Monday, May 31, 2010

It's a Jungle Out There (no poker content)

Not Cute

I understand that raccoons are a part of nature, and we are all God's creatures.  I get that.  Really I do.  Any creatures that come in my house leave in a body bag though.  Stay off my fucking turf.

That goes for bugs too.  I don't mind bugs when I'm outside.  If I'm outside I'm hanging at their place then I'm respectful.  I can go camping and not freak the fuck out at the many bugs and moths that are part of the experience.  But if one flies into the house, rest assured he does not fly out.  I'm not one of those people that escort bugs to the door and bid them farewell.  It's time for that fucker to meet his maker.

I live near a woody area so my neighborhood is filled with squirrels, cats, foxes, skunks, wild turkeys, coyotes (yep), and the dreaded raccoons.  And if I'm to be totally honest (and I always am) I'm not a big fan of animals, wild or otherwise. That being said, I've been called the crazy cat lady more than once because I used to feed all the cats in my neighborhood. (what if they're homeless!)  And yes, my son and I also feed all the birds and squirrels that have a taste for peanut butter. I just don't like them up in my personal space, like IN MY HOUSE.

The house is old.

There's a spare room that was converted into my son's toy room, and it's filled to the brim with toys.  He doesn't actually play in there, it's more a storage house for legos, guns, pokemon cards etc.  Anyway, at one point we could hear a scratching noise coming from the ceiling of this room, and sometimes the ceiling tiles would quiver during the scratching noises. (not a good sign)  We figured we had a squirrel in the ceiling/roof but didn't really do anything about it.

The ceiling in this room is super old and it's not really a room we spend time in.

One Saturday morning Sugar Bear (my sweet son) and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and heard a bang come from the toy room, which is 2 rooms away.  We looked at each other, like "What the heck was that?" and continued to watch the movie.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw something walk into the room and it was the biggest fucking raccoon I have ever seen in my life.

It took a couple of seconds to comprehend what I was seeing and at first I thought it was a small black bear.  It was that fucking big.

Sugar Bear and I are speechless and motionless but Rocky Raccoon is not.  He strolls in like nothing's amiss, glances at us and walks a little further along past us.  I grab my son and we scoot out behind him and make it to the kitchen and back door.  In the kitchen I become frozen to one spot and I freak out.

How the fuck do I get a giant raccoon out of the house??????

I run to the front of the house and open the front door.  There - that's done.  Then I high tail it back to the kitchen and open back door.  Unfortunately Rocky's in the living room and there are no doors there.  There's a window though and he tries it unsuccessfully.

At this point I am literally a babbling idiot.  I am talking to myself and self hasn't come up with any brilliant ideas yet.  Sugar Bear takes my hand and says Mom it's just a raccoon.  Not it's not JUST a raccoon, it's a raccoon and a mother having a nervous breakdown.  I think Sugar Bear realizes this.  He says "Let's go out the back door and go to Neighbor Sue's house.  Maybe we can call Vinnie (her ex-hubby who works for the town's dpw). 

I dunno.  I'm freaking the fuck out and I don't know what Rocky's doing in the living room.  Leaving DOES sound like a good idea though and seeing as I don't have ANY ideas, we're gonna go with the kid's.

We exit the back door and as we're on the path that heads toward the street and the front of the house, I walk straight into Rocky!!!  He found the front door and decided he wasn't staying for dinner. (obviously not a fan of Italian food)

But when I see him I scream at the top of my lungs and he shows his teeth much like the photo above. I turn and head back for the back door and all of a sudden we're BACK in the house.  Did Rocky come back in too, via the front door?  I dunno but I'm about to have a heart attack. (and i'm barefoot and in a nightgown during all of this fyi)

Sugar Bear tells me to sit down.  Shuts the front and back doors and tells me we're fine.

Rocky's big ass caused about 1/4 of the ceiling in the toy room to come down.  Fawk.  I wonder if he'll be back - what with the huge fucking hole in the ceiling, I'm thinking I don't want Rocky back up there.

Cost about $300 to have Rocky taken away because yes, he tried to come back home.  He was hauled away in a metal cage to be released far away in a meadow filled with bunnies and frogs.  Just ask Sugar Bear if you don't believe me.

Speaking of Sugar Bear, my partner in crime, he really is an honest to goodness animal lover.  Ugh.  Frigging polar opposite of Mama in that respect.  I like feeding them and watching them from the safety of my window.  That's our MO.  It makes Sugar Bear happy so it works for me.

One day we looked out our window to see (3) very HUGE wild turkeys on our property.  Score!  Sugar Bear couldn't have been more thrilled than if Santa himself was out there.  I tell him "Let's feed the turkeys!!"  "Can I do it?" he asks.

Of course he can.  I don't want to be near those beasts anyway.

I send him outside with a paper plate filled with torn up bread pieces and tell him to toss the bread to the turkeys and not get too close.  "I'll be watching you from the porch!"  Mama ain't no idiot.

So I see him traipse towards the birds leaving a trail of bread, which he starts tossing. 

Not a good idea

Turkeys fly you know!

One of them flies up and perches on top of a minvan.  The 2 other turkeys and Sugar Bear are beneath it.  I start thinking this isn't so good.  He leaps off the van and lunges for my angel while squawking at him (it didn't sound like gobbling).

This time it's Sugar Bear that's frozen.  Turkey is angry and is starting to run toward SB.  SB doesn't move an inch.  They're face to face and suddenly SB starts SCREAMING at it.  Nose to nose, no one backing down...both about the same height.  They're in the street and I'm watching this from the front porch.

Okay maybe I should've gotten off the porch and taken a swing at that turkey, but I didn't.

Instead I start screaming "Run, SB, Run!!!".  The sound of my voice gets him moving finally and he's hightailing it to the porch but so is the turkey!!!

He's bounding up the steps and Turkey is close behind.  I consider what the fuck to do.  Front door is wide open and I'm thinking that fucking turkey is gonna follow him in.  Do I close the door and lock both out? I actually consider this but I won't be getting any mother of the year awards if I do that!

SB is horrified and motors past me into the house....turkey sees me and hesitates which is all we needed - it gives me time to get the fuck in the house too before the turkey could follow.

It's a frigging jungle out there!


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Why Am I Reading YOUR Blog....

...when I could be reading crAAKKer! 

CrAAKKer is a cracker of pocket aces and cool is that!  Love me an aggressive poker player.  Does he know about the wonder of J-10 and the power it has to crack aces?  I'm thinking mebbe he does.

