Tuesday, January 31, 2012

So I'm walking home from the Bus Stop

As Cranky suggested, I rode the bus home and lost myself in the final book of the Gunslinger series.  I am so very close to the end, yet I don't really want it to.  I don't know if I don't want it to end so much as I don't want to read the ending I disliked so much the first time.  In any event, the stresses of the day rolled off my back, and I was walking home.

Singing a bit to myself as I motored along.


Far ahead of me I saw something BIG at the corner of the sidewalk,where I make a turn.  It was a huge German Shepard who was thankfully on a leash.  I was pretty far away from him still, yet I was mapping my escape route.  Dogs do not stay in the middle of the sidewalk immobile though, so I was anxiously hoping dog and owner would move before I approached them.

No such luck.

I saw the guy tug the leash but the dog was focused.  On me.  (I shiat you not) and wouldn't move.  His eyes were all alert and happy and was kinda lurching toward me FML.  I mean really?  Both he and I were about the same height and I was not in the mood for this shiat.  If you're a new reader keep in mind that I don't like dogs and dogs (and donkeys) bite me.

I figured this was not the time for small talk.  Mind you, I am socially retarded in person and that's with me actually trying to be social, in this case, I didn't even make an attempt.  I kept walking toward that huge effing dog who was barely being held back by his leash. 

First words to the owner as I approached was "Does he bite?" 

Now that I was in speaking distance the dog was looking at me like a long lost friend and was thumping his tail wildly.

Dog Owner: No he doesn't bite.  I've never seen him act like this.  Did you see how he was waiting for you?  I couldn't pull him away! (yeah effing awesome)

Josie (no social skills):  I got bitten by my neighbor's dog a while ago.  Are you sure he doesn't bite?

Dog Owner:  No!  Look at him dying to get to you.  He LIKES you. 

Hmfph.  As much as I dislike dogs, I don't hate the larger ones and he did seem very friendly.  He was all like, pat me! Pat me! Hey baby, just a pat!  Plus he didn't sniff my crotch or try to knock me over.  He like sat there and loved getting petted so much, I even scratched him behind the ears and he was like "ooooooo woof!"

So as much as I thought I was walking toward misery, it actually didn't suck.  I even patted the fucking dog and chatted with the owner. (that's really good for me - like a double whammy.  I hate dogs and I hate making small talk with people I don't know)  I started walking away, feeling pretty good....

and then.....

Dog owner got into stride next to me, and kept talking.

And talking.

And talking.

And walked me home.


It's a long walk home and I got to hear all about his cold, his wife's cold, his wife's job, about how incredibly awesome his dog is...blah blah blah.  I actually considered taking a detour which would've lengthened my walk but then I thought, what if he just follows me and keeps talking?  Plus it was really cold out.  :(

I got home and had to leave shortly thereafter to tie up some loose ends with the receptionist, which I did.  I just got home from that bit of fun and as I left her house she came out onto the street and started yelling 'I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!'.  I was very close to dissing the whole thing, but I'm glad now that I didn't.  Yes, she was drunk when she professed her love for me.  So what.

The night we went out for drinks (which I never told you about properly) was the only night I've ever seen her where she didn't get falling down drunk.  It was downright disappointing!  So much so, there wasn't much to report.  She was downright quiet and drank 2 beers instead of her usual wine or vodka.  I still cannot believe it.  Especially considering it was her night to drink for free.

Which reminds me....in order to get a girl to come out, I had to agree to go out for drinks with her, when crazy girl wasn't around so we can really talk.  So me and 2 chicks are going out tonight (Tuesday) to gossip our lips off.  Plus this is the girl who I give oodles of men advice to and she had a first date over the weekend.  This will give me the opportunity I need to get all the info from her and advise her on her next steps to land this man if she wants to.  Should be fun.

Speaking of dating advice....I've been sharing my pearls of wisdom with Waffles and he's been doing pretty damn well.  Mr. Pessimistic doesn't think so but I do.  I think he expected her to rip her clothes off and throw herself at him on the first date.  Sheesh!  Some things take a little time and effort. 

What else is going on....I played a live tourney on Saturday night and had one of the worst beats I've ever had.  Ever.  I don't feel bad about this though as I couldn't have effected the outcome.  I was playing against a very bad player, which is good long term, right?  I had 9-10 and decided to call a raise to see a flop, which was 6-7-8 rainbow.  Cha-ching!  I was up against the chip leader who was just hitting crazy draws and that was how she got her chips.  fine by me.  I bet, she raised and I jammed all in, hoping she'd call.  She thinks for a bit and calls.  Awesome.  She had K-J of clubs.  She had NOTHING.  No draws and no pair.  Turn was a club and river was a club for a rivered flush.  I could not fucking believe it.  I still fucking can't but what can I do.  I want a donkey call like that any day of the week, right?  To be honest I should also mention that she was very drunk.

In work we are not replacing the receptionist as we are about to have a round of layoffs.  Plan is to suck it up for the foreseeable future which includes dispersing her duties...and people fending for themselves a bit.  The biggest issue is having a warm body actually sitting at the front desk.  Right now the executive assistant to the owners is doing it, but my plan is for the marketing assistant to share this.  All was going just fine until about 9:30am when one of the associates comes by to tell me we're out of paper...the big kind for like printing big mo' fo' drawings.  I have a feeling this is the beginning of a lot more headaches.  :(

Speaking of headaches...I am very worried about Gronk and his high ankle sprain.  He's missed three practices so far.  Booo!!!  This is a kid who hasn't missed a game in the past couple of seasons.  I KNOW he will not miss the superbowl, I just worry that he won't be 100%.

I just finished the final book of the Gunslinger series on the bus ride in this morning.  Whatever I read next will pale in comparison.  Maybe the ending sucked a little bit less this time since I was prepared for it.  I don't know.  Now I'm thinking it was the perfect ending insomuch as no other ending would be as good.

Ka is a wheel and it just keeps rolling along.  I think Ka will be rolling to Foxwoods for me.  Just as soon as the Patriots win the Superbowl. <---also ka.

Play smart.


PS. Hi Jeff!

Monday, January 30, 2012


I'm yelling at everyone and if you send me an email, God help you.  I lost count of how many fuck you replies i've sent out.

Stay away!  Save yourself!

I overslept this morning, was later than I intended and as a result look like total shit.  Wet hair pulled back in ponytail and i'm wearing all black from head to toe.

And I'm in a furious mood.

Oh and I have no fucking receptionist.


Waffles called me a succubus last night too and made fun of me cuz I didn't know what the word meant.

It means I'm a sex demon.  Not like I have sex a lot (far fucking from it) but if a man were to have sex with me it'd kill him.  It would be totally WORTH it, but still, not a good ending.

Anywhoo, I want to kill someone, and not by having sex with him.


hey biatches!

Hey Bitches,

I'm totally sorry I don't have a post for you YET.  I have meetings all morning so you're gonna have to be patient.  I played both live and online poker this weekend and I'm a shitty breakeven mother fucker.  Sure that ain't terrible for biatches like you, but I totally sucked ass.


Because I played 3 tourneys online - big ass ones, big fields of peeps to be specific.  And in every mother fucking one of them I dominated that fucker.  DOMINATED them.  Rose to the top like cream and played those tourneys like I do.  I was chip leader in a field of over 300 doing my thang.  Poetry in motion and then I threw these tourneys away on one hand.  One hand.  That hand was ace rag in 2 of the 3 tourneys. OMFG.  I need an intervention!  Dont' get me wrong, I threw away ace rag, dozens of times but that doesn't count.  What does count is the one time I over played it.  One time for each tourney that is.  Did I cash?  Sure, but first place was $1,500, not the shitty $50 I won.

Thank you to Duggle Bogey for staying awake with me and supporting until after 3am.  And to the other 3 guys that were watching me play - I know one of you was Bad Billy.  As for the others, if you're watching, drop me an email at veryjosieAT aol.com.  I like having someone to bitch with and since you're watching anyway.....


I suck.

I suck ass. (not really)

I am very angry with myself.

Hmmm, seems I did have time to type up a bit of a post.

