Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Once again, blame EVP

Think you're a good poker player?

Good enough to beat Very Josie?

I'm going to set up a private tournament on Full Tilt - we'll only be playing against each other. The tourney can be from 6 players to 60. Once it's set up, I'll post the password here so all Very Josie readers can play if they choose to.

Small buy-in, so no excuses please.

We shall see if EVP can play against me and win. Believe me EVP, you won't be the first guy to walk away frustrated. :)

More info to come!

Play smart - you better if you're playing against me.


Pour Some Sugar On Me

Between tournaments and cash games this weekend, I also managed to make the cakes you see here. Yeah, yeah, I know you guys aren't interested in baking but TOO BAD. :)

These were the fastest cakes I've ever decorated and that's why the basketball shirt kinda sucks. It was the second cake and I was running out of time. But the kid loved it. If they know Auntie Josie is making their cake they're jumping up and down even before they see it.

Anyway, just so you know, this is NOT my best work, but I'm proud of all of my creations.

At that tournament last week I had some business cards with me, and I was very tempted to write the url of my blog down and give it to a few guys at the table. We were having some great chats about poker and I thought it'd be cool.

Is that weird? Is that a good idea? I thought it might help readership.

Play smart.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Seabrook Tournament March 28, 2010

Boy, are you guys prognosticators or something? :)

A little information first: (this is more for my own recordkeeping than your storytelling pleasure) Saturday 4pm tournament, $70 buyin, no re-buys with 6,000 in chips.

First of all, it was a helluva fun day. Usually when I go to Seabrook I go alone. It was very nice to go there with a wingman and have a friend in the place.

Second of all, as nice as it was to have Gary there, we never played at the same table, so we didn't actually interact much.

Third of all, on the way up I proposed that we give each other 10% of our winnings with a cap $70. I like the idea of doubled my odds of re-couping my buy in. And Gary is a horse I like betting on. I mean he was the only one I couldn't get out of last week's tourney.

On to the tournament!

Remember, when I start a tourney I am very quiet and observant. I'm sizing up play, taking careful notice of betting patterns, checking eye blink patterns, watching people's facial reactions and pretty much laying low. That being said, laying low for "Very Josie" means stealing blinds if no one else is in the pot. I only do it with a decent hand and if a blind should call, and I don't hit the flop, I fold.

Doing that, I had picked up a couple of small pots early. I REALLY like to get a bit of a chip stack early. At this table, you'll see that I got a BIG chip stack early.

10 minutes into it, I get KK. Guy in first position smooth calls, then everyone folds. When it's to me, it's 5 times the big blind (250 chips). The blinds fold and the guy in first position calls me. We're heads up. Flop is A-rag-rag. I check and he bets pot (650 chips). I don't like that ace and he does. Dammit.

I fold my kings face up and say I know you have an ace. He very proudly shows TWO aces. Damn! KK against AA.

I say WOW I got lucky. If there wasn't an ace on the flop I would've lost a ton of chips. Whew.

Couple hands later I'm on the button with A-3 hearts. Everyone's folded before me so I call (yeah I know I hate ace rag). The big blind checks.

Flop has two hearts so I make a small bet and the big blind calls. Turn is a heart!
I've got the nut flush so I promptly check.

There's about 400 in chips in the pot and my opponent goes all in! Huh? I can't see WHAT he has except maybe trips. And why go all in when there's only 400 in the pot?

I call and he turns over KK. He's dead regardless of that last card.

Funny thing is he didn't play a hand until that one but I had more chips than him. I take him out and double up. This is while the blinds are still 25-50.

After that I become dangerous. Don't give it chips! I bet my hands hard and keep picking up small pots.

Almost time for the first break 4 minutes left. I have about 19k in chips and decide to take a walk see how Jew Boy is faring.

He has a decent stack in front of him, certainly more than the 6k we started with, maybe more than 10K. We rock!

I go back to my table, play another hand. Now it's less than a minute till the break. I leave to find Jew Boy - figure we can chat during the break.

I get to his table and he's heads up in a hand - other players are gone on break. On the flop is Q-K-rag. I see a ton of chips in the pot and Gary makes a big raise. Other guy goes all in. Gary's in the tank. I wish him luck and have no idea what he has. He calls the all in and turns over Q-10. The other guys has K-something. Gary's hand doesn't improve and now he's shortstacked as we leave.

He tells me he was up to maybe 20K or something! Maybe Gary can comment on his thought process here!

I remind him that he was short stacked last week and went on to win the tourney with me, so I'm not too concerned. He knows how to play short stacked.

That being said he was out of the tourney probably a half hour later. He says he had Q-7 suited hearts, and the flop was 3 hearts. He went all in and got called by K-something, also both hearts, and he was out.

Poor Jew Boy - He probably played 1 1/2 hrs and had to wait about 3 more hours for me.

I am really happy with my play on Saturday. I made smart calls, smart folds and smart reads.

I bluffed ONCE. I knew this guy had a certain smirk when he didn't have a great hand and didn't want to call. So I pushed all in on the river WITH NOTHING. Of course he folded, so my tell was correct. He asked to see my hand so I showed him my nine high. (prior to that I showed 2 hands that were 10, 10 and AA)

I did not bluff before or after that hand, and I wasn't getting much action and thought showing that might get me some in the future.

All day I've been very aggressive, but only when I had something good. I wasn't playing mediocre hands or shitty ones. If I was in I was betting hard and had a hand every time. One guy kept saying he wanted to play at a different table.

When our table broke we got moved to a new table and as he sat down he looked at his buddy and said she's dangerous and aggressive, watch out. I gave him a look.

Then I said to the table. He chases straights and flushes - Bet big and he'll pay you. (I got alot of chips that way. Good hands and big bets against draw chasers).

He later apologized to me when we headed to the final table. I explained to him that I never talk about anyone at the table, but whenever I'm there I always hear "she's aggressive, did you just come from vegas, watch out for her, I remember you" over and over. And I think it's because I have a vagina. I mean, because I'm a woman, but whatever.

Okay 6 places are in the money, and I make it to the final table. When we're down to 8 we make a deal: $100 off of first, $50 off of second, and we'll pay 7th and 8th $75 each.

Everyone at the table's now in the money!

We keep playing and playing. I have 36K in chips and the blinds are 3,000 & 6,000. I have 99. Guy in first position limps, everyone folds and I raise to 20K. Blinds fold and the guy in first calls.

Flop is 2-3-4.

He checks and I (stupidly?) go all in. He insta-calls and shows K-K.

Turn is a 6. I now pray for a 5 and split, but it doesn't happen.

I'm out in 7th place and win $75.

Don't forget that I owe Jew Boy 10% of my winnings!

So I pretty much broke even, but man, I played great till that last hand.

Do we see a pattern here? I keep getting to the final table and then I donk off my chips! Any ideas on how to play a final table better? I think it's because after so many hours I get tired and lose patience.

Another thing to note: I'm still on that damn cleansing/detox diet, so I had NO alcohol yesterday and I can't remember playing better or being as sharp! I'll definitely go sans alcohol next time too. I don't drink much, but in the space of 6 hrs I could have 2 or 3 drinks. It doesn't take much for me to feel it though.

Then I came home, and backed a cake for my friend's son b-day. Got up early sunday to decorate it (pictures to come), went to the party, got back and am soon going out for my cash game with the brothers. Take about no extra time! Sheesh!

Cake came out okay - not enough time for greatness but they like it. I actually made two, one a basketball and one a basketball shirt.

I've got mad skills.

Anyway gotta fly. I have to find something clean and lowcut to wear tonight. I better not net $5 tonight!

Play smart.


Friday, March 26, 2010

It's Official!

We're heading to Seabrook tomorrow!

Yes, it's YOUR fault EVP! Of course, I plan on winning so maybe "fault" isn't the right word.

Jew Boy's going too! Anyone wanna place bets on who lasts longer, Jew Boy or me??

Yeah, I'm super competitive and love to trash-talk. I can't help it. It's in my nature.

