Monday, January 31, 2011

It was just a joke!

Yesterday Evan told a joke at my expense, that had me dying laughing.  Dead panned and straight faced, he said "My mom is so nice, she'd give you the hair off her back." 


Sure I'm Italian, and if it weren't for hot wax, I'd be sporting a unibrow, but I DO NOT HAVE BACK HAIR.  It was just a funny...and I took it that way.

But little joke about Lightning last week....the one where I posted a pic of a weirdo and said it was a picture of him.....I think I offended him.  It was only a joke and I am officially sorry.

Someone EVIL whispered in my ear and said "I dare you to post this pic and say it's Lightbulb".

I am not the type of person to turn down a I did it.  And boy am I sorry I did.  Because of this Lightning resumed his "Josie Free Zone" on his blog...which means my comments are chucked...which also means I keep commenting and commenting wondering when I'll be allowed back in.  So mean!  I'm not allowed back into the inner sanctum until I post this retraction.  As if everyone THOUGHT that was him.  Obv they didn't. We all know Lightning is a tad more handsome than that pic.

Anyway, as I was pondering whether or not to do as he bid, Someone EVIL whispered in my ear again: "Dude then you will be licking his undies for the rest of your life. Get a spine."  LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

As gross as that visual is, it had be cracking up laughing in work. Frigging hilarious.

And even though I'm risking being an undy licker for the rest of my life, I'm sorry Lightbulb!  Am I forgiven NOW?

How bout some poker talk?

I resumed the Heads Up Challenge last night, with this butt ugly guy from New York.  You may have played with him during the Very Josie....his name is Frankie.  Anyway, that bastard has $10.50 of MY MONEY. OMFG.  I lost the first game when I jammed all in with 6-6 and got called by 4-4.  Of course he flopped trips.  Then we played a few more games - what sucked was that it was a double stack.  My uber aggressive play works better with less chips.  Then the biatch has the audacity to ask me if I'll talk about this nicely on my blog....what do you think my answer was?  Anyone?

Then he says "Well, you'll be mean but fair?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Biatch, I won't.  It's MY blog!  And he played like shit - but the shit player has10 bucks of my money.

I had a straight and Frankie asks me if I made my straight.  I promptly answer NO, he folds, and I show him my straight.

He asked 3 or 4 more times and I always answered no.  After that first fold, he always called.  And I always got paid off.  I have no idea why he has one of my buyins but I'm getting it back.  Along with some retribution.

Play smart.


In case you didn't know....

I've got looks, confidence, and a seductive gaze that hides a cynical soul and a killer instinct. I am cold and unfeeling, emotionally-calloused, angry and vulnerable, and my wicked cruel streak is unforgettable.

I am a hard-hearted opportunist who resorts to extreme measures to get my piece of the action. I can come-on like the fragile damsel in distress, but under my pretty "little Miss Innocent" act lurks a soulless siren. Or, I can come-on like a kitten, cuddling and toying with my prey before drawing blood; but behind my kittenish purr growls a man-eating lioness.

I am no mere bad woman. Anyone can be bad. I am wickedness as high art, beauty carved out of arsenic. I'm a devil in stilettos and a skirt, a siren that uses sex to lure men to their doom. I have larceny in my heart, murder in my soul and a fortune in my eye.

You've been warned.


Thank You Sassy, for letting me borrow a marvelous bit of prose.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

What do I like almost as much as Poker?


You will never evah see me without earrings and a necklace. I could post some pictures of me with big jewelry but I'm sure you've seen some of them before.  Besides, this post isn't about me. (I know, I know, I'm usually like "All eyes on Josie")

Anyway back to jewelry and how I got a bunch of free necklaces........Yay me!

I've been reading  I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S JUST ME, a blog written by Tara.  She's a great writer and tells it like it is.  I like that in a person.  Anyway, she makes beaded jewelry and she wrote that if you told her something funny she'd send you a free necklace because she was trying to get rid of inventory to make room for new stuff.


I sent her a story about Vegas baby!  Heh.

And look at what she sent me!

Pretty!  Wheee!

Can you believe she sent me 6 frigging necklaces!  I <3 Tara.  Yes, I know there are only 5 shown here.  That's because I gave one to the receptionist in work, who was drooling over these. 

Now I know what you're thinking!  You old guy poker players are thinking..."I don't give a rat's patooty about jewelry".  But Auntie Josie has a surprise for you!

Tara also happens to be a hottie!  Here are a few pics that I grabbed from her blog (with permission!).


Tara is on the right.  Actually the girl on the left is named Tara as well and they used to be BFF's's a long story.  Read her blog - frigging better than fiction!

Tara and Tara (blog Tara is on right)

Tara is the Ref

Read my blog

Thank you Tara for the beautiful necklaces! 

Tara loves Vegas too and says she may wanna meet up there for the weekend, should I get my ass in gear.  And she's a paaaarty girl.  I think it would be a blast even though she doesn't  play poker.  Oh and she has a weakness for very tall, black haired men with blue eyes.  Sound like anyone WE KNOW???

Hmmmmmm I just thought of a great idea!


Friday, January 28, 2011


I just realized that I had another photo of Lightning from the WPBT that I forgot to post.  See below and please enjoy!

Lightning baby!

Isn't it a spitting image?

I'm leaving work early for the next WBCOOP event.  I am tied for 5th place on the leader board and Mama wants to move up.  Unfortunately it's like 8 different games..

Limit 2-7 Triple Draw
Limit HE
Limit O8
Razz (my specialty)
Limit Stud
Limit Stud 8
NLHE (where I'll get my chips)
PLO (where I frigging rocked)

Seriously the weak links are Razz and 2-7 Triple D.  I've never even heard of the latter!  Do any of you play this game?  Imma gonna Google it and then win.  :)

Wish me luck!  Lightning, I assume you'll be railing me?  Or would you rather I publish more pics of you?  lol

Play smart.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

Another Facet

All I've been posting about lately is poker, poker, poker.  Funny enough, I have a few readers that aren't interested in poker, yet they read my blog!  I shake my head in disbelief at the thought, but this post is for you, non-pokery reader...although it ends with poker baby, cuz it's all about poker.

I'm also a bit artistic.  No....not like really artistic......more like crafty.  Anyway I have a few pics of my "art".  Wanna see? 

Full Disclosure:  NO it's not real art, but it's all been made by the two little hands typing these words, so there's that

A couple of months ago I had 2 players at the poker table that hardly ever play.  Maybe once a year.  Anyway, on this particular night the following factors were in place which resulted in art.

1.  Both people that never play were here on the same night.
2.  Sugar Bear has these bendy sticks that are moldable and adhere to anything called bendaroos.
3.  I was showing the bendaroos to someone at the poker table.
4.  I was drinking.

Because of all these factors I thought it would be a great idea to make portraits of the rarely there poker players....on the wall, with the bendaroos.

And of course.....I also decided these would be nude likenesses. Yes, nudes made of bendaroos and a bit of booze. I'll show you the girl one first.  It started looking soooo much like her I thought better than doing a full frontal for her. (he was not so lucky).  So I threw a pair of pants on her.

Close up with a little nip showing.  Sexy!

Are you ready for my interpretation of this guy in the nude? 