Play smart = do not play ace rag.


Friday, January 27, 2012

Step Into My Parlor

...said the spider to the fly.

Grrouchie did a post yesterday called FOR THE LADIES which I enjoyed very much.  And since I love to steal good ideas and use them for my own, I decided to do a post for you guys, and what you enjoy.

Just for you my pet.  So get comfy and enjoy.

Let's start with a beer, shall we?

Pale? Amber? Stout?  Whatever your pleasure, I happen to have it on tap.  And what's beer without football, on a big TV?

Perhaps in the company of a woman in an oversized football jersey?

She does NOT look like a plumber, btw.

Of course, football isn't football without something yummy.


As yummy as they are there is something yummier.  Something all guys really like. 

PORN.  Yeah baby porn.  Do I have a porn star for you.

Now this isn't just any porn star.  Someone emailed me a photo of a porn star, saying he was watching some porn and the porn star looked like me!  Very Josie! 

Here's she is.....

What?  You wanted her in a state of undress?  Well this post is stuff that you like....and I bet you wouldn't mind a little less clothing, right?

I aim to please...

Okay, so maybe our similarities stop at the neck.

Happy Friday...hmmm maybe I should do a "I know what guys like post every Friday. Heck, I may even include poker next time!


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Just To Be Clear

I flirt.

Alot.  :)

Especially on this blog.  There's nothing I like better than giving fresh and flippant answers to the variety of comments I get.  And sure some of them may contain innuendo.  Sue me.  (please don't)  They may even contain stuff like "xoxoxo" or "Hey Baby".  It's just me having fun.  It surely doesn't mean that I am your girlfriend, otherwise I'd have about 102 boyfriends and I do not.  Wolfie isn't my bf and neither is lightning (although he wishes he was) or the other multitude of guys that I consider my friends.  In my mind you are all my dear dear friends, whether you like it or not.

Get it?

Besides there's a yin and yang to this.  You may get a flirty comment today but tomorrow you could get the sharp side of my tongue.  Believe it or not, I sometimes have a short temper.

Are we clear? *fluttering eyelashes seductively*


What's On Tap

Tonight is the big (not really) after work bash for crazy girl but before that one of the principals and I are taking her out for a goodbye lunch.  I don't know how I got roped into it....well actually I do.  Principal said he should take her out to lunch and I heartily agreed and waited for the other shoe to drop (that I should attend) but he didn't say anything of the kind.  Woot.  I'm going to be spending the evening with her and surely that's enough.


He came back from reception and said that when he invited her, she asked if Josie could come too.  OMFG.  I was like erm....um.....alright.  Biatch!  I sent her and email saying wtf and she replied about how I'd make it fun.  I'll make her ass fun! lol  It's free food, so there's that, but sheesh. 

Oh and because of a last minute change I'm hosting Noodles' annual superbowl party.  I'd done it for quite a few years but since I joined my poker league last year, I stopped.  This year I also declined because the big end of year league tourney and bash is on Saturday all day/night and I didn't want to kill myself cooking for a huge party the next day as there wouldn't be enough time.  Nope, I definitely wasn't doing it, even though they asked.  More than once.  When I say no it's no!


The guy would finally agreed to host it has Direct TV and Direct TV lost their contract with channel 7 so DTV viewers no longer get channel 7.  Anyone want to guess which channel is showing the Super Bowl?

Yup.  Fawk.

So I agreed but said I wouldn't have time to do my usual truckload of cooking and they were fine with that.  I'll still make stuffed jalapenos, stuffed mushrooms, a spiral ham and deli platters.  Someone is bringing pizza so no one will starve.  Plus I'll be baking a homemade dessert - not sure what yet.

The Saturday before is the huge league finale and that's the game that I'll be focusing on.  I soooo want to win the end of year game, as much for the glory as for the huge cash prizes.  There will be "free" food and booze courtesy of league dues, but I will be abstaining from free drinking <---miracle right there, to keep me sharp for the win. :)

If I don't post tomorrow, it's because something horrible happened to me tonight at Beerworks.  Pray for me!


PS Haven't played all week on Black Chip Poker, but I'll be getting my groove on over there Friday night.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Here I Am!

Remember me?

Too busy in work yesterday to post and I should've written something up the night before but....I didn't.  I may have been emailing and IMing instead.  I dunno.  I DO know that I've been going to bed late every night, yet not accomplishing much.

Friday is the receptionist's last day at work.  Long time readers have heard stories about her.  She's seriously the nuttiest person I have ever met, and I've met a lot of people.  Add to that the fact that she's a drinker and when she drinks, she is very volatile and unpredictable.  She's one of the reasons why I didn't go out drinking after the holiday party.  She wanted us to go together and I've been in that situation before and regretted it.  Everyone here at the office has.  The stuff she's done after a few drinks would make your hair stand on end.

A couple of years ago I went to the after party with a bunch of people, including her, and she physically accosted me.  And embarrassed me. In public.  And I don't embarrass easily.  I'd written about this before and was looking for the post to link this to, but I must've deleted it.  Guess I'll have to give you a recap.  :)

In the Green Dragon after the holiday party, I'm standing at the bar, chatting and whatnot.  She, very drunk, walks up to me and in a very loud voice says "You're short!".  And I am, so I readily agree but then stupidly add, "You're not so tall yourself". <---dumb.  Her response is to yell "Well my tits are bigger than yours!".  Every head in the bar turned towards us.  She was absolutely correct by the way.  They were HUGE. Like a J or a K cup and I'm not kidding.  She's since had a breast reduction, but anyway.....

I readily agreed with her and in her drunken state she started complaining about how they were so heavy.  omfg. and then she wants to SHOW me how heavy they were so she walks right up to me, lifts them up and plops them on my chest and was like - see how heavy?  She had me trapped against the bar with her boobs on me!  Yeah, so I stopped going out in public with her for the most part after that.

God help me, her goodbye bash (which she is throwing herself) is at a bar Thursday night and I promised her I'd go.  She's had a hard couple of months and most of the people in the office are not going (because of previous drunken behaviour) and I don't want her sitting there by herself, so I told her I'm going and I'm not leaving early.  Lord knows how this is going to end up, but I feel it's the least I can do for her.  I'm trying to talk a couple of other peeps into going by saying I would def be there, and I'd be expensing some rounds.  Free booze = God help Josie.  If I get drunk enough (and I will) I may take pictures.  Hopefully they won't be of her on top of me.

She leaves the country on Monday, back to her home land (Canada). It's been quite a ride.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Weekend Recap

Wow, I have a bit to catch you up on.  First of all, the Patriots are going to the Super Bowl!  Yay! I thought for sure they'd be playing overtime.  Did you see that missed field goal that gave the Pats the win?  Doh. A win's a win, so I'll take it.  I assure you Tom will look better in his Superbowl performance.  He will squish the Giants.  I cannot wait.

I watched the game at my mother's house because my sis was bringing over the new boyfriend to meet everyone.  The night before, my mother called me to ask what I was wearing to this blessed event.  She of course had her outfit ready.  I told her I'd be wearing jeans and a sweater.

"A sweater?  How bout that nice blouse you wore to the wake?"  Um, no.  I wasn't going to a wake.  I was going to my mom's house for dinner and football.  I get that she wanted to make a good impression with my sis' friend and she was a bit nervous but I don't get dressed up, especially if I'm not working and I don't have to.

Turns out Drew Bledsoe was one of the honorary captains of the game and so I decided to pull out my #11 Drew Bledsoe football jersey, which is a very large man's shirt.  Keep in mind I'm a short mo'  fo' so it's kind of long on me, but so what.

I get to my mother's house and she looks at me horrified.  "You're gonna meet him like that?  You look like a plumber!"

"What are you talking about?"

"My cousin's nephew, Imbrescia the plumber, he dresses like that.  And you dress like that to meet your sister's boyfriend?  Go fix a the toilet."

Sheesh.  Note to self...oversized Patriots jerseys are not the most flattering on me.

The BF was extremely nice and all dressed up. (oops) He asked if I was a Patriots fan and I answered...

"Wanna see my Patriots underwear?"