No, I don't know this guy from Adam, but he's hilarious AND he's smart.  Too bad I can't say that about most of you. (just kidding)

He's also a follower of mine, which speaks volumes about his good taste. 

His latest post mentions cougars, sausage stuffers, and the Poker Grump.  And it's frigging hilarious (I might've mentioned that).  Now something that's noticeably absent is any mention of me.  I am going to overlook this for the moment..although how could he NOT mention me???????????

The good news is I have oodles of crAAKKer archives to read when I'm bored at work, so I won't have to bug Waffles so much.

The bad news is when I was looking for "cracker" images for this post, I came across this photo:

Frigging Horrific

That picture freaks me the fuck out.  Have I mentioned my raccoon phobia?  I had a very traumatic raccoon incident about a year or 2 ago, and now I break out into a cold sweat when I see one of this little masked bastards on TV.  Whenever a raccoon should show up on TV I always know about it cuz my son yells "Mom you have to see this!!!!!" just so he can see me freak out.  Sweet kid, huh?

FYI raccoons aren't so fucking little when you're up close and personal to them.  He looks little in this photo doesn't he?  This one must be a newborn or something. 

The one that was up in my grill IN MY HOUSE was a huge fucker.....I'm talking about the size of tank.



Saturday, May 29, 2010

I Won A Little...

...and  played alot. 

It ain't easy winning a little!

I started off with the 2-4 limit cash game with $60 on the table.  Caught trips early on and it paid off.  Pretty much a grind after that.  Played maybe 3 hands total but won them so when I headed over to the sit & go I was up maybe $45.

I sat down at a (1) table $60 game.  First place was $240.  The dealer was the same dealer I had when I played against that bus load of 18 year old boys.  The dealer remembered the game, how it was one kid's birthday, and how I pwned them.  lol  So of course the talk turned to "You should have let him win because it's his birthday." Ugh. 

There were 3 decent players at that table, me (fabulous), and (6) donks.  I was playing with one of the donks at the cash game and I liked what I saw.  It was unbelievable.  At thte cash game he was calling EVERYTHING even after the river, WITH NOTHING.  I just don't understand it.  He once called a river bet, when there was plenty of paint on the board and he turned over 8-6.  That's it!  no pair, no nothing.  Didn't connect at all.  Gotta be something wrong there.

Anyway he was out first at the table, no big surprise.  Unfortunately not at my hand.  Early in the game I wasn't getting too many hands, but things turned around quickly.

Lost a hand or two early on and then buckled down.  Played super tight for a while till the cards started coming.  And did they ever.  I raised with my fave hand J-10, got one caller and the flop was 10-10-7.  I checked and he bet. I smooth call.

Turn is a Q.  I check again.  He bets and I raise he goes all in.  I jump on in too.  He has A-Q and I double up.  Now I have plenty o chips.

Blinds are up and I start stealing them.  I pick on the low stacks and especially this woman who is 2 to my left.  I raise, she gripes and folds.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.  She gets angrier and angrier.  I get A-K suited and I do it again.  This time she calls.  I catch and ace on the flop and bet pot which pretty much makes her pot committed.  She just calls.  Turn doesn't match much.  I push all in.  She says "I have to call you" and turns over A-7.  No 7 on the board and she's out. 

It's pretty much a repeat of last time.  When there are 5 of us left, I have a monster stack and everyone else is shortstacked and desperate.  3 places in the money.  I keep stealing blinds till there are 3 of us left.  I say to the guys "the only question is which of you is going to get 2nd" (just to be funny) one guy laughs at my cockiness, and the other guy answers seriously, like he agrees.  lol  I was like dude, I'm just making a joke, it's anyone's game.  Although it wasn't.  I won $240 and gave my good ole dealer $20 . (is that enough?)

So I score in the cash game, I score in the sit & go, and head over to the 5pm $70 tourney.  5 tables, about 47 players.

I love tournaments! 

I started with the game I liked least (it sucks ass), to a game I kinda like (winning is fun!), to a no limit tourney (weeeeeeeeeeeee!).  The only way the day could get any better is if the day ended cream (it did not).

I like my table.  They're a friendly bunch and they're good players.  One guy (Brendan) come's running in a little late...he's missed the first hand or 2.  Looks to be in his early 30's, sunglasses perched on head, and dressed casually.  I don't know Brendan at this point, but the guy to my left does.  He asks him if he has the day off cuz he looks so casual.  Brendan, seems to be a type A personality.  And yes he did take a half day off.  (Hi Brendan!!!)

Now let me start off by saying I DO NOT THINK BRENDAN IS GHEY. (although I could be wrong)Guess what non-ghey Brendan did prior to coming to the game?  He had himself a manicure & pedicure.  I shiat you not!  He seems THRILLED with the results too.  lol  No polish though.  More's the pity.

So he sits down, bragging about his mani/pedi, and we get to talking.  He's a scumbag   lawyer, he plays golf, he has something to do with pokerstars too (wasn't really listening).  He seems to be a decent poker player too.  Since I think he's about Schaubs age, that's the name I assign him in my mind.  Then I start thinking about the other players.  There's this other guy in a blue button down shirt, looks like he came here straight from the office.  He has kinda short brown hair about 40ish. I name him EVP.  It gets easier and easier to assign names from my blog and it keeps me amused.

There was a guy on the other end of the table, who was getting a back massage from this poor girl for about 2 fucking hours.  How long does a goddam back rub have to take?  Maybe it wasn't 2 hours but I'll tell you this.  It wasn't a a friggin second shorter than a half hour.  She fricking worked up and down his body like nobody's business.  At one point I look over and SHE'S ON HER KNEES and she's rubbing his goddam elbows.  Maybe she gets a better angle being on her knees, I don't know.  Maybe she gets better tips that way. I think all those guys that get those chair massages are just horn balls.  Which reminds me, the guy has brown hair and a salt & pepper mustache so I rename Massage Boy.....Waffles!

I'm playing tight and aggressive.  Aggression is very selective.  Only with guys who I can tell aren't thrilled with their hands and who know enough to fold mediocre hands.  We started with 6K in chips and after the first break I have 7.5K.  After the 2nd break I have 12K.  I never get short stacked until the bitter end. (and yes it IS bitter)

We are down to 2 tables and 6 places are in the money.

Schaubs and I are talking about favorite hands and I tell him how J-10 wins more often than he'd imagine.  He says he prefers it over J-J.  2 minutes later he WINS with J-10.  About 10 minutes after that EVP who has been tighter than a drum makes a big raise.  This weird old man shoves all in.  EVP is shortstacked, thinks awhile and then calls.  He turns over J-10.  I say, "were you listening to my conversation?" and he smiles.  Flop is A-K-Q.  Yup! For real yo.  He was shortstacked and happily doubles up.

