Tuesday, August 21, 2012

August 21st

First of all, thank you to Jon for being the first to wish me a Happy Birthday on this blog. Yes, it's my birthday and yes, I'm fucking old. STFU.

Not only am I working on my birthday, but guess what I'm doing at lunch time today? I'm going to the post office to ship brownies to a grumpy person! There's some irony for you. Oh and Lindy was 100% right. After the brownie batter was scraped into the baking pan and in the oven....the brownie covered bowl and spoon were calling me and yep, mmmmm I had a taste. Frigging yummy! Oh and I hada brownie after they were done too. It was almost my birthday for Pete's sake! They're delish.

So I'm in the elevator of my building riding up to my office this morning and there's an unfamiliar man in the elevator with me, going to a different floor and he says to me, something like:

"It can't be that bad, why so glum?"

(this is just me in my early morning/precoffee/anti-social stance)

For some bizarre reason, I reply:

"I'm really not that glum; in fact, it's my birthday."

As soon as it came out of my mouth I thought "Why the FUCK am I telling strangers it's my birthday?".

And he replied:

"Oh my God, it's my birthday too!"

Now, of course my reply was something akin to "bull shit!" but he insisted that it is in fact,his birthday too. In fact, he said:

"August 21st, 1958! How about you?"

So of course I told him the year I was born too...so yeah, I told a random person in the elevator my birthday including the year. Weird. We wished each other a happy birthday and then he got off on the 4th floor. Sweet guy though...assuming he isn't lying.

I got into work and my boss gave me a HUGE bouquet of ROSES. Very sweet also. Not quite as good as say, having the day off, but that's okay...I had a bunch of days off last week.

Okay work calls, and then I'm off to mail the yummiest brownies ever. Assuming of course, you like thick, rich, dark decadent brownies WITH NO NUTS.

Bake smart.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Guitar Cake

Evan's birthday cake. He got a red left-handed electric guitar for his birthday and a matching cake.

I didn't think to take pics until after I carved the cake out of a rectangle.

You can see the template I cut out of a manilla folder in the background above.

The neck of the guitar is made of Rice Krispie treats and the rest is vanilla cake. At this point I put the base coat of frosting on.

Frosted the neck. The black frosting is actually banana flavored.

Getting there....

The guitar strings are the only inedible part, which are embroidery thread. The thingys on the end are Sugar Babies.


My first and probably last guitar cake. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

This one isn't made of cake!


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Douche Baggery is Afoot

I was witness to a particular bit of douche baggery at Foxwoods on Saturday night that bothers me. Believe me when I play a tournament I'm very competitive and will do anything in my power to win, but I want to win because I earned it not because I'm a douche bunt. What, you've never heard the term douche bunt before? That is an old nickname of mine, coined by none other than Gary...The Crafty Southpaw.

Gary started calling me Douche Bunt because, as he put it " for when douche bag or cunt just aren't enough". He combined the two terms just for me! Ain't he sweet? He then shortened it to DB and hasn't used it in a while, I'm happy to report.

Anyway, let me tell you about this douche bunt move I witnessed. I was in the 8 seat, while the 10 seat and the 3 seat were in a big hand. Mr. 10 Seat was a regular and sort of recognized me as having played with me before and started chatting immediately in a friendly manner. He was in the process of getting a massage and was recommending I do the same. BTW he had a huge crush on his massage therapist and seemed quite worried she was sleeping with our waiter....our very very obviously gay waiter. Lemme just say that hetero men in their early forties do NOT have gaydar. Anyway, he kept telling me that I should have his girl rub me down. Hmmmm I always thought that I wasn't a fan of massages, but I may have been mistaken. I've never had a massage at the felt - and don't know if it would be as good as a massage where I'm relaxed and at ease. So anyway, I'm pondering this when Mr. 10 and Mr. 3 are in their heads up match.

BTW Mr.3 is the douche bunt in this scenario. There had been HUGE raises, reraises and calls both pre and post flop and the pot was huge; the type of pot that could make or break a tournament. Here comes the turn and Mr. 10 is pondering his next bet. This was a deep stack tournament and each player started with one red 5k chip. The problem was the 5K chips didn't really stand out beneath the orange 1k chips. They were very hard to see, which is why Mr. 10 said to Douche Bunt...

"How many 5K chips do you have in your stack?"

silence and crickets chirping

"How many 5K chips do you have?"


"I'm just trying to figure out how much you have behind you."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I need to know so I can make a decision on my next bet!" He started getting agitated...

"Oh, so you're just checking?"

"Yes, I'm just checking!"

The dealer hears the word "checking" and starts to turn over the river card while Mr. 10 yells "What are you doing, I haven't bet yet!".

The douche bag says "He checked!" knowing full well that his opponent hadn't. The dealer hears both sides, along with actually hearing the word "checking". The cherry on top is that the douche bag also claimed Mr. 10 made the classic hand gesture which means checking, which is a very bold lie. The dealer quickly decides to end this by turning over the river card, which is an ace.

Mr. 10 is furious and tells the dealer that he cost him chips. He states he was preparing to bet there and thinks he would've gotten a call. The floor is called over. He hears the sob story along with others (like me) corroborating his story. Floor guy decides that the play must stand as is. The dealer did hear the word "checking" after all.

Okay. There's still a bet to come on the rivered ace. Mr.10 jams all in baby!

What does the douche bag do?

After the jam, Mr. Douche Bag claims that the ace should be buried and a new card flipped over because of the previous controversy.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The floor guy was walking away when he was immediately called to return as the DB is insisting it's the right move. That damn ace must be burned!

OMG what a fucking cheating douche bag!

The ace stood where it was an the douche bag folded to the all in call. I'm still bothered by how unethical he was. He was a young guy, who I know I've played with before. I won't ever forget him and hope I see him again at Foxwoods.

Now about my poker uniform....Gary mentioned on his blog that he had to tell me to fix my top once or twice. This is true. Truly it doesn't seem that low at first. The thing is it's quite loose so it sort of kept drooping....and a bit of my bra was showing. After he mentioned it more than once, I snapped a pic.

I'm not thrilled with the pic. At all. I had to leave my house very early that morning so there was no time to blow dry my hair - it just sort of curled and puffed out. Bad hair and less than stellar make up application. I wasn't going to post it but it illustrates how my bra is showing more than a bit. This is why Gary motioned to me to cover my unmentionables.

Now since I'm incredibly vain, below is a pic of my hair when it's blowdryed.

Much better, right? BTW the top is a "sometimes" poker uniform. It's cool because it has these tiny hook and eye closures so I can close it up if I feel like it or leave it open.

Since I'm posting pics below are a couple from the 4th of July:

Boom! Taken in Salem, MA right before the downpour.

Also before the downpour.

Well that's it for today kiddos.

Play smart and don't be a douche bunt.


Friday, February 17, 2012

Wake for Wake

Tim Wakefield, #49, knuckle ball pitcher extraordinaire retired today from the Boston Red Sox and from major league baseball.  He had the distinction of being the oldest active Red Sox player as well as being the one with the most longevity with the sox.  Obviously being a knuckleball pitcher helped out here.  Throwing the ball at 60 mph instead of 90 mph will indeed prevent burn out.