"Madonna mia, my daughter she's a kidder.  Go get the scuola pasta! Josephine The Plumber, Go!"

And from my mom later on "Hey Jo, who's that Hedda Mills? She was on TV." Hmmmm On TV.  Well that narrows it down. I tell her I have no idea but guess that maybe she's an old movie star.

"No! Come on, you gotta know her."

"I don't know Ma."

"She has only one leg but she was on Dancing With The Stars".

Ohhhh Heather Mills. Natch.

Alf, the BF says to me "So you're a rock star?"  Huh?  He'd been looking at some of the ancient photos my mother has hanging on the walls and said I looked just like Joan Jett but with bigger hair.  lol  Of course after he says this my mother apologizes to him yet again for my attire.  Now she's starting to aggravate me.  She's shooting me dirty looks and I am very close to strangling her.

My mother always calls me "Jo" and at one point when she said it my sister says "You mean Joe C?" Starts laughing and says "She likes it when you call her Joe C." Biatch.  I explain the Joe C. nickname to my mother; how some people tease me that I'm a guy and not a woman.

Well, do you dressa like THAT when you see them?

I betcha Mojo remembers her!

As far as poker goes, it's been a wild rollercoaster on Black Chip Poker.  I played a 500+ peep tourney on Saturday night and came in 33rd, which was triple my buyin but it still sucked.  Lost with KK vs 99.  Starting to hate kings.  Then I took $25 to a .10/.25 cash game and grinded it up to $125 cuz I rock.

Tonight I lost a big tourney I was playing in.  430 peeps, 54 itm and I donked out 65th.  Blah.  For both of these tourneys I was in the top ten for quite a while, so I chip up early and get myself a comfortable stack, and then the wheels fall off.  I'm not happy with this as it's the same old shiat.  I need to make some sort of adjustment....or.....I could just stick to cash.  The thing is Mama likes tourneys. 

Oh and I was tweeting all weekend.  Duggle Bogey taught me how to send a private tweet while he was cooking dinner, which btw, I mastered.  I'm like a tweeting pro now. 

The biggest news of all is my friend Tony.  Remember him?  By the time you're reading this he'll have EIGHT days machine free under his belt.  Eight.  He's been winning far more than he's lost at poker and because he's abstained from the machines, his bankroll is growing and he's in far better shape than he was in a short while ago.  He's also been making phone calls to a therapist at the UNLV that and I know that will really help him.  He's doing all the right things he needs to do to improve his situation and I am so very proud of him.  Hi Tony!  Way to go!

That's about it.  Two weeks until the Patriots CRUSH the Giants, because like me, pay back's a bitch.

Play smart.


Sunday, January 22, 2012


3pm cannot get here fast enough.  That's when the New England Patriots go up against the Baltimore Ravens for the AFC Championship. <---a bit of info, in case you live under a rock.

This is a huge game. HUGE. (cue the Angelina Jolie picture)  The Patriots strength lies in their offense with Tom Terrific, Welker, Gronk (Tom loves him) and they'll be going up against the Ravens' mighty defense.  So what wins championships?  Offense or defense?  Ugh, the answer to that questions scares me, BUT we have Tom Brady and Belichik and baby the Patriots are going to the Super Bowl!  You heard it here first.

As added bonus the Patriots will have four honorary captains of the game: 

Drew Bledsoe!
Teddy Bruschi!
Troy Brown!
Ty Law!

With that kind of a ka-tet (sorry, still reading the gunslinger) we cannot lose.  If you don't know who they are, then your loss.  I don't have time to 'splain but they're all awesome Patriots from the '96 season. (hmm, maybe I did have time to 'splain)  I think I may have to pull out my Drew Bledsoe football shirt for today.  When would there be a better time to wear it right?

I'll be going to my mom's for Sunday dinner and watching the game from there.  My sister is bringing her new BF over for dinner and we'll be meeting him for the first time and mom is cooking up a storm.

Big gravy with meatballs, sausages, spare ribs, all sorts of bones and I don't want to tell you what else.
Spinach and cheese ravioli
Cheese ravioli (what if he no lika the spinache?)
Garlic bread

Mmmm.  Diet officially starts/resumes tomorrow.  Although my plan is to have salad, 1 meatball and only a few spinach ravioli.  That can't be that bad.

ARGH!!!! I can't wait for the Pats game!!!!  Only thing that would make it better would be if Madonna were singing during half time.  Oh wait, that's in two weeks!  :)

Play smart and Go Pats!


Friday, January 20, 2012

Hey Lookie At Me!

Good morning Sugar Pies! *Big Cheesy Grin*

Last night after dinner my sister called me......

Sis: Hey what's going on?

Me: Nothing. How bout you?

Sis: Tell me what's going in!  What happened?

Me: Huh?

Sis: I'm at Mike's house and we're want to know what this big news is!

Me:  Oh, that. You're going to have to tune in tomorrow like everyone else.....

Sis: I'm your sister!

Heh. She had me at "sister" so I had to tell her.  Mike, YOU are not my sister, so you must pay for finding out early.  I'll get back to you on how you will pay exactly. But anyway, back to my big news.

Ahem.  Check out the little blue bird in yonder right corner....

That's right Biatches, I'm on Twitter!  Tweet, tweet!  You can follow me, I can follow you....and um, I dunno.  I'm not really sure how the whole thing works yet, but that's what this weekend is for.

Me!  A luddite when it comes to technology, I'm on twitter.  Impressed KEN? Ken's been trying to get me to overcome my fear of technology so he must be amazed.

"The thing is, I did the entire set up, including following some people and linking it to this blog entirely by myself!" said .Poker Grump.

Okay so I'm still a luddite, but I'm on twitter!  Grumpy baby found some cool people for me to follow to get me started....poker pros, news, and some poker bloggers.  He even found Kim Kardashian and I'm following her too!

Now I haven't actually tweeted anything yet, but I will be sending out some pearls of wisdom tonight.  The idea of it does give me a bit of anxiety but I have a feeling once I get started it will be difficult to shut me up.

So follow me biatches...but beware it may be a bumpy ride.

I'm most excited about the idea of tweeting updates during tournaments.  I think it'll be very handy there. Like @VeryJosie, 2nd in chips, final table..... I'm not really sure what the @ thingy is supposed to mean, but I get to ask Grump as many questions as I'd like.  I suppose he won't be playing much poker this weekend, as I am sure to keep him busy.  :)

Thank you Grumpilicious, Mama likie

In other news, it's Lightning's birthday and he just turned 97 years old (but looks only 80). Stop by and wish him a happy 97th.  He's kinda cute for an old guy, what with his new svelte figure and all.

Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

-Uncle Kracker

Of course Evan heard me telling my sister the big news and as soon as I got off the phone he asked "Can I follow you?  I like it when you swear, unless it's at me."

Play smart and FOLLOW ME.


Thursday, January 19, 2012


Big news to come!!!  Come back tomorrow for some REALLY BIG news.  Really, really big.  Life changing big (possibly).  And no don't email me to ask...you have to wait just like everyone else.

I am about to amaze you!


I hope!

Play smart my biatches.


PS.  Not a great idea to do a Google Image search of the word HUGE while in work.  Sheesh.  I've never seen such big body parts in my life!

Monday, January 16, 2012

I Have A Dream

Dreaming 'bout my dream

Well, well, well, lookie who has another four day work week!  Me and um, hopefully you too.  Thank you, Martin Luther King Jr.  I was visiting my mom yesterday, who brought the subject up.  She asked if I had the day off. <---loaded question.  A cousin of hers passed away (God bless her) and the wake is today, MLK day, at 4pm.  Just what I wanted to do on my day off. <---sarcasm, in case TickTock man is reading.

Anyway, Ma went on to speculate about why "he" gets a holiday.  'That's supposed to be for the presidents. He was just a guy. I remember him.  I know why he gets all a the respect.  You know a why?"
Erm...civil rights?

No!  All a this a because what the white guys did.  White guys did that. They kill him.  Thats a no good.  So now he get a the respect. So much respect he gets like the president because a the white guys do the wrong.

Ugh.....the exchange ended with me telling my mother she can't say this and she can't say that, and that she was racist.