Schaubs and Waffles are out.

I take out EVP when I get A-K.  I raise with it and he's shortstacked so he shoves all in.  I call and see I'm up against A-Q.  I catch a king and EVP is out.  Poor guy, he didn't play many hands at all. 

We keep playing and playing and the blinds keep getting bigger and bigger.  New young kid on my left. He likes to raise, but folds to aggression.  I can deal with him (or can I???).  I flop an open ended straight.  I check, he bets and I call.  Turn gives me the straight. I bet and he shoves all in. (Yay!) I instacall.

He has 2 pair and I have a straight.  River pairs my hand and gives us both THE SAME STRAIGHT so we split.  FAWKKKKK.  Frigging lucky river.  He should have been OUT.  And if he were out he wouldn't have taken me out in 11th place, which he did.  Mother fucker.

We keep playing and playing.  I'm down to about 10K and everyone else has mucho more.  I'm the small blind and it's folded to me.  I have A-Q.  Blinds are 2k-4k.  I shove the rest of  my stack in.  New guy instacalls in the big blind with A-K.  No queen for the queen and I'm out.  After all that playing.

I ended up playing ANOTHER sit & go that I should've cashed in but called an all in with an open ended straight draw that didn't connect. 

Still I ended up winning a little and had quite a bit of fun.  Of course I'd rather win quite a bit of money and have a little fun, but beggars can't be choosers.

Ohhhh the poker  uniform! LOL  I always get a good reaction to my poker uniform in Seabroook, but NOT LIKE TODAY.  Today was by far the most distracting and it was NOT the most lowcut.  Instead of getting dressed up like I usually do, I decided to dress down.  My readers had a positive reaction to the white wife beater, so that was it.  That with a new pair of jeans, sandals, and some ghetto fabulous necklaces.  Hotter than it sounds.

Ewww that reminds me.  I was sitting next to this man who smelled like pig shit.  Well he smelled like a goddam farm, so I don't think pig shit is too big a hyperbole.  Anyway he's a stinky, greasy haired guy with an accent wearing short shorts.  ( I wish I was making this up).  This is at the last sit & go.  There are 10 us jammed in a table and his goddam naked leg (cuz he's wearing short shorts) keeps rubbing against my leg.  And every now and then he rubs my back or arm which I really cannot stand.  Remember the no hugging?  Well I say nothing but I know I'm going to explode and he's going to lose a limb.  As soon as the first person is knocked out, I tell EVERYONE to move the fuck over.  I can barely breath and his leg keeps doing the rub rub rhumba. 

So when I ask the table to shift he says, but you're keeping me warm.  I'm like well that's over.  Then he says but if you move how can I rub my leg against you.  (that fucker was doing it on purpose!)  So I actually say "You're gonna lose a body part buddy.  One that you might wanna keep." THEN he says "What you don't like it when I grab your leg?"  He hasn't done that, he's kidding, but the dealer sees how pissed I am and tells the guy to lay off or he's outa here.  Then I move waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the fuck over so you could park a minivan between us and he actually lifts both arms and sniffs with like a "what is it, do I smell?" expression.

And YES, he does smell, but I do not acknowledge him.  When he gets knocked out, of course he has to come over put his hand on my shoulder and hair and wish me luck.  Lucky me.

Edited:  On Poker Grump's blog he mentioned that he thought 2-4 was a power hand.  I tested it during an online game and won with it.  I was keeping my eye out for 2-4 live to do a little further experimenting and I got it ONCE in all that time.  I raised with it in early position, got re-raised, someone else called the reraise and then it was to me.  I frigging chickened out against 2 players and I fold.

Flop was 4-4-2
Turn was A
River was 4

I need to grow a pair, (not literally lol) make those tough calls, and follow through.
Play smart.


Friday, May 28, 2010

Day Off!

Like my shower curtain?

Just about to jump in the shower.  Played 2 sit & goes this morning and I'm 2 for 2.  I take that as a sign that live poker action will be even better.  :)  I'm all about signs. (good ones, anyway)

There is going to be ALOT of poker played today.  Tune back in late tonight for a full recap.  There might even be pictures!

My boy Lightning played in the BBT5 Tournament of Champions, and didn't cash.  Sometimes the cards just don't come.  I feel partially responsible though.  :(  I should've been there cheering him on!  But the hardest part of the whole thing was just to get there, and goddammit, he sure did that.

Okay - heading to the shower now....although I think I'm staying put for the early part of the day.

Play smart.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Cool Story & EVP's Comment

Remember that picture of College Boy flipping two aces yesterday?  Well there's a story behind the cool photo and if you want to read about it, well clicky right HERE.

My Silent Advisor, EVPJM left this comment on a post:

Couple of days Late but I think you touched on another Theme for your Blog on a day when your looking to come up with something. Why do we always feel uneasy when we have a high pocket pair? You felt doom in your Belly? Why is that? Is it because we are forced to play a hand like that and we have all seen AA cracked so many times? They say AA is the best starting hand but I think most people would say their not so sure.

This comment is in reference to the Poker By The Rail tourney I played in on Monday.  I had pocket aces.  One guy raises, another reraises, I shove all in and get called by the re-raiser who had K-K.  Yes he caught a king and I was out.  So why the achy feeling in the belly when I was way ahead?

Well prior to that hand I had 3 bad beats in a row and it seems to me when things are going bad in poker, it's like a ball rolling down hill, it just keeps going and going.  Besides pocket Aces have hurt me ALOT in the BBT5.

I min raised Lightning and lost with them.  Flop was nice and low so I shoved all in and just because he flopped trips he decided to call (donk).  The problem with not betting pocket aces hard is if you don't, it's hard to put your opponent on a hand.  You're letting him see a flop on the cheap and you just don't know if he has connected with that low flop.

So I've lost with aces when I min raised and I lost with aces when shoving all in preflop.  Hell, right after that Poker By the Rail loss I played a (90) person $6 game, and lost with............pocket aces.  I bet them really hard too and got only one caller.  Two tourneys IN A ROW ended with AA.

I've never had a problem with them consistently not holding up till now.  My usual MO when I have them is to bet (5) times the big blind, depending on my position.  If' I'm in late position I may just triple to see if I get a re-raise.  Risky I know, but it USED TO pay off.

And yeah, I know if you have them in first or second position you're supposed to limp.  But I just do not like to give away a flop on the cheap so I'll still triple it.  Did that tonight in early position with AA and it held up.  Know why?  No takers!  I won the blinds.