He got the shirt....but no undies

What?  You don't think that's art in the classical sense?  Hmpffff

How bout this then?  I have a desk planner on my desk that shows the month at a glance and whenever I'm on my phone I doodle up a storm.  I draw anything and everything.  At the beginning of the month it's nice and clean.  By the end of the month (like now) its a mess with drawings everywhere. 

Here are a couple.

Drawing of my scissors...

This was just me adding plant after plant.  I think I like the grassy plants on the left better than the softer looking grasses on the right.

I can't wait till February!  All that clean fresh space on Feb's page to draw on!  Sometimes it's the simple stuff that counts.

Now, back to poker.  I am about to play a 9 peep PLO game.

Well I played it and I lost....and then....I realized that SmBoatDrinks has a private tourney on Tues and Thurs.  Woot!  I go join and was a bit disappointed to find it was PLO8.  I really only got to play one hand in the WBCOOP PLO8 tourney the previous night, but as I told SmBoat, I was considering it a donation.

Donation to Very Josie!  One place paying and I got it!  Not only that, but I dominated those guys from beginning to end.  Chipped up early and added to it bit by bit.  I knocked the host out first. (you didn't mind SmBoats, didja?)  I told the host I'd only come back if I won, so I guess I'll be playing again.

This PLO and PLO8 is alot more fun than I thought.

So much for a post without poker content, huh?

Play smart.


Which do you want first?

The good news or the bad news?

Let's start with the bad news.  I was out of WCOOP PLO8 Event #3 in approximately 6 minutes. First hand I played I hit a boat with no low on the board. 2 others jammed all in and I called.  One had a bigger boat and I was out.

And then I remembered The Mookie.  I logged onto Full Tilt and I was in time for late registration.  Fun game...19 peeps.  I had Lightning, Wolfie, Joanne, Buddy and Miami Don at my table to name a few.

Miami Don...................

He seems to think that I get better cards than him!  He said that if he got my cards, he could win a WSP bracelet!  Just cuz i got AA and KK and QQ a few times. 

I was playing with my ninja-like poker skills and knocked Miami Don out. :)

And Gary out. :)

Shelly was the bubble.  I don't remember if it was me that took her out, but I hope not!  Didn't realize who she was until afterwards.  Darn it!

Down to 3.  I double up off of Fred (twoblackaces) when I raise with KQ and he jams all in.  Hmmmm it's now or never...double up or go home.  I call.  Check out the flop below.

Flopped the straight and doubled up.

Shortly after I raise with 10,10 and Fred jams all in.  This was like his 4th all in in the past 5 min.  I call!  I was up against A3 sooted and wound up with quad 10s.  See below.

Damn, but I've been running good!  Gotta make hay while the sun is shining!  It's me against Numbono but I have the chip lead.  A few hands into heads up I have KQ again!  I raise again!  Villian jams all in AGAIN!

Hmmm..KQ is not a bad hand heads up and I've been running good.......I call!

I'm up against A4 sooted.  Now I don't know about you, but I'd rather have KQ than A4 any day of the week.  2 strong cards vs playing with one card. guys know how I hate ace rag, but I digress....

I flop a queen....see below...


And I won The Mookie!!!  Easy peasy when u run goot.

Now Miami Don happened to mention that he's won The Mookie 7 times!  This got me many times have I won it?  I really don't know!  I remember winning once a few years ago, back when I used to play and keep my mouth shut...and that was when it was a big MTT.  A couple times last year....Hmmm

So I was out quickly in the free roll and winner in the mookie.  Yin and yang. Poker is like a a rose, it has blossoms but also thorns.  Lots and lots of thorns.  Bad beats, bad decisions....all prickly thorns to be avoided at all costs.  Cuz baby, thorns hurt.  You don't have to like the thorns, but learn to avoid them or at least live with them.  They're part of the game, like thorns are part of a rose.

Play smart so you don't get pricked.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011


 Tonight's event is a PLO8 event, which is a high low thingy.  A thingy I do not play.


I am looking for tips, tricks or just plain ole guidelines on how to play hi/low limit omaha.  Anything you can provide would be greatly appreciated. 

I'm assuming I should be playing hands that have both a high and a low possibility, right?  That's about all I know.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not clueless about "low" games.  You may not have heard, but I once won a big razz game in Vegas.  My rule of thumb for that one was "keep calling and keep drinking".  Um, that strategy may not always work. :)

Play smart.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

WBCOOP Event #2 a/k/a Thank God It's Holdem LIVE BLOGGING

3 hours into event #2.  I have about 18k in chips and around 36th place out of 155.  153 are itm. I'll keep live updating every 20-30 minutes when something exciting happens.

Thus far I had Bastin and Lightning at my table.  Alot of fun to play with some friendly faces.  Until I knocked one of the friendly faces out.  Sorry Bastin baby!!!!  Light was card dead and left the tourney  not too much later when he shoved with 8-7.  Ace rag called him.  I told you ace rag sux!

While playing this event I was also playing spewday and replaced Heffmike as first loser.  Yep, I came in 2nd place.  My own damn fault.  I was playing against A DOG that kept raising my bb.  5th time in a row that he did it I shoved and he had a hand.  An ace high hand.  Bu-bye VJ.  Meh...small potatoes.

I need to win this WBCOOP tourney.  Kinda liking my table....I will keep you updated.

Oh and I'm having a martini.  :)

10:15ISH - I get AA and shortie before me jams all in.  I just call hoping to get others in the pot but no luck.  I'm up against A-2 off.  Flop is 2-2-FUCK.  See below.

Aces cracked

Then I win some chips back....I'm chatting with Gary and he asks me about my stats for the game...while I'm clicking around I MIS-CLICK and call an all in with 4-6 off suit.  Fuck.  Then someone else calls behind me.

Lucky for me I flopped trip 4s!!!  When the other guy jammed all in, I joined him!

Lucky lucky lucky

11:00pm Not playing too much.  Bullying with my big stack here and there.  Very selectively.  As Neo baby just pointed out to me, my chip stack is at 69K. 

11:07pm.  75K now and 6th place with 50 peeps left. *fingers crossed*

MIDNIGHT.  Boooooo!!!  After being card dead for quite a while I laid it all on the line with a pair of lucky ducks....deuces.  I got called by 10-10 and gg Josie.

Out 26th place out of 720.  One dumb move.  It's always one dumb move that's my demise.

Play smart.


Monday, January 24, 2011


Mama's on fire!

I came in 3rd place in the first event of the WBCOOP!  Woot!  And get was PLO!  Waffles, thanks for teaching me the game.  I get it now!

I got 3rd place!

Getting third kinda sucked.  Check out the hand I bet the tourney on:

I thought it was a beauty of a hand.  Preflop anyway. AKKQ double suited.  Nice right?  Poker Gods gave the villian quad 6s though.  Fucker.  Still.....I'm very proud of how this tournament was played.  Amazing playing for hours on end.  Trust me on this one.

Can't wait for the next event.  It's holdem!

Play smart.


Did someone say POKER?

I played alot of poker this weekend.  It didn't seem like alot at the time but I played on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Es mucho, no?

Let's start with Friday night.  Friday I was in the mood to play a big tourney.  Truth be told I was in the mood to WIN a big tourney, but you catch my drift.  I decided to play a satellite for the Fifty50.  I won my ticket 20 minutes prior to the Fifty50 starting.  Woot!  I doubled up early in the 50/50 and was doing great.  Till I risked my whole stack on a hand I like to call...........Ace Rag.  Fuck. I flopped top pair but didn't know I was up against big slick. All I can say is, IT WAS SOOTED.