"I like black people.  You know why I watch Family Feud?  I like a the black guy.  You're aunt, she calls them colored people but not a me.

Yeah, that was a fun conversation.  I tried to explain that I knew she didn't have any animosity toward anyone but nevertheless she was racist.  Her answer..."No! I believe a the black people are like a us."


Where was I?  I best get to my point before I head out in 3 hours for that wake.  My point is that I too, have a dream.  We should all have a dream, shouldn't we?

I have a dream that one day (this summer ) I will win a WSOP event.  In Vegas.  And dammit, I will do it.  There's no reason why I can't do it.  In fact, there are more reasons why I can than why I can't.

I plan on working on my game quite intently between now and then, both through more live and online action as well as reading, learning and analysing all I can.  It's one thing to want something and it's entirely another to put forth the effort to make it happen.  And it will.  Of course, when it does, I might get a bit full of myself.  :)

Play smart and happy MLK Jr day.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Poker Saturday

Anyone want to guess where I finished in the live tourney?

It was a day filled with poker.  The live tournament at the private club was suck.  For starters not enough people showed up.  Perhaps this was because of all the football scheduled for the day.  In any event, it was only a one table with ten people. Blah.  $25 entry.  Within the first 15 minutes I was down to 800 in chips.  Yep, you heard that right.  First hand I played was against a guy who didn't know how to bet or play and he had QQ, and I had a couple of hearts.  Flop was Q-heart-heart.  Bet, call.  Turn was a blank and the river was a heart but paired the turn....giving me a flush and him a boat.  Ugh.  Next hand was against Gary.  I had J-4 and the flop was 4-4-8.  He bet and I raised to 2K.  He called.  Turn was a 6, bet, raise, all in.  He had 6-6, which brought me down to my 800 in chips.

Then I battled, and battled and battled.  Chose my spots against the worst players and jammed when I thought I had the best hand.  Doubled up again and again.  Took out the guy to my right and my left.  Poor Sweet John.  Nicest guy ever, but Mama needed chips.

As it was such a small field there were 3 itm and when we were down to 4 this young thang (Cancer Al's son) took me out.  I jammed my stack on jack ten - first dumb move after hours of great playing - and he called with A-10.  Doh!  gg bubble girl.

As an aside, this club is in the town where I live....and while playing we ordered pizza to be delivered.  The delivery boy shows up with the pizzas and starts talking with the young kid who'd later knock me out, and damn but the delivery boy looked familiar.  He used to deliver to me at least 5 years ago, back when my fave pizza shop was still in business.  I said to him  "Hey....I remember you.  You used to deliver to me!"

Now here's the weird part.....Keep in mind he hadn't delivered to me in well over 5 years, and most likely over 7 years.

He says "Hi!  45567 Maple Street! I was just thinking about you the other day!!!"

He recited my fucking address!  And was just thinking about me the other day?????  What. The. Fuck.  Dude just entered creepyville.  He tells me that he's delivering for this other pizza shop and did I want a menu for this one?"


I figured since he was offered, he, you know, had a menu on him.  Nope.  "I'll be right back!"  And dashes out of the club to go get me a menu from his car.  Weird.

Anyway, I get home and decide to play on BCP while I watch the ridiculous Pats/Broncos game.  Talk about anticlimatic. <---I like this word.  I felt gypped in the afternoon tourney, as it turned out to actually be a sit and go.  And since I'd be parked on my ass watching football anyway, I signed up for a bigger tournament on BCP.  It was a $5 buyin and ended up having 253 peeps, which I went through like a hot knife through butter.  27 peeps were in the money and for the last 2 hours or so I pretty much stayed between 2nd place and 4th place.  I know, right? 

My demise......

We were down to 6 people (I rock) and the big jump in money was for first through third place.  I had over 100K in chips and was slightly less than 2nd who had under 120K.  I got Q-Q.  Now in hindsight I'm thinking I shouldn't have played them so hard and waited to move up in the cash prizes as there were some short stacks.  But I didn't do that.  I bet, got raised, I reraised and then called 2nd in chips' all in.  He had 10-10.  Awesome.  I'm thinking this secures my 1st place win.  Until I see the flop, that is.

10-4-2.  Mutha fucka.

Out 6th.

$65 for my trouble, which is not too shabbay, but still.

Shall we talk football?  That shiat was not entertaining.  Believe me when I say I'd rather the game not be close but come on.  Did Tebow do anything?  Not that I could see.

I was kind of bummed to see the Saints lose though.  Waffles and I had Brees as one of our QB's so I think this is a diseaster.  Waffles, on the other hand is like "Eh, it's not so bad.  The majority had Brees as well, and we did get a ton of points with our awesome team."

What I want to know is "Who is this optimistic impersonator, and what did he do with Mr. Doom and Gloom Waffles?"

Play smart and fold those pocket queens.


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Jimmy Fallon Rocks

You simply MUST watch the video clip if you haven't already seen it.


Friday, January 13, 2012

Thank Goodness

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.  On tap is a poker tournament at 1pm (yay) and then......

The New England Patriots VS The Denver Broncos

Tom Terrific VS Mediocrity (but religious!)


I LOL at anyone who thinks this could even be a close game.  No.  It wouldn't have been close at Mile High Stadium and it surely won't be close at Gillette.  That being said, I will be enjoying it very much.  I figure I should be home from the tourney by 6pm, which will give me enough time to get my sweats on and settle in for the show.

For my post fantasy football league I need The Pats to win and GB too for that matter.  I don't think this will be a problem.  :)  It's going to be a fun Saturday.

Let's get back to poker for a moment.  The last time I played at this private club I did quite badly.  I'll be up against a field where over 50% of the players do not play basic poker well, as well as  Pokah Dave (awesome dude) his sister and girlfriend.  A lot of baaaaaaad poker players and a few great ones.  Such is life.  My goal is to outlast Pokah Dave, and I will.

Remember my friend Tony from Vegas?  He's the guy who grinds out low limit poker and then loses thousands of dollars in video black jack so he can get a free fucking room.  That guy.  I was trying to help him stay away from the machines and build his roll.  Futile, I know.  He's addicted, I know.  Yet, I thought with a little support from a friend he might be able to make it through a week, see/learn that if he stayed away his roll would build.  Dumb, I know.  He's been winning money at poker and losing even more than he's won at video black jack.  I offered him an incentive if he'd stay away from it for a week.

He didn't.

I offered it one last time.

He accept the offer.

And then put about $500 in a machine after 3 days of not.

Of course all the neanderthals at his blog thought I offered a picture of my boobs, a web cam show of said boobs, and I dunno what else.  Oh yes, I do!  I was also told I had "tired boobs" (wrong!) that I had maternal instincts for a 42 yr old man and that I was like one of those women who marry guys on deathrow.  That was nice.   I listened to all their shiat and kept my temper under control....well, for me anyway. <---miracle right there.  My point is I took a lot of shit, something I don't normally do, because I felt being supportive was more important than telling someone to fuck off.  Unfortunately, Tony thinks it's more important to play machine games that are -EV than keep his roll intact.  I suppose we all make our choices.  This is America. 

Trying to get Tony to stop machines is like a tail trying to wag a dog.

Anyway, since it's never going to happen I may as well tell you what Tony was going to get if he managed 7 days as a poker player exclusively.

I was going to send a package to his POBox that contained:

Walgreens Gift Card, $50 - Tony said he was in walking distance to a Walgreens.
Burger King Gift Card, $50 - Yum!  Actually, I much prefer McDonalds.
Money Belt - This is a concealed wallet typically worn while travelling to prevent pick pocketing I suppose. It is worn strapped around the waist under your shirt. Tony keeps his money in his sock and I thought this would be a good alternative.  Bummer is I already bought it online.  I will give it to Evan tonight though and I am sure he'll think it's cool.  Lord knows, I would never strap bulk to my waist.
Toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash and listerine strips.  Just in case he used the Walgreens card for something else.
2 new polo shirts and a couple of poker tshirts.
Snickers bars
Homemade cookies
My copy of Mike Matesow's biography

Granted there would no pictures of tits in the package, but it would still be a decent haul.  Obv not as exciting as pushing buttons on a machine like a monkey, and then swearing at said machine.


