for him and everything!  Alas, dealers changed and my boy left.  As the new guy sat down, every guy at the table warned him about me.

We kept playing and I took a few guys out and I once again was the HUGE stack.  When we were down to 5 peeps I suggested we take $80 off first and $80 off second and pay 4th and 5th as there were only 3 peeps ITM.  Everyone readily agreed and we congratulated each other for being itm. 

So originally it was $700 for first place, and this made it $620 for first.  Toothless really wanted to split and I didn't.  He told me that once his offer is rejected it's off the table.  My answer was "Thank you!  I don't wanna keep talking about it either.  I agree, let's take it off the table."  He didn't like that. 

When we were down to 3 peeps, Gary showed up.  Blinds were 2000/4000 and I had a ton of chips.  I made the offer.  I told them we could split if I got an extra $100.  So instead of getting $620 I would get $515 for first.  They both jumped at the offer and game over.  gg

Gary and I played the next tournament but at different tables.  He was out early when he lost with AA.  I played for fricking hours and was out 7th.  4 itm for this one.  I jammed all in with 66 cuz I was a little short (but not desperate) and got called by 99.  I really wanted a double win, but that is poker.

Um, did I mention that Gary lost?  :P  I did buy him dinner with my winnings though.  I'm a good friend.

Play smart.


Saturday, October 30, 2010


I winned!

Look at me with a check from Seabrook/Rockingham poker room!  The funny thing is, you have to endorse the check to them, and then they give you cash for it.  See below.

My winnings less the dealer's tip

The dealer earned his tip today too.  I was in the 10 seat, sitting next to the dealer and yup, I hit him.  I have to stop doing that, although once I smacked him around, my cards seemed to improve considerably.

I'm very tired right now, but later on I will write up the details of the really fun tournament I played today.  $80 buy in and 22 peeps.  In the end, when we were 3 handed I had over double the next stack yet I offered to split 3 ways if they gave me $100 extra.  They both jumped on it and I got a little over $500 for a few hours of play.  Mama has won the cost of the Vegas trip.  Well, air and hotel costs anyway. It's time to book it.

Play smart.


Friday, October 29, 2010

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?

It's Week 8 and it's time to Pick The Winners! 

In my league I am tied for first place.  Believe it or not, I do a fair amount of trash talking in that league so if I don't win this I'll never hear the end of it.  I've won for the past three years. (hat trick thus far baby)

I also have a half year side bet with one of the guys in my league, and he's about 65 points behind me.  It's nice that one bet is a sure thing.

And last but not least, I have my double or nothing bet with the soon to be mustachioed Waffles.  And we all know there's no way in heck that he can win two weeks in a row.  Of course just pondering the odds of that makes me think about SpewDay and losing with pocket QQ's twice in a row.  Shit like that can't keep happening to me.  I'm too good a person.  I mean, I'm kind, generous, sensitive, intelligent, and humble! :P

Without further ado, below you will find Week 8's winners:

Buffalo / KC                     KC 13

NE / Minn                        NE 12
Jets  / GB                        NYJ 11
IND /  Hou                     IND 10
San Diego / Tenn                SD 9
St. Lois / Car                   ST.L 8
Oak / Sea                         Oak 7
DET / Was                        Det 6
Ari / TB                             Ari 5
SF / Den (sux)                    SF 4
Cincy / Miami                    Cin 3
Dal (sux) / Jax                   Dal 2
NO / Pitts                         NO 1

If I win, I owe Waffles NOTHING.  If he wins, I owe Waffles.....................4 DRINKS.

Wish me luck.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Spew Day

spew (verb) spewed, spew·ing, spews
1. To send or force out in or as if in a stream; eject forcefully or in large amounts:
I must say, the tournament is aptly named.  It started at 9pm and I was done before 9:30pm.  I played a couple of hands and lost a few chips....until I got a couple of decent hands.  That was my demise.
I get QQ I min raise to 120 and Walchy reraises me to 180.  I jam all in baby!  He calls me, PREFLOP, with 5-3.  Check it out below...

I doubled Walchy oup but still had enough to be in the game.  I play a short stack just fine, unless lightning (not you lightbulb) strikes twice.

2 hands later, I get QQ AGAIN.  Again, I raise to 120, again he reraises to 180.  Again I jam all in.  Again he calls my all in PREFLOP.  This time he has J-4.  Ha!  He can't bust QQ twice. 

Boy was I wrong.

Loved the flop, but knew I was done when the turn gave him the straight draw.

Maybe that's karma baby.  Perhaps I wasn't meant to play in this tourney as I didn't win entry fair and square.  Be that as it may, many thanks to HeffMike for being so nice.

While I'm on the subject of nice bloggers, let's talk about Wolfie for a moment.  He's a really nice blogger.  In fact, he's so nice he's offered to buy me some drinks while I'm in Vegas!  LOL, well not exactly, but I'm working on him.  He seems to think I'm anti-social (which yeah, I usually am) because I happened to mention that I'd be playing poker the whole time I'm in Vegas, but you know.......I plan on socializing too.  I mean I'll get breaks while I'm playing poker.  :P  Besides, as antisocial as I am....and I really am, all that goes out the window when I'm playing poker and when I'm drinking.  This'll be a double whammy!

Wolfie took 2nd place in the Spew Day Super Turbo - not only that but he took me out too!  After my big beat in the main tourney, I was done.

One other thing.  I do have some big news for my readers, but I want the news to have a separate post of it's own, so you're going to have to wait another day for it.  It's worth the wait though.

Okay one more thing.  You guys ever read Vegas Linda Lou?

She's who I want to be when I grow up, and she's not even a poker player!  Maybe it's because she's hilarious, honest, confident, and embraces who she is.  Anyway, she is THE REASON I started this blog.  I know good advice when I see it.  And if you couple that good advice with swearing and stories of hanging in biker bars, you've got me.  Anyway, one of her tidbits was to think about what you really want to do and then do it.  I wanted a poker blog, and she said to do it, so I did.  I stopped worrying that it wouldn't measure up and started posting.  She was right.  I also learned how to stand up straight from her. (chest out, shoulders down)

Anyway, she just shared some bad news with me, so this is for you Linda Lou!

Cancer can suck my BIG BLACK dick!*


*Just another tidbit I learned from Linda Lou.