Between the satellite and the actual game, I put in over 3 hours of play, only to throw it away with one shitty hand.  I went to bed aggravated, but as I've said to Sugar Bear, it's okay if you learn from it.


I played in a live tourney at L&BM, which btw is actually called The Playa's Club.  This was the last regular tourney of the year for our league and the last opportunity to increase my points and standing.  The big game is on Super Bowl Sunday.  I was dozing in the living room and really didn't feel like going out but I've missed so many games (about 6) and didn't want to miss another.  Marvin had already secured first place and neither I nor anyone else could catch him, but I still wanted to go down swinging.

Since Marvin has the most points for the year he gets the winner's jacket.  I really wanted that frigging jacket. Eh, who cares about a fugly jacket?  First place prize for Superbowl Sunday is $800.  I told him he's won the jacket, but I'll get the 8 benjamins

Anywho, Saturday night was 11 peeps and a 2 table.  Marvin was at a separate table.  I had alot of weak players at my table and I was ready for them.  I played tight and aggressive.  It doesn't hurt that they're all afraid of me, but that doesn't help a helluva lot cuz these guys chase everything.  Regardless I like to make them pay for those cards.

I took out the hostess (Lynne) when she raised, doubling the blind and I smooth called with J-J.  (JJ are ok!)  Flop was 10 high, she bet out and I smooth called.  Turn was a 3 and she went all in.  Was I slightly worried about trips?  Even a smidge? NO.  Lynne has NO poker face.  For this entire tourney I'd been watching her face and knew when she bet with a hand and knew when she had crap.  Every time!  I shiat you not.  Like I said, it's a combo of her wearing every emotion on her face and me being awesome.  :)

So I instacall her jam and watch her face go from worried to crushed.  She flipped over A-8 for....I dunno, Ace high.  I knocked her out and got a $5 bounty and bunches of chips.

I used the chips to bully, bully, bully.  I could smell weakness like a shark smells blood.  Mmmmm By the time we merged into a final table I was stacking and Marving was the shortie.  He sat down saying "It's gonna be hard getting all those chips Josie, but  you know I'm gonna do it."  I'll tell you this, if anyone could, it's Marvin...or so I thought.

I have a gazillion chips and Marvin has mebbe 2 bbs when he jams in.  Just to be sociable (and for the $5 bounty) I give hims some action and so does Shaun and Freddie (Marvin's nephew).  I have J-9...ALMOST my fave hand.

Flop is 9-9-K.  I'm gonna knock Marvin Maverick out!  Obv I check.  Shawn checks, Freddie bets 2K and I jam all in baby!  Shawn and Freddit start moaning and groaning and fold. (both had a king).  I turn over my trips, with K-J kicker and Marvin has....Ace nine.  I picked up more chips than I gave Marvin but still!

Next critical hand is A-K.  Freddie raises and I call.  Flop is A-x-x.  He bets and I'm all in baby! He calls with Ace Rag (7) and catches the 7 on the river.  Fuck, I just doubled him up.

Marvin finally gets knocked out....there are 3 of us itm and then Freddie took out Rick so now we are heads up, but I am shortstacked to say the least!

A word about Freddie.  He was very very very very drunk.  As in so drunk, thinking was difficult.  And I was trash talking him like no one's business.  He's the black guy in the pic below.  You can't tell from the crappy quality of the pic, but he has on this frigging cool ulta embroidered red sox hat that cost like $50.  I keep telling him I'm going to win it from him.  I could wind up with his jacket too.  He kept saying I remember you.  I know what ur like.  Blah blah blah.

But like I said we're heads up and I'm a shortie.  2nd place is $60 and first place is $165.  He offers me $60 and we split.  Yep, he was that drunk! I tell him I'm getting $60 if I LOSE, and reject his offer.  And of course I remind him that he can't out play me and he's dead.  

Then I lose a couple hands.

I'm down to mebbe 3 BB and he says "Josie, what if you get $100?  Would you split for that?" 

To quoe Jules from Pulp Fiction "Sheeeiitt Negro, that's all you had to say!"

I take the deal!  I got $100 and he got $125 even though I only had 3 bb left.  Who am I to say no? Freddie got 1st and a few punches, I got 2nd and Rick got 3rd.

Rick, Josie and Freddie

Damn, this post is long and we still have Sunday to review.  I shall TRY to make this quick.  Sunday night I got home from visiting my Mom and decided to play a game.  Little did I know I'd be playing for over 6 hrs.

I chose a PLO $6 9 peep game.  I focused on playing hands with synergy, never playing out of position, and double soots.  Believe it or not (cuz I barely believe it myself) I won!  First place!  And it was OMAHA. $27 baby!

I decided to go for a $14 $75 token frenzy game.  88 peeps and top 20 get $75 tokens.  When we were down to 25 play took FOREVER with everyone waiting for the clock to wind down and zero action but I got my $75 token.  Woot!

I was in my groove.  I wasn't getting great cards but I was playing well and wanted to keep playing.  I decided on a satellite game.  11 peeps, top 3 get entry into $216 tourney and 4th place got $42.  11 peeps and it took OVER 2 1/2 hrs.  I shiat you not. I played till about 2am this morning, but baby, I got my $216!!!!

I unregistered from whatever event it was and I have $216 tourney dollahs!

Clicky to see that I winned!

Play smart.


Friday, January 21, 2011

You should be glad you don't live in Boston MA

Because if you lived here, you'd need a hat like the one I was sporting for the commute this morning.

America Runs On Dunkin


I'm in work!

I made it in.  Someday it's going to be hot and sunny in Boston.

As I was up uber early, and in the mood, I played a tourney on Full Tilt.  If I won, I was going to stay home.  Um, I'm here.  I played an $8 tourney with 52 peeps.  I played strong and smart.  I was pretending I was at Seabrook and it seemed to work.  When I play live I'm much more selective with my hands.  Online, not so much.

Anyway, a couple of breaks later I was down to the final table with 6 itm.  I'd been a chip leader for a while but suffered 2 bad beats, having the best hand till the river.  Anyway I was out 8th when a guy in early position raised and I jammed all in (7k) with 6-6.  He called with king jack off, the jack off! lol jk.  Flop was 2-3-4.  Hope!  Turn was an 8. Exhilaration....Mama's doubling up!  K on th river.  Suck.  LOL But it was FUN!

And it got me thinking.  When I went to Seabrook 2 or 3 times ago I was the bubble jamming with 6-6.  Perhaps I played a little too much like live!  I have to stop jamming with those mediocre pairs.  I know how to play post flop.  Perhaps if I waited till after the flop was flopped Mr. Donkalicous would've folded.

Oh Lightbulb, your b-day gift is at your disposal.  I suggest you start checking stuff.

Okay I ain't getting paid to blog about poker....well maybe I am, but still.  Work calls.

Play smart, like I'm gonna do tonight.  Still in tourney mood and I'm playing a big one tonight.  I'm up for suggestions.

Oh, and my bad mood is finally gone and I know the culprit:



I hate snow

I also hate sidewalks in Boston that are never cleared properly and become sheets of ice.  Working in Boston is treacherous lately and as I write this, more snow is coming down. 