I'd rather think about poker and football.

Play smart.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

I'm busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor so you'll have to forgive me for not posting today. What, you thought this was a post?  Um, no it isn't.

But, if you're desperate to read something about Very Josie, and if you like crafty humor, you could go ---> HERE as this post tickles my funny bone.  Go on now, go THERE and enjoy some fine writing for a change, and tell him Very Josie sent you.

Snaps for Josie!  (you have to go HERE to appreciate this line and then come back here to leave me a comment.  Just because I'm too busy to post doesn't mean I don't like getting comments.  Now scoot!)


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Poker Ten

Question: Ever play with a guy like this?
Answer: More times than I can count.

Card Player magazine published and article called The Most Annoying Player Habits at The Table.  Boy did they hit nail on the head with this one.  This strikes a chord with me because I am always mindful of the other players at the table, but many are not. Anyway, without further ado, The Top Ten Most Annoying Habits at the felt:

10. Players who always chop in the blinds, unless they have a big pocket pair.

The player reserves the right to decide whether or not they want to chop every time the action folds around to the blinds preflop. That being said, you can’t change your mind just because you’ve been dealt aces. If you “always” chop, then you “always” chop. Not just when you don’t like your hand. OMFG if the $1.00 SB is that big of a deal, perhaps you shouldn't be at the table.

9. People who wear headphones at the table and can’t follow the action.

There’s nothing wrong with listening to some music at the table to pass the time, but when it affects the flow of the game, perhaps you should consider turning it down or freeing up an ear to keep tabs on the action. If we can hear your music from across the table, then you certainly can’t hear the dealer telling you how much more it is to you. Mama likes headphones herself, but not at the price of not knowing every nuance of the game.  If you can't handle it, unplug those ears.

8. People who act like dealers, to the detriment of the game.
It is the dealer’s responsibility to split pots, take rake and bring in the bets, not yours. Also, believe it or not, most dealers don’t like it when you move the button, especially when you don’t tell them you are doing it. They follow a specific process for each and every hand and messing with that process only slows down the game. I'm sure you were the teacher's pet, but honey, you aren't the dealer or his pet.  Play your game and let the dealer do his job.

7. Players who intervene when they aren’t involved in the hand.

When someone asks for another player’s count, let that player answer and stay out of the situation. Sometimes, it’s not the actual chip count we are looking for, but rather the way our opponent answers the question. The one-player-to-a-hand rule applies in many situations, including decision making, showdowns and potential deals.  VJ soooo agrees! STFU if you are not in the hand.

6. Beginners who don’t understand how the blinds work or when it is their turn.

This may fly in the face of our no. 1 pet peeve, but most poker players would agree that while we enjoy amateurs at the table, we wish they at least understood how the game was structured. After a few orbits, even first timers should get that there are two blinds to the left of the button — one small, one big. I don't mind this so much, as long as you brought plenty o cash.  :)

5. Players with poor personal hygiene.
We understand that eight-hour sessions can quickly turn into 16-hour sessions, especially when you are stuck, but for the good of the game, please take a break to freshen up and pop a breath mint. Also, don’t forget to wash your hands after visiting the restroom or eating. We all have to touch those cards and chips at some point.  Please people!  Auntie Josie says so!

4. Cash game players who leave the table for big chunks of time.

Most casinos allow a player to be absent for two and a half dealer rotations before before their stack is picked up. That’s one hour and 15 minutes in most rooms. Players who leave the table to play the slots or pit games, or even have dinner, are being inconsiderate to the others who now have to play short handed. To combat this, most card rooms have a third-man walking rule, but it does little to prevent most roaming players. OMFG I've seen players gone for longer than two hours, yet their seat is still reserved for them.  Very rude!

3. Players who consistently act out of turn.
It’s fine if you do it once, or maybe even twice, but if you are consistently acting out of turn, or even telegraphing your intentions before it is your turn, you are hurting the game. It isn’t fair to the others in the hand to give away information. This problem is bigger later in the hand, when one player is attempting to apply some pressure against two opponents, but one has made it clear he has no intent to continue. You are messing up a hand/pot that may be mine. Pay attention!

2. People who Hollywood and take forever to make simple decisions.
Back in 2003 when everyone was representing a premium hand, it made sense to “Hollywood” in order to protect your tight, aggressive image. These days, it’s just a waste of everybody’s time. We all know you are raising with garbage and now that you’ve been caught, dump your hand and quit slowing down the game.  This is my biggest pet peeve! I am impatient by nature and a reader of people.  I know you don't have shit so don't waste my time with the fake hemming and hawing.

1. Players who tap on the glass.

If you are a poker player, do us all a favor and don’t tap on the glass. That is, don’t scare away the fish. This may be hard for some of us to remember, but the first time you sit down at the poker table can be a pretty scary experience. Don’t make it worse for the beginners by telling them how to play the game “properly” or even worse, berating them for playing “badly.” The games are hard enough and we need all of the fish we can get. Really, all you're doing is talking to hear yourself talk.  Bravo, you know basic poker strategy, but no one wants a poker lesson right now. STFU, um please.

I would have had a separate mention for people who are sick with a cough or cold but are at the felt.  No one wants their germs and it seems virtually impossible to avoid them when swapping cards and chips.  Stay home! At least until you're not contagious.  Then come back and bring lots of $$$.

Play smart and never tap the glass.


Tired of me?

It's amazing

How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

It's aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't want to let it get away from me
Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
And the one you're leaving out
The one you're leaving out

Ahem, JT88Keys....could you email me at veryjosie@aol.com? You can't be tired of me, can you?


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It's Okay Tuesday

I stole borrowed this idea from Whispering Writer.  Every Tuesday she writes a list of things to be "okay" about.

It's Okay....

That I never knew what the GI in GI Joe stood for.  I suppose it's even more okay that I found out over the weekend and it was my 13 year old son who told me "Mom, GI is short for government issued".  Oh really?  How is it that I'd never heard that before?  I mean I've played with GI Joe's for pete's sake!

That I dislike Mitt Romney even more than I thought possible. You LIKE being able to fire people who provide services for you?  Dick.  Seriously, do you know nothing about the country you are trying to lead?  I understand that you feel that way but if you really want to be the slimy politician you are aspiring to be, don't you know not to mention that shit? Idiot.  I have never had an affinity for this man, however hearing that line (in or out of context) while we are meeting to discuss who is getting laid off next week, doesn't not make me enamored of him.  Plus, he's a dick.

That I don't allow Evan to say the word "dick".  Can you say double standard? :)  Not really.  As I told him, he can say it when he's all grown up.  The list of what he'll do when he's all grown up includes saying all sorts of swear words, having both a dog and a duck as his pets, and owning his own canoe.  Chick magnet!

That I finally met the elusive Lexi.  She's the only friend of Evan's who I hadn't met, and they've been buddies for years.  For some reason it was important to Evan that I not meet her (and perhaps embarrass him.  kids! hmfph) The doorbell rang and a cute little blonde girl in a pink hoodie and pink high tops was there, chewing her pink gum.  "Is Evan here?"

"He's getting dressed.  Are you Lexi by any chance?" *big grin*


"Would you like to come in and wait?" *big grin* "I've heard a lot about you."

"Nah, can't." *pointing to pink high top sneakers* "They're dirty."

"You could take them off." *small grin*


"Evan was just playing xbox, you can come in and play with him." *tiny grin*


Fine.  I get Evan who goes on the front porch for a top secret chat and comes back in. He says she wanted him to go to the school yard with her but he said no and sent her on her way.  I ask why he didn't go with her or invite her in to play xbox and laughs and says he didn't want to.  Fine.  *no grin*

That it's time to win another big poker tournament.  It's past time baby.  Someone told me they'd "crush me obv".  omfg I wonder how much money I could extract from him in a last longer bet. :)  Lock up your money if you're on the East Coast this weekend!