I think the bottom line is, as pretty as they are, they are just a pair.  And when you start betting like they're more than that you get burned.  I'll seriously think twice before I go all in with them again.  That has not been a profitable move.  Do I normally shove all in with one pair?  NO.

Those are my thoughts on that one particular hand, A-A.  The odds of getting it is like over 1 in 200 or something.

And as far as feeling the doom in my belly right before my A-A got cracked by K-K, haven't you guys felt that before?  Either live or online?  You're way ahead yet you have a gut feeling you're going to get crushed and you do.  Happens to me all the time.  I suppose the key here is to listen to the gut a little more often instead of the brain.

It's Hump Day, my brothas!  And seeing as I still have Fridays off, the week is practically over!

Play smart.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Going The Distance

Rocky: I can't do it.

Adrian: What?

Rocky: I can't beat him.

Adrian: Apollo?

Rocky: Yeah. I been out there walkin' around, thinkin'. I mean, who am I kiddin'? I ain't even in the guy's league.

Adrian: What are we gonna do?

Rocky: I don't know.

Adrian: You worked so hard.

Rocky: Yeah, that don't matter. 'Cause I was nobody before.

Adrian: Don't say that.

Rocky: Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

I Know What Boys Like...

"College Boy"

Isn't he cute?  This is College Boy!  Yes, he looks like he's 16 years old but he's a very legal 20 years old. 

CB rocks because he was one of my first commenters evar.  He and Coop were there, way back in the beginning (two and a half months ago).  Anyway that first comment from CB back then, was a request to justify how I raise with pairs and the theory behind it.  So I wrote RAISE SHIT JUSTIFICATION for CB.

He's a full time college student but he's on summer break so he's back home in Massachusetts. One of his first posts once he was back, was to mention his admiration for me.  Awww.  You know I love me a hyperlink! 

This is his latest request: 

Josieeeee if u ever have another game, I want innnnnn. I wanna play with jew boy and get soul read by uuuuuuuuuu

Okay so maybe I was bragging about my mad reading skillz in those early posts.  :)  But trust me College Boy, I can read your soul, if the game's live.  Just to be NICE, I'm going to suggest that College Boy read what happened to all the 18 year old boys at a live game two weeks ago.  College Boy read THIS

Now, I like to comply with all requests (not really) but I don't really know CB.  Actually, you would not believe (I sure don't!) how many people want to meet me or play live with me.  Can't you guys see that I'm a bitch?  Now why do you wanna meet a bitchy Sicilian with a bad temper?  ;)

College Boy wants to play against me cuz he wants to see my mad skillz in action but I figure we'll start slow.  He's going to play the next Very Josie tourney on Full Tilt and after that, I think I might be kind enough to school College Boy LIVE.  I'm smiling, just thinking about it.  Dude, it won't be like playing against the boys in the dorm.  I'm just sayin'.

The Very Josie is next Wednesday and I hope you ALL will join College Boy and me for some poker!  As a Hostess with the Mostest, I've decided to add an extra bounty to the game. Yes, it might be on you!  It's gonna be fun and it's gonna be a little wild.  (CB I assume you've heard 4 letter words before)

I feel geared up to kick some holdem ass, but I think I'll save the ass kicking for The Mookie.

Play smart Boyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Let Them Eat Cake!

You guys are into cake decorating right?  Me too!  I've been decorating cakes for years.  I took a night class
at the local high school when I was about 20 years old and have just done my own thing since.  Below is a small sample of some of my cakes!

For a girl turning Sweet Sixteen

Tank cake for Sugar Bear - He's still fascinated with guns

Wanna play?

Made in between two live tournaments, hence not great

A friend's 50th Birthday

A friend's 60th Birthday

Boss' 75th Birthday (is that sucking up?)

Pooh Bear for Sugar Bear

Soccer Cake

Cake decorating wasn't my first endeavor into baking though.  I am an offical Donut Maker!  Certified by DDU (Dunkin Donut's University).  LOL Yes, it's true. Mama's got mad skillz.

I worked at Dunkin Donuts from 15 years old until - I dunno 21 maybe.  I started as a counter girl.  Back then Dunkin Donuts had booths, china and metal silverware.  Anyway, eventually I became a baker, donut maker and yes, store manager!  At the time I thought I was making a ton of money.  Working 6 days per week, with THURSDAYS off. for $420 per week.

What the fuck was I thinking?  All those weekends spent well behaved because I had to work in the morning.  I'll tell you what I was thinking.  Cha-Ching!  That was alot of money for back then.  I was living at home with no expenses but school.  I would save half my check and SPEND half my check. Youth is wasted on the young though.

I used to work with this baker who didn't speak English very well.  Now even though he had a hard time with the language, there was always a radio on in the kitchen.  The baker would sing along with all of the american pop songs playing on the radio.

One day as he's singing he comes running over to me and says "Josie, you know the song abouta the car? What kinda car is a that?" 

No, I don't know which song you mean!

"You know, the car witha the two carburetors. What kinda car has a 2 carburetors?"

Now I have no frigging clue what song he's talking about and he gets very frustrated.  Later the song comes on the radio and he comes to get me.  "Josie, the song about the car, is a on.  This is da song."

It was Sade.

Smooth Operator!

Whenever Sade sang "Smooth operator", the baker would sing along with "Two carburetors!".

So I try to explain this to the man.  "She's saying SMOOTH OPERATOR".  He says "Okay, whatsa the smooth operator?".

"Um, a  guy who likes girls" said I. 

"Oh, like a me?"

ROFL - You try explaining the meaning of THAT song to a horny baker who doesn't speak English.

Don't misunderstand me, he was horny, but wasn't interested in me.  I was very young, and he was pretty old, but guess who he WAS interested in? 


Now don't forget that the baker's only English education was the radio and the T.V.  This was back in the day when the "Where's the Beef?" commercials were really popular.  If you're old enough you remember them, if you're not old enough to remember them, fuck off.  :)

Maybe he took a shine to Cricket because she was oldest.  Even back then Cricket was QUITE buxom.  The baker would always go up to her and say "Where's the beef?" while staring at her chest.  Then he changed it to "You have a nice a beef" while ogling her.  The culmination was when he just started calling her "Beef".  Like it was her nickname.  LOLLLLLL  "Hey Beef, I gonna singa songa for you!"

"Two Carburetors....."

ROFLLLLLL  Maybe you had to be there, cuz just typing it is making me crack up.


Monday, May 24, 2010

Yup, out already

The final nail in the coffin was A-A.  Raise, reraise, reraise then all in preflop.  I was up against K-K and felt doom in my belly!  Yup, K on the flop and I was out.