It's Friday, but I now work 5 days a week and I am dreading the commute. 

Here are some pics from last week's snow dumping.

The photos were taken from my window and back door.  I stayed home from work that day, but it cost me a vacation day.  A vacation day that I could've used DURING THE SUMMER, at the beach. Gah!

So now that I work Fridays, I'm going in.  There is no way I am using TWO vacation days on this crap.  Besides, I  just found out that if you make it into work during inclement weather, no matter how late you are, you get paid for the entire day.  So, I'll be showing up at some point. :)

Brrrrrrrr....I hate hate hate the cold.  Hmmmm maybe I should use another vacation day......I dunno.  Sugar Bear's school is closed, as are Boston Public Schools.

I'm on the horns of a dilemma. I mean I'm already awake and it's only 5:30am.  I could just stay on the couch and play online poker.  Hmmm one game right now, and then I'll decide.  Stay tuned.

Play smart and stay inside, unless it costs you a vacation day.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Happy Birthday Lightbulb!

I often tease Lightning about his advancing years, but on his b-day I will give that a skip.  Instead.....seeing as it's his birthday, I figure there ought to be some presents coming his way.

Present #1

Turns out Lightning's into cherry pie.  I hope that isn't a euphemism for something else!

Present #2

Turns out Lightning is also a nerd!  He's really into daily planners too.

Okay, so you're probably thinking "Josie, those aren't real presents".  Perhaps you are right, although I did put time and thought into them, and really isn't that the best part of a present?


You materialistic biatches do not agree?  Fine.  There is a real present soon to be delivered to the old guy.

You may or may not know this but I am an expert cake baker/decorator but the old dude doesn't like cake!  Besides, delivery would be a problem.

I do know of something he likes though.  Something he likes quite a bit, methinks.  And that's what I'll be sending him.  You guys should be envious!

Stop by HERE and wish the guy a happy birthday.  He's going through some life changing events....poor guy.  Tell him the biotch sent you!



Wednesday, January 19, 2011


This isn't me, but when I get angry I get those lines between my eye brows.
Sugar Bear says my 11 is showing.

I'm in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mood.  Now when I say bad, what I mean is if you try to talk to me I might rip your mother fucking head off.  The problem is I don't know why!  Trust me, I'm usually very sweet.

Boss is the same as he always is, yet today I'm a hair away from taking a pipe to his knees ala Nancy Kerrigan.  I'm eating lunch at my desk and he keeps asking me work questions, to which I reply "I'll check it out after lunch."  To which he retorts "Oh take another minute".

I don't want another minute.  I want 30 minutes of peace and uninteruption.

But like I said it ain't him, it's me.  Everyone and everything is pissing me off.  If I didn't have concrete proof otherwise I'd swear I had my period.

New architect started yesterday.  I spent over a frigging hour with him yesterday with orientation and blah, blah, blah.  Today he quit.  Frigging really?  And get this...they're paying him for the day! 

And the receptionist didn't get milk for the coffee, even though I reminded her yesterday afternoon.  So I tell her again this morning.  She goes out.  20 min later she's back.  Guess what?  She forgot to bring money.  God help me.  Then (while waiting for milk so I can have coffee) I notice one of the airpots is kinda busted.

I tell her "Call the vendor, tell them the name of our coffee system, and get a price on a new airpot."

I give detailed instructions cuz you's her and it's necessary. 20 min later she has catalogues out and has prices ranging from $50-$150 and is wondering aloud about the differences and says "I was thinking on this....."

"No!!! Just call them and tell them the product name. Please no thinking!" Yes, that was mean, abrupt and brusque.

And it ain't her.  She's just being "her".  It's me being in a horrible mood.

Okay one more example so you guys will know how terrible I really am.  Mormon guy (who is NOT adam) owed me a receipt and I had to remind him twice.  As I am typing this post he sneaks up behind me and puts receipt in my hair!  Oh I almost killed him.  Then he LICKS the receipt and tries to stick it on me.  I just told him to get the fuck out.  (mormon's don't swear) I made him run away and feel terrible.

Since it ain't the monthly curse, maybe it's the nasty, horrible, cold weather?

Stay faaaar away from me, and if you dare comment you have no one to blame but yourself.

Devil Woman

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Patrt 3 of 3...Why I went in the first place

Disclosure:  Not a pokery post

While Sugar Bear was on school vacation after Christmas he told me he needed to buy xbox microsoft points because he wanted to "trade" them.  Huh?????  He said that he could trade microsoft points with some kid that he chatted with online.  Sugar trades the points and in return he gets "10th Prestige in Black Ops".  I'm not exactly sure what that meant but I thought it sounded sketchy.  I told him it was a bad idea because he didn't really know this kid.

Evan assured me it was fine.  But still, I just bought him a shitload of Christmas gifts and was not about to spend another penny on whatever that is.  Evan begged me to let him buy them with his money.


Did I think it was a good idea?  No!  But it's his money that he saved up.  If he wanted to risk his own money, that's for him to decide.  Now mind you Evan saves every dime.  He keeps his wallet in a locked box, and of the rare occasion that he opens said wallet, I'm sure a moth or 2 fly out.

Sooo he buys the points....sends the code to the kid....and guess what happens?

If you guessed that Evan got screwed, perhaps you are not a naive 12 year old boy. :)  The kid unfriended him and disapeared with the points.  No 10th prestige!

Evan was very upset and said to me "Why did you let me do it?" 

I said "I told you not to do it!  But  you learned a lesson that cost $20.  The important thing is to really learn from it and don't do it again."

Fast foward to last weekend.  Evan was playing a demo game online called Plants and Zombies...and of course it ended can buy the game for so many points. "Mom, I want this game so much, can you get me the points?"

Me:  "If you didn't give away those points you'd have them."

Evan:  "Ya, that's the thing.  Because of that, I'm a little short on cash now."

Me: "Ask again at your birthday".

Evan: "I gotta have this game!!!  I can't wait till my birthday."


Evan:  "Where are you going?"

Me:  "Seabrook..."

Evan: "Gross, poker again?"

Me: "If I win, I'll buy you those points for the Zombie game"

Ev: "Yay! You always win!" (no pressure!)

I stopped at Walgreens and got those points on the way home.  Mama was a hero on Sunday morning!  And for a little while the killing on Black Ops stopped and we focused on killing Zombies.

Play smart.....for the kids!


Monday, January 17, 2011

Part 2 of 3: The Spanish Inquisition

So with my win I'm feeling pretty good about my play.  I have Monday off and there's a pricey deep stack event.  By pricey I mean $250 buyin.  But that's just too much of the money I just won even though it's tempting as I'm sure there's some nice cash associated with that.  I make a deal with myself.  I decide to play the Sunday 4pm $70 tourney and if I win, then I'll play the $250 tourney on Monday. 

$70 buyin and 10k in chips, 35 peeps.  Plus there were about 6 big screen tvs surrounding me and they all have The Pats/Jets game on.  I thought that was a good thing.  Very quickly it became a bad thing.  The Jets outplayed The Pats from the first quarter on.  Poor Tom.