BYE WAKE.  Mama's gonna miss you, your blue eyes and they way you filled out your uniform.  *sigh*

You see, I LOVED Wakefield for over a decade.  Yes I said loved, and I'm not one to throw the EL word around.  Anyway, I heard the news earlier in work.  My minions here ran over to my office as soon as word was out.  My love for Wake was well known everywhere including the office because if he was pitching, I'd get first dibs on leftover (free) sox tix.  :)

Gary, as you can see from his post, thought of me immediately as well and emailed me.  Below is the exchange:

Gary: I just heard the news – I’m so sorry.  I’m going to create a post asking people to be extra nice to you because you’re likely emotionally fragile right now.

Josie:  What the heck are you talking about?

Josie: Is this a bad joke?

Josie: Ohhhh Wakfield!!! It IS a bad joke. he's old and he retired - get over it.

Gary: hey – he doesn’t make ME all squidgy below decks. I was offering compassion.

Josie: LOL Well thank you for the compassion. Much appreciated. Obv we knew it was coming. You SURE he doesn't make you squidgy?

Gary:  look, maybe a little, but he is devastatingly handsome.

Heh.  That he is. Now even though I'd heard the news mebbe twenty minutes before this exchange, I put it completely out of my head and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what/who Gary was talking about.

Why?  Well it's me, not him.  I wonder if it's my Sicilian nature.  :)  After a decade of loving him from afar (and sometimes closeup, praise Jesus) he pissed me off.  Once he did that, I just never felt the same way.  Let that be a lesson to you boys!

I go koo-koo crazy for celebrities and sports figures and went nuts whenever I met him for a signing.  The second to last signing I saw him at was a big one.  Practically the whole team was there and each had a little table set up where they'd sign and fans would go from player to player.  Me?  Not so much.  I got my autograph, and then a photo taken with him *sigh* and after that, just stayed beside him and watched him up close for the rest of the day.  I chose that eperience over standing in line and getting other autographs and it was the right choice.  :)  Instead of standing at the back of the line, he said I could stand next to him and his table and watch him sign the many items. (!)  Awwwwwwwesome.  Helluva day and memory.  Poor guy def thought I was a crazy lady, kept laughing at my ridiculous fawning and was very nice.

Later on I got my photo of he and I together printed out and wanted THAT signed.  He was at a small signing that my friend was going to so Evan and I went as well.  Evan was very small at the time - prolly 7 yrs old - maybe 8.  Evan was standing in line to get a photo with him and didn't really know what to do.  When Evan's turn was up, he didn't immediately run to Wake....he was like a deer in the headlights.  Wake started YELLING at him to hurry up, that he didn't have all day.  If I didn't see it myself, I wouldn't have believed it but I did and I was crushed.

Of course, not so crushed that I didn't want my photo of him and me signed.  I did.  When I got to him I started chatting ad nauseum (I love you Wake!) and then he proceeded to sign the photo.  In the photo he was wearing a black shirt and he grabbed a black sharpie to sign it....even though he had every color of the rainbow in front of him.  Just as he started I yelped "Stop!  It's not showing up!  Can you use a different color/"

He said NO and kept on signing.

He signed in black ON THE BLACK SHIRT.  Can't even fucking see it unless you angle the photo just so, and yes I still have said photo.  He and I went back and forth on this a bit (as I'm sure you can imagine) but he refused to sign it again.

I was crushed at the way he yelled at Evan mostly, as well as crushed by his lack of concern for what I thought was a precious item.  I mean I KNOW it wasn't precious to him, but it was obviously precious to me.

It wasn't a conscious thing, but ever since, I just felt meh about him.  I still enjoyed watching his knuckleball dance, and enjoyed games where he pitched but the "ga-ga" was gone gone.  Still is.  I respect what he's done for the Sox and his game but he doesn't reside in the uber tiny Grinch like heart of Very Josie anymore.  Done.  I'm sure it's the Sicilian in me.

That doesn't negate his awesomeness as a pitcher though.

Play ball.



I suck. :(

I played so badly in last night's tournament I can't even tell you.  Okay maybe I can.  I was pushing too hard with mediocre hands and lost chips early which I HATE.  I wound up in 96th place which sucks ass.

Then I played in a ring game with Duggle and Gary.  Thank you both for donating to the Very Josie fund.  Heh.  I turned $4 to over $20.  :)  THAT was fun.  Gary cried "uncle" first....regardless I stayed up way too late playing - reminded me of the Full Tilt days, and went to bed after 1am.


Have a nice long holiday weekend my dears!  Cranky email me about Foxwoods!  : D

Play smart.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pictures and Poker UPDATED

I found my tourney!  It starts at 9:30 Eastern Time.  $44 Buyin Deepstack, Guaranteed $3,500 and it's tourney # 48852082.  Maybe if you're watching I'll play smart.  I'm VeryJosie (surprise surprise) on BCP.

As promised, this is me and my new haircut waiting for the bus this morning.  I dunno if straightening my hair makes it toooo flat.  As I said I might let it go a little wild and poofy like the good ole days.

My sister got me the scarf for Christmas. 
It's cashmere and awesomely soft.  Oh and it also happens to be the color of my blog! 

Note the cruddy graffiti at the bus stop.

In work!  You can see my plant behind me!

As I said, I'm playing a tournament tonight on BCP.  As soon as I figure out which one, I'll update this post with the information.  See ya tonight!  BTW I've already taken the necklace and eaarings off and soon enough the yellow blouse will be replaced by a Papelbon sweatshirt!  Oh Paps!  I miss you already.  :(

Play smart.



I get my hair cut maybe 3 times a year, tops.  In other words, not all that fucking much.  So I was very overdue for a haircut....something my sister kept kindly reminding me of.  "Oh my God look at those dead ends.  You're hair is fried.  Cut it off." You know, sweet stuff like that.  Although she IS a hairdresser, so she knows what she's talking about.

Anyway, last night she held an intervention.  She stopped by at like 7pm with her equipment bag.  Ut oh! (hi duggle!) She said she was supposed to give someone a hair cut but that was cancelled and she had time to do mine NOW.


So I got my hair cut.  It seemed like a ton was falling off, perhaps because she thinned it out by adding layers.  It used to be one length, all long.  Now there are short bits all throughout and the lack of bulk made it poof up last night.  This morning I blowdryed it straight and it looks pretty good.  I took some pictures of it to show my friend, so I do have a couple of pics of it that I can show you tonight.  No, they're not all that exicitng. It's me waiting for the bus with a coat and scarf on. (Boston is coooold today) and then as soon as I got into the office because you couldn't really see the length of my dark hair against my black coat.  Anyway, FBoy did ask for pics today too.  Talk about timing!  So swing by tonight for some boring pictures.  I may try to leave my hair curly/poofy to see which looks better with the new cut.

What?  You don't want to know about my hair ad nauseum?  You came here looking for poker talk? 

Okee dokee!

I've decided to play that re-entry tournament.  You get to enter on Friday and then if you donk out, you have one chance to re-enter on Saturday, with the final game on Sunday. I like the idea of this soooo much better than a rebuy.  I'm not sure if I'll just do the Saturday/Sunday thing and skip Friday (I can do that!) but I like the idea of having an extra attempt.  We'll see.  In the mean time, I'll living, breathing, reading and practicing poker until the big day.

To that end, I plan on playing a large tournament on BCP tonight to practice.  Feel free to rail me and watch.  I can pretty much guarantee I'll be leading the pack early on, and then possibly throw it all away.  Unless I figure out a way to fix the latter half of my game.  We'll see.

Play smart.