There are 4 tourney's on Saturday:

1pm $200 buyin, with a $50 bounty
4pm $70 buy in
7pm $100 buy in

I really would love to play the 1pm tournament, but there are downsides. The big buy-in for one, and also you remember what happened the only other time I played a $200 buy in right? (I won ten bucks) The big upside is the BOUNTY. I LOVE a bounty and usually the bounties payoff in my favor.

But alas, it's not to be, this weekend. I can deal with losing $70, and quite frankly, I plan on leaving there ahead.

Even if I lost that tourney, there's a limit cash game there. It's easy enough to win $70 at the cash game. Only problem is I don't enjoy playing it - but hey, I've done things I don't enjoy before. (don't ask)

So the 4pm $70 tourney it is.

I'll ask again, who do you think's gonna last longer? A kinda smart guy from Rhode Island with a ponytail or a Sicilian wunderkind genius who's also very modest?

Play smart.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Drum roll please.....Here's Jew Boy!

You know what I LOVE about Jew Boy's Post? The first two words!

Please to enjoy:

Josie's right - we came across an interesting hand that went down late in the evening. I was SB and got dealt 34d, with which I stayed in because I was discounted. The Mayor and Dave stayed in as well.

The flop came 456 rainbow. I had bottom pair and an open-ender. It was at least possible, considering the rag flop, that I was already best hand, and I had 10 outs to improve to what was almost certainly best hand. I was first to act. If memory serves me (check me on this, Jo) I bet out one BB which was 400 at the time, to see where I was and maybe to even pick up a small pot.

But the Mayor shoved, which I didn't expect at all. It was about 10 BBs, around 4000 or so, and about three times what was in the pot already. I hadn't made up my mind entirely but I was leaning toward folding, when something ELSE funny happened on the way to the collosseum: Dave shoved as well - and he had more than Hizzoner, about 4500 chips.

Now I went into the tank, but good. Josie accused me of Hollywooding, saying "he's gonna fold, just give him a minute" or something like that. Now I'm not the speediest player at the table; I don't mind taking my time to think about a hand but I don't often Hollywood a fold. I showed my hand to her and she actually retracted her statement. I had a real dillemma on my hands.

I was being asked to call about 4500 chips, over 4/5 of my stack, with bottom pair and a draw. I knew that neither one of them had two high cards that they were protecting; The Mayor would have check-folded two high cards there and since he didn't, Dave had nothing to gain by shoving after him for only 500 more. There was no flush draw on the board so I figured I was up against bigger pairs or pocket overpairs. That meant that I had least 10 outs (two fours, four deuces, and four sevens) and maybe threes as well. I was only drawing thin or dead to three hands - 78, 55, and 66. And now, since the pot was almost 10,000 in chips, I was exactly at pot odds to call a hand in which I was 2:1 against to win.

I've been accused of relying too heavily on math and pot odds to make a decision in tournament play; smart people whose opinions I respect believe that has more of a place in a ring game, but not so much in tournaments. Nonetheless, I couldn't shake the thought that I was getting the right price on a huge pot, and thus do the courageous win renown.

I called.

The Mayor turned over A5. Dave turned over 67. My call was correct, but Dave also had a ton of gin cards, in addition to holding the lead. He had a bigger pair than me, and had eight cards (any three, any eight) to counterfeiting all my outs. So: The Mayor was drawing way thin, and Dave and I were fated to sweat down another one.

After the flop I thought I was 40% to win but apparently I was still 2:1 (rule of four only applies heads-up, Jew Boy you idiot):

Such are the ways of poker that I drew a deuce on the turn and took control of the hand.

Dave needed a three or an eight to win, which he did not catch, and I raked in a biggest pot of the night. Which I promptly lost to Noodles heads-up, but that's another story.

Laying aside the fact that I won, I'd like your opinions on the decision itself. Would you have called or folded were you in my position?

Oh, and Josie wants me to tell you:

Play Smart.

-Jew Boy

What would you like first? Good News or Bad?

Let's start with the bad news!

At our Wednesday night game, Noodles trounced us again. Jew Boy and I did a helluva lot of losing, which resulted in him being down $11 and me being down $14.

I told you the stakes weren't high! To lose that much money means you've pretty much lost all night.

Noodles needs to be stopped!

Okay that's the bad news. The GOOD NEWS is Jew Boy has graciously offered to be my first Guest Blogger. There was a very interesting hand (3 way all in) that he won and he will be elaborating on it. (oh I cannot want to comment!)

Ummmm other news, we watched Ace Rag get beaten over and over again. I think it lost 5 out of 7 times (i was keeping track)

My fave hand (you know what it is) won 4 out of 6 times.

That's all for now.

Play smart.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Short-Stacked Play

Maybe I'm wrong (nahhhh) but I believe knowing how to play when you're shortstacked is critical to your success. Being shortstacked doesn't mean you're out by any sense, but you cannot play the same way as you play when you have an average stack.

If anything, I find I play BETTER when I'm shortstacked. No limping (not that I limp much anyway) and aggressive play. People tend not to want to call all-ins unless they have a big pair. And usually people don't have big pairs.

I once came in second in a tournament after being so shortstacked I had ONLY ONE CHIP. I shiat you not. Granted, the chip was a 500 chip, but still!

When I come in the money either I got chips early and kept my comfy lead till we're in the money, or I'm shortstacked and make a great comeback. I NEVER COME IN THE MONEY BY CRUISING ALONG AS MS. AVERAGE. Let me tell you, I am ANYTHING but average.

Last Saturday when we got to the final table, there were a few shortstacks there. Fortunately, I was NOT one of them. One guy (who I didn't know) was lamenting about his chip status. I gave him encouragement, saying it didn't mean much, but he needed to double up ASAP.

"You cannot wait till you're down to nothing. You need to make a move now, before you have any less." said I.

Of course Jew Boy's two cents were "Jo, you know this is a competition, right?"

Yeah, I know it's a competition. But the shortstacked guy was limping in and then folding. Jesus - the only thing he's gonna accomplish is maybe beating some traffic home.

I know myself that when I'm in a tourney if there is a short stack betting after me, I'm very cautious cuz you just never know. And I HATE calling and all in - I'd rather be the one in first. I like making my competitor make that tough decision. Either he folds and I win the blinds (yay) or he calls and hopefully that call puts me at better than 50% to win.

Last week at Wednesday poker, Jew Boy was VERY shortstacked and came back to win the game. That's the kind of playing that impresses me. He changed his play and it worked. One or two double ups is all you need.

BTW that guy didn't make it to the money. He didn't listen to Auntie Josie.

Play smart.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's all EVPM's fault

I've been thinking of going to the Seabrook Poker Room again! A nice, juicy, LIVE tournament with at least 50 players is what I want to play.

In my head I've been recapping the last few times I've played there, and as best as I can recall here's the history.

I won first place in a $150 tournament. Winnings totalled $1,800 and I wrote about the whole shebang. You can read about it in my February 2010 archives.

I won first place in a small tournament. $100 buy-in. It was a very snowy night and not that many guys showed up. I think we had like 30 people. It was down to three of us; me, another woman, and a guy who was the chip leader. I told you everyone who plays there know each other right? Because it was so slow in there that night we had some railbirds watching (guys that knew the chipleader). And once it was down to the three of us, they taunted him mercilessly. Damn, for the life of me, I cannot remember his name, but let's call him Bob.

"Bob, you're playing in the Ladies Event?"

"Bob, I didn't know you had a vagina!"

"Bob, you aren't gonna be beaten by one of these women are you?"

Of course I found this HILARIOUS, but him not so much.

He was the chip leader and us chicks, we were shortstacked. At this point the blinds were pretty big, so I kept attacking the other woman's big blind. She was tight and it really helped me alot but aggravated Bob. At one point he blurted out "Jesus Christ, can't you see she's stealing the blinds?" So the NEXT time I did it, I had a great hand (i don't remember what it was) and took her out.

Heads up baby! Going into heads up I was still shortstacked and for once it was me bringing up a split. The guy refused. I said "This is the only time for the offer. Once I double up, the offer to split is off the table." "Fine" was his answer. Then I said, "When you lose THE LADIES EVENT, you're buddies are gonna torture you. We should split. I'm thinking of you." He laughed and said NO.