Prior to that I lost with trip deuces.  It was just one of those nights.  I caught a straight flush though!!!  Unfortunately, I folded my cards and then caught it - guess that doesn't really count.


Just one of those nights....besides I think it's Riggsy's night tonight.  Hmmm maybe I should go visit him and offer him some incentive.  Gotta think of something good though.  :)

Playing a $6 (90) person tourney.  I love those!

Play smart.


It's all right, it's all right, it's all right

She moves in mysterious ways!

Gary is.....

1.  Smart
2. Handsome
3. Has great taste in friends
4. A helluva poker player
5. Has longer hair than I do (so jealous)
6. A good friend
7. Someone I would call if I killed someone and needed help hiding the body.
8. Is a really good guitar player
9. Is VERY funny

Okay Gary, a deal's a deal.  NOW TELL ME!


Sunday, May 23, 2010

I'm Out...

...and I don't want to talk about it!

I Won't Let The Bastards Grind Me Down (Tonight)

Don't believe what you hear
Don't believe what you see
If you just close your eyes
You can feel the enemy

When I first met you girl
You had fire in your soul
What happened your face of melting in snow?

Now it looks like this
And you can swallow
Or you can spit
You can throw it up
Or choke on it

And you can dream
So dream out loud
You know that your time is coming 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

No, nothing makes sense
Nothing seems to fit
I know you'd hit out
If you only knew who to hit

And I'd join the movement
If there was one I could believe in
Yeah I'd break bread and wine
If there was a church I could receive in

'Cause I need it now

To take the cup
To fill it up
To drink it slow
I can't let you go

I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud

And don't let the bastards grind you down

Oh, it hurts baby
What are we going to do? Now it's all been said
No new ideas in the house and every book has been read

And I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud

And you can find
Your own way out

And you can build
And I can will
And you can call
I can't wait until

You can cash
And you can seize
In dreams begin

And I can love
And I can love
And I know that the tide is turning 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

Just came in from working on my tan and my game.  Doyle, Gus & Annie seem like old friends now.  Action Dan, too.

Got my game plan for tonight's free roll.  Stick with my usual MO to chip up early.  Change up my middle game dramatically (fuck it, it can't hurt) and adjust final table mode a bit:  no calling all ins and no playing ace rag.  That should only improve things, it certainly couldn't hurt.

And I WON'T let you bastards grind me down.

Play smart.

Oh and the sox are winning 7-zip, 8th inning in Philly.  Love interleague play - seeing Wake up at bat!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

So Very Sad - Dammit!

How I feel

Live actions sucks!  Just kidding!  It sucked for me today though.  I played at the SSC, as did Gary, and I frigging lost.  Only 10 players at $50 per person.  One big table, with Gary to my left.  I was pretty much card dead FOR THE WHOLE GAME.  I frigging hate when that happens, especially when playing against a big table like that.

Maybe 45 minutes into it, I'm looking down at Q-Q - I raise to 5 times the blinds...Gary calls and Pokah Dave (best player at the table EXCEPT ME) reraises to triple my raise.  I call and Gary folds.

Flop is 5-5-8.

Pokah Dave bets 1,600.  Fawwwk.  I put him on aces with that re-raise.  He reminds me that he hasn't won a race against me in 3 years but I have a bad feeling about this, yet I call.  (should I have shoved pre or post flop? I dunno, but like I said I had a bad feeling so I didn't).

Turn is a non card - 2 maybe.  He checks (weakness? maybe...) I really consider shoving all in, but I like the idea of seeing the river first so I check behind him.  River is an 8 and he immediately shoves all in.

Fucker!!! I was going to do that!

I put him on aces from the I donk off my chips and call?  What if he has AK or JJ?  I really have never seen him shove all in so early in the game with hands like that, so.......

I FOLD.  With about half my stack in the pot.  Still don't know if it was a good fold....Well, according to Poker Dave, it was.  He said he had K-K...but he's a poker player and we're all liars, so who really knows.

Funny thing is, he didn't believe that I'd fold Q-Q...he thought I was lying!

After that I couldn't catch a cold, and played for a couple hours till I was blinded out.  Boring and unsuccessful. 

When there were 4 players left Gary suggested a 4 way split - with chip leader getting $150 and the other 3 getting $100 and that's what ended up happening.  Gary won $100!!  A net of $50, which is a frigging lot better than what I did.

Before the split Poker Dave and Mary were in a hand and the flop was K-K-8.  Mary bet and Poker Dave called.  Turn was a 5.  Mary bet and Poker Dave called.  River was an A and Mary makes a big bet, but not close to an all in.  Poker Dave ponders and ponders, says HE has a bad feeling, and folds his trip kings face up.  He said he thought Mary had a king too with a better kicker.

I cannot BELIEVE he laid down trip kings but I saw him do it.  Then I saw Mary turn over K-9.  Yep he's that good...and No, I'm not QUITE that good.  I think I would've called.

Other items of note today:

First thing Gary tells me is that he's had a dream about me! Yes Mr. Creepy himself is dreaming about Very Josie - Don't you all at some point?

Anyway, he dreamt that we were married and I was rifling chips (I do that ALOT) too loudly while he was on the phone so HE DIVORCED ME. The bastard!

The second the first cards are in the air, much to Gary's displeasure, Cancer Al asks "Will Josie be giving a back rub bounty?"  LOL  I do end up offering the bounty to anyone who takes out frigging Poker Dave, but that doesn't happen. 

John, the old guy who's in charge at the SSC, tells us there won't be anymore tourneys through the summer. (I voice my displeasure)  Then he says "Well maybe I'll have one in my backyard".  Well that's more like it!  I love me some summer outdoor playing and I tell him so...and he responds with "Maybe you can play in your swim suit?"  Excuse me?  I was a little speechless!  Finally the penny dropped and I said "John do you have a pool?"  And YES, he does.  I may use his pool before or after the game, but trust me, I ain't playing poker in a goddam bathing suit.  Does sound like a fun day though.  Poker and sun/swimming.  Sign me up!

Well that's all I've got for now.  Gotta go get oiled up for some naked wrestling.  Gonna win me a prize!

Play smart.


Think Lightning is Lucky in Poker?

Well Lightning's even luckier in life.  He's married to Salutations By Susan, but I like to call her Thunder. 

That's right, Thunder and Lightning!

Anyway Thunder is a very talented woman who makes handmade cards, so very beautifully.  I've bought a couple of sets from her.  The first set is called the "So Very" in each card says..."so very cute", "so very sorry" (need lots of them), "so very sweet" get the idea. 