PS.  My boy Waffles is going through a tough time right now.  Waffles, you need to know that things will get better and will not stay as bad as you think they are now.  For real yo.  Bottom line is you have two children who love their dad very much and that will never change.  Also, you have literally hundreds of online friends who care about you, and I am at the front of that pack.  Take care baby. xoxo PS Glad you're reaching out to attorneys.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Re-Entry VS. Re-Buy

Does anyone know about re-entry tournaments?  I'm thinking of playing one in the wsop circuit that's going around and I don't really understand the difference.

There is an Event 2A, then an Event 2B on the following day, and then day 3 after that.  So I'm guessing if I bust out of Event 2A, I can play 2B the next day.  Unlike a rebuy, where you can just buy back in immediately.  Do the people that DIDN'T bust out of 2A also play 2B or do they just wait for day 3?

Also, what are the best strategies for playing this type of tournament?

I'm thinking this type of tournament would be good for my aggressive style as I'd have a safety next to get back in if I went too crazy....but is uberaggressive the best mode for this tournament?

I know NOTHING and I need to know EVERYTHING. Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Spank you very much.

And since I'm asking questions - an interesting situation came up during my league finale game.  They were down to 3 peeps, two shorties and a big stack. Let's say prizes were 1K, 600 and 200 for third.  One of the shorties wanted a deal that whoever wound up 2nd and 3rd they'd split 2nd and 3rd prize for 400each.  The chipleader woudn't agree to this.  Then the 2 shorties said they'd agree to it among themselves regardless of what the chipleader thought - assuming the 2 shorties didnt win, obv.  Can they make that sort of agreement, without all 3 being in agreement?  They DID.  I just wonder if such an agreement would be kosher in a real poker room.

Play smart.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Pure Misery

You might've already heard this, but last night I resumed The Very Josie on Black Chip Poker, and I was not pleased.  Not pleased with BLACK CHIP POKER, that is.  Why, you ask?  More than a couple of reasons,

1.  3 different guys tried to sign up but were unable to because of techinical issues.
2.  I was promised a personalized BCP badge for my blog and was told at the last minute they were behind and maybe I should make it myself.
3.  The best part of the tourney should have been chatting with my biatches but I was unable to - BCP doesn't allow for that if you're knocked out.  (Thank you Bayne)
4. Even when I was still in the game, I STILL couldn't chat with the other table....only my own.  WTF is up with THAT?
5. I was unable to transfer funds to anyone.  Apparently I have to send them my ID or something before I can make transfers.

There were other things about the website I didn't like but those were the top 5 and they're big enough to make me question doing this again. Especially the no chatting thing.  OMFG

Those biatches were talking about me and I could do NOTHING about it, not even respond with a carefully spelled F-bomb.  Boooo!!!!

You may have noticed that I've been Grump's bitch for the last 12 hrs or so.  He and I had a last longer bet for the game, and that was what he requested.  I am to please! (not really but a deal's a deal)  He wasn't even the one who took me out, Bayne did.  Fricking Grump - maybe if I could get that 10-7 hand out of my head I could play better against him. (long story) Regardless, I got knocked out when someone UGLY called my raise in the big blind with 6-3 sooted crub.  (Grange this is ALL your fucking fault)  Flop was 3 crubs and yes, one of my aces was a club.  I bet, he jammed and I called. There were no more clubs to be had so  GG Very Josie.  Blah...

Items of note:

A.) Tony was chip leader for most of the game - very impressive Tony!  He went onto cash in 3rd place.
B.) Rob  - also impressive - he can actually play poker.  Who knew? He took 2nd!
C.) Grump went onto be the bubble boy.  Hee Hee...No cashy, Bitch!  :)
D.) Lightbulb won.  Guess Lightning can strike in 2 places at once.  He won the very first Very Josie back in 2010.

OMG The things they were saying about me.  The lies!!!!  LOLLLLLLLLLLLL If only I could've responded.  I'll see if BCP can do anything about that.  It was a fun night, but could've been a lot more fun if I wasn't gagged.

Grumpy, just you wait till I come to Vegas - it's only a couple of months away.  Someone needs a slap! Or 2, or 3.....

It's Valentine's Day so enough about misery, let's talk about love.....a love song for Valentines Day!

I don't believe the devil
I don't believe his book
But the truth is not the same
Without the lies he made up

Don't believe in excess
Success is to give
Don't believe in riches
But you should see where I live



believe in love

Don't believe in forced entry
Don't believe in rape
But every time HE passes by
Wild thoughts escape

I don't believe in death row
Skid row or the gangs
Don't believe in the Uzi
It just went off in my hand



believe in love

Don't believe in cocaine
Got a speed-ball in my head
I could cut and crack you open
Do you hear what I said

Don't believe them when they tell me
There ain't no cure
The rich stay healthy
The sick stay poor



believe in love

Don't believe in Peyton Manning
His type like a curse
Instant karma's going to get him

If I don't get him first!!!

Don't believe in rock 'n' roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns



believe in love

Don't believe in the 60's
The golden age of pop
You glorify the past
When the future dries up
Heard a singer on the radio late last night
He says he's gonna kick the darkness
'til it bleeds daylight



believe in love

Happy Valentine's Day my dears.  xoxoxo

PS - Thank you to the guy who sent me a valentine in January.  You know who you are.  It was the best valentine ever.  xoxo

Monday, February 13, 2012


Poker Grump made me his bitch.

-Very Josie


Tonight's the night we'll make history....

Well maybe not, BUT tonight is The Very Josie!

Yeah baby, it is.  Black Chip Poker!  You can find the tournament under the "Private" tab.  I'm already registered so you could always just try to find me.  I'm the only one registered so far by the way.  :(  Don't make me play by myself.  Erm, I'd rather play with a bunch of men obv.  Heh.

The Very Josie

10PM Eastern Time (3am if you live in the UK.  Real men from the UK will play this game though, like this guy with a phallicy last name - he's "kinda" cute (for a Brit) - he's going to play!

If you have any trouble finding the game or logging on email me at veryjosie@aol.com. (don't bug me unless you need help)

And if you haven't made an initial deposit yet on Black Chip Poker, use bonus code VERYJOSIE750 to get a 150% match.

To get in you'll need the password which is pokerbaby !!!

Oh and my plan is to pu a superbounty on my head, as in if you knock out ME I will ship you an extra $10.  The thing is I've never done this on BCP before and I'm not sure if I'm set up for such shiat.  So if I can, I will.  If I cannot, don't bust my balls and think I'm being cheap.  I'll just have to think of some other way to reward you.  ;)  Not that anyone is knocking my ass out.  Nevah happen.  I'm like Mohammad Ali.  I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!  Bzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Foxwoods Mega Stack Super Bounty Tournament

I met up with Hoyazo just as the tournament was starting.  He was at table 7 and I was seat one on table 25; very far away from each other.  Darn!  I'd never played with Hoy at my table and I was hoping to.  My table had 3 pretty bad players and 2 very good ones.  One man was a calling station, calling huge bets down to the river with middle pair.  I got lucky in an early hand against him when I turned a straight and he paid me off with top pair crappy kicker.  About 30 minutes into the tournament I got pocket 6s.  I raised to 5x the big blind and got 4 callers. omfg.  Flop was A-J-6.  Bing!  I bet about 3/4 of the pot and one guy goes all in, and then the old guy who I'd crippled also goes all in and of course I call.  One had A-10 and he wasn't shortstacked and the older guy had A-2.  Jesus.  My hand held up and I got 2 black chip bounties.  A few hands later I had A-K.  Guy to my right bets 1,000 and I raise to 2,500 pre and he jams all in.  We started with 15K in chips and this guy has about that.  I really hate the idea of throwing 15K away where I just got this big stack.  At the moment I had about 38K.  I like my hand but don't see the reason to gamble....yet......as I'm thinking and thinking he's looking more and more miserable and his leg is bouncing a mile a minute....maybe it isn't a coin flip or worse.  I told myself I wouldn't chase those damn bounties and just focus on winning the game, but I do.  I call.  He has A-Q and I hit a K on the flop and buhbye.  3 chips now from 3 very bad players. I say to the guy to my left "Mama's got chips now!"  He was a nice but OVERLY chatty guy.  He didn't have a buck when the waitress came by with his coffee so I took care of it for him.  I guess because of this he thought I was his best friend.  I put my headphones on just to stop the chatting and you know what?  He kept right on chatting, which cut right through the music.  I can't put the music up to loudly because I want to hear what's going on at the table.  Finally he says to me "Oh you can't hear me with your headphones on, can you?"  I wish.