So I doubled up. Then I doubled up AGAIN. Then it got interesting....we played for almost an hour after that, and yes I won. I have never seen a man win second place and look THAT MISERABLE. I'm sure the taunting from his friends didn't help. I actually called Hurricane Mikey during that last hand to tell him I won AGAIN. Woo hoo! Not a ton of money...I think about $650 but certainly a ton of fun.

BIG Event. $200 buy-in and alot of players. I don't remember how many, but I DO remember that first place was about $4,000. This was the only time I played an event in Seabrook where the buy-in was that much! But I was feeling confident (then again I ALWAYS feel confident) and thought what the hell. I knew this would take all day, and for me, giving up an entire day off from work(spending it in a poker room), is almost as painful as paying the $200.

When I sat down at the table the dealer announced "Tournament winner at the table. Hi Josie." WTF! I barely recalled this dealer! I think the dealer was sending a message to his buddies playing at the table. I dunno if that helps or hurts but early on I was the chip leader. And as Jew Boy has said many times over the years...."Don't give IT chips. It only gets stronger when it gets chips."

Yup, got'em early on and added to them. Guys from the other tables would swing by occasionally to check my very big stack. Played for hours and hours.

Finally a break, and then final table. Been playing for 6-7 hrs. 10 places in the money. Everyone at the final table is winner, although 10th place gets you $210...a net of ten bucks. Not MY problem though....going into the final table Very Josie is the chip leader!

And guess who's sitting to my left at the final table? Yup! BOB!!!!

I greet him in my sweet way: "We played together in the Ladies Event, right?" Laughter ensues. I shake his hand and say something sincere this time.

Okay, a couple of hands into it and I get A-Q Diamonds. I make a good raise and get one call. Flop is Q-J-10 with two diamonds. I bet pot (and there's alot in the pot...blinds and antes are huge plus I raised).

The guys thinks about it and goes all in!

I DO NOT think about it and insta-call. Did I ask how much he had in chips? NO! All I know is I'm the chip leader!

Big fucking deal.

Turns out he's 2nd in chips, and oh did I mention that he has big slick and has made BROADWAY?


Now I'm praying for a diamond. And no, that prayer wasn't answered.

After playing for SEVEN hours I give this guy most of chips and find myself shortstacked. My own stupid fault for not taking the time to think about what he had, cardwise and chipwise.

A few hands later, I go all in and lose. Out 10th. I won $210.....really 10 bucks.

And if I live to be 100 I'll never forget how I threw that tournament away.

Take it from me....

Play Smart.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Coop's right

See the table in the picture above? That's a shuffleboard table! It's one of the many game tables at the SSC. It's really alot of fun, although I didn't play it this time. The surface is actually a high gloss finish and that stuff on it is saw dust. Isn't cool how they use saw dust to help the curling rocks fly? Yes, I'm gonna call them curling rocks because that's what they look like to me.

And if you ask me, I don't even know why it isn't called a curling table. I mean come on, does it LOOK like shuffleboard? No! Granted, the scoring seems to be more like shuffleboard but that's it.

BTW no cash game last night at Lynne's. It was Lynne's wife's birthday. Oh well.

Did I tell you I joined a "league" at Lynne's? It cost $100 per year to be in the league and they have monthly tournaments where you earn points for where you place. At the end of the year there's a big tourney and your $100 pays for that prize as well as others. Such as, top five in points for the year gets prizes, as does having quads and straight flushes.

It's all kinda new to me but we'll see how it goes. If nothing else I think of it as PR for my very lucrative cash game.

Play smart.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Happy Ending

Yes, this story has a happy ending!

I played in the Saugus Sportsmen's Club tournament on Saturday afternoon, as did Jew Boy. It ended up being only 12 players and Jew Boy and I started out at separate tables.

First of all, the deer head wasn't sporting any g-strings. They had a family event there so the souvenirs had to come down. John assured me they'd restart their collection with the next "fund raiser".

I had 3 old guys at my table and two new people I hadn't played with before. I won a couple of small pots to become the immediate chip leader. And I stayed there FOR THE WHOLE GAME. It was just one of those days.

The old guys were my target. When I thought I had the best hand I bet hard and got paid off. Gotta love that. And I didn't bluff at all - which is unlike me. Usually, I'll bluff once or twice during a tourney. But not with these guys. You can't bully them out of a pot and they hug straight and flush draws to the river. Hell, they hug middle pair to the river!

Jew Boy was at the other table and the first time I called over to see how it was going, I found out Jew Boy was short stacked ALREADY. Hee hee!

I called over to the table that anyone who took out Jew Boy would get an extra 2 bucks from me. Then I upped it to $3. Then I added a BACK MASSAGE to the bounty. That got alot of attention! Lemme tell ya, Jew Boy was less than pleased.

Of course he added a "$4 bounty to whoever takes out Josie". But I was the chip leader and these guys weren't really interested in tangling with Josie.

One of the good players that I hadn't played with before was a girl to my direct right. She was on the button and called. I was in the small blind with K-10Clubs and called right behind her. Big blind checked.

Flop was K-3-7 one club. I bet out and she calls. Turn is a 10 I bet half pot again. She played only one hand before this and throws her hand away in disgust. She's visibly angry and starts ranting about her pocket 9's.

I (truly trying to be nice) start to give her my theory on middle pairs. "You're not going to win with them unless you raise. If you raised to 5 times the blind, I could'nt call you, and would never have caught that king...."

Okay so she never asked for advice....

But she started yelling at me (and this is verbatim) "YOU are giving ME advice on how to play? Are you kidding me? You think I should raise with pocket nines? you think that's a good idea? come on. Jesus!"

Ummm did I mention she was yelling this?

So I apologized and said "Yeah, you're right."

And then I took her ass out an hour later. The focus stopped being the old guys.

Anyway, the guys who seemed uninterested in a $2 bounty are suddenly VERY interested in getting a back rub. LOLLLL Jew Boy's shooting daggers and insults my way, but it's just one of those days when my patience is with me and I'm being selective. Having patience is the hardest part for me.

No slow playing today either. I got pocket aces twice and won only the blinds with them TWICE.

Couple hours into it and it's pizza break. Jew Boy has doubled up with a flush. I keep adding to my stack bit by bit and we agree to combine to one table when there are 8 left.

3 places in the money. $300 for first place, $175 for second and $75 for third.

Final table.
I have Jew Boy to my direct right (love that position)

Mary (older woman who plays too timidly, although she's the one who hobbled Jew Boy earlier I hear)

One decent player,40ish who I've never played with before. He was smoking a cigar the size of a gorilla's dick. Seriously. Does a cigar have to be a fucking foot long and last for three fucking hours? He was at my original table and as you know the old boys were my target. I know how they play and I figured that'd be smart till I got to know how this guy bet. Second time I won a pot off of him he folded saying, "I'm not afraid of you, you know. I'm folding but that doesn't mean I'm afraid." Okay, good for you buddy. Nice phallic symbol too!

There also was a bunch of old guys who don't have a fold button. :)

Mind you pretty much everyone's short stacked, I have a ton of chips and jew boy is second with a decent amount, but not near me.

Mary decides to go all in and I look down at my fav hand. JACK TEN BABY! I know she must have higher cards than mine, but damn! I win with that hand so much, plus I got all these chips and it's a shame to leave them on the bench when they could be in the game!

So I call. I'm up against Ace rag. You guys know how I feel about ace rag right? Right! It sucks! You're playing with one card while your opponent is playing with two. Anyway I catch my jack and she's out.

I'm determined not to give the old boys my chips. If I aint' got it, I ain't playing. So I don't play for quite a while.

Down to me, Jew Boy, Al, and John.

Now if I'm going to be totally honest, and I am, I'll tell you that ONE hand I did give Jew Boy some chips. I called a raise just to give him some, then I promptly folded. It might have given him the edge on the old boys, then again it might not've. He was 2nd anyway.

We're playing away and I keep talking about Jew Boy's bounty, but no one got that bounty today! Cancer Al kept trying to make deals...."You can have the bounty and I'll take the massage. I can use it." Poor cancer Al. :( You'd be hard pressed to find a nicer man. He got a couple minutes of rubbing after he was out (no happy ending). :)

When it was down to me, Jew Boy and John, it didn't take long to get John out.

