Saturday, March 20, 2010

Happy Ending

Yes, this story has a happy ending!

I played in the Saugus Sportsmen's Club tournament on Saturday afternoon, as did Jew Boy. It ended up being only 12 players and Jew Boy and I started out at separate tables.

First of all, the deer head wasn't sporting any g-strings. They had a family event there so the souvenirs had to come down. John assured me they'd restart their collection with the next "fund raiser".

I had 3 old guys at my table and two new people I hadn't played with before. I won a couple of small pots to become the immediate chip leader. And I stayed there FOR THE WHOLE GAME. It was just one of those days.

The old guys were my target. When I thought I had the best hand I bet hard and got paid off. Gotta love that. And I didn't bluff at all - which is unlike me. Usually, I'll bluff once or twice during a tourney. But not with these guys. You can't bully them out of a pot and they hug straight and flush draws to the river. Hell, they hug middle pair to the river!

Jew Boy was at the other table and the first time I called over to see how it was going, I found out Jew Boy was short stacked ALREADY. Hee hee!

I called over to the table that anyone who took out Jew Boy would get an extra 2 bucks from me. Then I upped it to $3. Then I added a BACK MASSAGE to the bounty. That got alot of attention! Lemme tell ya, Jew Boy was less than pleased.

Of course he added a "$4 bounty to whoever takes out Josie". But I was the chip leader and these guys weren't really interested in tangling with Josie.

One of the good players that I hadn't played with before was a girl to my direct right. She was on the button and called. I was in the small blind with K-10Clubs and called right behind her. Big blind checked.

Flop was K-3-7 one club. I bet out and she calls. Turn is a 10 I bet half pot again. She played only one hand before this and throws her hand away in disgust. She's visibly angry and starts ranting about her pocket 9's.

I (truly trying to be nice) start to give her my theory on middle pairs. "You're not going to win with them unless you raise. If you raised to 5 times the blind, I could'nt call you, and would never have caught that king...."

Okay so she never asked for advice....

But she started yelling at me (and this is verbatim) "YOU are giving ME advice on how to play? Are you kidding me? You think I should raise with pocket nines? you think that's a good idea? come on. Jesus!"

Ummm did I mention she was yelling this?

So I apologized and said "Yeah, you're right."

And then I took her ass out an hour later. The focus stopped being the old guys.

Anyway, the guys who seemed uninterested in a $2 bounty are suddenly VERY interested in getting a back rub. LOLLLL Jew Boy's shooting daggers and insults my way, but it's just one of those days when my patience is with me and I'm being selective. Having patience is the hardest part for me.

No slow playing today either. I got pocket aces twice and won only the blinds with them TWICE.

Couple hours into it and it's pizza break. Jew Boy has doubled up with a flush. I keep adding to my stack bit by bit and we agree to combine to one table when there are 8 left.

3 places in the money. $300 for first place, $175 for second and $75 for third.

Final table.
I have Jew Boy to my direct right (love that position)

Mary (older woman who plays too timidly, although she's the one who hobbled Jew Boy earlier I hear)

One decent player,40ish who I've never played with before. He was smoking a cigar the size of a gorilla's dick. Seriously. Does a cigar have to be a fucking foot long and last for three fucking hours? He was at my original table and as you know the old boys were my target. I know how they play and I figured that'd be smart till I got to know how this guy bet. Second time I won a pot off of him he folded saying, "I'm not afraid of you, you know. I'm folding but that doesn't mean I'm afraid." Okay, good for you buddy. Nice phallic symbol too!

There also was a bunch of old guys who don't have a fold button. :)

Mind you pretty much everyone's short stacked, I have a ton of chips and jew boy is second with a decent amount, but not near me.

Mary decides to go all in and I look down at my fav hand. JACK TEN BABY! I know she must have higher cards than mine, but damn! I win with that hand so much, plus I got all these chips and it's a shame to leave them on the bench when they could be in the game!

So I call. I'm up against Ace rag. You guys know how I feel about ace rag right? Right! It sucks! You're playing with one card while your opponent is playing with two. Anyway I catch my jack and she's out.