Anyway, I'm playing away much the same as yesterday.  I'm building my stack slowly, playing precious few hands and watching my opponents with my head phones on.  My first big hand was The Spanish Inquisition.....The dangerous 6-3 sooted.  Ever read about it on CrAAKKer's blog?  I was in the middle of the pack when I decided to limp with 6-3.  Very rarely do I limp in a hand, and certainly not at the beginning of a tourney.  I see alot of guys doing just that...limping into alot of hands...trying to see a flop on the cheap.  I just don't play that way.  Anyway, limp I did, along with 4 other peeps.  Flop was 4-5-7.  Donkey Kong!!! (with 2 hearts)

First to act bets 400 2nd to act calls, 3rd calls and I raise to 4K.  First to act calls and everyone else folds.  Turn was an 8.  He checks and I jam all in.  He thinks about it and calls me.  He has trip 5s.  No boat on the river and I take him out.  And he had alot of chips.  BOOM!  Mind you I'd been playing very tight and he was shocked to see the 6-3.  Thank you CrAAKKer!

A few hands later I get 6-3 AGAIN.  I smile to myself and decide to limp with them again.  The guy to my left is a real regular there.  He's ALWAYS there and wound a little too he's on cocaine, coffee and mebbe a four locko chaser.  Anyway after I limp in he raises to 4x BB and since The Spanish Inquisition has been so good to me, clearly I must call.

Flop is 4-5-10.  I check, he bets 800.  I hold my breath and start thinking HAMMER!!!  7 OR 2...I need you! and I call.

Turn is a 2!  I frigging LOVE Craakker!  I bet 1,500 now and HE goes all in.  I instacall.  He says YOU CAN'T HAVE 6-3 AGAIN.  Ahhhh but I do.  He has J-J and is drawing dead.  He's twitching like a mo-fo, jumps up and says "You call my raise WITH THAT?" 

He's right!  What can I say?  So I try to explain that as he knows, I just won with that hand, and I know this guy Craakker who plays it.........he said something rude and walked away.


I have about 40k at first break and I'm grinning from ear to ear.  I text Gary and let him know my status.  The only bummer is The Pats.  They cannot seem to get their game together but I keep hoping something will click.

After the break I became card dead for over 2 hours.  And I mean card dead!!!!  I kept those same chips for over 4 hours but couldn't do anything great with them.  And it's not like if I'd called I would've hit something.  Just crap cards that I couldn't play.  When we get to the final table I have about 36K and I'm not happy.  No bad plays, just very little playing.  I'd won a few pots here and there but that's it.

Then I lose a third of my stack to this retard.  Now rarely will you hear me call an opponent stupid, but the only thing this guy's head was good for was a hat rack.  TWICE duing the tourney while he was the BB he mucked his cards when he could've just checked.  He never knew what was going on.  The second time he did it, even though the cards hit the muck, he grabbed them back when someone (me) told him he could've just checked.  I wasn't in the hand but I was like wtf he can't take them back.  Dealer was silent and staring straight ahead.  The guy asks the dealer if he can play them and the dealer says "Am I stopping you?"

I was outraged.  The cards HIT the muck!  Dealer said if the guy could get them back (and he did) he could play them.  The SB didn't call the floor but I would've. 

In another hand, this same idiot calls on the flop, turn, and river....and there are 4 diamonds on the board.  When retard calls the river he asks...."Do you have a pair?"  The guy answers that he has trips and the retard says "Oh, I only have an ace"  and throws it down.  Ummmm it was the ace of diamonds...nut flush and he didn't know it. OMFG.  And he called all those big bets thinking he had ace high.  FML

Anyway, final table and the idiot's in first positiona and smooth calls.  I'm one before the blinds with AK and raise big.  He jams all in.....hmmmmm.......  This was the best hand I'd seen in hours so I call!

He has A-A.  Fuck me!  I double him up.

I am tilty now.

In the next 15 minutes I get BIG SLICK 3 MORE TIMES.  I lose with them against A-J.  I lose with them again the 3rd time.  I double up the 4th time and the guy next to me whispers that if he called he would've knocked me out.  Blahhhhhhh

I ended up out 6th and although it was 3 itm, when it was down to 4 they did a 4 way split.  Soooo frigging close.  I ended up winning $50 in the cash game so I almost got my $70 buy in back.....but no big money deep stack event for me on my MLK day.

And I KNOW how AK ain't all it's cracked up to be yet I fell into the A-K trap......even though I am fully aware that it's a hole in my game and I thought I'd plugged it up.  Had I just limped with it I may have made it to the money.  Something to think about.

Play smart.

Part 3 to come.


Winnar! Part 1 of 3

I promised Sugar Bear that I'd make homemade white pizza and chicken cutlets for dinner Saturday night, but was thinking about hitting Seabrook for the 7pm tourney.  So dinner was gonna have to be early.

He loved the white pizza, "Except for Nana's pizza, this is the best pizza I've ever had."  It's hard to go wrong with olive oil, garlic, fresh basil, a bit of a cream sauce and three different kinds of cheese.  It might've been too good cuz the bastard didn't eat his chicken.  :) 

I got to Seabrook about 7:10 but was still in time for the first hand. Whew... 32 peeps.  $100 buyin, no rebuy, 9k in starting chips with 3 itm.  My goal was to be at 13K at the first break.

I liked my table immediately.  I was in the 10 seat. Seats 7, 8 & 9 were in every hand.  At one point the guy in seat 9 turned to me and said "You don't play many hands do you?"   Not as many as you!  Seat 3 was uber aggressive and I got some chips from him when I checked tptk, he raised and I hit him with a big reraise.  He folded and I showed.  Soon after seat 9 raised big in first position and I smooth called with AA.

Flop was 9 high rainbow.  :)  He bet 1,000 and I raised to 3K and he jammed all in.  Trips?????  I have to call here and see I'm up against QQ.  Bye seat 9!!!  Nice enough guy.  He stayed and railed me for the entire game.  He said he was very glad I didn't donk off his chips.

After I took out seat 9, then I took out seat 8 and seat 7.  In that order!!!

A few hands later I have A-10 sooted crubs and make a standard raise.  Seat 8 reraises me.  I played with him last week and he's a decent player.  I'm thinking I'm behind but I have all these chips so I call.  Flop was Ah, K & J of clubs!  Nice flop!  I make a decent bet to see where I am and he jams all in.

Darn it!!!  His all in is a little over 10K.  I know he has better than top pair 10 kicker, but man I have so many outs!  Flush draws, straight draws, and the royal flush draw.  I take my time and think about it for quite a while.  10k is just too much......I show the table my hand after a few minutes of thinking so they know I'm not just wasting time.   I finally call.  The whole table, including the dealer tells me that's an instacall.  I disagree.  Half my chips on a draw, albeit alot of draws, is not an instacall.

Seat 8 turns over K-K for trip Kings.  Ut oh!

Turn is a crub and I make my nut flush.  Seat 8 starts praying for the board to pair, but NOPE.  gg Seat 8!

Seat 7 is a shortie and when he jams all in on my BB, I call him with 5-6 crubs.  I'm liking crubs!  I hit my 5 and send him packing.  The whole table starts calling me the terminator and I tell Seat 6 that I'm working in order so he's next.  :)  He's a really good player and tells me he's gonna get me.  He does win a hand against me when he has J-J and I call a preflop raise with 6-6.  The flop missed me so I folded and he showed me his J-J.  I go into the break with about 35K.