Jew Boy and I were virtually even chipwise when we were heads up so even though I hate doing this, I agreed to split. Without even one game heads up.

We got $237 each, plus pizza!

One of the guys said Jewey and I seemed like...."brother and sister?" Jew Boy chimed in.

"No" he said, "Like you're married." WTF!

My exact response was "Really? Does it seem like my taste is THAT bad?" LOLLLL Only kidding Jewey!

Oh and DB, I took pictures of the curling table/shufflboard thingy. But I gotta tellya DB, that whenever I type "DB" I'm thinking Douche Bunt. Can I please call you something else? Like Tom or something? If you don't like Tom, rest assured I can come up with a FINE nick name. Trust me!

Cash game with the brothers tomorrow night.

Play smart.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Saugus Sportsman's Club

There are precious few places to play a real Texas Hold'em game near me. As you know I go to Seabrook NH every couple of months. I don't LOVE the place but it's available. The same guys are there whenever I go. These guys are there 4 days a week, every week, part of a degenerate club that I do not belong to, nor do I wish to.

Another venue is the Saugus Sportsman's Club. Love the proximity! Less than 10 minutes from my house. They hold one tournament per month, and it's tomorrow!

It's a very lucrative game. These men are mostly retired and just hang out here all the time anyway. Oh and they really don't know the strategy behind Texas Holdem. I've played with them for a couple of years, and they HAVE gotten a littler better.

They're a little more discriminating about starting hands - actually much better than years ago, but it' still an easy game. Except for the luck factor. You have to go in every hand assuming you'll get called, so if you go in with the best hand, you'll win more than you lose.

I was once down to ONE CHIP and came back to win second place. Of course I've also lost there with pocket aces, when I got called PREFLOP by a guy who had 10-2 off suit (that's one that'll be hard to forget). So you just never know.

The guys are fun and they get a kick out of playing with me. (I get that alot) When I walk in the door they all start acting afraid and worry which table I'll be sitting at, but I think these guys get their money's worth.

We always have fun at the table and the drinks are super cheap. So's the game for that matter - very little money comes off the top for the house. They take a hundred or two, but buy pizza for everyone for lunch. If they're lucky there's $50 for the house.

The downside is all these old geezers smoke INSIDE. And this place has no ventilation. Hell, half of them smoke cigars. So it's a very smokey venue and I usually end up with a cold afterwards. I didn't even notice the correlation until my mother mentioned it.

I usually visit her on Sundays and I called her one Sunday morning, hacking away, telling her of my win on the previous day. She said you're always sick after you play there. Duh! I hadn't noticed THAT pattern.

The place is pretty cool. Big bar, big flat screen tv, pool table, ping pong table, a "curling table" (db a/k/a mr. canada, ever heard of one of those?) pictures of dead animals (ugh). Hanging above the door is a deer head, and hanging on his antlers are about 20 crusty g-strings. Souvenirs from 20 crusty strippers. Ewwwww.

The buy-in is $50 and baby I'll be there, treading carefully against guys who really don't know any better. I lost last time I played so I'm due.

My plan is to make an adjustment to play at the beginning of the tourney. You know, I'm usually Tight Aggressive. I think I'll start tomorrow AGGRESSIVE AGGRESSIVE. The plan is to play alot of hands in the beginning.

At least that's the plan RIGHT NOW.

It's a woman's perogative to change her mind.

Play Smart.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

I don't want to talk about it

but I lost EVERY game again. Only 4 players including Very Josie, which just isn't enough, but enough said about that.

It's after midnight....almost 12:30 actually and I should be in bed. Work starts at 8:30 am and it's going to be a day full of prepping for meetings and attending meetings.

I'm going to bed.

Play Smart.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Creepy Ending to Previous Story

That's minor league pitcher Tommy Hottovy. I don't think he's made it to the major league yet.

Soo every night, I'd sneak away for an hour of black jack and win a few hundred bucks. All these casinos/hotels are on the boardwalk and they have this whaddayacallthem's on the boardwalk. I think they're called pedi-cabs, which are men pushing you in a giant baby stroller (for lack of a better visual).

One night it's well past 11pm, my baby boy, who's 11 yrs old is sound asleep. I decide to go to a casino that is about a 10 minute walk away from us, to play black jack.

It's about 2am and I decide to call it a night. Actually I'd call it a very profitable night - the best I had. I brought $200 with me and now I have about $1,500 cash on me and Atlantic City is not the safest city in the US, if you catch my drift.

I'm there alone and I'm not too concerned about the walk back to the hotel because it's all on the boardwalk and I decide I'll take a pedi-cab. Great idea, right?


Those things crowd the boardwalk all day but not one was in sight at 2:30am. Shit!

I go back into the casino to decide what to do. 5 minutes later I think "aw fuck it. I'll hustle and do that 10 minute walk in 5 minutes."

So I exit the casino and a guy starts following me. Super paranoia sets in and I wonder if he's followed me from the window where I cashed my chips in.

Now he starts talking/shouting as I keep walking faster and faster. He's asking me if I won tonight....do I want to go to a party....I never turn my head or drop my stride but I'm freaking out inside.

I'm at a trot and so is he....not another soul on the boardwalk till I see a homeless (looking) man up ahead. I walk right up to him and ask him to escort me back to my hotel, which he does.

The guy following me FINALLY gives up. I gave my escort $20 and ran to the elevator with my heart pounding.

But enough about that, don't I have a great tan in THIS spring training picture?

I cut the minor leaguer out of the photo, because really, it's all about me.


Everyone's Irish Today...

...except me. I'm 100% Italain. But my favorite way to spend St. Patrick's Day is in Fort Meyer's Florida with the Red Sox at Spring Training. I used to do that EVERY YEAR. Talk about a week long party!

But here I sit in Boston while my buddy is following the sox around like a puppy dog.

The photo is from St. Patrick's Day 2008. Notice the beautiful palm trees lining the ball park and me, the Sicilian wearing green.

I didn't go last year because I thought I'd use that money toward a family vacation in Atlantic City. The cool part about going to Atlantic City (and there are very few cool parts to this story)is that I paid for the AC trip ENTIRELY with poker winnings. Yay me!

And I went there ASSUMING there'd be tons of poker games to be played, but I was wrong. I was staying in the wrong part of town for poker games. I got a cheap room at the AC Hilton but texas holdem games were extremely limited. They did have some in the new hotels that were far from me and quite inconvenient.

So what I did (because I'm a good mommy) is sit down for an hour (or less) at the black jack tables. Haven't played Black Jack in years, but I used to play alot. And yes I was/am a card counter.

You know what card counting is right? All cards are assigned a value, and you keep track of everyone's cards. When the count is in my favor, the bet increases big. When it's not in my favor the bet is the minimum. Luck is defintely a factor too - no guarantees in life or gambling.

First night I run downstairs to the casino with $100 and I leave in less than an hour with about $300. Yay!

Every night I do that and every night the win increased. $500 the next night, $600 after that. You get the picture right?

Even though I paid for the trip with winnings, while there I won more than the trip cost! Just with black jack! And I am so much more confident with poker than black jack, but when live gives you lemons, make lemonade (and money).

This year I thought I'd hit Vegas (with a texas holdem plan) in lieu of my first love, The Boston Red Sox. However, bills need to be paid, so we'll see how long it'll take to get to Vegas.

Gonna kick Jew Boy's ass tonight and yes, I'll take pictures.

Play Smart.


Monday, March 15, 2010

Lesbians, and Black Men and Josie, Oh My!

Last night's game was almost cancelled because of the rain. More than a couple people had water in their basement, but that didn't stop your humble scribe! Okay, maybe not HUMBLE, but it sounds good.

It was a no-limit cash game and I sat down with $40 on the table.

Lynne - Hostess with the most-est, shitty player but very nice.