Then I took another guy out with my  2-3 big blind special.  Flop was 3-8-J.  He checked and I bet out and he called.  Turn was 4 he checked and I checked behind him.  River was a lovely 3 and gave me trips. I made a big bet probably double the pot because the pot wasn't all that big and also because he was a calling station and I felt there was a good chance I'd get paid off.  Mind you even though it was  a big bet, it wasn't all that big in comparision to our stacks.  There was probably 4,800 in there and he had 18,000 and he jammed all in on that 3 on the river.  Wow.  If he has a 3 I'm sunk because of my lousy 2. Why bet so much?  I def do not put him on a full house as I don't think he was slow playing a set.  I finally call and say "What do you have?" and he said "Nothing, good call."  and he's on his way. 

I now have 4 bounties in less than an hour and about 50K in chips.  I decided to take a walk to Hoy's table to tell him the good news.  When he sees me he says "You're out already?"  No!!!!  He tells me not to fall into my usual mode of chipping up early and then donking them bad boys off and I promise not too.  Note to self:  do not make promises you cannot keep.  :)

We head to break and chat and then resume the game.  I don't play too many hands at this point until I limp in with A-Q.  Why limp?  Sure it disguises my hand but more than that, it's a hand I dislike but felt I should play.  Anyhoo the flop is 10 high and I'm in a hand with this young boy who is very good player.  I check and he bets 500.  He was talking about how I was hitting every darn hand so I should call here.  He says you don't lose a hand - just call.  Now just for shits and giggles I say "Ok, I'll do it."  I toss the chip into the pot and say to the dealer "Now give me a lady.  A lady for a lady"  And I shiat you not, the turn is a queen.  The young guy is like Oh My God, you're the black widow.  That named stayed with me for a bit btw.  I reply "You were right! I can't lose!"  and then I bet pot.  :)  He folds and Mr. Chatty gets very animated and shouts "Just one time!  Show just one time!  I bet you didn't have a queen!"

So I show the A-Q and the young kid (who was an excellent player) says "Black Widow, I didn't put you on a A-Q."

And then a few hands later....doom!  I have 6-6 and raise about 5X BB and get 2 callers.  The flop is 6-A-J with 2 hearts.  Heh.  I bet and one guy goes all in.  I instacall here.  For about 25K.  He has K-Q of hearts and hits his nut flush on the river.  Oh my fucking God.  I'm crushed.  Devestated.  I have about 28K left and average is probably only 21K at this point but still!  I feel like I got kicked in the stomache.  I  look at the next hand but decide I'm too steaming and decide to take a walk.  I get up and begin the long walk to Hoy.  As I'm passing tables on guy on the end grabs my arm and says "Josie!  I was just going to come by and say hi!  Thanks so much for coming over to me!"  I was in another world (an omfg I just lost 40% of my stack kinda world) and didn't realize Poker Dave was here.

Remember a while ago I did a post about who was the best poker player that I personally knew?  I was hemming and hawing between Hoy and this guy, Poker Dave and they're both here! What are the odds!  Poker Dave has won well over 100K in tourneys and prolly closer to 200K life time.  But he plays a lot of games.  He said he'd been staying at Foxwoods for the past 4-5 days playing tourneys and hadn't cashed.  I gave his a quick recap of my misery and said I'd talk to him latah as I headed off to Hoy.  As I told Hoy my story I got more and more upset.  He told me not to play but to take a walk.  Showed me that he still had less chips than I did and he wasn't going anywhere and blah blah blah.  :)

I eventually decompress and decide to start playing again....albeit a lot more safely and carefully.  I tighten up, listen to my music and play aggressively only when I have the goods.  Slowly and bit by bit I build my stack back up to about 40K when my table breaks and I get moved to a new one.

Table 7!  Hoys!  Yeah,baby yeah.  Have I mentioned that I've never played at his table live before?  I was very excited to do this, not just to watch him play - I've done that for hours *yawn* (at Borgata) but to see if I could detect any tells.  I'm a big fan of tells - They help make the tough decisions a little easier. 

As I make my over to the table I realize Poker Dave is out of the tournament.  Boooo!!!  I later found out that he went out with pocket aces when Q-8 made a straight against him.  Blah.

The new table was very different from the one I left.  All the guys there were the original group.  There was only one person knocked out from this table since the beginning.  It was all limp, limp, limp with very little raising.  Except for Hoy and one other agressive man/kid.  Man/kid was in the 3 seat, I was in the 6 seat and Hoy was in the 9 seat.  In about the half hour we played together I saw him play 2 hands and he came in raising.  The last hand the blinds were either 300/600 or 400/800 and Hoy raised in middle position to 5,100.  Fold, fold and the man/kid called him.  Flop was A-K-7.  Man/kid bet and Hoy jammed all in.  Villian had K-7 and gg Hoy.  He was outa there.  I played for about another hour with out getting anything significant.  Other than getting pocket sixes twice very early on, I got no other pocket pairs for the whole day, thus far.  I was just thinking about that little factoid when I got moved to yet another table. 

I was settling in next to a very very young looking dealer.  I'm guessing he was 21-22 only because you must have to be that old to work in a casino.  As I'm settling my shiat down he says to me "Why don't you get me a back rub while you're there?"

And for some strange reason I reply with "Why don't you give me pocket kings and I'll give you a front rub." (!) I still don't know how or why it came out of my mouth but it did.  The table erupts and starts laughing.  I sit down and he deals me a hand.  A guy 2 away to my right jams all in.  Action is to me and I look at the first card; it's a king.  I chuckle to myself that that kid dealer did half his job.  The other card is a king too.  omfg.  I go all in over the top of the previous all in.  It gets folded all around and my fishponent says "No way you got pocket kings" but looks a little glum as he turns over Q-J off suit.  I smile and show my cowboys.  And then I take that kid out and get another bounty.  Unbelievable.

I say to the dealer who's smiling BIG at me "Erm...I was kidding you know....and I'm way too old for you...like double your age."  He replies "That's okay - age doesn't matter."  Omfg....well maybe a backrub.  He gets moved and I go on dinner break thank goodness.