HeffMike Rocks

It's official.  HeffMike is my favorite blogger.*

As you know we had a side bet where I had to pay his buy in to (2) Spewday events as well as The Very Josie. (which is next wednesday so mark your calendars)

He says that he'll ship the Spewday buyins back if I use them to play the tourneys myself.  And I was dying to play!  How nice is he?

Waffles still sucks though.  Says I smell like de-feet.  The fucker.  Fucking lucky fucker.  I hope he remembers how lucky he got next time he starts to whine about how he runs bad.  Speaking of running bad, Waffles and I are doing it again.  Get your minds out of the gutter!  I'm talking about betting on picking the winners again in football.  Double or nothing baby!  Trust me, he cannot win twice in a row.

Thank you Heff!  You rock.  Waffles, not so much.

Ohhhh and since I love to tease - something exciting is coming to this Blog.  Stay tuned tomorrow for some news!

Play smart.


*Favorite blogger status is subject to change on a weekly basis.

Waffles Getting Free Booze!

You know it's not the booze.  I'd be happy to get Waffles drunk anytime.  It's the paying 3 buyins for frigging HeffMike.  Pisses me off.  Oh Heff, I sent the buy in for the 2 Spewday events....Very Josie buy in to come.  To say you'll be wearing a target in the VJ is a gross understatement.

He broke his frigging shoulder!  After such a good start.  You know what happened, I ain't reliving it.

As far as my league, the Dallas loss means I am now tied for first place.  At the end of next week's games whoever has the lead wins the prize. 

I am pissed off.  Perhaps I've already mentioned that.



Sunday, October 24, 2010


Green Bay won.  That means:

Josie: 66
Waffles: 62

No more tie possibilities.  Now for Monday Night Football.  If Dallas wins, I win with a score of 72 and if The Giants (bleh) win, Waffles will win with a score of 69.

Plus if I win, not only do I get 2 drinks from Waffles, Heffmike will pay for my buy in to both Spewday events, he'll buy Waffles into the next Very Josie tourney and most importantly, he'll write a post about the dangers of gambooling with Josie.

Gooooooooooooooooooooo Dallas!

Bet smart.


Update Football Picks!

Oh my God, this is going to be a close one!

Right now the 4pm games are almost done.  Assuming Seattle, Oakland and New England wins (and they are all pwning at the moment), here is where we are at.

Very Josie - 64 Points
Wawfuls - 62 Points

It will all come down to the last 2 games. 

Tonight's game:  GB vs Minn, I have  a 2 on GB and Waffles has an 8 on Minnesota
Mon Night:  Giants vs Dallas, I have a 6 on Dallas and Waffles has a 7 on the Giants.

If Minnesota wins and Dallas wins, we tie.
If Minn wins and Giants win, Waffles wins.
If GB wins and Dallas wins, I win.
If GB wins and Giants win, Waffles wins.

Updated:  2 minutes left in the game and Green bay is up 28-24.  Go GREEN BAY!!!  Minnesota has the ball but it's 4th and 5!!!

I may have to change  my panties.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

In Spades

I played a game called Spades last night.  First time I've ever played it and it was alot of fun!  It was at Lynne's, of L&BM fame.  Except there were all lesbians and only 2 black men, and me.  Kinda weird at first.  It was the first time I met alot of these women as only a few of them play poker.

And since they all played for the same team, I think they assumed......let's just say I shouldn't have gotten my hair cut.  Two women gave me a ride home, and one was helping me out of the back seat when she said "I hope you don't think I'm grabbing your boob."   Hmmmm

After the game ended a few of the women made a plea to Lynne. "Next time NO MEN AT ALL.  We don't want to deal with men, just us.  Right, Josie?"  Now I wouldn't mind an all girl game, but then again, I don't mind the men either. As long as everyone has cash, I couldn't care less.  That's pretty much what I told them, but I think this chick was expecting me to say "Yeah, men suck, no men allowed." 

Now about the game....

I have never played Spades before and I LOVED IT.  Damn, I want to play again.  It's very similar to Whist but there's a bit more strategy needed to win, which I like.

Here's what I didn't like.  Partners were drawn out of a hat, and I got Ro.  This 83 year old lesbian woman who had never played before either.  But she really didn't have a clue.  She was very sweet and know, the opposite of me.  :)  First hand she says she's going Nil, which means you will make no books.  Um she had the ace of spades and she ended up making like 4 books.  I thought I was doomed.

But I wasn't. 

After we lost that first game, we won all the others we played.  I told her, no matter what, she was not allowed to go nil and just let me take the lead.  She was so timid she always under bid and made more than she thought, so I started over bidding to compensate and it worked perfectly!  I dragged her to victory time and time again.  Poor woman, I could tell she was getting tired, as the night wore on.  She also did get a little  upset when the guys yelled, so I could kind of see where the girls were coming from.  There were some older woman playing and their presence should have been respected.

It was a double elimination tournament so once you lost twice you were out.  In order to have a win, you had to win 2 out of 3 games.  As I said, after our first loss, we were on a winning streak.  I felt like I had Ro on my back and I was dragging her over the finish line time and again.  But in order to do this, we played game, after game, after game after game!  We must've played at least 15 games last night.

Finally at almost 1am (way past Ro's bed time) Junior offered a 4 way chop, and Ro's face lit up.  So of course I agreed.  Junior wanted to play a little heads up Holdem with me, but Lynne wanted to get us the hell out and I don't blame her.

Okay, I'm off to get a manicure with my winnings. ($15)  I haven't had a manicure in a couple of months and someone mentioned it.  You know how when someone mentions something then you're in the mood for pizza?  Now I'm in the mood for a mani.  Some reader out there is in BIG TROUBLE for making me spend money.  :)

Don't forget, I will be kicking Waffles butt at poker football tomorrow.  Heff, you interested in a little action?

Play smart.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Mama's getting free booze!

Waffles better get some money and permission from the wife for this!

I don't know if you've heard, but Waffles and I have a bet on football this weekend!  Waffles Loser has to buy the winner drinks!

Here is the bet.  I am in a football league where you pick the winners of all games (outright winners, no spread) and assign a value to each winner. 1-14 cuz there are 14 games.  1 goes to your least confident pick and 14 to your post confident pick.  At the end, whoever has the most total points wins!