Going to get alot of use out of this

Then I got an idea!

I asked Thunder if she could change that third word on the card front so it would read So Very Josie!!!

She made the custom cards for me and they are FABULOUS.  See for yourself. 

If you're very lucky, someday you might receive a  So Very Josie card. (but don't hold your breath)

You should check out all her cards and show her a little love.  Cards are beautiful and attention to detail is amazing.  Oh and they're very affordable!  A set is a perfect and thoughtful gift for any woman, especially if you are trying to get laid by said woman.  Trust Auntie Josie on this. Chicks LOVE this shit.

Buy them.

And tell her Very Josie sent you....if you do that she'll throw in a free card!  Right, Thunder???

You might even get laid too.  Hell, if you place an order, Lightning might even get laid too.  Talk about a win-win situation!

Seriously, I've been doing scrapbooking for years (Creative Memories) and these are of quality materials and excellent workmanship.

Now her taste in men.....I'll leave that for another post.

Today's Poker Uniform

So Very Josie

Friday, May 21, 2010

Today Off and The Weekend Ahead

It's the weekend Baby!!!  Mama has the day off....kinda.

I attended a focus group last night, out in East Bum Fuck, which paid $150 for a one hour, one on one, discussion about my office, office equipment, computers, etc.  I pretty much talked for one hour nonstop (don't say it Coop) and they handed me a Benjamin and a fifty in cash, which I split with my sista Cricket.

Today I have the day off, but I'm doing ANOTHER focus group at 3:30pm.  When it rains, it pours.  At least this one is in Boston and it's very easy.  I have to watch a TV show with a monitor strapped to my chest.  They want to see when Very Josie's heart beat quickens.  Hopefully there will be no commercials for waffles.  This pays $100.  Shit, if you want to pay me $100 to watch a one hour TV show, I'm all yours. (don't get any ideas!)

So because of this $100 guaranteed win, I can't get to Seabrook today to continue my "Fridays" run there.  Tomorrow there's a tournament at The Saugus Sportsman's Club.  Coop, if you're ever in town you should play there.  You'd feel downright young!  LOL  So I have a choice to make - play with the old boys (and gary I think) at the SSC or spend my Saturday at Seabrook.  Gary are you playing?  I am if you are.

I'm kinda leaning toward the SSC - those tourneys are monthly at most, but the potential to win more (and lose more) is at Seabrook.  Although I cannot remember the last time I lost at Seabrook (for real yo).

Sunday night is the invitational.  I'll be reading and studying up in prep for that.  I'm taking it really seriously.  If I lose, it's not going to be for lack of trying.  Thanks for all your comments and suggestions.  They are not falling on deaf ears.  (just consider yourselves lucky that this is not a live game.  If it were, I'd have a table all to myself - 10 seats by now!)

I'm dusting off all my poker books too.  It's only 10:30am and I'll be reading them in the backyard in the sun, until it's time to watch "TV for Dollars". 

Good thing I have today off, as I was railing Wawfuls for hours last night.  He pwned a field of 913 to come in 34th place.  Poetry in motion,  until he shoved with 2-5 off suit (that's worse than ace rag, baby) and got called by QQ.  Congratz on the deep run, sweetie.

Oh, one more thing.  While drinking my morning coffee I read Wolfie's post.  Damn, I'd PAY to read shit like that.  I suggest you all check it out and enjoy a nice bit of storytelling yourselves.  I know I did.  Wolfie, do me a favor, write the continuation!!!!

Day started off with a fine read so I feel lucky already.  Lucky + Very Josie = Unstoppable.  Just sayin'.

Play smart.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Novel Idea

EVP's advice is always good and I usually follow it (except once and I regret that).  So my novel idea is to do a post about.............POKER.

Specifically, how I am going to win a ToC seat.  Time is running out so I need a plan.  I would also be GRATEFUL for any suggestions or advice. Come on, help me out!

My usual MO gets me close but no cigar.  I obviously need to make an adjustment to take it to the next level.

Usual MO - Play strong hands aggressively. Dump if I don't connect after the flop.  Bet huge if I do.  No flush/straight chasing....try not to play ace rag.

I believe I need to mix things up a bit....but more importantly, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Should I be slow playing big pairs and trying to trap and make more?

Play smart, or at least teach me how to by this Sunday.


Very Enlightened

Someone Very Smart left me a comment, telling my how my camping posts were, to paraphrase, horrible.  I'm airing her dirty laundry in public and it's unfair.  This person is entirely right.

I feel so bad that I did just that.

I have no excuse.  I didn't mean to hurt her and was going to remove the posts in a day anyway.  But I never should've posted them.

I think because she still is a thorn in my side on a daily basis, that somehow justified it, but it doesn't.

My motive was merely to give Schaubs a little comic relief, but I shouldn't have done that at her expense.

Very Embarrassed,

Very Josie

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Dad's Birthday

Today would've been my father's 75th birthday. 

Dad LOVED to play poker.  Was he good at it? Nahhh, but he played every chance he got.  Growing up I was the youngest of three kids and when Dad decided to play poker, you can bet I was there.  My older brother and sister had no interest, but even then I pwned them all.  10 years old, but very tiny and probably looking 8 years old, I'd take pot after pot.  Dad could never understand it, but kept on playing.

As he got older I taught him a little game called No Limit Holdem.  We'd play when I'd visit.  $2 tourneys - the highlight of his week, to be sure.  Of course if I visited any of you, it'd be the highlight of your week too, trust me!  Dad never held out for premium hands though and never had a fold button either, but man he loved to play.  What I DIDN'T love was taking 2 bucks from him every half hr or so.

You guys know how I'm a bitch, right? Never found a game I didn't want to dominate, right?  My little gift to him was throwing more games than I care to count so Dad would have some fun.  That's actually a big gift coming from me.

Dad, only you get the free games! 

Play smart, unless  you're playing against your Dad.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Feeble Attempt at Live Blogging

Hello My Brothas & Sistas,

I am playing the Poker from the Rail Tournament RIGHT NOW.  50 minutes into the game and I have 3,600 in chips.  Sitting next to DDionysus and first thing he says to me is "Did you scare away Lightning?" 

Obviously, I did.

I'll update every 15 minutes or so and let you know how I'm doing.

11pm - on first brea. 5,880 in chips..took shortstack out with pocket 8s.  He had 7-7 and the snowmen held up!  Woot!

Just got A-Q suited and raised to 3times the blind.  Reraise to 1300, an 2 all ins after that...then it's back to me and I fold.