That Evan is determined to buy his own lake canoe.  wtf a lake canoe is vs a regular canoe I do not know.  Unfortunately, when he gets something in his head he doesn't let go.  This thing costs hundreds of dollars so it's going to be a while and no I am not donating....directly anyway.  I will pay for slave work to be done around the house though, which he'll do for the canoe fund.  Make hay when the sun shines, I always say.  Thus far he's emptied the dishwasher and fed the cat all week.  Now you may think feeding the cat is no big deal, but it is to me.  The smell of cat food turns my stomache and makes me want to puke.  Not my fave activity first thing.

That I've never ever seen neither the Star Wars movies nor the Star Trek TV show.  Never, yet I'm telling you this is okay.  I'd normally keep this a deep dark secret because I know I'd get weird looks from all you sci fi guys.  However, yesterday I read that Whispering Writer had never seen the Rocky movies.  Can you imagine?  No, "Yo, Adrian" in Amber's life.  *gasp* So if she can avoid Rocky for a couple of decades I can continue to avoid that sci fi crapola.

That this post is quite late.  Actually, it bothers me that I'm posting later than usual, but it is what it is.  I haven't been sleeping well because my neck absolutely kills me when I go to sleep (and when I wake up) so this has thrown my cycle off a bit.  As I write this I'm thinking about taking some (more) advil and stretching.

That I kicked my sister out of my house TWICE in the last 72 hours.  For real yo.

Let's end there.

Play smart.


Monday, January 9, 2012

2 Things - Football & Poker

Good morning my pets,

Frigging Tebow...or frigging Waffles, depending on how you want to look at it.  :)  Can you believe the Broncos beat the Steelers?  WTF.  Even when the Steelers were behind I thought it was just a temporary thing and fully expected them to take down the win.  Boy was I wrong.  That really crushes my fantasy football team....goodbye defense.  *sigh*  I suppose it makes for an easier game next week for the Patriots, but personally, I think it would be an easy win regardless of which team they'd be up against. Pfff

Poker - I spent many hours (too many) playing online poker yesterday.  In fact, I had so much to get done, yet I didn't do anything, except click, click, click.....get a diet coke.....click, click, click.  Unfortunately, I am not exaggerating.  I played 3,258 games yesterday (okay maybe not quite that much) and here's what happened.  I started out Sunday morning with about a $40 balance.  Played 6 (yes 6) double or nothings throughout the day and won 5 of 6.  I also played a $15 tournament and came in 3rd place.  Tony was railing me and saw me take 2 very bad beats on the river *sigh* that resulted in my 3rd place win.  It was certainly a good score money wise, but there was a big diff between 2nd and 3rd.  I guess all one can do is go in with the best hand.  We played 4 handed and then 3 handed in that tourney for at least 2 hours.  For real.  I wish there was a "chop" feature on BCP.  Ugh.  Upside is it was a bounty tourney and I got 5 bounties.

At my highest I brought my balance from $40 to $173, but lost the last two games I played last night, which brings me to about $120.  Not too shabbay, but I was hoping to hit $200....at least that was my hope last night.  My hope today is to not go busto.  :)  I will achieve this by not playing tonight.  I think I've had enough and deserve a night off.  As I right this, I'm very sleepy and have promised myself I'm going to bed early tonight.  Mmmmmmm I want to be there NOW, wrapped in my comforter, with my kindle at an arm's length.

Play smart.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hello Sports Fans!

Are you ready for the playoffs?

The trials and tribulations of my football betting.....now that the regular season is over, so is my football league.  I ended up in shitastic 6th place for the year, which wins me......NOTHING!  I did win first place for one week, and the winnings for that are more than the entry fee to play so I am up about $20 for that.  Plus I had a side bet with Adam, this guy who used to work at my firm.  I kicked his butt for the year so I sent him an email stating the obvious --->"Biatch, you owe me $40!".

God, I love kicking his ass.

Instead of paying me, he suggested paying my entry in a playoff fantasy league he's in.  It is $40 to play (how convenient) and there are over 150 players.  Rules are fairly simple, you pick whoever you want but can only pick up to 3 players per team i.e. no more than 3 Patriots can be on my team.  Each guy on your team earns you points...yada yada yada.  I'd already decided I wasn't going to join this fantasy league...so I declined.  But that Adam just wouldn't give up with his trash talking...he wanted me to play and he wanted another side bet. Guys let this be a lesson to you.  With a little persistence, I can be talked into just about anything.  Well, not anything...

I joined the league and negotiated my sure thing side bet with Adam.  When Adam loses he has to buy a drink for me, Jenny, Josephine (not me) and Nicole.  I'm playing for my girls!  We wanted to meet up for drinks after work one day anyway.  Why not have Adam buy the first round? :)  If I should somehow lose Adam will get $30 or a round of drinks; his choice.

Okay now to pick my fantasy league.  Remember that guy and his son that kicked  my butt all year long?  His name rhymes with Shwaffles.  Anyway, not only did beat me here, but he gave me key advice in Lucki Duck's league TWICE that I choice to ignore and twice he was right.  Therefore hold onto your hats, Waffles and Waffles Junior have made my picks!  Waffles did them, and the boy wonder tweaked them.  Funny thing is, so far I'm doing quite well and it's such a huge league!

Would you like to see my awesome team?

Team Josie Waffles...

QB Rogers GB (hottie)
QB Brees Saints
RB Bradshaw Giants
RB Rice Ravens
RB Gore 49ers
WR Nelson GB
WR Johnson
WR Welker Patriots
WR Cruz NY Giants
TE Gronkowski Patriots (because Tom Brady loves him)
TE Graham Saints
K Crosby GB
K Suisham Steelers
Coach McCarthy Packers
DEF Steelers

Not a shabby looking team, eh?  Keep your fingers crossed that the saints coming marching in....at least until the patriots stop their parade.

Play smart.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Forty-Niiiiiiiiiiiine, Fifty!

Ready or not, here I come! 

Do you remember shouting that out during a game of hide and go seek?  I do!  But that's not what this post is about.

Mission accomplished baby!  I have *gasp* 50 followers!  Mr. 49 & Mr. 50 popped up yesterday, bless their hearts.  Mr. 49 is Alcantar, and when I looked at it quickly in work, I thought it said Alcanthang, but it ain't so.  lol  Potato, potahto.

And Lucky Mr. 50....You should get a prize for being my 50th follower...feel free to email me in case I think of something.  Mr. 50 is a dude called FullHouse538, no one I remember from this blog.  BUT, you may not know this, but my memory is long and true.  Not so much if I have to remember to bring something home, but I tend to remember those who I've played with for years and years and Fullhouse538 is ringing a bell.  I think I played against him in one of the BBTs.  Remember those?  I may have also kicked his ass.  :)  Anyway, I'm not sure but I think that's the case.  In any event, welcome, welcome, welcome!  I may seem a bit abrasive at times, but I'm really very sweet.  Erm, unless we're in a poker game, in which case I want to take you out at the knees. :)

I normally don't post on Saturdays but wanted to mention mah new boyz.  Now that we've reached my sister's age it's time to reach for my mother's!  My mom just turned 70 years old btw so that is what we are shooting for. 

Since I have you here, I may as well tell you a story - true story as some things that happen to me, you just could not fucking make up.  Let's get back to the receptionist at work, shall we?

When last we left off I was still waiting for my calendars, right?  A large order from WB Mason comes in but she never comes by with my stuff.  Finally late in the afternoon I ask again.

"Oh it might be in the big box that came in this morning."

"You think?"

"I could go open it!"

I touch my fingre to my nose.  Bingo!

An hour later.......

One calendar is on her desk and I snag it.  I ask about the other and she says 'Oh that, I think it's on back order."


"Find out how long the lead time is.  If it's too long I'll just order another one."  This one is more vital as it's my daily book where critical shit goes.

"Just pick another one and I'll order it!"

"No.  Find out the lead time!"  OMFG  So that's where we are calendar wise.  She also places a peapod order for the office so we have drinks and refreshments for presentations etc.  Her peapod order came in at noon on Friday and we have a big presention on Friday afternoons.  Very good!  Except she comes by and says she forgot to get crackers, or cookies, or dip and needs petty cash to go buy some.  Pisses me off.....but I give her some money.  She comes back a half hour later and hands me a penny.  A PENNY. 