Dinner break is had at the Fifth Street Cafe.  We have a nice chat and the time flies.  Before I know it, I'm back to the grind.  There are 51 peeps left and 35 itm.  It takes a loooooooong time to burst the bubble.  We played hand for hand for about 45 minutes alone.  When there were 36 peeps left I looked down to J-J.  Blinds were 4,000/8,000 and I made it 21K to go.  A guy with more chips than me jammed all in.  Fuck.  Obv everyone folded.  If I call I put the whole tournament on pocket Jacks and it's possible I'm effing bubble.  I'd rather go out first than be bubble.  Of course he knows what kind of position he's putting me in but I fold my jacks face up.  He kindly flips over his pocket kings.  Whew!  Someone at the table says that if he slow played his kings he could've likely gotten my whole stack.  I tend to agree with this depending on what the flop was, but the kid says he'd rather scoop up the dead money. 

We keep playing and the bubble finally bursts.  I get Q-Q.  I bet 4 times the big blind and get one caller.  Flop  is A-rag, rag, rainbow.  I check and he checks behind me.  Hmmmm.  Turn is a jack.  I check he checks.  Okay!  River is a non card.  I am sure he doesn't have an ace and I bet out.  He immediately jams all in.  No flush draw or straight draw and like I said I know know know he doesn't have an ace.  Heck, I don't even think he has a jack.  I know he would've bet out on the turn if he did.  Go with my read or no?  Hells yeah!  I call and flip over my queens and he mucks.  I wished I'd waited for him to show. Baaaaaaad bluff.  If you're going to bluff (and every good player must at some point) you cannot decide to do so at the last card.  Bluffing is lying.  A good lie has a good story;  a back story.  You tell your story in layers.  Layer after layer you build the story you want to tell.  If this guy wanted to bluff me he should've started from the flop or not at all othewise it's not believable to the observant.

I get another bounty though and ooodles of chips.  Dontcha worry, soon enough I'll donk them off.

I didn't actually donk them off, but damn I wish I had that hand back again.  I got in with the best hand, but maybe I should've just folded anyway. I had Q-J and the flop was J-10-2.  He bet, I raised him and he jammed all in.  I instacall.  He turns over A-10.  Turn was a 10 and I had to hand over about 90K to him.  I had about 165K and now I'm really low.  Fawwwwk.  Did I have the best hand when I made the call?  Sure, but I put too much of my stack at risk for top pair, decent kicker.  Dammit!  What the fuck.  10 minutes later I jam all in with 8-8 preflop and A-Q calls me and hits an ace on the flop, so at least I didn't have my hopes up.  I was out 30th and very upset.

Then I saw James Woods again....as I mentioned yestserday but didn't scare him with my foul Sicilian mood.

I got my act together and got my cash at the cage and took some of my bounties over to the 2-5NL game.  I was giving myself an hour to do something there.  And boy I did.  I posted so I didn't have to wait for the button and flopped 2 pair with a shitty hand that I never would've normally been in.  I bet it hard and got called to the river and after hand one I was up about $75 bucks.  Nice!

I ran over the table and stacked chip after chip.  At one point the guy to my left raised me to about $30 and I admonished him by saying "Play nice sir!"  He replied "Play nice?  I've given you $175 in the last 10 minutes!"  Oh, yeah. :)

I won my buyin of $500 in about 45 minutes and got up much to the displeasure of the table but I had to pee.  Just ask Waffles, if I have to pee I should not be playing poker.  I explained this and bid them good night.  Always nice to walk away with an extra $500 right?  The table/game was so lucrative I was considering just getting a room there and playing all night but that could just as easily turn into me giving it all back.  I know.  Poker Dave said his girlfriend was meeting him up there tonight and they might have an extra room that I could have for free.  I guess he and his gf would be sharing a room.  *shock*  I was going to get a room if I got to the final table but alas it was not to be so I went home.  Don't get me wrong, I could've got one cheaply enough on my own.  They were giving me a decent rate (for Foxwoods anyway) of $79 for Friday night, plus I had more than enough points on my card to get it for free.  But, there's always next time. 

Ohhhh and as an aside, I rode the tourney wave and went to Hampton Falls Poker Room in NH Saturday night for a crappy $100 tourney that was prolly 28 players.  4 itm and Mama came in 4th.  2 cashes in 2 consequitive days.  Next Atlantic City and then Vegas baby!  Lock up your money!

Play smart.


PS.  Don't forget tomorrow (Monday) night is The Very Josie on Black Chip Poker.  Password is poker baby and start time is 10pm Eastern Time.  A few English gents are going to play regardless of the 3am start time so you have no excuse not to play.  Do it!  I'll be putting an extra bounty on my pretty little head for whoever takes me out.  Oh and don't let this post worry you.  I suck at online poker.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Tri-Fecta of Cashing

I will be doing a huge write up on my Foxwoods MegaStack Super Bounty tournament that I played in on Friday, and this ain't it.  I have a lot of interesting stories to tell....so stay tuned.  In the mean time, I'll give you the bottom line.
I met up with Hoy and had a great time and ended up with a nice cash....sort of.  It was a super bounty tournament so the bounties were supersized in comparision to the prize pool.  A paltry $130 went into the prize pool and $100 was each bounty.  Mama does love a bounty tournament.  :)

353 peeps with 35 itm.  I played for 10 hours and made it to 30th place which got me about $250, a hair over my buy in.  The thing is I also knocked out 7 fishponents for a nice $700.  After I was out I decided to hit the 2-5NL cash game for one hour with my newly found money.  In less than an hour I had won a buy in there.  Kinda ironic that I won more money at cash in an hour than I did playing that tournament for 10 hours excluding the bounties.  BUT This game wasn't just about cashing.....I need to  play a lot of live tournaments and get a lot of practice in before the wsop this summer so in that respect it was not a waste of time.  And if I add up the tourney cash, the bounties and the cash game, it's the fricking trifecta of AWESOME.  :) 

So anywho, it's no coincidence that I cashed again while playing with Hoy.  He knows my game, knows my strength and weaknesses and gives me great fucking advice.  Funny thing is, it's not shiat I don't already know but for some reason I listen to  him when he says it.   Maybe because I respect his game and his smarts.

To the tune of Son of a Preacher Man.....

The only one who could ever reach me,
Was the son of a Jewish man,
The only Boy who could ever teach me,
Was the son of a Jewish man,
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was.

Playing smart isn't always easy,
No matter how hard I tried,
When he started sweet talking to me,
he'd come tell me everything is alright,
he'd  assure me everything is alright,
Can I get another cash tonight?

The only one who could ever reach me,
Was the son of a Jewish man,
The only Boy who could ever teach me,
Was the son of a Jewish man,
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was.

After Hoy was out, he played some table games and waited for my dinner break so we could talk.  Prior to that I was short and already had double my buyin in bounties so I told him to wait in case I donked out soon so we could play cash together and he refused to consider it.  He said that I will not lose the tourney so you can play cash.  He said he wouldn't allow me to consider it cuz I was still in the game and could still go deep.  So instead he waited for the dinner break.  Know why?  Cuz he's my friend.  :)

Play smart or at least take Hoy with you.


PS  - quick story - I have a lot to tell you....but this must be told immediately and cannot wait for the big post that is to come.  So just after I get knocked out I'm fuming and I'm putting that mildly.  I gather my stuff up and go to the bar/race betting area directly behind the poker room becauase they have a lot of chairs and tables there.  I'm on the phone furiously lamenting my exit and i'm talking loudly....and I'm so angry I cannot think straight.  Angry at myself btw.  Anyway as I'm talking and moaning, probably too loudly I notice a guy eatin soup maybe 12 feet in front of me.  It was fucking James Woods!  Again!  I'd met him last time I was there and talked to him, touched him, took a pic with him etc.  I was freaking dying to see him again.  But I was sooooo angry I couldn't make myself smile and start chatting.  Too worked up to even walk over and believe me I still can't believe I didn't walk over.  He ate his soup and left.  I later saw him playing the 6pm tourney.  I had no idea he played tournaments too! 