Three hands are QQ, AK & AA.  Aces held up, and I folded the worst hand with A-Q.  Sheesh!  Only on Full Tilt!

Midnight ET and I'm on break again.  I have 7,200 left in chips but it's been a roller coaster ride.  I lost alot of my chips with QQ.  I called a stupid river bet with QQ while there was an ace on the board and what did the villian have?  AA!  Sure HIS held up.

Anyway I slowly built up my chips stack, taking someone out with 9-9 I reraised all in and got a call from 6-6 and they held up!  Woot!

22 players left - 15 in the money.  But you guys know I'm not playing for money tonight right?  I want that goddam seat!  All I have to do is figure out a way to get it.

In the money! 

Down to 15 players and I have over 20K.  I had QQ, with a 3 way all in....small stack won, but I got the lion's share.  Next hand same guy goes all in and I have AK Suited so I call.  Flop is KKK.

Let's see if I can hold onto these....

NOPE I cannot.  :(  Out in 10 place - one before final table. Won like $40.

Do I really have to tell you what my last hand was????  :((((  I'll give you a hint.  It rhymes with Ace-Fag.  You figure it out.  :P

Play smart.


Lightning Strikes

I played in the BBT5 invitational last night.  I just woke up and I still feel a littl pissed off about the whole night.

I started off great!  Doubled up very early on (that's the easy part) and then didn't squander my chips (the hard part).  Once I had me some chips I played tight aggressive.  Not in many pots but if I was in, I had the goods.

I had Lightning and Waffles to my right.  They kept going at it like two bitches on the rag.  Waffles doubled off of Lightning early when he slow placed AA.  He left Lightning catch a straight on the river and pwned him with his full boat, aces over.

I don't slow play.  I'm looking down at AA.  Waffles makes it triiple the blind, Light calls, so I go in for the re-raise....about 600 on top.  They both call and the flop is 5-6-5.  There's alot of chips in there and I don't want those to donkeys getting any more cards.  I KNOW with my re-raise they can't be holding 5's or 6s so I shove with my AA.  I figure one of them has JJ, or QQ and I don't mind a call with that, and I certainly don't mind folds.

Lightning calls my all in.  Why wouldn't he?  He's got 6-6 and has flopped a boat.  Really wasn't expecting THAT.  Consensus is that I didn't re-raise enough....maybe if I bet 10 gazillion chips I could've got light to fold preflop.  I agree that I didn't bet enough, but I don't think Lightning was using his fold button last night.  Very soon after that the pissing contest continued.

Waffles and Lightning are going at it AGAIN.  Waffles raises, Lightning reraises, Then Waffs shoves all in.  Light instacalls with A-Q sooted and Waffles has JJ. It was Light's night and he took Waffles out.  Waffles dabbles in profanity like an artist dabbles in oils.  You can see for yourself here.
I'm shortstacked and try to double up but it was not to be.  I had a frigging cat to my right, Trouble Cat to be exact.  Trouble Cat, I owe you some pain and I always pay my debts.  I do not remember a thing about that hand except that Trouble Cat was playing catch and he took me out.  I WILL return the favor.  I suggest you sleep with one eye open.

Soooo after that I played on Poker Stars with Frankie baby while watching the BBT5 battle.  I really didn't want Lightning to be rewarded so I set to work "wagging the dog".  Riggs was a chip leader so I pay him a visit and inquire as to whether I should offer him the same incentive bet as Waffles (I mean it's NOT like Waffles is going to win it anyway).  Riggs didn't last though.

Down to (2) tables and I see BamBam playing smart tight aggressive poker.  I don't know this dude from Adam but I tell him he's my pick to win it.  He plays GREAT but alas he's out after he makes the final table.  Nice playing Bammer.

Congratz Lightning.  Great win and I am very jealous.

Now in addition to all this, I was playing on Poker Stars FOR THE FIRST TIME with this bastard, Frankie.  Frankie you played me like a fiddle, didn't you.  Do I look like a bitch, Frankie?  No?  Then why are you trying to fuck me?  We are soooooo fighting!

I am so pissed off, so comment with caution.  :)

Play smart, although sometimes it just doesn't matter.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Onion Girl

If you're playing the invitational tonight, "...just stay away 'cause I might make you cry, like an onion girl..."

I'm a bit unstable, she said
With a Cheshire grin
So many cracks in my sidewalk, boy
Don't you fall in.

Feels like the things that I've wanted
The most in this life
I can't have
So you see I've been damning the world
Before it damns me

She said I'm naked and shameless
And I'm peeling back the layers
Like an onion girl

Don't try to save me
Just stay away
'Cause I might make you cry
Like an onion girl
Like an onion girl

Second grade playground
I still haven't the nerve
Fear is under my skin
Like St. Anthony's fire
And I can't stand the burn


So let's break a little bread, have a little laugh
I haven't laughed for a while
'Cause it's a long road back, yes
From the womb tonight

I'm naked, shameless
And peeling back the layers
Like an onion girl

Don't try to save me
Just stay away
'Cause I might make you cry, yes
Like an onion girl

Like an onion girl

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Emails, Followers and Live Poker with 18 Year Old Boys

Good Morning My Peeps!

Let's start with the emails and the followers and then I'll get into why I have a purse full of cash, even though I LOST the live tournament I played in yesterday.

Email number one is from ANOTHER agent who wants his client's ad on Very Josie.  Damn I thought it would take a little longer to get another offer but nope!  We'll see if they'll be willing to pay to be on the coolest poker blog in town.  Oh and they won't tell me which poker site it is yet, but it's in the good ole U.S.of A.  Riggs man, you know what you're talking about.  Congrats to your parents on their golden wedding anniversary!

Email number two is from Google.  They say I have (72) hours to remove the BBT5 badge or they'll drop me and the ads on my site like a hot potato.  The BBT5 badge violates some sort of policy Google has.  I can't tell you what because I never read all that fine print.  I just clicked on "I accept the terms".  So Mama has a decision to make.  It's pretty much made actually.  I think I'll let them drop me.  Only thing is I never got my first check for the month of April.  I wonder if they'll still send it because I didn't put that badge up until May.

Email number three is woman who makes "exotic" costumes.  Actually she's a follower now!!!  She's the half naked profile picture to the right!  That's her!!!  Yeah I know, I did say that if I had a Wonder Woman costume I'd wear it to the poker room.  ROFL! I just didn't expect someone to offer to make one for me.  Here's a picture of the costume she's made and can make for me at the bargain price of $200.

Wear it to the next poker game?

It's actually a little more modest that all of her other work, but I think I'm going to give this a pass.  ROFL. Thanks for thinking of me Exotic Costumes!

