Saturday, April 17, 2010

Beaten and Traumatized

Yep, that's me!

At this moment Gary's still playing the tournament and I am home typing this.  Oh the injustice of it all!

I started out so well too!

But guess who was sitting at my table?  Yup, both Dave (big shot) and his sister Lisa, plus Lisa's husband who I've played with once before and was not impressed by.  Also, there's a couple of donks and Mary.

This is Mary:

Mary is the lady friend of Cancer Al.  She's a timid player but the Poker Gods were smiling on her today.

I wouldn't mind but the tourney started so well for me.  While the blinds were still 50/100 I was in dealer position and dealt myself Q-8 suited, so I called.  The blinds checked and we looked at a flop, which was A-8-8.

Guy in first position bets 200, BB calls and I bump it to 500.  These guys are calling stations so there's no need to slow play.  First guy folds and BB raises 1,000 on top.  I took him out of the last tourney, and I know he's a horrible player but I figure he has an 8 too.  I have a Q kicker and I like it.....figure he'd never fold with a weak kicker cuz he's a calling station, so I go all in!

He calls......I'm a little worried but tell myself odds are I have the best kicker.  He turns over A-7.  Yes he called an all in with 2 pair weak kicker.  What a bad call, but I'm thrilled!  I have a little less than him so he's down to like 200 in chips and Mama's the chip leader!

Cancer Al is at the other table along with Gary and he yells to me "Hey Josie is there a back-rub bounty on Gary today?"  So of course I say yes! The bounty is on!

Playing along at my table, I'm in the big blind with Q-8 suited spades.  I check it and the flop is J-10-3 ALL SPADES.  I make a big bet and Mary calls.  Turn is the King of Spades.  Fuck!  I bet and Mary raises.  I have the open ended royal flush draw and with my queen the only card that can beat me is the ace of spades so I call.  Rivers a non card, I check, she bets.....and I KNOW she has that damn ace but I call anyway and donk off a bunch of chips.

Playing along for another hour and cannot get a hand and then I look down at AK.  I need to double up, but I know I'll get called with these players so I'm cautious.  I make a bet to 5 times the big blind and I get two callers.  Flop is A-4-7 rainbow.  That's all I need to know.

I make my move All In!

Mary instacalls and turns over pocket 4's; she has trips, and I'm out! I cannot fucking believe it but that's poker.  I call her a bitch a couple of times and tell her she's going to bear the brunt of my anger for the rest of the day.   Then I say I guess I'll go rub your boyfriend's back now!  LOL Alot of laughs at the table as I do just that.....Cancer Al moans at all the right times (he's at a different table) and whenever she turns I say "don't you look, you're busy playing with my chips!" (on a sad note, though Al has beaten his battle with cancer for the moment, it has left him without the use of his tree, if you catch my meaning). It's so sad...and he's not that old either. :( So if that guy wants a back rub, he's gonna goddam get one.  The cancer was in his legs and moved up to his groin. I really don't know how old he is but if I had to guess I'd say 55-58 yrs old.

Anyway, I've got nothing better to do so I take some pictures.  I look like crap in all of them, but I'll show you a couple.  It's my motto to only post attractive pictures of myself but what the hell.

This is Mary, Dave and Steve (Lisa's hubby)

You'll soon see that I'm NOT wearing a lowcut top at this game.  I had on a super low one with a little cardigan on top (i'm always cold) but when Gary showed up at my house he said "Holy shit, I see you're in your poker uniform."  And for some reason I decide to change and put on a t-shirt instead.  I think I feel more confident when the guys are looking at me instead of their cards, but maybe this top was a little too low.  No pictures of the super low cut top - and you can blame Gary for that....but maybe it was too much.

I went from looking hot to looking schlumpy because of Gary.
(this pic kind of gives you an idea of my big ass "junk in the trunk" issue but you'll never see it again)

Guess who just walked through the door!  Why it's Jew Boy! He had a ton of chips when I left (hee hee) but here he is.  Sounds like his demise was a 7-10.  Flop was 7-8-9. No, he wasn't shortstacked but for some reason he pushed all in (bottom pair, open ended straight draw) Cancer Al called him with pocket 7's - trips!
Gary says they had almost the same amount of chips and Gary was left with one white chip (100).  He turned it into 2,000 before he was taken out.