Easy peasy!  At least that's what Waffles thinks.  He thinks he can compete, but I've been kicking ass at this game for years.  To play in the league it's $60 for the year, but you can win alot more than that.  But more than that, it makes Sunday Football so much fun and exciting.  Booya!  I cannot wait for Sunday!

Okay below are my picks - they are in order of my favorite to least favorite.  I have no DOUBT I will be getting free shots of Patrone.

Baltimore/Buffalo BALTIMORE 14
New Orleans/Cleveland NEW ORLEANS 13
Kansas City/Jackonsville KANSAS CITY 12
Denver/Oakland DENVER 11
Seattle/Arizona SEATTLE 10
Miami/Pittsburgh PITTSBURGH 9
Tennessee/Philadelphai TENNESSEE 8 (fucking tennessee and waffles cost me the win last week!)
Tampa Bay/St. Louis TAMPA BAY 7
Dallas/NY Giants DALLAS 6 (fuck you eli manning)
Chicago/Washington CHICAGO 5
Carolina/San Francisco SAN FRAN 4
Atlanta/Cinncinati ATLANTA 3 (I was waffling on this one, hence the low number.  Cinncy might bring it)
Green Bay/Minnesota GREEN BAY 2 (Brett's too busy taking pics of his nether regions to focus on football that is)
San Diego/New England NEW ENGLAND BABY! 1

Okay, once I post this I get to check out Waffles picks and get a good laugh.  Go Team Josie!

Last week's near win put me in first place for the year in my league.  There is a prize for first place half way through the season - and that's only 2 weeks away!  I have to hold onto my lead until then.  I haven't posted my picks for the league yet.  They don't have to be posted until noon Sunday, and I'm tempted to make a few changes, like raising the points on NE....I dunno.

If you clicky, you'll see I have the lead by only 6 points

Miami Don, if you are reading this, GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!!!!  Um, and do you think I'm gonna kick Waffles little ass?

Play smart.


Thursday, October 21, 2010


It's almost 1am so here is the world's quickest poker recap.

Live Poker:  Net winnings of $1!  I shiat you not.  It's $5 per game.  First game had 5 peeps for $25 total prize.  When it was down to 2 of us, we split and I got $12.  So I'm up $7 at this point.  Lost 2nd game so down another $5....down to $2, and then I had a $1 side bet with Noodles that I lost.  Big $1 winner!

I played The Mookie and was out early. 7 or 8 peeps, with Buddy making a late entrance.  I lost to Buddy when I flopped top pair and he turned a flush.

Then I played a $3 (90) person.  Got lucky 3 times when I went all in with 2nd best hand and caught miracle rivers.  3 freaking times!  Anyway I get short stacked when there are 14 peeps left and I keep hanging on...trying to make it to the money.  9 itm.  I finally get there and guess who else is at the final table?

Lucky Duck!

I had no idea he was in the game.  He had a few more chips than me, but I got lucky when my AJ sooted was up against AK.  I caught my flush and a bunch of insults from Mr. AK, but hey, that's poker.  I ignored him.  Imagine who has been known to run my gums.  I just figure it's a lose/lose situation.  Yeah he had the best hand preflop and yeah, I got lucky.  But doesn't he know by now that's part of poker?  Maybe insulting strangers makes him feel better.  I hope so.

Anyway, finally it was down to Me, Lucky Duck and some guy.  Ducky went out 3rd and then we were heads up.  And that's where I suck, suck, sucked.  We played heads up for about 15 minutes and although I had the lead for half the time, I just couldn't hold onto it.  Made a desperate move when I was short stacked and then I was out.

Clicky on snapshot for proof that I OWN Lucky Duck :)

Happy to get 2nd, yet why to feel so frustrated about it.  I should've finished the job.  Eh, there's always next time.

Play smart (like Lucky Duck and me).


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My Pleasure

I smell so delish.  LOL  Wanna know just how delish I smell?  I caught myself sniffing my arms at work!  Yes, I smell that good.  I have this new body lotion.  I am not a fan of sicky sweet, flowery scents, and I'm not a perfume person, but this lotion is subtle yet distracting. It's full of all sorts of good stuff and smells slightly fruity and feels so luxurious.  Mmmm is the best way to describe it. I am delicately perfumed and silky soft.

I'm just sayin'...


Heard around the office today

I'm having lunch with my friend Nicole, who says to me "Jenny is going to be Snooki from The Jersey Shore for Halloween.  She needs some really big, gaudy, hoop earrings.  Can she borrow a pair from you?"

OMG  I almost choked on my Diet Coke. Those girls know me too well.  And my answer?  "I have the perfect pair!"

After lunch I'm working away and I hear one of the principals, a much older woman, speaking to a young drafter.  This drafter is an uber religious Mormon, who has such a great personality.  I think I horrify him on a daily basis though.  He just became a High Counselor which is a big accomplishment for his young age...but I keep calling him a High Stakes Counselor.  Oops.

Anyway, I'm working away and it's very quiet in the office until I hear the older woman exclaim to the religious kid, "Andy, that's quite a package you have there!"

I seriously lost my shit over that one.  I peered around to check out said package, and saw it was a big set of plans. 

Mr. Mormon is very cool, with a helluva sense of humor so we get along great, even though he is a pretty strict Mormon, which means no alcohol, no caffeine, no gambling, no swearing....we get along like peas and carrots.  Go figure.

He's pretty low on our corporate ladder so I used to send him to the liquor store to buy beer and wine for our weekly presentation.  Yes, I knew drinking booze was against his religion, but it never dawned on me that buying booze was too. lol Seriously?  That's a sin...even if he's buying it for someone else!  Who knew?  Finally, after he became a regular at our local package store he drummed up the nerve to tell me that being "the booze guy" bothered him.  I felt so bad that I hadn't figured that out on my own.

But not too bad.  He loves to do things like take my breakfast out of the toaster and hide it. (yeah, I love that)  and loads of other practical jokes.  And me?  I really want to make him swear, kind of like how it's a challenge to make a palace guard laugh, but so far no luck. 

He keeps asking me for the URL to this blog, but I am hesitant.  Is this blog about any else than gambling, booze, boobs and swearing? I don't think so! I'm sure that if he read a couple of posts he'd have to relinquish his High Stakes Councilor status.  And we can't have that.

He's invited me to a couple of whatever they are called..."services" maybe.  My answer was "Dude, if I was gonna go to church this weekend, it would be to a Catholic church, not a Mormon one."  