Speaking of followers I have another new one called SuitedAces. Yeah he's an accountant like me.  Yeah he's old and retired like Coop. :) He's gonna fit in just fine.  Welcome Sweetie! 

Let's get to actual poker content, shall we?

I played the 1pm tournament at Seabrook that has a $100 buyin.  There were (6) tables that were not entirely full so I'm guessing about 50 something players.  I started off GREAT.  Pwning the table.  There was one dealer there that I played with last time I went (when I won).  He's immediately intimidated and keeps saying that I'm his nemesis and he's in big trouble.  As he's lamenting his worries I look down at KK (about 5 minutes into the game).

I raise to 250 (5 times the big blind) and I do it as though I'm pucking with this dealer who's the big blind.  I say let's see if you're really all that scared.  I raise!  And instead of folding, like he should do with 9-7, he calls. 

Flop is 9-7-2.  He checks, I bet, he calls.  Turn is a king!.  He checks and I check right behind him.  River is a non card.  He makes a big bet......1,500 I think.  We start off with 8K in chips and this is 5 minutes into the game, as I've said.  No straight or flush draws on the board....I wanna bet with my trip kings but want him to call.  I push it by raising 2k on top.  He goes into the tank and finally calls.  He's shocked as I stack up about half of his chips.  Sweet!

Play for the next couple hours and trips is my undoing.  I have 5-5.  I call a raise and the flop comes 5-K-3 rainbow.  Sweet!  Hoping my opponent has a king, I bet big!  More than pot.  He thinks about it, and no he doesn't call, he goes over the top all in!

Fawwwwwk!  We have about the same amount of chips.  Only thing that can beat me is K-K.  I really ALMOST lay it down but decide I cannot do it.  I just HAVE to have the best hand, don't I? I call.

Turns out I do have the best hand!

He flips over K-5 (big effing deal!  All in cuz of THAT).  I show him my trips and he stands up....starts getting ready to leave, but the river is  GODDAM king.  He makes kings full of fives and I am left with one 25 chip.

Which I triple up with, then quad up with, but I'm out after about another 20 minutes.

Ohhhh that reminds's a couple of pictures of Friday's poker uniform.  Not really thrilled with the pictures but I don't think it's the subject so much as the lighting.  :)

See how I look like I have vampire coloring in one of them?

Anyway back to poker.

Crestfallen, I go to the 2-4 limit cash game.  I frigging hate limit holdem, but I usually pick up a few bucks at this game.  Ugh, I don't like it but I do it.

I play here for about 45 minutes and win alot more than my share of pots, until a dealer comes by and says "Josie, we're looking to fill up a $60 sit n go.  Are you interested?"

Fuck yeah, I'm interested!  I join the sit & go while one of the floor guys cashes out my cash game chips.  I netted $68 for my 45 minutes at the cash game, so this game is kinda free!

It ends up being a clinic on how to play sit n goes, and Very Josie is the teacher!  I pick up the first two pots, and dominate that table (I tend to dominate alot of things).  When we are down to 7 players I look around and everyone is pretty much short stacked.  I have almost all the chips.  So I start taking them down one at a time.  Good read after good read.  Damn it's fun to win!  One guy comments that if I win any more chips he won't be able to see me behind them.  I have THAT many.

When it's down to heads up, we play ONE hand and I win.  Of course the hand dealt to me is KK.  I smooth call and he raises.  I re-raise big and he goes over the top ALL IN.

Fawwwk!  I hate calling all ins, and of course my fear is he has an ace (or two).  I'd rather see a non-ace flop before it's all in with kings.  So I take my time and think about it.  I decide I'm not folding kings and hopefully he won't catch the ace he needs to beat me.  I finally call and turn over my cards.

He flips over K-Q.  Well, well, well, I'm liking this!  He's pissed off though.  I mean really mad.  Yeah I've been pwning him for the last hour, but he starts yelling that I called too slowly, and I'm pucking with him.  "You think you're funny messing with me?"

Now even though he's yelling at me, I stay calm and explain my reasoning as to why it took so long to call.  Of course I end with, I had no idea anyone would shove over the top with only a K-Q. That pisses him off more.  "You're trying to tell me how to play poker?  You win and then you shove it in my face?" 

I tell him he won too so chill out baby.  But he doesn't.  He walks away without tipping the dealer.  I win $260 a net of $200.

Next game is a $40 sit & go.  10 players and 6 of them look 15 years old AND I'M NOT KIDDING.  I ask the dealer if a school bus just rolled into the parking lot and he laughs.  The minimum age is 18 years old but they do not look 18 to me.

One little boy puts on a pair of men's sunglasses that look 3 times too big for him.  It's all I can do not to giggle as I ask him his age.  He says TODAY is his birthday and he's 18 today!!!!  His dad took him and his friends to Seabrook for his birthday and this is his first poker game that isn't a home game!  Awww.

None of them know how to bet, how to raise, how to muck their cards.  Frigging killing me.  I hate players that slow the game down but they're so excited to be playing and that makes it fun.  One kid gets a boat in right away against this older man and almost doubles up.  I start to increase my stack bit by bit and then I get 10-7 suited.

Flop is 10-10-7.  Yeah baby!  I bet big and the birthday boy calls.  Turn is a 10.  Hmmmmm I check, he bets and I smooth call.  I check on the river too.  He bets all of his chips except 500 so I raise him all in.  Now he has no idea of how to bet.  None of them do.  He has a gazillion chips in the pot but really almost folds rather than put in that last 500.  He seems really scared but calls and turns over a 7 for his boat.

As I'm turning over my 10-7 one of the boys says does she have the 10?  Dealer says "she's got every card in the deck".  lol

It ends up being another clinic on how to play sit & goes.  I have ALL the chips against a few shortstacks that I take out one at a time.  When we are heads up, the boy calls my all in with nothing.  He doesn't even try.  He says he knows he's not gonna beat me and want his 2nd place money.  Sounds good to me!  I win $160 for a net of $120.

I play another $40 sit & go and wind up in 3rd place....winning $60 and netting $20.  After tipping the dealer I don't net much!

Back to the cash game, which I hate, but I'm waiting for my buddy Picky.  I leave the cash game up I dunno maybe $15.

At the end of the day I have netted a little over $350.  I'm pretty happy about that.  I wish the tournament turned out differently but I had alot of fun and made some decent money. 

BTW I really feel that playing those BBT5 events have helped my live play a great deal.  Players in the BBT5 are so good it has upped my game.  Then I go play against these schmucks and it just seems so much easier.

Mama likes schmucks.

Play smart.