Our table breaks up so Seat 6 and I go our separate ways.  He tells me he knows I'll be bringing that big stack to the final table and he'll see me there.  He was right.  :)

I hold onto that stack and maintain it until I double up this old guy.  Guy's a shortie and raises my BB.  I have K-J and I call.  Flop is K-x-x.  I check cuz I'm tricky and he jams all in.  I call!  He turns over 9-9.  ha!  But the river as a 9 and I double him up.  Grrrrrr 2 outer!

I make the chips up when I get A-A.  A guy raises and someone  else and I call. Flop is 2-2-6.  Raiser jams all in and I jam all in behind him.  3rd guy thinks a looooooooong time and folds snowmen.  I'm up against K-K.  Yay!  Turn is an 8.  Doh!  The guy with pocket 8s, who folded his over pair looks sick, but damn, he did the right thing.  I take out the other guy and we're headed to the final table.

The old man I doubled up is to my left.  I get my chips back but it's a much smaller stack than what I gave him.  I'm the big stack and the guy from seat 6 is here.  My biggest competition is an asian guy to my right.  He seems to reraise everytime I raise and I've been giving him chips.  Not alot mind you, but the blinds are big so it ain't a little either.  Until I play J-7 sooted.  I hit a straight on the turn and started checking.  He bet and I called.  River is a 3rd diamond.  Dammit!  I check as there's a ton of chips in there anyway and he bets 25K.  I like my straight so I call.  He mucks his hand before I even turn over mine and all of a sudden he's a little short.  :)

Now the deals start.  We are down to 5 peeps and we agree to take 130 off of first, $70 off of second and pay 4th and 5th their buy in back.  We're itm!!!  Soon 5th is out and we are down to 4.

We play 4 handed for over an hour.  The asian guy and the seat 6 guy keep trading short stack status but no one is getting knocked out.  They keep wanting to make a 4 way chop but I am holding out.  I'm the big stack and it ain't happening.  I'm playing strong and smart today and I like my odds.  Then seat 6 comes up with a different idea.  "Young Lady, why don't we take another $100 off of first and pay 4th $200?"  Um....NO!!!  "Old Man, first place is mine and we ain't chopping it up further!"

He's a really nice guy and starts laughing and takes off his hat to show his bald head.  He tells me that even though he's bald, he's not that old.  I tell him that I ain't that young.

We keep playing and playing till seat 6 (old man) comes up with another idea.  He says "You have about 40k more than 2nd place.  How about we chop 4 ways but we give you an extra $100, you're the declared winner, and that'll leave an extra $110 on the table as the dealer's tip."

Hmmmmm I like this idea.  I get an extra $100 and I don't have to tip the dealer from my win.  Tip would've been $40 at least.  I take the deal.  Wooot!!!!  Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner! I got $700 after playing for 4 1/2 hrs.  Not too shabbay at all.

Part 2 to come.

Play smart.


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Seabrook Tourney - I did it!!!

I have a long recap in me, but no time to write it just yet.

I returned to the scene last night (Seabrook poker room) and threw my $100 back in.  This time I winned!  Kinda.......

Many, many details to follow.  The most important one being "Mama's rich!"

Play smart.


Friday, January 14, 2011

Pats Trounce Jets

I can't WAIT for this Sunday at 4:15pm when The New England Patriots take on The New York Jets.  It's gonna be sooooo good.

There aren't too many things in life you can really count on, but count on this.  Pats win.  Now that doesn't mean the jets are gonna roll over and die before they get started, like the last time they played The Pats, but they're still gonna lose.  Poor Frankie is gonna be crying in his lemonade Sunday night, while getting gloating texts from me.  :)

The Pats have a combination of brains and heart.  Unbeatable.  Perhaps that's the winning combination for poker too.

Play smart.


Bayne of my existence and Canadians

Oh Bayne, Bayne, Bayne.......I cannot believe you Rick Roll'd me!  Messing with Mama's link love is below the belt. 

Can you imagine my shock when I clicked on Very Josie on Bayne's side bar, only to be sent to "You've been Rick Rolled!".  LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Now fix my link pronto!  This certainly cannot be helping with my image of being a guy.

Fix. It.


Canadians.....they freak me out.  I suppose the biggest reason is because of the trauma I sustain on a daily basis by our Canadian receptionist.  Long time readers may remember my encounter with her at a bar at Christmas time.  Well this Christmas she upped her game.  I know better than to post the story so you're going to have to trust me when I tell you she's koo koo for cocoa puffs.  And then there was DB Cooper, the Canadian blogger who played The Very Josie and then promptly stopped blogging the next day.  Frigging freaky. (Full Disclosure: Through blogging I've had the pleasure of meeting some of the nicest people who happen to be Canadians)

Anyway, the other day I was on Full Tilt chatting with a guy from *gasp* Canada!  I'm sure I let my fear of Canadians somehow slip into the chat.  So he tells me "I'm not from Canada, I'm from Quebec".  Now Geography is NOT my strong point, but isn't that like saying "I'm not from the U.S., I'm from Massachusetts?"

I assumed he was pulling my leg so my response was "If I was from Canada, I wouldn't admit it either..."  but he kept insisting he wasn't Canadian.  Am I missing something?  Aren't people from Quebec Canadian too?

Today's Adam's last day at work.  Booo!!!!!  He's going to Cambridge 7, a shee shee up and coming architecture firm.  So only for Adam am I going to..............blow my diet.

Well kinda!

For my 25lb weightloss challenge I am down 5 whole lbs!  Wheeeee.  Now this is just since Jan 2nd and one of the keys to this success is NO BOOZE.  Sad but true.  If I wanna lose weight, no empty calories is the way to go, but Mama's drinking tonight!  And then there's the matter of a brownie, that I am currently consuming.  Darn it!  Free food gets me every time!  One of the girls baked brownies for Adam's last day and I had to celebrate.....Mmmmmm celebrating as I type.  :)

Adam's girlfriend is leaving today to go back to Minnesota for school.  What convenient timing!  BVUGrad, who sometimes comments here, (and lives in Minnesota) has a thing for Adam's GF, who is frigging gorgeous and one of my facebook friends.  If you're my facebook friend and wanna be REALLY envious of Adam, look up Libby in Minnesota.

The big drama going around the office today is Crazy Canadian Receptionist.  Will she go out tonight after the stuff she pulling last month at the holiday party?  No one even knows if she's aware of the location.  Should be very interesting......

Drink smart.


Bayne.....fix my link!!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

True Story

Have I ever told you that I loooooooove kids and babies?  Would I like to live with more than one of them?  No!  I'm too lazy and kids are alot of work.  I just like playing with them.  They bring me joy. 

A few years ago someone in the office had a baby and when she emailed the pic to me, I put it up as my desktop background cuz like I said, I LOVE BABIES!  Since then, I've always kept someone's kid on my desktop.  Whenever someone stops by they always want to see whose cute kid is being featured.  Coworkers email me their kids pics regularly so I rotate.  It's always been kids for the last few years.  Whenever I see those innocent eyes it picks up my day.

Until the group blogger photo...

I replaced a cute little 2 yr old girl with Oh Captain's blogger pic and I got quite a few disgruntled comments from parents but the funniest came from a Senior Associate the other day.  This is a divorced guy with no kids and the best way to describe him is "metrosexual".  Always dresses to the nines with every hair in place, usually wearing a tie, although it's NOT required.  You know the type, right?

So he glances at my desktop, sees the pic and says "Oh this must be from the Vegas trip".  Yup!