And he's a nice enough kid and all, but even though he's given up being the booze guy, he's still the "lightbulb changing guy".  So I just can't picture him "leading a flock".

Ooooo 2 posts about religion this week!  Maybe this blog is turning around!  Nahhhh

Oh, Waffles was right.  Tennessee won.

Play smart.


Monday, October 18, 2010

With Friends Like These....

Yes another post for me.  Why you ask?  Because I ran into one too many stupid "friends" today.  Lemme splain...

Adam is a kid I work with and he's in my football league and yes he sucks.  He's at the very bottom of the standings and we have a half time and end of year bet that is pretty much sewn up.  So I sort of get why he'd be bitter.  He came by my desk a couple of times today just to say "I hope you lose!!!  Tennessee is gonna win!  You're toast!"   WTF!  I ask "You're really hoping I lose?"  Yup!  I figure him being male and all, maybe he's slow, so I explain that whether I win or lose tonight won't help him. He's beyond catching up to me, but yeah he knows that.  Okay fine.

Then my favorite Jew calls me.  We have a nice long chat (17 min, 38 seconds) and at the end he tells me that he's rooting for me to lose.  Really I ask?  Or are you just being funny?  Answer:  "Yeah, I kinda am".  Okay so maybe that's because he's been there on more than one (really more than 101) occasions where I've won and gloated so maybe his answer is slightly justified.  But sheesh, I consider him a friend.

Now for the Waffles cherry on top. Frigging Waffles has been sending me messages like....

Titans are gonna win.  Heh.
You're screwed.
You're doomed.

So I tell the biatch to put his money where his big mouth is, but he declined for one very good reason.  No Balls! :)

So these friends guys, who cannot benefit from the results of tonight's game, wish me the worst.  Interesting, huh?

On the flip side, there is Neo Baby who has points on Tennessee but tells me he'll root for them to lose anyway.  Or Mojo Baby, who IS Tennessee, but he ain't rooting for Tennessee to win. 

Maybe I'm just cranky and worried.....but they are still fuckers!!!  I sooo hope I am NOT able to swear about them tomorrow.  :)


Dear God....

Am I the only one who does this?
When the going gets tough....I start making deals with God.  Like yesterday's post...Dear God if The Jags win I'll be a good girl for a whole week.  I have a feeling that God doesn't spend alot of time in the deal making game.  I mean why should he?  But that doesn't stop me from trying to sweeten the pot to get what I want from the universe.

Sooooo here's he deal.  If The Jags win, I work out every day this week, no eating in between meals and NO DIET COKE for one week.  Not only that, but I'll throw in no swearing, neither live nor on this blog for an entire week. 

Sheesh I dunno if I still want the Jags to win!  LOL  But in any case, if I make a deal, even an internal one, I keep it.

This brings to mind one of my biggest "deals" with God.  I was maybe 2 1/2 months pregnant with my Sugar Bear, when I got a call in work from the gynocologist telling me that they needed to see me in their office NOW.  As in leave work now and get your ass here.  Oh and bring the hubby too.

I tried to find out why but they couldn't talk about it over the phone.  SHIT. (remember swearing deal isn't in effect until the Jags win)

Anyway we get down there, and they tell me there was this blood test that they did.  If the baby is normal, it will sluff off these proteins that should show up in my blood, and much hasn't shown up.  Alpha beta proteins or something like that.  Anyway because of the results of this blood test they said the baby had a "high incidence for down's syndrome". 

We let that sink in for a minute and then they went over our options.

Option 1 - Do nothing.  Don't find out if the baby has downs syndrome until it's born.

Option 2 - Do an invasive amniotic fluid test, to find out if the baby does have down's syndrome.  Down side to this is there is a higher incidence of miscarriage and we won't get the results for 2 weeks.  Which would put me at 3 months pregnant....if we decided to abort because the baby had downs syndrome we'd have to do it right when we got the results.....

I was shocked.

And as far as the abortion option....I believe in every woman's right to have that option, but I'd been trying for a long time to have a baby, and just don't know if I could do that personally.

Anyway we go with Option 2.  I figure if the baby does have Downs, I want to be mentally prepared.  I couldn't wait and wonder for the whole pregnancy.

So afterwards I was on bed rest to prevent miscarriage so I had 2 weeks and nothing but time to make a deal with my buddy God.  And boy did I!

It seems so ridiculous to me now.  Yes God will prevent illness if I barter with him.  I started with a donation in mind, and the amount went up with each passing day.  Till we finally got the good news we'd been waiting for.  Normal baby.

Ummm turns out he wasn't normal.  He's extraordinarily smart, handsome, and has a capacity for love, the likes of which, I'd never encountered before.  And he's crazy about his Mama.

He's 12 now and the other night when I said good night to him, he says to me out of the blue.  Even when I'm all grown up, I'm still going to call you Mama.  Such a sweet boy. 

I run really good in the "Deals with God" department so Tennessee doesn't have a chance.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Go Jaguars!

Mama's Boy

Dear God, I promise to be on my best behavior for one whole week if you'll just let the Jags beat the Titans.  Yes, Dear Lord, I know they're the underdog.  :)

I did well in my football pool this week.  But it's winner take all, so doing "well" isn't quite good enough to win.  I need to do fanfuckingtastic.

Click on the grid below and you will see I'm in first place for the week.  Out of the 13 games played so far this week, I picked 10 winners and 3 losers.  Not too shabbay.

Here comes the funny part.  Even though I put my points on Tennessee to win tomorrow night, I am now rooting for their opposition.  If Tennessee wins, Art will take the lead and win for the week.  If Tennessee loses, I retain the lead and get the win.  And this league is winner take all.  No cash for 2nd place.  1st place gets $69 every week.

There is another way to win as well.  Your weekly points are accumulated and midway through the season, and again at the end of the season, the person with the most points gets a nice chunk of cash.  And if you click on the link below, you'll see that I've taken the lead in points for the season. Woot!

Mama's in 1st place

So everyone, please root for Jacksonville!  If Jacksonville wins, Josie wins!  Of course I want to win the money, but more than that, the trash talking I'll be able to do will be awesome.

It's all in Florida's hands....

Play smart.