"Where's the receipt and the change?"

"Oh, you're not going to believe this but I lost them both...the receipt and the change, except this!"  Again she shoves A PENNY at me.

"How could that happen?"

"I put the change and receipt in my pocket.  I guess it all fell out except THIS."  (again with the penny)

Anyone believe this story?  If you do I have a lovely structure called the Zakim Bridge I'd like to sell you.

Play smart.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Almost The Weekend

I cannot wait for this day to be done and the weekend to start.  It's been a long week and it's sure to be a long day in work.  Preparing end of month and end of year crapola all day long and nothing looks promising.  Blahhh  Speaking of work....It's January 6th and I still do not have the new calendars that I asked the receptionist to order for me.  And by "ask" I mean I wrote down the item #, the color and the pages where the items could be found.  I did this on 12/22/11.  I was determined to see if she'd mention them but she hadn't so I brought it up.  "Have my calendars come in?"

"Oh I haven't ordered them yet because there's nothing else on my list."

I blinked at her.

"So what?" I asked.


"We get free delivery.  You can order items every day. (she's been here 8 years and knows this) And um, they're calendars, and it's 2012. (I assume she knows this too)

Who wants to bet I have my 2012 calendars before the end of January?  I'm not sure which side I'd take. 

Oh and lookie to the right. ---> 

I have 48 followers now!  Come on people we are trying for my sister's age! (she'd kill me if she read this)  And once we reach that, our next goal is my mother's age but one step at a time.

Anyway, Mr. 48 is a guy called Peter P. Peters, or something to that effect and he writes a poker blog of his own, called the Poker Barrister.  Check it out if you'd like....or not.  Yet another lawyer *yawn* who plays poker.  Why is it that half the players I know are lawyers?  What's  up with that?  Anyway, he actually writes about poker *gasp* which is few and far between these days.  Plus, he posted this thought provoking question on Tony's blog yesterday:

PPP: Tony: If you were forced to chose, would you rather sleep with a woman with no arms, or with no legs. For purposes of this question, assume both the armless and the legless woman are equally interested in watching you play poker afterwards.


Grouchie answered first with: Define sleep with?  Because if it's in the pure sense of the word you'd have to go no legs because you can still have her arms wrapped around you for warmth and comfort.
If you are not meaning it in such a pure sense then no arms because she can still wrap her legs around your head and that's a bonus if'n you ask me

Awesome answer IMHO.

Then Waffles, ever the problem solver piped in with: No legs all the way... Nothing blocking access baby!

That is a thinker!

As for poker, the only poker I will be playing this weekend is of the on-line variety.  *fingers crossed* that I don't go busto!

Play smart.


Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Answer is...

Yesterday I wore an argyle sweater with a white shirt underneath, very much like the picture above.  A very boring pullover that my mom had given me for Christmas, thinking it was a good top for work and it is.  Anyway, for the first time in months, I had a poker game at my house last night and normally I change from my work clothes as soon as I get home, but something came up and I didn't.  So the poker guys come over and Gary is STARING at me, mouth agog, because I have the pullover on, or as he puts it, I am "dressed like a catholic school girl".  Um really?  I'm probably wearing the least attractive clothing I own.  Still, he doesn't let up and not only that, Noodles joins in. "Um yeah, you look like a sexy librarian. Oh baby!"  Okay....(for some reason Noodles is creepier to me than Gary)  And then the piece de resistance....I needed my reading glasses to read my kindle, and Gary just about had a heart attack.  "Leave the glasses on. That completes the look."  Guys are weird.

I ended up splitting the first game even though I was the chip leader, so we could move onto game #2.  Gary won came in 2nd for game #2 and got his buyin back for his trouble.

Okay, now for the answer to yesterday's question....

The question was certainly too broad and open-ended as there are so many variables.  Cash or tournament play?  Holdem or all poker?  It's just too darn difficult to pick one person as so many people are better at certain niches.  Yet, pressed to answer I did come up with someone.  My "someone" was based on the barometer I use which is "Is he better than me?"  Now don't forget that I'm a pompous ass so zero not too many people fit into that category, at least people I actually know, that is.  I will concede that Phil Ivey might be better than me.  Maybe. :)

All the players mentioned in the comments did come to mind as well as a few that didn't get a mention, yet I sent only one word to Tony....

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed are that of the author alone and are purely one person's opinion.

Remember this is just one person's opinion.  I've spent a significant time watching him play and left impressed.  Keep in mind, rarely am I impressed.  Just ask Gary.  Plus the reference posts in his blog are better than most published poker books.  And like I said, he might be better than me.  Jury's still out on that one.  He's kicked my ass online but I think I might have the edge on live action.

Hoyazo, on the other hand, disagreed with me and listed a few players that he thinks are better than him.  (funny enough Waffles didn't make his list) The thing is I don't know these people, so they didn't come to my mind.  Edgie, by the way does deserve a mention as he too is quite the tournament player.

So there you have it.  Oh and Gary, I'm wearing my reading glasses, right now.  :)

Play smart like Hoyazo.


Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I was chatting with TBC the other day via instant message and he asked me a very thought provoking question. 

"Who is the best poker player of the guys you actually know?"

Ooooo, what an excellent question!  I went through the rolodex in my brain of the many, many poker players I know.  I'm sure I had a far away look glazed over my eyes......

"Well?  Who's the best of people you actually know?"

He wanted an answer immediately but such a question needed to be pondered slowly, savored like the taste of a fine wine.  Unfortunately he isn't the most patient person in the world so I answered with my gut.  Since then I've been thinking more carefully about the question and the myriad of  possible answers, yet I still came up with the same answer. 

So let me ask you......

1.) Who is the best poker player you actually know, besides me of course.  :) 
2.) Who do you think was my answer?

I'll give you my answer tomorrow, but please give me your answers today.  :)  That's fair, isn't it?

Play smart.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Back to Work

Back to the grind.  The ending of the calendar year is always a busy time for me in work, even though we run on a fiscal year.  Our fiscal year actually ends May 31st, so many year end tasks don't need to be done until then, thank God.  As it is I'm busier than a.....um.....busy person.

I played some poker over the weekend at Lynne's house.  One of my key hands was K-K. I was the big blind and a short stack jammed all in.  The chip leader at my table called the all in and then it was to me.  I jammed all in over the top and the chip leader instacalled me.  Chip leader had Q-Q, an the shortie had A-7.  Luckily my kings held up and I more than doubled up.  I ended up making it to 7th place and went out with J-J.  I reraised with the J-J and Glen responded with an all in.  I surely knew I was beat but had too many chips in to fold.  I was up against A-A and it was good game Josie.

The players here are without a doubt bad so one's play has to be adjusted to account for that.   I was seated next to Marvin, who is a very good player.  He told me he'd been looking at his game closely to see how he could improve, found a leak and made an adjustment for it.  "Now" he said with a twinkle in his eye, "I've been winning again."  I asked him what leak he found in his game and he replied how I knew he would.  he said "Now Josie, I can't tell you that!".  heh.  I told him I already knew the where he needed to improve.  I told him he'd been playing too many hands with mediocre cards.  He'd hit the flop, get outkicked and lose money in a hand he should've never been in.  He looked shocked and told me that yes, he's decided to tighten up his game.  I noticed that he did do that, but got knocked out my Lynne's wife June, who is a less than stellar player.  Marvin made a huge raise preflop and only June called him.  Flop was 8 high rainbow.  Another huge almost pot size bet and she called.  Turnw as a 10.  Another big bet and she called. River was a king.  This time Marvin checks and June value bets.  He called and lost with Q-Q.  June turned over K-9, hitting a pair of kings on the river.  Marvin was shocked, speechless and out early.

They had a cash game going on while waiting for a second tourament to start, so I jumped into that, buying in for $20.  About 90 minutes later I had an awful stomach ache and a stack of about $80.  I ended up cashing out and going home before the second tourney started.  I never hit and run with friends, it's just that I didn't feel well.  And besides, when I left Sugar Bear, he was home with the kid who doesn't leave, his friend Bailey.