Then he looks a little closer and says "What a group of people.  They look like they just rolled out of bed."

I explain that yes, most of us did just roll out of bed and most are hung over.  He digests this nugget and responds....

"But still, take a look at that sorry you actually know him, did you talk to him?"

My answer?

"That's Lightning!  Of course I talked to him! That's my buddy."

True story!


PS.  I replaced the blogger pic this morning with a couple of Mormon cuties.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Another one converted

Sooooooo....I'm playing a $3 (90) peep game, cuz that's where I cash most.  We're down to the final table and I am playing AWESOME poker so every now and again Lucky Duck and Fricking Jew Boy congratulate me on winning a hand with a gg or whatevah.  Finally one of the guys at the table that I'd been chatting with comments that I have fans at a $3 game.  So of course I give him the url to this blog so he can learn a thing or two about poker.

Anyway about 5 minutes later we're chatting and he mentions something about did I have "jack ten" so he obv read the last post.  I then go on about the wonders of jack ten while someone at the table doubles up with that very hand.

Well a few hands later my buddy raises and someone else jams all in.  Now we're at the FINAL table of a 90 peep tourney....he thinks about it and calls the all in preflop for all his chips with......yep JACK TEN.

See below!

Pocket Queens are no match for the mighty JT!

This guy has a serious set of balls to make that kinda call, just because some chick was talking about the hand.  +1

After chatting for about 5 minutes he asks me:
"Are you a girl or a bad boy?"  -1 

Why does everyone think I'm a guy???????

I ended up in mebbe 6th place.  Blahhhh

Play smart.


The Mighty Jack Ten


Play smart.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I have a silk blouse that is lavender, perhaps a shade lighter than this background, which I've probably worn twice before.  Why?  Because it's always a bit too snug to wear!  So because I can never wear it, it's sitting in the closet, freshly cleaned and ready to go.

This morning I tried it on and it was positively loose! (that's GOOD)  So I wore it to work, obv, and a few people complimented me on my "new" blouse.  Yay!  Plus the silk feels kinda silky and nice, which is a bonus.

Cut to lunch time..............

There's a lunch presentation going on, complete with free lunches that include mammoth sized sandwiches and mammoth sized desserts.  I opt to skip fattening lunch and instead have my Weight Watchers frozen meal.  I should lose like 10 lbs for that reason alone!  For some reason "free" is far too tempting for me yet I resisted.

As I'm eating my frozen meal, a huge gob of sauce falls from my fork and lands both on my blouse and IN my blouse.  I could feel the slime sliding right down. (That's BAD)

I finally cleaned it all up but there is a huge stain running smack down the middle of my top and I am quite sure the blouse is ruined. (That's UGLY) 

And I only wore it once! This morning I was thrilled that the pretty top was now in the rotation, but thought it's so loose it may only be useful for a couple more weeks.
As I'm think about all this, I decide that I will post about my misery and since words don't do justice to the pretty silk blouse or the nasty stain I rummage for my camera.  Yep, my plan was to take a quick photo of said stain, but guess what?  I left my frigging phone home.  Grrrrrr


Monday, January 10, 2011

Poker Goals and Good Advice

I'm in work, eating my lunch and journaling a bit about goals and such.  As I'm writing, I'm thinking about the games I played last night and how I need to change from the types of games I've been playing for the past few months, when I see this comment come in from Drizz:

Drizz said:
If you want to reach your goal online I'd suggest something different than heads-up matches.

The rake eats up a lot of your winnings. Rush poker is VERY good for get in a ton of hands without spending all night waiting for decent cards/bad players.

How weird that he and I wrote pretty much the exact thing about changing games?

Now truth be told, the majority of my game isn't heads up matches, although I do enjoy them.  They feel more like a chess match to me, which is another game I enjoy.  But Drizz is so right about changing my games.  I haven't had much success lately, but looking back to previous online successes, most of my cash has come from (90) person games and larger tourneys, so I've been thinking about focusing on that for a bit.

Now I previously posted being down $60 for 2011.  Which, by the way, the majority of that went to fricking Drizz himself.  How does he sleep at night, taking hard earned cash from an innocent short little girl? :P  I'll tell you how.  He's going to continue giving me good advice as it's the least he can do.  Even though I might have been a wee bit short tempered by then end of our session. (I was a litle pissed off for more than one reason) 

Anyway, I played 3 games in the past 24 hrs.

Game 1: A $6 (90) person and came in 12th.  Yep, you read that right. Blah!!!!  I did get 3 knock outs though. Net negative $3.

Game 2:  I played The Poker Slut (keep your comments to yourself) game last night, cuz Bammer told me to and I came in 3rd.  I dunno who that Gadzooks guy is but I owe him a beating.  I was chip leader from the start but one bad hand had me scrambling to get itm. Cash of $9, net of $4.

Game 3: I played an $11 (18) peep and came in 3rd for a win of $32 (I think) and a net of $21.  Yes, again I was chip leader through most of the whole damn game.

So that puts my shitty online play at negative $38, which is certainly better that -$60.

Drizz, I'm gonna need more advice than "Play Rush".  Please be more specific.  :))))))) Thank you.  I promise to be un-bitchy from now on.

Play smart.


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Deep Stack Tournament

Saturday afternoon 1:30pm deep stack tourney.  $100 buyin, 15k in starting chips.

On the ride to NH Gary and I go over our deal.  Deal is to split NET winnings (profit) up to $100 (the buyin).  That way if one of us wins a decent amount, then no one loses. A little insurance on the buy in and we are off!

While we wait for the game to start, I mention to Gary my modest goals for this tourney.  If you know me at all, you know I like to chip up early.  And alot.  Fuck who doesn't, right?  But instead of the usual, I want to play this deep stack long term.  I tell him my goal is to be over the 15K starting stack by the first break.  That's all.  By 2nd break, goal is to be at 30k.  At each break I count my chips to see where I'm at and to ensure no "mistakes" are made when dealers are coloring in small chips.

We're at separate tables and we're off.  There are 2 very tight women at the table that I've played with before, and one of them is an off duty dealer.  They remember me too.  Then there are 2 Yankee hats at the table.  One belongs to a heavily tattooed kid whose wearing shades and a hat with a hood over it.  The other Yankee hatter is a total idiot.  On hand 2 he reraises 4k, makes a guy fold and flips over a total bluff.  He over bets again and again with crap.  Mama likie!

And there is Youth.  A young kid sitting 2 seats away from me chatting me up.  Blah, blah, blah. I smile and put my head phones on. I'm playing pretty tight and about 15 hands in I get QQ.  I raise to 5 times the blind, and Youth says "This is the type of hand that always gets me in trouble" and he calls.  Flop is J-7-3.  Yay!  I bet 1,000 and he calls.  Hmmmm....turn is a 5.  I bet 1,600 and he calls.  River is a 10.  Fuck.  I figure J-10 is the type of hand he was talking about.  We check it down and he flips over J-10.  Ouch.

Soon after I play 3-3 against 2 guys.  Flop is 9-9-4.  Check all around.  Turn is a 3.  Ping! One guy bets, the next folds, and I raise.  he calls the raise.  Turn is x.  He bets 1,000 and I raise to 5,000.  He calls and turns over k-9, while I mumble "full house". 

I take down a few other pots with K-K and Q-Q.  This time my queens hold up against the jack high flop.  Whew....