Live Poker

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
~Bertrand Russell

I played in the Black Men & Lesbian Tourney tonight.  15 peeps, with $25 entry.  It was supposed to be "The Battle of the Sexes" with an all man table and an all women table until the final table, but we didn't have enough lesbians so it was not to be.  :)  In fact, there were only 2 women and 13 donks men.  :)

This is also a league, so even though we were playing for cash we were also playing for points toward the end of year big tourney on Super Bowl Sunday.  Going into it I was in 7th place in the league and I had 1st, 2nd & 3rd place at my table.  Marvin, the guy in first was my strongest competition IMO and I was determined not to give him any of my chips.  At least that was the plan until I played my first hand. :)

Marvin was to my right and raised.  I looked down, saw A-K, thought about re-raising but just called.  I figured, let me be cautious and hit a pair before I make any moves.  Flop was A-K-Q.  Marvin checked and I bet.  He called.  Turn was a 2.  He checked, I bet and he called.  Fuck.  I totally do not put him on J-10.  So if he doesn't have that, I figure I have the best hand with top two pair.  Hmmm Maybe Hopefully, he has A-Q.  Regardless, I figure I'm done betting into this pot.  Except there is a 5 on the river and Marvin bets 2,000.  Now we start with 10K so if I call (and lose) I'm down to a little over 6K.  How do I fold top 2 pair?

I don't.

I call and he flips over QQ.  He flopped trips and I have lost almost half my stack on the first hand I play.  Welcome to the game!!

I buckle down and play tight poker.  There is no room for error now.  I hit trips maybe once and pick up a few chips and wait for the donks to knock themselves out. 

Marvin loses most of my his chips when goes up against 2nd in chips at my table.  After a raise the flop was 4-4-A.  He bets and Shawn calls.  After  the turn he says "If I check here, I'll be giving you the card you need for free."  And then he does just that, and checks.  The river is a K.  Marvin bets and Shawn goes all in.  Huge bet.  Marving calls for most of his stack and Shawn turns over KK.  He hit a boat on the river.  Marvin gets moved to the other table, and at our table we're all shortstacked now, compared to Shawn's monster lead.

When there are 7 peeps left we combine for the final table.  There are 5 shorties (and I am one of them), Pinto who has a decent stack in 2nd and Shawn the monster chip leader.

Blinds are big, but the stacks are not.  I decide to play aggressively.  The shortie to my right limps in and I jam all in.  Blinds fold and so does he.  I do this EVERY time he limps.  After the 3rd limp he figures out that he isn't going to see a flop on the cheap.

I start accumulating chips, but nothing like 1st or 2nd for that matter.  I continue to focus on the short stacks.  If I'm  in a pot with them and I connect on the flop, they are going to have a big decision to make.  If I am going to win this I need chips!  And baby I'm playing to win.

I slow down when I flop trips and the boy to my right sees this as weakness.  He bets.  I start doing my best acting - alot of hemming and hawing....I say something like, "If I hit my card you're dead."  Of course, I've already hit it and I check again on the river.  He jams and I instacall, and I take him out.  Down to 3 and it's 3 itm!!!

We keep playing till I take out Pinto.  Pinto was shortstacked and I had QQ.  I raised and he went all in.  I instacall and he is the dealer.  He throws over the flop before either of us have a chance to flip our cards.  WTF!  But the flop is q-8-8.  And he yells something like "Fuck you!" to me as he turns over his Q-10.  I still haven't turned over my QQ but his fuck you has pissed me off.  I tell him he should check out my cards before he starts celebrating.  I show him my boat and he gives me his chips.  I have pretty much taken all the other guys chips and a few from Shawn as well.  Even so, he still has waaaaaaay more than I do.

But we're heads up.  I start my speech.  "Heads up is my forte.  There is no way I lose heads up.  I know you have more chips but I'm telling you now that doesn't matter."

It's $210 for first place and $90 for 2nd place.  Even though he has way more than double my chips he suggests we take $10 off first place so 2nd place gets $100.  "Just in case...." he says.  I readily agree.

And off we go.  I play aggressively when I'm first to act and fold whenever he bets.  So it's pretty back and forth until I get 10-10.  He raises, so I jam all in.  He folds. 

Blinds are pretty big, so I keep accumulating bit by bit.  He raises big and I have K-Q sooted. It's heads up, so wtf, I call.  Flop is Q high.  He bets big.  Now there are tons of chips in the pot.  I feel like I have him  unless he has A-Q.  I move over the top all in and he thinks about it for a while.  I like that he's thinking....maybe my hand is good!

He finally calls and turns over  J-J.  Mama has doubled up!  In fact, Mama is the chip leader!  I smile at him and tell him this game is already over.

We play 3 more hands and he jams all in with 10-9.  I have A-9....think a while and decide if he had better than A-9 maybe he just would've raised.  I call and baby it's over.

I won the whole shebang, plus I got a ton of points for my league standing.  I think that moves me up to 3rd place.

Oh and there were bounties.  The bounty was a $5 scratch ticket.  I HATE scratch tickets!  I give the state enough money through payroll taxes, so the last thing I want to do is give the state a dime more, but hey it ain't my game.

I won 5 scratch tickets, plus I had my own for a total of 6 tix, as no one got a bounty from me.  Wanna know what I won on them?  $5!  On my own ticket!  All the tickets I won were losers.  Frigging Commonwealth of Massachusetts!

But the moral of this story is:

Play smart.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I think I'm a $300,000 HO

Just got home from a long day at work.  Alot of deadlines coming up but the worst thing is our lack of cash.  I have a payroll to fund this Friday and it isn't looking good.  We are designing a new library and the town this library is in had been paying timely so I projected that we'd receive these funds, but we have not.  For months.  So 3 months later, I'm still waiting for my July and August payments and instead of working with the town like I had been, things have changed and I have to go through this "owner's rep" guy.  And I just don't like him. 

He keeps making me jump through hoops, so I jump, and then money.  He wants copies of all the invoices.  Done.  Then he says statements would be better.  Done.  Then he says he wants them in a different format, maybe in Word.  Done.  Nahhh that doesn't work, I should send them in Excel.  omfg.  Done.  Turns out copies of invoices aren't good enough, I should send him all the backup that goes with it, Pages and pages of back up.  Okay...  I respond to every request timely and efficiently and politely enquire about when I can expect payment and he has no answers.