Troy - alot of fun and a really good player (looks and talks like chris rock)

Junior - big, bad mutha.....really good player with a temper

Marvin - really good and really lucky (except tonight)

Glenn - Marvin and Troy's brother - mediocre at best and I busted him, to which he responded. "I was gonna leave anyway. I can't be staying out late. I was leaving
now even if I won that hand. I work at the water treatment plant ya know". Whatever..

Gina - friend of Lynne's who can't play and drinks heavily. Me likey Gina. She pretty much knows the basic rules of poker (a flush beats a straight, that sort of thing) but has NO CLUE about Texas Holdem. She got lucky a couple of times though which drove Troy nuts. He just couldn't figure her out.

Very Josie, a/k/a Auntie, a/k/a DB - Down about $10 AGAIN dammit, but Troy busted me out earlier and all things considering, I was lucky to leave that place with my shirt on....lol

I won the first two hands - not very memorable but I beat Troy who had pocket fours. He hugged them till the river and didn't improve. Then that pretty much happened again. He lost wtih pocket fours TO ME again. He threw them down in disgust and said he'd never play them again when I'm at the table.

Although I love middle and high pairs, I am NOT a fan of the small pair. Don't win with it much and they usually wind up in the muck before the flop.

However, a few hands later I have pocket fives. I make it $2 to go, and Troy and Marvin call. Before the flop I say to Troy, I've got your pocket 4s! You're going to lose with 4s in the game after all. Troy laughs and the flop is A-4-9.

He can't believe it. Do I have trip 4s or do I not. Of course I SAY I do. I bet another 2 bucks and get two calls. As far as I concerned this hand is over. Two callers AND two over cards is not my idea of fun. Plus there are two diamonds on the flop.

Turn is a non-card, I check, Marvin checks and Troy bets $10. Marvin calls and I fold. River is a diamond. Troy goes all in. Marvin looks pissed but he calls!

Troy had 2-7 diamonds and makes a flush. Guess what Marvin had? Pocket 4s! He had trips and slow played himself to DEATH. He was out of money. I sweetly say "Why don't you borrow some money from your brother. He seems to have plenty now."

Marvin leaves early.

From there on, I'm playing and winning little pots, but whenever I'm up against Troy I lose a BIG pot. Not fun.

I have a K-9 when Troy raises (but he raises with anything)and I call and the flop is K-J-3. I bet and he calls.

Turn is a 10 - I check, he bets and I call (dumb). River is a 9 - I made my two pair but if he has a queen he has a straight. I think and decide he cannot have a queen but I know he has something. I also know that straight draw must be scaring HIM.

I STUPIDLY go all in. He thinks and says "how can I lay this down. but if you have a queen you got me". He calls my dumb all in move and flips over JJ for trips.

Troy lends me $20 and I'm back in! Very next hand is KK. Junior raises to 3 bucks preflop. I only have my $20 but I re-raise and make it $7 on top - $10 total. He's shocked. He's thinking, handling his chips and contemplating the call. I help by saying "You know what my NEXT bet is, right?" Intimating that if he calls the next bet is all in.

He says "You know what MY next bet is?" All in! He re-raises all in and I insta-call. As it's a cash game, we don't have to turn over our cards but he says "I know I have you beat, I have a pocket pair you know."

I say "I do too".

Flop is king/rag/rag. Nice! Turn is a 6 and Junior suddenly flips over his cards and says "I just wish you had more money." He has pocket 6s and has made trips.

I turn over my KK and say "Damn I wish I had more $$ too" and I double up.

BTW Junior's looking for tells, just like me. He misses nothing and I find him watching my every move and folding correctly, over and over again.

And guess what I caught myself doing TWICE? Leaning forward when I had a high pocket pair! The second time I found myself doing it I put a STOP to it.

Thank you DB! I would never have been aware of it had you not mentioned it.

Oh, and Troy wants to know if I want to play in this new kind of tournament where you play as part of a 5 man team. Each team member is on a different table "representin'" the team. If one team member wins you all win. I have to look it up. He says it's in Plaistow NH.

I'm thinkin' 'bout it.

Play Smart.


Very Josie = Very Tired

This losing an hour crap is kicking my ass. Why do I have to get up an hour early? Is it because of farming or some such shit like that?

I don't even know any farmers! Except my Sicilian grandfather, may he rest in peace.

He was an olive and almond farmer in Pietraperzia, Sicily until 1955, when he decided to move his family (and my mom)to the land of plenty.

Talk about a culture shock! Nonno no longer had acres of land to cultivate.

What he DID have was was an extra lot next to his house in Malden, MA. He used every inch of it. He grew tomatoes, corn, zucchini, cucumbers, pumpkins, swiss chard, garlic, carrots, radishes, basil, parsely, mint, and God knows what else.

We also had alot of fruit trees: pear, cherry (two), peach (two), plum, apricot and a fig tree. The fig tree died about 35 years ago and I swear my uncle still talks about it.

And from April to October, from dawn to dusk, that's where you'd find him. Urging seeds into seedlings, constructing green houses, and gardening.

If he found YOU, you'd find yourself weeding, or picking some of the 10 million cucumbers he grew or whatever he told you to do. If you did your jobs well, he'd give you a warm cucumber from the garden.

The thing is, we had HUNDREDS of cucumbers in the fridge, and I really don't dig warm ones. I never told him that though.

The BIG trip of the year was going to Richardson's Dairy Farm to get the annual supply of cow manure. Any grandkids that went with him got ice cream. Man we loved to tag along, even though that whole place smelled like manure and that smell seemsed to permeate into the ice cream.

Fresh air, fresh pesticide-free food and good exercise. I guess it's no wonder he lived to 94 years old.

He worked the land until he was 92 years old and broke his hip.

Can you die from a broken hip? Maybe. If the broken hip prevents you from going outside to your love. The Land. La Terra. I think the broken hip lead to a broken heart.

What does Nonno have to do with poker? you ask. I mean this IS a poker blog.

Well Nonno had these little Italian playing cards and even though he had 10 grandchildren - it was always him and me playing for pennies.

Running home with a pocketful of pennies! Good times!

Oh, and I ALWAYS won back then.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Oodles of Noodles

The one and only....NOODLES! (do not play poker with this man).

Play Smart.


Tells and Don't Tells

Learning about tells helps you two-fold. Obviously, you'll be looking for them in a game to give you further information to make an informed decision. But beyond that, once you're aware of them, you'll be able to stop yourself from making these very same blunders.

I'm not talking about a little home game, but if you're playing in a tournament with REAL players, my guess is about half of them are looking for tells , like your very own Very Josie. They won't help during every hand, but certainly WILL help during critical decision making.

If you look for them, there are many, many other tells out there; indications of what your opponents have. It's information and remember information = power if you know what to do with it.

Let's look at a few, shall we?

Shaking/Trembing hands - this is usually a sign of a monster hand, and you'll notice the trembling before and during the bet. That's the time to look for it. It's also the time to watch YOUR OWN hands. If you've got a monster hand, keep those hands busy by holding a drink or keep them outa sight. They'll have to make an appearance when your chips have to go in the pot, but remember - keep it to a minimum. If you notice the slightest shake, stop futzing with your chips. Other people will notice too.

Ditto for Deep breathing/Heaving Chest. When you notice someone's breathing and it's noticeable because it's a little harder than normal (like whenever Jew Boy has a hand) that fucker ain't bluffing. Like I said it's more information and information is key.

Speech giving: When someone starts to tell you a story about why they're betting what they're betting. They're trying to mislead you. How mean! What ever he's saying just remember, if it's a speech, it's a lie.

For Example: If someone is saying "Oh gosh, I don't even know why I'm in this hand. I guess I'm shortstacked and I better call/raise/go all in. The player's hand is strong.

Conversely: "You better watch out - I've been waiting for this hand all night. I raise to a gazillion times the blind." He ain't got shit - well he may have a little something, but doesn't want a call - that's what you need to know.

Waiting for Attention: There's usually some chatter at the table between hands. When the dealer is shuffling and dealing, players will talk about the previous hand, the hot waitress, whatever. This is a usual occurence and it takes a little time for the chatting to fade.