At the first break I have 28K, which is right where I want to be.  Gary's at about 14,600, also right in the neighborhood.  While Gary and I are chatting Yankee Hat Idiot (YHI) comes over and tells me that I'm playing well and making the right size bets.  Now he's been a total donk and so after chatting politely and listening to him complimenting my play I smile and say "I've got your number.  I know how you play."  He starts laughing and says "Why, just because I bluff alot?  I change up my play!"  We'll see.....

After the break Yankee Idiot gets into a pissing match with this hispanic guy.  Hispanic guy is a calling station and happily pays whatever amount you bet to see another card.  Even if the flop misses him.  But this time it didn't.  Yankee Idiot bluffs all in, Hispanic guy calls and doubles up.  Now Yankee Idiot is a little short stacked and on tilt.

A few hands later I get A-K and just smooth call.  Why?  I'm no longer a big fan of investing alot of money in A-K as it's burned me in the past.  If the flop hits me, then my hand is pretty concealed.  Anyway I smooth call, another guy calls and Yankee jams all in.  I instacall and see him turn over K-9.  Flop is K high and I knock him out.  I tell him good game.  Why?  I have no idea as he didn't play a good game but whatever.  It's less than 10 minutes since the break and I took the guy out!

I am amassing a big stack.  Certainly the chip leader at my table as I have almost 60K at this point.  I get pocket 10s and raise 5x BB and Youth calls me.  Flop is 3-4-5.  Youth bets 3K and I don't want to give him another card so I raise 12K on top making it 15K.  He thinks for quite awhile and grabs chips with a shaking hand and finally says "All In".  Fawk!!!!  I have him covered's about another 22K on top.  I get the sinking feeling he has trips.  What else could he call that big raise with?  I think about it for a while and fold my over pair face up.

And he turns over....................

Wait for it...............................

Jack six.  I shiat you not.  WTF!  All in against the awesome big stack (me) on an open ended straight draw.  How does he call my big preflop raise with that shiat?  He tells me "I was betting that you're a good enough player to fold your over pair."  Whatever!  I smack him a few times but he doesn't seem to mind.

The off duty woman dealer hasn't played many hands but she's shortstacked.  She's playing too timidly and it's hurting her.  She's in a hand with Youth and the flop is A-K-X rainbow.  Youth bets and she jams all in.  Youth calls and turns over K-3.  She hasn't turned hers over but I say to Youth (who I'm still pissed at) "You don't know that she has at least an ace?  She hasn't played a hand in an hour!"

She turns over A-10 and he doubles her up WITH MY CHIPS.  Then he says to me "I make one donk move every 6 hours." as way of explanation.  I reply that he's all set for the next 18 hours then, and the whole table laughs.

10 minute breaks are every 90 minutes and we are on our 2nd break.  I have 38K, a bit more than my goal of 30K but I am soooo steaming about giving Youth 15k.  Gary and I are chatting while waiting at the bar for a drink and low and behold but Youth is ahead of us ordering a beer.  He taps me on the shoulder and asks me if he can buy me a drink.  I say "Sure you can, but it doesn't change that I'm pissed.  I'll have a Diet Coke." Bartender asks regular or large?  I answer, "He's buying so a large."  I am soooooo pissed.

Then the bartender cards Youth.  He shakes his head and tells us that she already carded him before, and adds "It's not like I'm young, I was born in 1983!"  Gary said "I was in high school in 1983" and I say "I was 3 years old in 1983" which Youth seems to buy, but makes Gary practically do a spit take.  Okay, so maybe I was actually 17 yrs old in 1983.  Potato, potahto.

As I said, I have 38K and Gary says he's at maybe 25K and asks me if I'm up for a last longer bet.  I'm feeling so tilty from my bad lay down that I don't trust myself and I decline the offer.  About 20 minutes later Gary is out and I start blaming Youth for me not taking that bet.  He takes it all like a good sport and I'm really comfortable at my table.  The women aren't playing and I am starting to steal blinds.  It's been 3 hours of appearing tight, which is part of my usual MO.  I like to appear tight for the first couple hours and then start stealing blinds.  I've been doing this repeatedly to the hispanic man and he's the BB when he says "You gonna raise on my blind again?"  I haven't looked at my cards yet but as he asks I peek and see KK. My answer is "I raise!" and make it 3x BB.  He calls but then folds after the flop.  I show him my KK and the table Ooos and ahhhs.

We play for hours and my table gets chopped up as we are down to 2 tables.  I make one stupid move that costs me more than half my stack.  I have 7-7 and make a big raise.  Mind you the blinds are pretty fucking huge and the BB jams all in.  I'd been playing with this guy and I've seen him to do this with crap and after thinking and thinking I somehow call him.  DUH!  He flips over A-K and we're racing.  I'm still ahead at the turn but the river comes and brings him Broadway.  Buh-bye chips.

Next hand is 2-2 and I (being tilty) decide to play.  Flop is K-2-something and I congratulate myself on playing the hand.  It's even better cuz someone jams all in.  I call!  He catches runner, runner for Broadway.  Different guy but same result.  2 consecutive hands.  Oh My God!  I am down to 2k but the blinds are 2k-4k.  So I'm pretty much done.  Except I double up!  A few hands later I double up again.  Then a 3rd time when I catch a miracle straight on the river myself!  karma baby!  I've gone from 2k to 64k and we are down to the final table.  Even though there are only 6 places in the money, we all agree to take money off of first and second to pay everyone 7-10 100 bucks each (the buy in back).  And we're off!

We play for a while and I get 10-10.  Youth raises and I am thrilled but it's not my turn to act yet.  Another guy jams all in and then it's to me.  I don't like being up against 2 hands and I know Youth ain't going anywhere.  There are guys railing the final table and I don't bother covering my hand while I think.  I decide to wait and fold my tens.  (Yes, isn't it ironic that I called with 7s but fold 10s?")  The guy behind me tells me what a bad fold that was.  "You're not going to see anything better than that" is exactly what he said.  Yeah, but I think I'm up against 4 over cards and possibly an over pair.  Youth calls the all in.  Youth has K-Q (making his quota of dumb moves) and he's  up against A-K.  A-K hits a straight and the railbird tells me what a great fold it was after all.

But the blinds are huge and the cards are shitty.  Finally I get A-8 sooted and jam.  Big stack calls and so does someone else.  3 way all in.  Up against 6-6 and A-Q.  I hit an ace but it doesn't help and I'm out.

I get my money back and I'm fricking devastated.  All the guys tell me that I've played great but it takes a couple of hours for me to cool down.  1st place was 1,800 and 2nd was 1,200.  So close yet so far, although I am grateful to get my money back.

Lucky Gary got to hear all about it on the way home.  We consoled ourselves with Chinese food.

I know this post is kinda long but if you've come this far, stay with me a little longer.  Let's talk about my 2011 goals, shall we?  I was hoping the live tourney would offset the online losses and put me in the black for 2011 but not so.  Not yet anyway.

2011 Live play:  Even steven (I will not be counting my $5 home game in this)
2011 Online: -60.  Fuck me.  I need to focus on playing games within my bankroll and not try to win a gazillion in one day.
2011 25lb weight loss challenge:  4lbs lost since Jan 1st.  Yay me!  21 lbs to go.

Play smart.  I wanna go back to Seabrook.