So we have an inhouse meeting about our lack of cash and what our options are, and I get challenged to collect this goddamn money.  Obviously, being professional and providing proper documentation isn't getting me any answers, so I try a different tact.

I get another request from the royal PIA and instead of bending over backwards, I respond with.....

"You are my favorite OPM!" (owner's project manager)

He responds with "You're just saying that"..... ;-) (no shit sherlock)

And then lo and behold....he emails me, the client, and my boss with a letter approving all of the july and august invoices....not only that, but a report that shows both month's scheduled to be paid on the town's next check run!

Then he emails me this:  "I rock, don't I?  Just ask Ellen A..." 

I reply with "Now you're just showing off."

To which he sends a "Hahahhahaha I'll show you showing off!" 

A little while later everyone gets another report...he's added the SEPTEMBER invoices to the "to be paid" list.  He's gonna take care of all 3 months at once!  When my big boss saw that email he wanted to know how I did it, but I told him that he really didn't want to know.  ;)

Even though I dislike him, YES he rocks, YES he can show off for me all he wants, so long as he pays me the fucking money.  I guess that makes me a $300k whore. It just floors me that being professional didn't get me anywhere but a little "You're my favorite guy" crap and boom, he fixes everything.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Crafty Devil and Little Acorns

If you want a step back in time, check out The Crafty Devil Southpaw's latest post, where he compares me to his mom's 70's wallpaper.  The reason I wore the big earrings (and floral top) for the pictures was I was worried I'd look to butch/dikey, with the short hair.

I've seen the wallpaper in person and even though I am sure it was put up at least 30 years ago, it looks brand spanking new.  The whole house is kind of like stepping into a time machine, in the coolest of ways. 

I think Gary should do a whole post about his Mom.  Ma stories are the best!

Yankees suck.  I know you probably think they've been playing well but trust me, THEY SUCK.  I predict the Texas Rangers kick their ass and win the World Series.

Speaking of The Rangers, there's another sports team called The Rangers right over the pond.  You should check out Little Acorn Man's post about The looks like a damn exciting game - who knew soccer could be so explosive.  I have never been to a soccer game - but now maybe I will.  Revolution tickets are so darn cheap....we shall see if US soccer is as exciting as UK football.
Play smart.


Monday, October 11, 2010

My Hair

Okay below are a bunch of pictures of the new cut.  Cricket is on her way over right now and she's bringing her scissors.  Not sure if I want some more layers or not.

Maybe layers???  Or highlights???  Or both???

Chop Chop

It's about 5:30am and I have today off.  Well....I brought about 3 hours of work home with me, which I still haven't done yet, but other than that I have the day off.  I am THRILLED to have a Monday off....ummm...but not so thrilled to be up so early on my day off.  I've had maybe 5 hrs sleep so after I write this up I'm  gonna try for another 5 hrs. 

So the wacky kid slept over....All the boys that usually come over are kids I've known for years, but not this kid.  This was the 2nd time (and last time) I've met him.  Funny thing is he has the face of an angel.  Just goes to show you not to judge a book by it's cover.  I told you about his use of the C-word.  Well the visit didn't get any better after that.

The next nugget was his mention of the term t-bagging.  This frigging kid is 12 years old!  And he shoves his package in my son's direction and yells "Tbagging Evan!  Tbagging!".  Not a nice kid.

Not thrilled with his mother either, who I do not know.  She told her son she'd be by at 7pm to drop off some stuff (like a toothbrush) for him since he was sleeping over.  (and they live maybe less than 5 min drive away)

So now I worked on Friday and I'm itching to get in my jammies but I figure since I never met this woman before I'd stay dressed till she dropped his bag off.  So 7pm comes and does 8pm, 9pm...Finally at 11pm it dawns of me she isn't showing up and I put on my jammies, and give Nick a pair of Evan's pj bottoms cuz he's wearing jeans and a belt.  He says Nahhh that's okay.  I tell him he'll be more comfy and he says he always sleeps in his jeans.  ?!?  Whatever....kid can sleep in a hair shirt for all I really care, but that seems bizarre to me.

What was more bizarre is his mother never called that night, or the next day for that matter.  Fast forward to Saturday afternoon and the kid is still here and his mother never called him (or vice versa) and the kid had been here since after school on Friday.  It was almost 1pm and I asked him if he'd talked to her and when he said no, I said, call her and tell her to pick you up.  "okay...."  We had this conversation in my son's room.

Wanna know why?

I thought the boys were playing video games in the living room and I was getting running around getting ready to go to a poker game, and I happen to walk into Evan's bedroom and Nick is in there alone....going through the stuff in Evan's bureau!  Wtf!  I asked him what he was looking for..."nothing"...and then I told him to call his Mom.  Aftewards I told Evan about Nick going through his stuff and his response was that he'd seen him doing stuff like that before.  Nick's not allowed over any more.

Okay, we are up to Saturday afternoon.  I better stop being verbose, so I can get to bed!

Saugus Sportsman's Club.  Only 9 peeps, $50 entry and it was Gary, me, Cancer Al, Dave, Mary, 2 young kids, and 2 old guys.  I was doing fine....not playing many hands but winning the ones I did, until I got AA.

I NEVER (hardly ever) do this but I smooth called with them hoping to get a big chunk of chips after playing like 1 hand in the past hour.  There were 4 other callers and the flop was J-10-6.  I make a pot size bet and a young kid makes a big raise.  So big it's either Jam or fold.  I knew the big bet size meant a monster hand, but somehow talked myself into believing/hoping he'd make that kind of raise with A-J, but he had J-6 so he instacalls my jam.

I'm now praying for the board to pair, or for an ace but NOPE and I was out.  Gary btw was doing just fine.  I ate my pizza and left.  Gary ended up chopping 3 ways with the young boys.  Damn I wish I was one of the choppers.  Frigging aces...

Onto dealer's choice poker at Noodles house.

We ended up playing in the dining room again and guess what????  There's a TV in the dining room now!  There was a little inset cabinet and now a small flat screen TV is housed in there.  Perfect!  Plus the glow of the TV helped out the lighting.  :)  And Noodles' wife wasn't that me anyway. 