When a player gets a great starting hand, he'll wait until it's quiet before announcing his bet - even if that bet is a standard 3x the blind. Almost like a teacher standing in front of a class, waiting for silence before she gives her first lesson.

That player is DYING to teach YOU a lesson and wants the table's attention. This is a subtle tell and not super easy to spot but once you see it a few times you'll get familiar with it. What I like about it is "Mr. Sunglasses" doesn't even realize he's giving you a tell. Try it.

It's practically fool proof - perfect for College Boyz.

Play Smart.


"Tell" you what

Reading tells are a major part of a successful multiplayer poker player's arsenal. If you're not utilizing them, you should. Some of your opponents are!

I'm sure you've played against some young guys hiding behind their sunglasses. These guys remind me of the Adam Sandler movie, "Big Daddy". In the movie, Adam gives this little boy his sunglasses for protection. When the boy wears them he thinks he's invisible.

Those guys wearing sunglasses think the same thing!

Don't get me wrong. Although the sunglasses don't make a player "invisible" they do prevent a couple of tells from being read, but not all them.

The sunglasses block two easy tells; Glancing and Blinking.

Glancing: A player looks down at his cards, then he looks up and glances at his opponents stack. He's got himself a good hand and is sizing up his competition and determining his bet. This guy has a good hand. The glancing tells me that. The eyes automatically do this in reaction to a good hand. Watch for it in your next live game. Oh and, um, fold.

Blinking: People blink alot when they're lying or being deceitful. Well most people! Very Josie hardly blinks at all - it must be my honest nature! Anyway, if you want to use the Blink Tell - you need a base reading for each player, which is very easy to get.

When I play a tournament, I'm usually fairly quiet in the beginning. (it's true!) That's because I'm counting blinking patterns. It's easy to do! For 30 seconds, check out the guy to your left and count how many times he blinks. If it's 5 times in 30 seconds - in my mind, his name is 5. I'll keep doing this until I have a number for everyone. (or as many as you can retain....start with only one or two guys)

If "5" and I are in a pot together and he makes a big bet.....well I'll stare at him - common enough when you're in a big hand with someone....and if he blinks 10 or 20 times, the man's uncomfortable and being deceitful to Very Josie! If I have a decent hand, I'm calling. And when I win I'll hear "How could she make that call?"

It's hard to put your trust and money behind an instinctive call like that. You should try counting the blinking - even if it's only two guys at the table - and see how much they blink when they're in a hand. It'll be enlightening. And it'll help you put your faith in the tell when it counts.

Those aren't my favorite tells but they are easy to see and a good place to start.

More tells to come, but it's time for my second cup of coffee. I have priorities you know...

Stay tuned for part two: Tells and Don't Tells

Play Smart.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Josie & Jewy

I was going to do a quick post about Noodles, complete with a picture, but I don't have any pics of him here. While I was looking I found an old picture of me and Jew Boy having chinese takeout before the game.

This photo is about two years old. I like the picture of me, because I'm kinda hidden behind Jew Boy - and really I'll only be posting GOOD pictures of me.

Jew Boy looks quite different now, btw. He probably hasn't cut his hair since this photo and he now sports it in a pony tail that cascades all the way down his back. You just can't make this stuff up.

Worst Night Evar

Last. Night. Sucked.

I don't even want to talk about it, but I suppose I should. This isn't going to be a long post because it's torture!

To make a long story short we played 3 games and I lost them all. Not only did I lose them all, but I was out of the last game on the third hand! Repeatedly, I was up against Noodles and repeatedly he beat me.

Over and over again.

I'd have the best hand and bet hard, trying to get him to fold, but Noodles doesn't have a fold button AND I KNOW THAT, but I kept trying anyway. Know where that got me? Getting rivered more times than I care to count.

Then I became super cautious. When Noodles and I were in a hand he'd push all in with his big stack, and I'd fold the winning hand. Probably did THAT 3-4 times.

All night - either call and lose, or fold the winning hand.

The last game, as I mentioned, I was out on the third hand. I appealed to the table that I should get to rebuy and they agreed. So I buy-in again and I'm back in the game.

The first hand I get after the re-buy is pocket 8's! Shit! You know how I like to play pocket 8's! I don't want to get booted on my first hand back yet I want to play it right. I have a feeling the table thinks I'm steaming but regardless, I raise to 4 times the big blind.

Everyone folds but Noodles. He re-raises big. Damn it! The raise scares me but I just doubled him up and he just loves to give away his chips, so I call.

Now I have about half my new stack in the pot with pocket 8's.

Flop is 10, 9 3. Normally, Fearless Josie ALWAYS does a continuation bet but I've just bought back in, it's my first hand, and there are two over cards to my pair.

I check (showing weakness unfortunately). Noodley Noodles goes all in. Bastard. I don't blame him. Like I said, by checking I'm showing weakness and even if he loses he still has oodles of (noodles) and chips.

What to do?

I show and fold my 8's and rabbit hunt. Noodles had A-K. No more over cards on the turn or river. Had I called I would've doubled up. Had I gone all in, I also would've doubled up. (there is no way in hell noodles would've laid down his A-K. Remeber, no fold button.)

So I'm short stacked again and I get blinded down to almost nothing. I get A-8 and have to go all in. Really pisses me off. I hate Ace Rag yet I'm betting the farm on it. Up against a pair and I need an ace. Do I get it? Nope! I'm out.

Like I said it sucked!

Other items worthy of note:

1. Jew Boy came in the money every time - I think he got a first place, a split and a second place - something like that.

2. Since Cindy wasn't there I tried to include Jew Boy deep throating a banana as part of a side bet. Of course with the understanding that there'd be pictures - but he wouldn't bite.

3. There was so much Josie cleavage going on, even Jew Boy couldn't call me flat chested. Not that the cleavage helped! Next week I'm playing in my warm pajamas and slippers. Might as well be comfy.

I need a game plan for next week.

Either I don't go into any pots when Noodles is in or I go back to my old "Gus Hansen" mode, where I play just about any hand. Either way I have to mix it up a little.

Any ideas on how to approach next week's game?

Play Smart.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tonight, Live from Saugus.....

...It's poker night at Josie's house!

Will Josie kick butt and take names?

Will Jew Boy lose all the side bets tonight? Whatever tonight's side bets will be, I'll be sure to take pictures!

Will The Mayor actually play a hand?

Will Cindy deep throat a sausage? She does this if someone at the table pays her a QUARTER.

All these questions and more will be answered after POKER NIGHT AT JOSIE'S HOUSE.

Stay tuned and

Play Smart.


Full Tilt can kiss my...

I decided to play a larger tournament tonight on Full Tilt. Usually my tournament of preference is the (90) person doublestack with a knock out, but tonight I played the Daily Double. I was up against 1,300 players.

Buy-in is $10+2, and you get 2,000 in starting chips. I decide to settle down and play good poker with premium hands and not to be impatient. It works out for me. I pick up blinds here and there. I got about 5 middle pairs tonight and played them like I always do. Bet 5-6 times the blind. I won 4 out of 5 times. The fifth time I had to fold after the flop, but that's okay.

I get AA and someone raises to 1,200 and someone else calls and then it's to me. I re-raise to 3,000 and they both go all in. I'm not folding aces so I hold my breath and call.

I'm up against pocket 10s and pocket jacks. Flop is QQ9. I forget what the turn and the river were but my aces hold up and I triple up.

Next hand is JJ. I raise to 6 times the blind and everyone folds.

Very next hand I have JJ AGAIN. I do my standard raise and then get re-raised, and before you know it, three of us are all in. I'm up against KK and other JJ! I have a jack of spades and a jack of diamonds. Flop is two spades. Turn is a spade and you guessed it. I caught the flush on the river.

I'm now in 2nd place! I promise myself that as soon as i'm the chip leader I'll take a picture of the screen. (see photo)

So I'm playing along and winning. Picking up blinds here and there selectively. I get pocket 6's....pretend their pocket 9's and everyone folds.

Hours are going by. 1,300 players and 180 in the money. We get down to hand for hand and I'm still the chip leader - check out how many chips I have! (see photo)

4 hrs later I get really tired. I started playing dumb hands like 9-8, A-9 and lose. Finally I'm short stacked and go all in with a sucky A-8 hoping to get the antes and blinds. I get one caller 88 and don't catch my ace and I'm out.

