Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Douche Baggery is Afoot

I was witness to a particular bit of douche baggery at Foxwoods on Saturday night that bothers me. Believe me when I play a tournament I'm very competitive and will do anything in my power to win, but I want to win because I earned it not because I'm a douche bunt. What, you've never heard the term douche bunt before? That is an old nickname of mine, coined by none other than Gary...The Crafty Southpaw.

Gary started calling me Douche Bunt because, as he put it " for when douche bag or cunt just aren't enough". He combined the two terms just for me! Ain't he sweet? He then shortened it to DB and hasn't used it in a while, I'm happy to report.

Anyway, let me tell you about this douche bunt move I witnessed. I was in the 8 seat, while the 10 seat and the 3 seat were in a big hand. Mr. 10 Seat was a regular and sort of recognized me as having played with me before and started chatting immediately in a friendly manner. He was in the process of getting a massage and was recommending I do the same. BTW he had a huge crush on his massage therapist and seemed quite worried she was sleeping with our waiter....our very very obviously gay waiter. Lemme just say that hetero men in their early forties do NOT have gaydar. Anyway, he kept telling me that I should have his girl rub me down. Hmmmm I always thought that I wasn't a fan of massages, but I may have been mistaken. I've never had a massage at the felt - and don't know if it would be as good as a massage where I'm relaxed and at ease. So anyway, I'm pondering this when Mr. 10 and Mr. 3 are in their heads up match.

BTW Mr.3 is the douche bunt in this scenario. There had been HUGE raises, reraises and calls both pre and post flop and the pot was huge; the type of pot that could make or break a tournament. Here comes the turn and Mr. 10 is pondering his next bet. This was a deep stack tournament and each player started with one red 5k chip. The problem was the 5K chips didn't really stand out beneath the orange 1k chips. They were very hard to see, which is why Mr. 10 said to Douche Bunt...

"How many 5K chips do you have in your stack?"

silence and crickets chirping

"How many 5K chips do you have?"


"I'm just trying to figure out how much you have behind you."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I need to know so I can make a decision on my next bet!" He started getting agitated...

"Oh, so you're just checking?"

"Yes, I'm just checking!"

The dealer hears the word "checking" and starts to turn over the river card while Mr. 10 yells "What are you doing, I haven't bet yet!".

The douche bag says "He checked!" knowing full well that his opponent hadn't. The dealer hears both sides, along with actually hearing the word "checking". The cherry on top is that the douche bag also claimed Mr. 10 made the classic hand gesture which means checking, which is a very bold lie. The dealer quickly decides to end this by turning over the river card, which is an ace.

Mr. 10 is furious and tells the dealer that he cost him chips. He states he was preparing to bet there and thinks he would've gotten a call. The floor is called over. He hears the sob story along with others (like me) corroborating his story. Floor guy decides that the play must stand as is. The dealer did hear the word "checking" after all.

Okay. There's still a bet to come on the rivered ace. Mr.10 jams all in baby!

What does the douche bag do?

After the jam, Mr. Douche Bag claims that the ace should be buried and a new card flipped over because of the previous controversy.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The floor guy was walking away when he was immediately called to return as the DB is insisting it's the right move. That damn ace must be burned!

OMG what a fucking cheating douche bag!

The ace stood where it was an the douche bag folded to the all in call. I'm still bothered by how unethical he was. He was a young guy, who I know I've played with before. I won't ever forget him and hope I see him again at Foxwoods.

Now about my poker uniform....Gary mentioned on his blog that he had to tell me to fix my top once or twice. This is true. Truly it doesn't seem that low at first. The thing is it's quite loose so it sort of kept drooping....and a bit of my bra was showing. After he mentioned it more than once, I snapped a pic.

I'm not thrilled with the pic. At all. I had to leave my house very early that morning so there was no time to blow dry my hair - it just sort of curled and puffed out. Bad hair and less than stellar make up application. I wasn't going to post it but it illustrates how my bra is showing more than a bit. This is why Gary motioned to me to cover my unmentionables.

Now since I'm incredibly vain, below is a pic of my hair when it's blowdryed.

Much better, right? BTW the top is a "sometimes" poker uniform. It's cool because it has these tiny hook and eye closures so I can close it up if I feel like it or leave it open.

Since I'm posting pics below are a couple from the 4th of July:

Boom! Taken in Salem, MA right before the downpour.

Also before the downpour.

Well that's it for today kiddos.

Play smart and don't be a douche bunt.