She kept coming in to check on us maybe every 20-30 minutes and when we started the TV was on the Yankees game.  Ugh. Butch asks for the remote and he puts on some college football.  So we're playing away, about 20 minutes go by and she comes in and says "Who changed the channel?"  She gets the remote and puts the Yankees back on.  lol  She's a big Yankee fan, (need I say more?) but it's not like she was staying in the room!  After she changes the channel she leaves for like another 30 min.  lol  So Butch kept sneaking the remote....

But that wasn't the worst part. 

The worst part is she has a little lap dog, Theo.  He's a rat yorshire terrier.  And she treats him like the baby Jesus, an infant.  Seriously. 

I am not a dog person, and that's an understatement.  I get how people love those little yappy constantly barking dogs but I do not.

This dog barked CONSTANTLY.  For 4 hours.   But really that was the best part of the dog.  The worst part was.....

......Oh my fucking God.  Hand one starts and I feel the dog around my legs.  Okay....I'm thinking must not kick dog as Karen would have me shot.  I gently nudge the rat away.  Rat comes right back and starts humping my foot under the table.


Nudge, nudge, nudge.

Now he's LOCKED on my leg and humping full speed ahead. So I kick him and knock him off.  Luckily Karen isn't in the room.  I say "Noodles, is your dog fixed?"  Right as he clamps right back on.  "Noodles, he keeps humping me!"

Noodles gets him off, but damn, HE WOULD NOT STOP.  I am not exaggerating when I say CONSTANTLY.  Distractions do not help.  Now the second he is on the ground he runs straight for me and starts humping.  Noodles tells me "Like father like son..."

So much so that we cannot play the game.  The kitchen area is next to us and there's a little doggie door that will hold him back so Noodles puts the dog there and the dog protests loudly, which brings Karen back.

She walks into the room saying "WHO IS YELLING AT MY DOG?"  Now I was doing a fair bit of screaming when I couldn't shake the fucker off so I dunno if she's talking about me, but when she sees the dog behind the doggie door she is pissed.  "You know he doesn't like being in there!"

Noodles (and everyone) explains about the constant humping so she has "a talk" with the dog.  (I shiat you not)  She says "I had a long talk with him and told him to behave."  She puts him on the floor, he makes a beeline for my foot and clamps on.  So much for the frigging talk.  She sees this.  Talks to him again and leaves.  WTF.

Only way to play was for Noodles to hold the dog on his lap. Seriously.  She's a douche.  Later on she came back and took the dog with her when she realized he would not stop. 

Oh I suppose I could tell you about the poker too.  :)

It was the usual, 53, 7 card stud poker, the cross...usually with plenty of wild cards.  My big pot of the night was jacks or better trips to win.  We played forever, and no one got trips or better for quite a while, and you have to ante before every hand, plus put in 50 cents for every opener so it was a big pot.  Finally someone else opened with jacks or better and I had 10s in my hand and caught a 3rd one!

There was about $40 in the pot!  I wound up $15 ahead for the night.  Would've been more but I dropped about $12 on acey deucy.  Ah well.

Oh yes I did!  I got my hair cut!  I'm not sure how much I like it, as I haven't styled it yet.  I got alot cut off.  It's sort of in between - not short but not long, and I wonder if a little more needs to be cut off.  My hair is "kinda wavy/curly" but now that most of the length is cut off, and alot of the weight, it has sort of sprung up and is curlier than I expected.  Oops! 

Here is an indication of just how much my sister cut off.

That's alot of hair.  It was like there was a wig on the floor!  I'm not sure if I"m panicked or not.  I'm going to blow dry it straight today and see how it looks.  If you don't see any pictures, that is a BAD sign.

I'm going to bed.


Friday, October 8, 2010


First of all let me say that I am a cool mom.  Really.  Every one of my son's friends that come over love me.  I'm fun, I let them pretty much have reign of the TV and I'm always doling out snacks.  His friends are always excited when I actually play with them and talk to them you know.  Seriously.  They love me.  I always let them get away with murder.  Kids love that.

For example there is a kid here now and they've watched TV, played video games, lit tiny and kinda safe fireworks in the back yard, had freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and he's sleeping over.

Why am I telling you this?


I have never yelled at any of my son's friends before and I'm kinda pissed off that he pushed me to that.

So here's what happened.  I don't like kids using foul language.  In fact, I can/will do a whole separate post about swearing.  Until Evan was 8 years old anyone swearing at my poker table had to pay.  Pay for each swear that reached my son's ears.

But this wasn't a swear.  The kid said........I don't even wanna type what the kid said.  Let's just say it rhymes with chock and if you're a dude you have one. 

I couldn't believe it.

I said Nick that's the kind of language you use?  No answer.  Nick, do you say that in front of your mother?  No answer.  Now this kid is sleeping over and I decided that if he ignores me once more, the invitation is declined.

So I yell.

"Nick, do you say that word in front of your mother?"

He mumbles something that I can't quite hear.

"Was that a yes or a no?"


"Then I would appreciate it if you wouldn't use it in front of me."

"Okay, but if you're not here?"



I've officially become the UNcool mom, but that's TFB.


Friday Update

Well for starters I'm in freaking work!  My long time readers know that because of a reduction in pay I have Fridays off but there is so much time sensitive work to do, so here I am.

On Wednesday my boss asked me what I had planned for Friday.  "Nothing much yet" I told him.  "Do you want me to come in?"  He said to keep it open just in case.  Now I've worked a Friday or two without getting paid and if I wasn't so darn broke it wouldn't be an issue.  But I am.

And then he never got back to me.

Thursday was NOT a good day.  I was in a bad mood all day long (hard to believe, right?) trying to get too much done in not enough time and like 2 minutes before I was leaving he comes up to me and says "I hate to ask this, but can you come in Friday?"

My response was "I hate to say this but will I be getting paid?"

He started with maybe I'd get something like time off later on, WHICH I DON'T NEED.  I have vacation time, sick time and personal time.  He knows this.  So I shot him the Sicilian Death Ray look with my eyes, and sometimes that's all it takes.  Yes I'm getting paid to write this post.  LOL No, not to write this post.  I was suppposed to work until 2:30pm which I did, and now I thought I'd take a quiet hour to write this up and make my football picks. 

BTW I am taking work home so they always get something for free.  One of the prinicpals emailed me a 35 page thing on Ethics that is going to be discussed at Tuesday morning's management meeting.  I predict I will be reading it Monday night at midnight.

Okay enough of the boring crap, let's get onto my hair and poker!