Out 103 and I won $19.50! Ugh. If I just stopped playing those chips would've carried me to like 40th place! I'm quite disappointed with how it ended. But for 4 hours I played every hand like Beethoven played the piano. Happy about that.

Know why I think I played so well? Because I wanted to blog about it! Thanks for keeping me accountable!

Any ideas or advice are more than welcome.

Oh and I didn't get a final shot of my 103 place win because I got so mad I slammed the lap top shut. :(

Play Smart, for God's sake.


Editor's Note: The snapshots from Full Tilt didn't end up where I wanted them to appear. And they're blurring but if you click on them you get a close up of the stats.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

funny shit about Jew Boy

1. Decades ago Jew Boy fell and broke both of his wrists at once. He had casts from fingertips to elbows and didn't have use of his hands. He couldn't shower, he couldn't eat, he couldn't wipe his fanny. The part that tickles me most is he didn't have a girlfriend at the time. Guess what else he couldn't do?

2. Jew Boy's mom used to serve food on an upside down frisbee, because the lip of the frisbee would hold any drippings. LOL

3. For some reason Jew Boy's brother left a bong on the lawn. His father came into the house yelling "There's a hookah on the lawn". Jew boy thought he meant a "Hooker" and came running out to see her.

That ends our adventure with crazy Jew Boy!

Did Jew know this?

Jew Boy and I have been playing poker together for a long time, and the thing about Jew Boy and me is we're a wee bit competitive. The other guys at the table get to listen to us argue and one up each other.

For the longest time the argument was "I'm smarter than you are!" Jew boys can be so immature! Anyway, needed to find a way to determine who, in fact was the smarter.

Our first idea was to take an online IQ quiz. That should settle thing fairly easily, right? Not so much. Jew Boy took the test TWICE.

I don't remember our exact numbers (this was years ago)but I remember that mine was onefortysomething. One of Jew Boys results was lower than mine and one was higher.

You can't take the same IQ test twice! No Fair!

For some reason I decided that I would try to join Mensa. Mensa is the "High IQ Society". The word Mensa actually means table. Their intent is that all these geniuses would gather "at one table" and I dunno what.

So I schedule me a Mensa test on a bright Saturday morning. In Boston they hold them at MIT. The test takes a couple of hours and what I like least about it is, before you write a thing, they read you a story with alot of details. Then after you take a test on math, grammar, etc. the final test is on that first story that was read to you. Ugh.

Fast forward a couple of months and I get a letter from Mensa saying I'm in! They won't give me my test results but they say that my IQ is in the top 2% of the country. But why can't I get my results?

Of course, I show the letter to Jew Boy and finally this shuts him up, but we still haven't resolved the question. Who is smarter?

A few months go by and Gary starts up again that he's smarter than me, goading sweet little me. I remind him who's Mensa here and who isn't, and with that he whips out his MENSA membership card. He got accepted too! Damn him! He never even said he was taking the test! (maybe that was just in case he failed!!)

Well this story isn't as funny in print as it was in my head, so I'll follow up with some funny juicy tidbits.

Jew Boy really is smart and has an incredible vocabulary. Much more extensive than mine. Too bad he can't count chips for shit. :)

Woo Woo!

Woo woos (the drink) always remind me of my bachelorette party, that my sister threw for me. I was only 23yrs old and my much more wordly 28 yr old sister decided to have the shindig at ther apartment.

She got dozens of boxes of condoms and had them filled with helium and tied with ribbons. These very phallicky balloons were floating around everywhere. She had play girl centerfolds on the wall, which we used to play "Pin the Lips on the Penis". (ouch we didn't really pin anything so much as stick lips to penises).

And in addition to all this there was a huge punchbowl of woo woo's. Which is vodka, peach schnapps and cranberry.

Now my friends are all the goody goody type. Not big partyers like my sista so she came up with a game to go with the woo woos.

Everyone had to read a tongue twister and if they messed up, WOO WOO!

You never saw 20 girls get hammered so fast! Especially me.

And then there was a knock at the door....pizza delivery!

Except he didn't bring any pizza.

And he ripped his shirt off.

Yep, my sister got me a stripper. What she DIDN'T get me was an attractive stripper! Yuck, I'm guessing he was on sale.

Saying I was drunk was an understatement! So ugly shirtless pizza boy is all up in my grill since it's my party, and he asks the girls if he should take his pants off.

Yes! from all around!

Then he says he won't take them off unless I unzip his pants with my teeth! Even in my drunken state, I'm not digging this. I try once and to do this I have to mash my face into his crotch. And I remember thinking "no fucking way. he's getting paid to be a bitch, not me!" So I refuse....yet finally, somehow, his pants are gone and he's in a g-string.

Whew glad that's over. Then he starts dancing on my lap, dancing in my face....pretty much putting his butt in my face (don't forget he's wearing a g-string) and his ass is covered in zits! Friggin' gross.

I feel like I'm gonna hurl on his ass, but make it to the bathroom.

Doesn't my sister rock? LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

Pick me a winner!

I was planning on playing some online poker last night, winning a ton of money, and blogging/bragging about it this morning.

Instead I went to bed at 9:00pm. Man was I tired! The new Pawn Stars was on last night at 10pm and I couldn't stay awake for it. There's something about that guy Rick, that I like.

Anyway, since I didn't play last night my subject content is up in the air. I can tell you about:

A. Another previous tourney where I went from chip leader to OUT in two hands.

B. Poker Tells

C. Couple of funny stories about Jew Boy

D. My online heartbreak on Full tilt this past weekend.

Take your pick! First one who responds with their choice gets to decide what today's subjet matter is.

Jew Boy, you're exempt. You don't get to pick!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Part Two: We played some poker too!

I showed up for the cash game at 11:30 last night. It's a no limit game with blinds at .25 and .50. It sounds cheap but things can get serious quickly. I sit down with $40 in front of me. Seven people are playing and I was sitting with Troy to my right.

My first hand was pocket 10's. First two players call then Troy pops it to $3. That's what I was going to do! I just call and everyone else folds. Flop is Q 5 3, rainbow. I bet $7 and after a little thinking, Troy calls. Damn. Turn is a J. Two overcards to my pair. I don't like this at all so I check. Troy checks behind me. Damn it! If he's taking a free card maybe he doesn't have me beat. River is an A. NowI know I'm beat and I check. Troy bets $10 and I fold, showing my tens. He flips over AK. I gave him that A for free and that pisses me off but I couldn't really bet again with two overs though.

Second hand is 99. I bet $3 and get one caller. Flop is 7-6-2. I bet $8 and win it right there.

Troy leaves and I get into a nice groove. I win with KQ, catching two pair kings over board paired sevens. It's a big pot and on player, shawn has called me to the river. I bet $10 and he calls and shows his K-3. My queen plays.

Shawn is in alot of hands and keeps giving away chips. That's the good part. The bad part about Shawn is he won't shut the fuck up. I swear he just likes to hear his voice. And he's slowing the game way down. Every goddamn hand. Jew Boy can tell you how much I hate someone talking during a hand. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Please.

Poor Lynne. The game's at her house and she loses every week. Plus she provides drinks and food. I've been trying to help her with her betting but it isn't sinking in. I always take her chips although she isnt't the intended target. It's just that she can't get out of the way. The woman doesn't know how to fold. Tonight I've busted her out with two pair, kings over 10s. I played K-10, caught a king on the flop and bet kinda easy cuz it's lynne, and she calls. I catch a 10 on the turn and bet $10. She calls. I forget the river card but she only has $4 left - so I bet the 4. She says I gotta call you and she does. She has Ace Jack, which I guess is a busted inside straight draw. No, she didn't have to call me, but I'm not complaining.

I doubled a guy up and it's almost time to call it a night. Someone announces that we'll play two more and that's it. 2nd to last game I fold, and this guy mike makes a rainbow bet. He gets one caller. Three hearts on the flop. He goes all in and gets called. Mike has a 5-2 off but the five's a heart. Caller has top pair. Heart on the river and mike doubles up. Unbelievable. he wins with 5-2 off.