I'm determined not to give the old boys my chips. If I aint' got it, I ain't playing. So I don't play for quite a while.

Down to me, Jew Boy, Al, and John.

Now if I'm going to be totally honest, and I am, I'll tell you that ONE hand I did give Jew Boy some chips. I called a raise just to give him some, then I promptly folded. It might have given him the edge on the old boys, then again it might not've. He was 2nd anyway.

We're playing away and I keep talking about Jew Boy's bounty, but no one got that bounty today! Cancer Al kept trying to make deals...."You can have the bounty and I'll take the massage. I can use it." Poor cancer Al. :( You'd be hard pressed to find a nicer man. He got a couple minutes of rubbing after he was out (no happy ending). :)

When it was down to me, Jew Boy and John, it didn't take long to get John out.

Jew Boy and I were virtually even chipwise when we were heads up so even though I hate doing this, I agreed to split. Without even one game heads up.

We got $237 each, plus pizza!

One of the guys said Jewey and I seemed like...."brother and sister?" Jew Boy chimed in.

"No" he said, "Like you're married." WTF!

My exact response was "Really? Does it seem like my taste is THAT bad?" LOLLLL Only kidding Jewey!

Oh and DB, I took pictures of the curling table/shufflboard thingy. But I gotta tellya DB, that whenever I type "DB" I'm thinking Douche Bunt. Can I please call you something else? Like Tom or something? If you don't like Tom, rest assured I can come up with a FINE nick name. Trust me!

Cash game with the brothers tomorrow night.

Play smart.



Gary said...

The only things I would add to this post is that she never said anything about bad taste or anything when the guy, who we called "cutfinger" (guess why) suggested that we were like an old married couple. In reality we're more like brother and sister, for real - we're just like peas and carrots that occassionally fucking hate each other but for the most part enjoy each other's company.

Also I don't think she gave me chips - perhaps it could be said that she made an ill-advised call and didn't feel to bad about folding it down, because it was me.

Lastly, I can tell you that she played up a storm - really took it to these people, but then again I guess I did too because I split with her. It's a real soft table, a nice juicy game that I've taken thousands of dollars out of over time. But if Josie stays in she's damn near impossible to be beaten by these guys. She could probably beat them without ever looking at her cards. Bottom line, I'm happy with a split.

Jew Boy

Memphis MOJO said...

Congrats on the ca$h.

Josie said...

Thanks Memphis!

Josie said...

@ Gary, You're an ass. EVERYTHING in this blog is TRUE.

1. That is EXACTLY what I said to the guy - "Did he really think my taste was so bad to be married to you." If you didn't hear it, get the wax out of your ears.

2. You KNOW I gave you those chips. "Ill advised call" MY ASS. I'm not looking for a thank you, but don't question my honesty.

3. Go FUCK yourself.

dbcooper said...

Still laughing at the Cigar the size of you know what....Haven't checked out any gorillas but I can do the mental pic in my mind and its not a pretty site.. Congrats on the win..... Ahhhh No DB .... HMMM COOP sounds good...... Congrat Jew Bow boy too. Heck he had extra pressure with your bounty on him. The old guys must have been salivating.

Gary said...

I was being complimentary, Josie. Sorry, I won't do that again...

Josie said...

Okay, so Tommy it is! (jk)

I have never seen a cigar so large in my entire life, and it lasted longer than he did!

And you're right about Jew Boy. He played great all day long. Coming back from being short stacked to last till the end....and no one got that bounty. Damn fine playing.

Also, I was pretty happy about the fact that we started out at different tables. Didn't really want to be up against him from the jump street.

@gary - Starting now, I'm not going to swear at you for THE WHOLE WEEK. :)

Gary said...

@Coop - thanks buddy. Nice thing about that table is that you don't need to go fancy - in fact, Fancy Play Syndrome is just about the only way to lose to these people.

@Jo - we'll see, lady. We'll see. A whole week is a long time to not swear at me!