My of my readers emails comments to me instead of posting them here.  His first email pretty much stated that I was CRAZY to let the majority dictate my hair style.  Maybe he has a point.  Another email said that he was partial to longer hair.  These emails coincide with my feelings of chickening out on the drastic hair cut.  I have a fear that I will look like very dikey and butch, which of course I am not.  So I don't know what's going to happen, although one way or another I am getting my hair cut this weekend.

Poker.....I better rest up tonight because the plan is to play in two poker games on Saturday.  The SSC is holding a NL tourney at 1pm.  That's the one where everyone smokes inside and there is no ventilation.  It makes for an interesting game because 75% really don't have a grasp on how to play NLHE other than the basic rules of play. (flush beats a straight)  But 25% of them (maybe a little less) really know how to play so each decision made is dependent on (even moreso than usual) who you are playing against.  I'm really looking forward to it.

After that my boy Noodles is holding a poker game at his house.  I didn't go to his last one so I am feeling pressured to play.  This game is good ole regular poker, dealer's choice but no texas hold em.  (Bah!)  They play games like 7 card stud, jacks or better trips to win, elevator, no peek, acey deucy (my fave!) follow the lady.  Games like that.  There is really no skill here.  They play for quarters and there is no checking so you bet or you are out.  It's more about luck than skill but I've been known to get lucky.  *grin*

Have I mentioned that Noodles' wife doesn't like me, nor does she like having poker played at her house.  Another factor that makes me not want to go over there.  First time I went over there he was having a BBQ and she pretty much didn't talk to me the whole time.  Okay......

Next time it was for a poker game and were set up to play in the dining room.  And it was a very dark dining room - so much so that were were straining to read the cards.  Someone asked if we could get a lamp to make it brighter.  "Nooooo you aren't moving things around!!!" Biatch.  There was  a sox game on that night so we asked if we could move a TV into the dining room to watch it.  Noodles starts to do just that until she starts screaming NOOOOOO at him. All I can say is I hope she's a good lay, cuz I don't know what else she'd be good for.

So of course my buddy Butch starts to lay into her.  "Karen, what are you doing in the other room, watching porn?"  "I hear moaning, it must be porn!"  "Karen I want ice cream.  Can you go to the store and get me a sundae?"  lol I thought she was going to explode.

I was thinking of making some refreshments for Noodles' game, as she would die before doing so.  Last time I went I brought calzone, but this time I'm thinking homemade cupcakes....maybe if she's too busy eating she'll leave us alone.

Play smart.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I won The Very Josie!  It's the first time I've ever won my own tournament!  I am so excited.  The key to winning is getting good cards. :) I got pocket 10s 5 times, AA twice and all sorts of good starting hands.
Unfortunately, only 9 people played so it was a one table.  I didn't realize that I didn't have late registration set up so Mojo got there a couple minutes late and couldn't get in but he railed for a while.  I wonder if I would've won had Mojo played.....

The only downside to the game was that Wolfie baby took Dionysus out before I had a chance to play against him.  Yes Dave was first out, and I didn't get his bounty.  But the more I think about it, I took Wolfie out so I feel like I got Dave's chips once removed.  :)

I was so happy to see Wolfie was playing.  Haven't had a chance to chat with him for a while.  And I figure if he's in the game, he's like a captive audience.  He can't get away from my chatting.  :)  Wolfie was partying with ice cream and nyquil.  Not that's quite a combination.

Wolfie took Lightbulb out and someone else who shall remain nameless.  Damn Wolfie, how many bounties did you get?  You are a poker pro!  You cashed all while enjoying ice cream and nyquil!

My boy Bam-Bam played too.  He sat next to me, to my right and seemed to play solid tight poker for quite a while.  I don't think I've ever played with BamBam at my table and I have a VERY good memory for players.  So I started thinking "What do I know about how BamBam plays?"  Hmmmm went through the cranial files and came up with only one thing.  I remembered reading a post of his where he played a $3 (90) person game (I think that was it) and he played ONLY ONE HAND and came in the money.  I shiat you not.  So he's a nitty old man. :) I figure I'll go with that until I get more info.

He sure played like a nit, so I only went up against him if I had a big hand.  No draws, no mezza mezza crap.  I didn't get many chips off him, till his last hand.  Poor Bammer ended up being bubble when.....I took him out.  I think I had an over pair to his top pair with jack kicker....that's the only way to get a nitty old man out.  (I'm ready for you Mojo!)

Anyone ever notice how happy and positive Bammer is?  He should give a seminar on how to achieve his bliss or something.  Ummm a seminar that includes booze.  :)

Okay down to Me (yay very josie!) HeffMike (booooooo) and Wolfie (meh).  HeffMike was the chip leader until........Wolfie and I get in a hand.  Flop was 9xx with 2 clubs.  I have q-10 of clubs.  I bet almost pot and he calls.  Ut oh.  turn is the 3rd club.  Bing!  I check, he bets I call.  He goes all in on the river and I worry about a bigger flush but that doesn't stop me from calling.  I win with my flush against Wolfie's pocket nines.  He flopped trips.  What a howl!  lol

Down to me and HeffMike.  I tell him how I've never won The Very Josie and how I NEED to win this.  And then I tell him how awesome I am heads up and he should just roll over and die.  :)  I won about 5 hands in a row and Mikey was seriously shortstacked.  His demise was 2-2.  He raised and I called with 8-9. Flop was 8 high.  Nice! Turn was a 10 and he jams all in.  He was so short stacked I had to call him and I really didn't put him on a 10.  I didn't even put him on ducks.  He didn't improve and that was that.  Yay!!!  HeffMike was distracted by some 8th grade homework, and that can be a killer.

Winner, Winner, HeffMike Dinner!

But the lesson to be learned here is:


Play smart.


PS.  Here's a weird thought.  Somehow the conversation turned to porn or prostitutes or something and Lightning mentions his Amy Fisher/Long Island Lolita post and then he says.....that I look like Amy Fisher!  At first I'm thinking Nooooooo Efffing Way.  He's never met me in person and I think I'm cuter than her.  ( I really gotta work on that confidence thing)  But!!!  I just googled her and shiat, I think I do look like her!  I dunno.  Waffles has met the wonder that is Josie tell I frigging look like that psycho bitch? 

Amy Fisher

Not Amy Fisher

I can kinda see it, I guess.