Now remember we had Bailey over for New Years Eve?  He came over Saturday afternoon.  Well yesterday was Monday and he was still at my house.  It pisses me off, and not because I mind having the kid around.  Not at all, he's polite and well behaved.  It aggravates me that his mother drops him off and doesn't even call for days at a time.  What.  The.  Fuck.  The plan was for Evan to go to Bailey's house Sunday night but that obv never happened and she never even called to cancel.  When Bailey finally got a hold of her she was like "Sorry, but ask if you can stay another night."  Another night would lead one to believe she'd call the next day (Monday) to pick up her son right?  Not so.  I left at 2pm yesterday afternoon and he was still trying to make contact with his mother.  I expected him to still be in the house when I got home last night but he wasn't.  She picked him up and left me a bottle of wine.  I can definitely use it.

Oh wait, I was talking about poker wasn't I?

After Evan went to bed last night I played two games on BCP, both were $2 buy ins.  First one was a one table and I didn't cash.  Second game was a freeze out tournament, that ended up with 73 entries and I won!  First place!  I hit a few key hands to double up and once I had a comfortable chip lead it was smooth sailing.  We lasted heads up for only 5 minutes when I checked top pair and he jammed all in.  Awesome.  Nice little influx to my balance.  The only MTT games I've played on BCP were a 45 peep game and this 73 peep one and went deep in both.  I may stick to fields of this size.  Although I'm still a bit unfamiliar navigating through the BCP website.  Ah well.

Oh, I have a kindle.  A kindle FIRE, and it's awesome.  I love, love, love it.  I do this it's dangerous that I can buy any book I want at the touch of a finger.  This could be biiiiiiiiig trouble, financially.  Okay, must go kiss my kindle and then do some work.

Play smart!


Monday, January 2, 2012

Just Another Manic Monday

Ahhh another long weekend and no work today.  Whee!

This afternoon I'm playing in my monthly poker league with L&BM.  It's the last game of the year so it is significant as it's the last chance to get points before the big game on Superbowl weekend.  After today's tourney all the points will be talleyed and money given for which place you are in.  That money goes to the big buyin of the superbowl saturday game.  Last year I ended up with a free roll, and I'm pretty sure I'm on track to do it again, although I won't be in first place I don't think.

Speaking of first place, the football challenge is finally over.  I beat Waffles for the week, but he won the whole shebang.  Biatch.  lol jk Very well done, sir!  There were many weeks that Waffles and I were apart by only one point, but there were a few other weeks that I sucked big time and it was too much of a deficit to make up.  It was fun playing with his kiddos too.  (his wife scares me tho)  Anyway....I probably owe his son $20....maybe more, but his son owes me two drawings.  He owed me one previously and now he owes another for this week.  As soon as I am in receipt of said drawings I will ship the money.  Tick tick.  I suggest drawings of any Boston Red Sox player or even the logo.  Perhaps the Pats or even the Bruins logo.  A drawing of Waffles would definitely be good too.  :)  Waffles please make these suggestions to your son.  Also, ask him if he'd like to barter up.  Instead of $20 he could get a baseball autographed by Jacoby Ellsbury, or Jason Varitek, or Pedro Martinez.  I mention this not to save money.  These baseballs are much more valuable than $20.  The authentic baseball alone costs more than $10, and it comes in a case.  Anyway, his choice.

Funny story:  I sent his son $$ once and in the envelope I also enclosed my very josie business card - just for a little pizzaz.  heh.  I didn't think that was all that inappropriate, but um, Waffles wife did.  lol I think she said I was sending the kid porn. LOL  That's probably not good.  Below is a picture of the front and back of my business card.  That's not porn, is it?

I spent most of yesterday watching Tony play a $109 tourney.  He won his entry in a free roll so he was playing this for free.  He was incredibly patient in the beginning and was kind enough to tell me what his hole cards were when he was in a hand.  He played really really well, except for a few isolated hands.  There was one hand where I didn't know what he had....the flop was J-10-9 and he jammed all in and got instacalled.  He flipped over 4-4 and he was up against K-Q.  Doh!  Turn was a Q and river was a K, so they split.

Anyway, my main objective was to keep Tony on even keel and to stay focused, which I think I did, until that last hand.  Again that last hand he didn't tell me what he had before he shoved.  If he had I would;ve been sending a FOLD message, but he didn't.  Instead he shoved with ace 3 in early position and got called by AK.  Grrrrr Regardless he won over $400, and as easy as it is to be judgemental about the push (and I am) and be an arm chair quarterback, I know it isn't easy when you're making decision after decision in the eye of the storm.  It's far easier to judge when you don't have that kind of pressure on you for your every move.  Tony did outlast more than 1,000 people so CONGRATS TONY!!! 

Play smart.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

I Have A Headache

Last night was an a success!  GARY and the lovely Tootsie came over so Gary could help me get my kindle started.  He called early in the afternoon to ask me if  I'd charged the kindle.

Um, no.

He wanted me to do that?

I told him I would, and then promptly didn't.  I was cooking!  I made them Italian sausages with peppers and onions, stuffed jalapenos, 7 layer bars, plus deli, assorted cheeses, and snackies.....not to mention my ace in the whole, ricotta pie.

I really didn't think they'd come over but to tip the scales in my favor, I emailed Gary and said "Tell Tootsie there will be ricotta pie." Bingo!

We had a great time and a lot of laughs.  Gary, when he actually goes out in public, is HIGHlarious, and I laughed so much my cheeks got sore.  We played games with Evan and his friend, who was sleeping over. <---what else is new?  And yes, I drank too much, but isn't that was New Years Eve is for?


Turns out I totally could've set up the kindle myself as SOMEONE suggested.  I watched Gary hit a button or two and then it was time to set up my amazon account and voila!  Done!  I panic a bit with all things electronic so having Gary there lended a modicum of comfort.  Plus he had the boys laughing their asses off. 

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my kindle.  I bought two books last night!  Wheee!!!  One was $14.99 and the other $2.99.  I will def see what else I want to buy over the weekend.

Gary and Tootsie left, and the boys moved their party up to Ev's bedroom a little before 2am. omfg.  I decided at that point to play online poker, even though I'm never up that late usually.  I decided to play a $3 double or nothing game, and last I remember I was doing pretty well.  I was the chip leader, but not by much, and there were 8 of us left, with 5 itm.  I fell asleep!  I woke up at like 4am, sitting upright (maybe slumped over might be a better description) with the laptop in front of me and a message from black chip poker saying I won!  lol Awesome. I've finally found the key to winning online poker; sleep through it!

Evan and his friend are still sleeping and it's 12:15am.  I was going to bake them some muffins and cook up some bacon, but now I'm feeling lazy and I think if you want breakfast you need to be up by 11am.  Besides, it's almost time for Tom Terrific and his gang to play!  :)  I fucking LOVE football.  I've always been a baseball fan, but because a football fan maybe 7 years ago.  And as much as baseball is my first love, there is nothing better than watching an exciting football game.

Speaking of baseball....

My buddy CRANKY left this comment this morning:

VJ - the offer for the sox game was serious, so we shall make it happen! We typically get a table for 5 on the right field roof box.

Is she awesome or what?  The majority of games that I go to are in the first base area, but I have been to the right field roof boxes once before with Gary.  As we sat up there in the sun, I told him I was going to get on the jumbotron screen and sure enough I DID!  I shiat you not.  I looked up and there I was in my red sox gear screaming and waving, and next to me, a glum bearded guy wearing a bruins shirt (Gary).  Heh.  Cranky we're going to be on the jumbotron!!!!  Oh and I should warn you now, I get a bit overly excited at sox games and tend to cheer...erm....loudly.  Thank you Cranky!  Drinks and hot dogs are on me!

Half an hour to the Patriots game!  Kids are still sleeping so I think I'll prep something for them to eat now.  If they're not up before kick off, they're going to have to fend for themselves, which probably means goldfish crackers for breakfast.  I am suuuuuch a good mom.

Oh and if anyone's around, I'll be playing poker on BCP during the game.  I'm thinking a multitable so if you're around try to join it!

Play smart.