Afterwards I was kicking myself for not talking to him.  I had a bunch of very josie business cards and I should've given him one on the very slight off chance he'd look it up and read this blog.  DAMMIT ALL!

He and I will meet again though.  It's karma.  Anyone wanna bet on whether or not I can get him to comment here?  I suggest you don't though.  Know why? Cuz he's a man.  I can get men to do what I want.  ;)

Friday, February 10, 2012

It's Time

I'm playing in a megastack tournament at Foxwoods today with THIS GUY.  We always do well when we play together, and I want to keep that up.  I believe it's MY turn this time.  In August we played at Foxwoods in a WPT event (I think!) and I came in 4th place out of almost 300 runners.  Then in November we played at Borgata <---nice fricking poker room, mama likie, and Hoy went deep and donked out one before the final table. <---that's me giving a compliment, mkay?  I might've lasted an hour, but won about the same as Hoy from playing cash.  Oh and that was also the trip where I taught Wolfie how to play his own game.  Heh.

Speaking of Wolfie, WOLFIE BABY, thinking of you.  Please don't be all down and blah.

Time to go deep.  Time to last longest.  I'm feeling really good and confident. <---Yes, more than usual.

Play smart.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Dogs Are Vermin

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

I don't like dogs.

Sugar Bear does.

I especially don't like small dogs.

I'm considering getting a dog, a chihuaha.  I must be out of my fucking mind.  The dog needs a home and it's free (I'm fucking cheap).  Sugar Bear doesn't know of this thank goodness. OMFG

I should just say NO like Nancy Reagan, or as Waffles said, Barbara Bush.  :P

Oh and there are a couple of new blogs on the blog roll over yonder. --->  Check out the newbies, Rob and Cranky.  Good shiat.


PS I should really just say no instead of ruining my life, right?

PPS As luck would have it Sugar Bear has always wanted a chihuahua specifically.  :(  and a duck.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Food Porn, Kelly's Edition

Kelly's Lobster Roll

That is a photo of MY lobster roll right before I ate it.  I don't remember why, but Gary bought that baby for me.  No they aren't cheap.  Look at all that fresh yummy lobster jammed onto the roll.  It's so over stuffed you'd think I couldn't get it in my mouth, right?

Guess again!

Where there's a will, there's a way!

Pretty frigging attractive....NOT.  LOL  I guess this concludes my food porn post for the day.  Unless of course you're interested in dessert....if you have room for Food Porn, Dessert Edition clicky on the linky but be warned, it's not for the faint of heart.

I personally will not be eating any cupcakes.  ;)


Kellys Revisited

Sample of their delicacies

Kelly's is a roast beef and fish place and is all sorts of yum.  It's been a staple on Revere Beach for about 100 years and they opened a joint in my town a couple of years ago.  Evan (who I'm not supposed to blog about) and his buddy Nick just HAD to go there last night for dinner so a few of us up and went.

I really think it was all Nick's idea and put Evan up to talking me into it, which is fine....except I'm on a diet, so it wouldn't be the first place I'd pick for dinner, but off we went.

Nick pulled out a ton of change and a couple of crumbled bills to buy what he was craving: an order of cheddar bacon fries and a soda.  The order of fries is HUGE and no one other than that Man vs. Food guy could finish it all.  I told Nick dinner was on me and asked him to order something else to go with it like a burger or chicken strips or fish...but he refused saying all he wanted were the fries.  Fine.  Then Sugar Bear places his order, which was the exact same thing as Nick's.  "Don't you want a burger with that?"  NOPE.

I really wanted him to get DINNER but I let it go.  Cheddar and bacon fries all around!.  The orders show up and they're bigger than my ass (that's big) and uber uber greasy.  Nick tucks right in and is eating like there's no tomorrow.  My picky son eats a few, stops and looks kinda sad.  I ask him if they're too greasy and he agrees they are.  I then re-offer the burger and he's like noooo we already spent money on this.  *sigh*

So I tell him I'll order him the burger and we'll have our own Man VS Food show with Nick as the star.  Let's see if he can eat two orders.  :)  Nick was thrilled....even though he couldn't manage it and was even more thrilled when he found out he could take the rest of the second order home for later.  Everyone was happy!

At this point I head to the ladies room and sitting by the ladies room is Bus Guy! I don't think I've told you about bus guy.  He's this HUGE man, with a bald head and a beard....maybe in his late 30's.  Whats weird about Bus Guy is he's always on my bus.  I get into work earlier than most and he takes the same bus.  I also head out earlier than most and there he is on the bus.  I like him because he minds his own bidness and doesn't try to talk to me when I'm reading or listening to music.  Anyway, I've been seeing him everywhere!  I bumped into him at the coffee shop and I was like "Hey Bus Guy!!!"  When Christmas shopping in TJ Maxx with my sister and son, there was Bus Guy and again I said hello.

So Bus Guy is having dinner with his Bus Wife and his Bus kids...but seeing him makes me stop short and kinda stare I guess.  His wife (who was like a mirror image of me except I'm cuter obv) was staring back at me like wtf do you want.  I was like a deer in the headlights.  Finally I chirped "Bus Guy!" lol and he turned around and said "Hey, Bus Girl, damn  you're everywhere."  He explained this to the wife whose icy stare turned into a smile.  Whew.  Later on Bus Guy walked by our table and we were deep in a serious conversation* so when he said hello the boys were a little shocked.  Later on Evan said "Mom, that's the biggest man I've ever seen.  He's a good friend to have."  Heh.  True dat.  Except he's not my friend - unless nodding at someone every day counts as friendship.

The serious conversation we were having.....my friend's mother died yesterday and I was explaining to Evan I'd be going to the wake.  He said "But we don't know her mother, do we?"  I told him that I surely knew her mother even though Evan didn't.

Once in a while I'd go to this friend's house after school and her mom would give us snacks and talk to us.  She was a June Cleaver kind of mom and was always so nice to me.  I know when someone dies people always say the person was kind and nice but she really was.  I try to explain why I'm so sad even though I hadn't seen her in maybe 5 years and Evan doesn't get it.  Then I say.....you know how Nick comes over a lot?  Lets say many many years from now I die.  Do you think Nick would be sad that his friend's mom died?  Nick confirms that he would be said....then there's a bit of silence and he added "I would definitely go to your wake."   Cost of gross cheesy fries and soda: $8.  Comment from Nick:  Priceless.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Are you ready for some POKER?

Black Chip Poker, that is!

The Very Josie is back.  What?  You don't know what The Very Josie is?  Child, you've been missing out!  The Very Josie is my private poker tournament.  It used to run on Full Tilt Poker but Mama has moved houses and you can now find it on Black Chip Poker! 

The Very Josie is a No Limit Texas Holdem Knockout Bounty MTT.  It costs $10+fee to play. $8 goes to the prize pool and $2 is the knockout bounty you'll receive for every person you knock out.  Sounds fun, right?  It will run once per month on the first Monday of every month.  That is the rule - The Very Josie is on the first Monday, get it?  However, as you might've heard, there's an exception to every rule.  For this first month...the month of February, The Very Josie will be on  Monday, February 13th.  (fuck ya, yes I know the 13th is the 2nd Monday, but I missed the first Monday and didn't want to wait a whole month, mkay?)