Couple more items, worthy of note: 

  • They all smoke AT THE TABLE...and as I write this I reek of it.  Must take a shower! (but Jew Boy's here)

  • There was a scratch ticket bounty, not that I got any, but Jew Boy did and won $60!

  • Lisa did not disappoint.  She was away from the table and her stack of chips keeled over.  A couple of guys went to save them and then hopped away like their hands were on fire....she ran over yelling "Did anyone touch them????"  To which they all said "NO!!!!"  Then I said but your hubby touched them...and made them knock over (he didn't, I'm just mean)...and he started protesting...I didn't, I didn't!  LOL  Then she went onto tell me how lucky he is.  He is so lucky, in fact, that before she plays a game online, she makes him sit in the chair for 5 minutes so the luck rubs off on her.  Not too superstitious, is they?


Dave (cool poker player) and Josie (very josie)

That's all I've got to report kiddos.  Now I must go and curl into a fetal position.  And if that Goddam Jew ever leaves, I'll be washing the stink ofcigarettes off me.

Play smart my dears.


Editor's Note:  Jew Boy has indeed just left, but not before losing a little money to me.  We played 3 heads-up games and I won 2 of 3!


Memphis MOJO said...

Thanks for the pics.

Josie said...

My pleasure memphis, although I look like I'm in prison garb!

Have a good weekend!

Gary said...

Cancer Al is a great guy but his skills as a poker player are a little lacking. I thought I could push him off his hand but I ran into a monster. I had the perfect bluffing hand - I figured I was beat but I had bottom pair and was open ended. I figured on a fold but even if he called I'd have 10 outs. Alas, 'twas not to be.

More information my blog, The Crafty Southpaw, soon.

dbcooper said...

1. I like the shirt
2. You just ran into a big hand although pocket4's don't look great in my hand to a 5 X BB raise. I would have folded but she got lucky and tripped up.
3. I would have died at the smoking table. In our part of Canada you can't even smoke outside the buildings . You have to be more than 10 feet from a door of any building. I used to hate it when there was smoking in our pubs and clubs.

Josie said...

Thanks Coop!

The smoke in there is unbelievable. Imagine at least 10 chain smokers in one room for 3 hours with no ventilation.

lightning36 said...

"I look like I'm in prison garb!"


DrChako said...

The smoking is why I gave up live poker at the Indian casinos. I hated having to get undressed in the garage, and no one knows more about the effects of second hand smoke than me. It's only recently that even the Indian casinos are starting to come around and going smoke free in the poker rooms. You still have to walk past the dice games which are always smoke-filled and the poker players all light up right outside the room. I wish there was a non-smoking entrance.

Nice write up.


Josie said...

@DrC - it's a private club, so they as they choose re: smoking (yuck). I was just checking out your blog recently and you have one gorgeous family. Too bad you don't have a ferrari. ;)

Josie said...

@Lightning, That't the nicest thing you've said to me thus far! I'm wearing you down!

SirFWALGMan said...

Goddamn JB scumbag!!! Depriving us of low-cut Josie pics! I will hire 100 midgets to jump you and slap your stomach until it is bright red! BEWARE THE MIDGETS!

I find it interesting you and Coop seems to jam a lot on Ax flops with top pair. It seems like on one hand it causes people to fold at times but it also seems to be easily trappable and when someone flops a big hand your done. Perhaps as an MTT player you should do this. I just find it an interesting play.

Josie said...

@waffles interesting point you make about jamming with A-x. Don't forget that my ace-x was big slick. The thing is I was shortstacked at that point and figured with my big preflop raise, I definitely had the best hand. Boy was I WRONG.

OH, I love the "midget slapping JB scenario"! But maybe Gary was right - don't wanna give these guys a heart attack! And he didn't say it was bad, just "I see you're in your poker uniform."

I'll be in uniform going forward though.

SirFWALGMan said...

It's ok to save the old guys heart attacks but you MUST post pics of all low cut shirts. heh.

Josie said...

Okay, but if Coop keels over, it's your fault!

dbcooper said...

Coops willing to take the risk in the sake of fair play. If I do keel over I will be a happy man

Josie said...

Coop - You aren't keeling over any time soon...if I actually thought you were an old geezer I wouldn't keep calling you that. Something tells me you;d hold up just fine. :)