So there you go.

The first Very Josie on Black Chip Poker is next Monday, Feb 13th at 10pm Eastern (Boston) time.

It is a helluva good time.  The laughs, the jokes, the fights, the swearing <----not moi! and of course, the knocking people out.  Let's not forget the special attention you'll get from me should you knock me out.  OMFG Don't you dare!  lol

If playing poker with me wasn't incentive enough to play (and it sure as shit should be)  Black Chip Poker is offering the following BONUS CODE to players who deposit the first time:

Use the Bonus Code VERYJOSIE750 when you deposit and you'll get 150% match to your deposit, up to $750.  You do have to earn points to release your bonus.

The deposit bonus works like this – players need to rake and earn vip points for every 75 vip points earned they’ll clear $1 of rake. Each time they accrue $5 worth of bonus it will drop into their account automatically. This will continue to happen until they receive the bonus in entirety or until it expires after 90 days.

Now if you've already deposited on BCP but need to reload, you can use Bonus Code BCP375.  This code will get you 75% match up to $375 dollars....which is better than a poke in the eye.  Right? :)

Hmmm what else do you need to know?  As this is a private tournament you'll need a password to get in.  I tried to use Josieistheprettiestgirliknowandiwanttogiveherallmymoney but they wouldn't take it, so i had to go with the following:

Password is pokerbaby.

So remember....keep next Monday night open for some poker baby.  It'll be the most fun you can get for $11. You should know that I'll use everything at my disposal to beat you (EVERYTHING) and that includes the chat box. Heh. It can get heated. I'll have to figure out a creative way to swear like a sailor.  :)

Oh and if you haven't already downloaded Black Chip Poker, I suggest you get your ass in gear!

Still reading?  Excellent!  There's one more bit of news to share.  As I said, the VJ is only once a month and it's NLHE.  Someone told me once a month wasn't enough Very Josie for him.   If I get a good turn out for The Very Josie, I'll be setting up a sister tournament on BCP which will be an Omaha8 high low thingy.  Can I  play this well?  No!  But I find it to be a lot of fun....so you will have 2 tourneys to choose from!  And since I won't be playing alone (at least not during the game) let me know which night works for you....majority rules.  As The Very Josie is on Mondays, I was thinking Wednesday for the un-named tourney but as I said, please tell me which day works best for you.  Again, this second tourament won't be making its debut just yet.

Also, I need a name for the Omaha8 MTT....any ideas? 

The Very Schmosie?

Omaha Jo?

Josie Does Omaha?

Bitching and Moaning?

OMFG It's Omaha?

Omaha Mama? <---not terrible!

See?  I can't think of a fucking clever name to save my life.  Please help me.  Please.  I like clever.  I fucking need clever and I obv cannot find it.

Now that my BCP commerical is over, did I tell you I hit on a superbowl square?  I did.  Plus I won in the mixed game after the tourney on Saturday night....and a bit on Superbowl Sunday.  I was counting out all this cash that I had stuffed in my purse this morning and thought "Oh yeah, I was so bummed out about the Patriots that I forgot I won".  As the final seconds of the Pats game ticked down, along with my broken heart, I realized that if the Pats didn't score, I would hit my superbowl square for the final score of the game.

OMFG - God does indeed have a sense of humor.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind I was horrified!  My next thought was "Noooooo....I don't want to win!  I want the Pats to win!  Please!!!!"

Well if the Patriots had to lose anyway, I may as well have won a buyin or two, right?  :)

Play smart, especially if you're up against me.


Sunday, February 5, 2012


This was me pouting on Saturday night after I lost my tournament. 
Unfortunately, it expresses how I feel right now, having just finished watching the Superbowl.
Yes, I know it's a fugly and unflattering picture.
No, I don't give a fuck.

They scored more points than we did. *sigh*

In an effort to block it out, I'll show you some  photos from Saturday night's L&BM Poker League tournament.  When I started playing in this tournament a couple of years ago, I would jokingly refer to it as L&BM because all of the other players were, in fact, lesbians or black men.  The league is run by Lynne and her wife June.  I just found it unusual that there were be little to no white men in the league - how unusual.  Of course there weren't many heterosexual women there either. 

Now a couple of years later, there are some white guys, although they are still in the minority.  Interestingly enough when we were down to 3 people in the league finale, they were all white men.  The women are the weakest link in this league for sure, so it's no surprise that they didn't make it.

My demise was running into Sean's quad jacks during an illtimed bluff.  Awesome.

Anyhoo, here are some pics:

Sean - this photo was taken immediately after he knocked me out with quads.  He went on to win the tournament.

My buddy Marvin, or as I like to call him, Old, Long, Tall and Ugly
Bounty was a $20 scratch ticket, visible in this photo

Freddie and Lynne, who runs the league (notice her cool poker shirt)
Ken is in the background

Isn't he cute?

I wore my new pink and grey hoodie outfit that I got for Christmas and it was...tight, not that the boys seemed to mind but I sure do. *gasp* I'm on the fence about posting photos of the tight outfit and decided it's probably not a good idea.  A better idea is to lose some weight and make the outfit loose, so that's what I'm going to do.  I mean it's brand new!  I kinda think it may be made to be worn snugly, but that could be me rationalizing. *sigh*

The Patriots lost the Superbowl.


Oh and interesting circumstance happened when we were down to 3 peeps.  Once I get over my depression about the Patriots loss, in a year or two, I will post about it.

Friday, February 3, 2012


Cannot frigging wait for Sunday, when the PATRIOTS WIN THE SUPERBOWL.  And no it's not going to be close.  I predict Tom Terrific passes for close to 400 yards.  Take that to the bank.



Thursday, February 2, 2012

Did You Know...

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a

substitute for Blood plasma.

Josie:  I wonder if vampires can drink coconut milk.


No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Josie:  Go ahead...I'll wait.  No, I couldn't do it either.


Donkeys kill more people annually

than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )

Josie:  OMG I could've been killed!


You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

Josie:  OMG I should be like 110 lbs!  I've been gypped!


Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are

fifty (50) years of age or older.

Josie: KenP has been producing acorns for decades!


The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

Josie: Barcodes are for wimps.  I used to work in a supermarket during college and every effing can and box had to be manually keyed in.  I won speediest cashier month after month because of my agile fingers.


The King of Hearts is the only king


Josie:  BFD


American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first class.

Josie:  I looooooooove olives, but find this very hard to believe.


Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Josie:  Venus is the planet associated with women, so women are the ones going in the right direction.


Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the morning .

Josie:  No fucking way!  Coffee!!!!!
************************************ **********

Most dust particles in your house are made from


Josie: Gross!


The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' Marlboro Man'.

Josie:  No surprise - ciggys give you cancer and cost way too fucking much.  btw I have never ever had a puff of a cigarette in my life.


Walt Disney was afraid


Josie: Me too!




Josie:  No shit.  Pearls are soft and porous and vinegar is acidy.


The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola , and Budweiser, in that order.

Josie:  Diet Coke!


It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

but, not downstairs.


A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.

Josie:  According to Edward, this is FALSE.


Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Josie: I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !


And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Josie: I know some people that must be turtles in disguise, don't YOU ?

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Hey Biatches.....

Still in talks with Black Chip Poker, but at the moment they will give me a Very Josie bonus code equal to 150% of your deposit, up to $750.  See excerpt from email below.

We can offer a 150% up to $750 signup bonus with a custom made deposit code that will tag your players to you when they use it.

Private tourney isn't set up yet and like I said we're still talking.  I'd like a bonus for those who have already deposited as well....we'll see.  Just wanted to get this information out there cuz it's time to get back to playing ONLINE POKER.  As soon as I have the bonus code(s) I will post them.

Play smart.


Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a poker site called Full Tilt, where people would frolick and play to their hearts' content.  It was here that the great and benevolent queen, Very Josie, had her own private tournament called Very Josie Poker.

Oh what fun we had.  Knights would battle for the honor of executing the great and benevolent queen and many would die fighting valiantly.  The great and powerful Poker Grump would sometimes leave these battles with royal blood on his sword. The Court Jester (Waffles) would infuriate the valiant knights as he jumped just out of reach of them.

Queen Very Josie would award bounties to the brave who executed who she wished.  Oh the bounties and the last longer bets! Then the Evil Dragon took our fun away and no one lived happily ever after.  THE END.

Sucky ending, huh?

But I've been thinking.....

I emailed my new BFF's at Black Chip Poker about setting up a new private tournament there.  The Very Josie is coming back baby!  It's the most fun you can have with your clothes on!  Just TRY to felt me!  I'll even put a bounty on myself for the first game - come and get it baby!

Details to come...

Play smart.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

So I'm walking home from the Bus Stop

As Cranky suggested, I rode the bus home and lost myself in the final book of the Gunslinger series.  I am so very close to the end, yet I don't really want it to.  I don't know if I don't want it to end so much as I don't want to read the ending I disliked so much the first time.  In any event, the stresses of the day rolled off my back, and I was walking home.

Singing a bit to myself as I motored along.


Far ahead of me I saw something BIG at the corner of the sidewalk,where I make a turn.  It was a huge German Shepard who was thankfully on a leash.  I was pretty far away from him still, yet I was mapping my escape route.  Dogs do not stay in the middle of the sidewalk immobile though, so I was anxiously hoping dog and owner would move before I approached them.

No such luck.

I saw the guy tug the leash but the dog was focused.  On me.  (I shiat you not) and wouldn't move.  His eyes were all alert and happy and was kinda lurching toward me FML.  I mean really?  Both he and I were about the same height and I was not in the mood for this shiat.  If you're a new reader keep in mind that I don't like dogs and dogs (and donkeys) bite me.

I figured this was not the time for small talk.  Mind you, I am socially retarded in person and that's with me actually trying to be social, in this case, I didn't even make an attempt.  I kept walking toward that huge effing dog who was barely being held back by his leash. 

First words to the owner as I approached was "Does he bite?" 

Now that I was in speaking distance the dog was looking at me like a long lost friend and was thumping his tail wildly.

Dog Owner: No he doesn't bite.  I've never seen him act like this.  Did you see how he was waiting for you?  I couldn't pull him away! (yeah effing awesome)

Josie (no social skills):  I got bitten by my neighbor's dog a while ago.  Are you sure he doesn't bite?

Dog Owner:  No!  Look at him dying to get to you.  He LIKES you. 

Hmfph.  As much as I dislike dogs, I don't hate the larger ones and he did seem very friendly.  He was all like, pat me! Pat me! Hey baby, just a pat!  Plus he didn't sniff my crotch or try to knock me over.  He like sat there and loved getting petted so much, I even scratched him behind the ears and he was like "ooooooo woof!"

So as much as I thought I was walking toward misery, it actually didn't suck.  I even patted the fucking dog and chatted with the owner. (that's really good for me - like a double whammy.  I hate dogs and I hate making small talk with people I don't know)  I started walking away, feeling pretty good....

and then.....

Dog owner got into stride next to me, and kept talking.

And talking.

And talking.

And walked me home.


It's a long walk home and I got to hear all about his cold, his wife's cold, his wife's job, about how incredibly awesome his dog is...blah blah blah.  I actually considered taking a detour which would've lengthened my walk but then I thought, what if he just follows me and keeps talking?  Plus it was really cold out.  :(

I got home and had to leave shortly thereafter to tie up some loose ends with the receptionist, which I did.  I just got home from that bit of fun and as I left her house she came out onto the street and started yelling 'I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!'.  I was very close to dissing the whole thing, but I'm glad now that I didn't.  Yes, she was drunk when she professed her love for me.  So what.

The night we went out for drinks (which I never told you about properly) was the only night I've ever seen her where she didn't get falling down drunk.  It was downright disappointing!  So much so, there wasn't much to report.  She was downright quiet and drank 2 beers instead of her usual wine or vodka.  I still cannot believe it.  Especially considering it was her night to drink for free.

Which reminds me....in order to get a girl to come out, I had to agree to go out for drinks with her, when crazy girl wasn't around so we can really talk.  So me and 2 chicks are going out tonight (Tuesday) to gossip our lips off.  Plus this is the girl who I give oodles of men advice to and she had a first date over the weekend.  This will give me the opportunity I need to get all the info from her and advise her on her next steps to land this man if she wants to.  Should be fun.

Speaking of dating advice....I've been sharing my pearls of wisdom with Waffles and he's been doing pretty damn well.  Mr. Pessimistic doesn't think so but I do.  I think he expected her to rip her clothes off and throw herself at him on the first date.  Sheesh!  Some things take a little time and effort. 

What else is going on....I played a live tourney on Saturday night and had one of the worst beats I've ever had.  Ever.  I don't feel bad about this though as I couldn't have effected the outcome.  I was playing against a very bad player, which is good long term, right?  I had 9-10 and decided to call a raise to see a flop, which was 6-7-8 rainbow.  Cha-ching!  I was up against the chip leader who was just hitting crazy draws and that was how she got her chips.  fine by me.  I bet, she raised and I jammed all in, hoping she'd call.  She thinks for a bit and calls.  Awesome.  She had K-J of clubs.  She had NOTHING.  No draws and no pair.  Turn was a club and river was a club for a rivered flush.  I could not fucking believe it.  I still fucking can't but what can I do.  I want a donkey call like that any day of the week, right?  To be honest I should also mention that she was very drunk.

In work we are not replacing the receptionist as we are about to have a round of layoffs.  Plan is to suck it up for the foreseeable future which includes dispersing her duties...and people fending for themselves a bit.  The biggest issue is having a warm body actually sitting at the front desk.  Right now the executive assistant to the owners is doing it, but my plan is for the marketing assistant to share this.  All was going just fine until about 9:30am when one of the associates comes by to tell me we're out of paper...the big kind for like printing big mo' fo' drawings.  I have a feeling this is the beginning of a lot more headaches.  :(

Speaking of headaches...I am very worried about Gronk and his high ankle sprain.  He's missed three practices so far.  Booo!!!  This is a kid who hasn't missed a game in the past couple of seasons.  I KNOW he will not miss the superbowl, I just worry that he won't be 100%.

I just finished the final book of the Gunslinger series on the bus ride in this morning.  Whatever I read next will pale in comparison.  Maybe the ending sucked a little bit less this time since I was prepared for it.  I don't know.  Now I'm thinking it was the perfect ending insomuch as no other ending would be as good.

Ka is a wheel and it just keeps rolling along.  I think Ka will be rolling to Foxwoods for me.  Just as soon as the Patriots win the Superbowl. <---also ka.

Play smart.


PS. Hi Jeff!