Last hand and I'm looking down at 10-9 suited. Mike makes a rainbow bet and announces, well I'll make the same bet as last time. Since it's the last hand, I wanna play. I call. Flop is Q,Q,9. I check and he goes all in. I call and he flips KK. I double him up on the last hand. So instead of being up $16, I leave down $10. Dammit, my streak is over!

Typical of me. I'm a studier of tells so I should've known when he announced how he was betting, that he had a strong hand. I call it giving a speech, and when someone's giving a speech, they usually got something real good. But after I play for a few hours I lose focus. Plus it was the last hand and that blocked everything else for me. Otherwise I wouldn't have called that raise pre-flop. Certainly not with the speech that accompanied the raise. But live and learn.

Oh and I had 6 woo woo shots. Yummy! Free booze kind of makes the night a break even, doesn't it?

Play Smart.


Part One: What happened at the poker game, besides poker

Usually when I play Lynne's cash game, it's about 10 players, 6-7 black men and a few women. Now I'm no super model but all of these guys are almost as interested in me as in the money....some even more so (see Nip story). Other than Mr. Nip they're all respectful but very complimentary. One guy, Rufus, always asks me who I like best. He says that the name Rufus is the name that comes to my mind - he can tell. LOL of course I agree. Troy calls me Pretty Woman. Says he's sick of girls and needs a Pretty Woman. He's gotta be in his twenties.

Last night was nothing like that, although I arrived in a sheer low cut white t-shirt with a red victoria's secret pushup bra showing through. When I arrived there was still some hard feelings about the tournament that was just played.

Junior, who's about six foot five, felt this other guy did him wrong and "played him" and got him out of the tourney. Man was he pissed. So much so, that he wouldn't play the cash game with this guy, and me by default. And Junior loves me. One night I took about $60 from him personally while he was flirting trying to find out my age. I'm sure this kid's about 25 years old. I just kept saying I was very old and think of me as his aunt, lol. From then on it was "Auntie, you can't be that much older than me, can you?"

So I try the "Junior dontcha wanna play with Auntie?" Nope! He's too pissed so he's leaving and taking Troy with him. Troy's playing and I end up playing a few hands with my boy Troy, but I'll get to the actual poker in a bit.

Troy says he'll go to the club with Junior and he'd rather find a girl than play poker anyway. I've won a ton of money off these guys and I'm still trying to keep them in the game so I say "Troy, it'll be midnight when you get there. All the good girls will be taken." He says "I ain't looking for no good girl!" True enough.

Junior's pissed because he and this guy Brian were the chip leaders and within 5 minutes he was out of the tournament. Junior got pocket aces, made a big raise and Brian called. Flop is K-K-Q. Junior bets big and Brian re-raises all in. Junior puts Brian on trip Kings, shows his AA and folds. Brian shows his AQ and Junior flips out. Junior says that if Brian is ever in a pot with him again Junior's automatically going all in. Very next hand Brian gets QQ and smooth calls. It gets to Junior who goes all in. Brian instacalls and shows his QQ. Junior had K5, didn't catch anything and really flips out this time. Said Brian played him, and I think he almost took a swing at him. He's usually so sweet and nice! Even when he loses.

So even though I get to play a few hands with my boys, they soon all leave! And I'm looking around at the table of all white mushy Irish faces. Brian and his buddies - guys I haven't played with before, and nobody gave these guys the memo that I'm supposed to be worshipped! WTF! If anything, they keep joking about blowing each other. Great! Good thing half my boobs are hanging out of my see through t-shirt. Sheesh.

Play Smart.


Saturday, March 6, 2010

It's Saturday night and there's a L&BM (lesbian and black men) tournament going on tonight. I can't make it because I'm babysitting for my friend. That's the bad news. The good news is Joey is being picked up at 10:30 and there's always a cash game after the tourney.

I'm hitting the cash game! I have to continue my streak of always leaving the L&BM cash game ahead. Keep your fingers crossed! To "stack" the game in my favor, I'm going with either a low cut top or my new black see through top (with a cami underneath). How I see it, the guys there will have been playing for hours and I'll arrive fresh as a daisy!

Lynne, who runs the tourney, always provides a drink of the night and food. Tonight's drink is Woo Woo shots! My favorite! It's vodka, peach schnapps and a slash of cranberry. I'm going to try to limit my woo woo's to 2. We'll see how that goes!

Last night I played online on Full Tilt. I played an $8 (2) table and won a $26 token. I used that to play a (9) person one table and won a $75 token. I used the token to play a double stacked knockout tourney, which is my fave kind of tourney. I think of the bounty as like a side bet, and you know how I love me a side bet! Anyway I lasted less than an hour in the $75 tourney. I think I was too tired from all those satellites. I can only stay focused for so long and then I do something stupid, like try to bluff.

Play Smart.


Friday, March 5, 2010

Jew Boy

Oh where to begin? Let's start with the nickname. Jew Boy. Seems kinda mean doesn't it? It won't when I tell you what name he gave me. It's Douche Bunt, which is a combination of douche bag and cunt.....so please do not feel sorry for Jew Boy. Yes, my nickname's been abbreviated to DB, but still.

Most everyone at the weekly table has been christened with a nickname - Jew Boy was one of the last to get one, and know it wasn't very creative.

I've played with Jew Boy for about 10 years and he's a very good poker player and my biggest competition at the little weekly game. He's come far in the past few months, whether he realizes it or not.

Funny thing about Jew Boy is he's played horribly for like the past year - no patience, too much bluffing and them something life changing occurred. He quit his job. Since then his poker play has done a 180. He ALWAYS used to be out of the tourney first and would be strumming a guitar - background music for my winning. But now he's won for like the past 3 times we've played. I dunno if it's because the tiny buy-in is more precious now that he's unemployed or if it's because he's just a happier player, but there is a significant difference.

This is a guy who'd always raise with K-4, K-5...and you know what that got him? No respect, that's what. I'd call him on it over and over again - and I think he's learned that it isn't the greatest thing on earth. I've even told him all of his tells and man at one point it was like he was holding up a sign saying "I've got shit, call me".

I LOVE live poker and tells are a big part of my success, but I think they deserve a separate post of their own.

It's a hard table to play at because they don't really know how to play. Odds are if you go all in, you're gonna get called and sucked out on. But it's fun and that's the bottom line.

I cannot tell you how many times I've gone all in or called an all in from Noodles, having the best hand, just to get sucked out on the river.

Anyway Jew Boy considers us equals in the poker playing department and I, with all modesty, do not. Jew Boy won't play in my monthly tourney at the sportman's club, won't play at the L&BM tourney, won't play at the seabrook poker room. These are all places where there is real money on the line. He's won at the sportsman's club in the past - but that was years ago, back when he was better than me.

And if poker winnings are factored in determining who the best player is, well I think I have him beat there too. Beaten like a red-headed step child.

*Editor's Note: This post represents me trying to be nice and tactful. I swear! Good thing I was making the effort!

Quickie about Pocket 6's

To further illustrate playing pairs, this past Wednesday my sister (an okay player) was to my right...both she and I were short stacked and I was looking down at pocket 6's. She went all in and then it was to me. I thought for a minute about my pocket 6's. I showed Jew Boy my cards as he was already out of this tourney.......thought about it and and came to the conclusion that most likely she had two over cards and it was a coin toss. Why would I want to bet the whole tourney on a coin toss? I folded my 6's (which I consider a small pair). Jew Boy said and I quote "You're tighter than a chicken's ass" or something poetic like that.

She wouldn't show me her cards and I did have a gut feeling that she was just stealing but even still, I'd like to fucking hope at least one of her cards was higher than a 6!

Raise Shit Justification

One of my many, many readers has asked me to elaborate on how I play (overbet) middle pairs. First let me start by saying that I've been playing no limit texas hold 'em for almost ten years, and I'm still learning every day. What I do is try to make little adjustments on specific hands and see how these adjustments hold up long term. If they do well, I keep them.

And yes I've read alot of poker books - probably too many. Most are a waste of money but a couple are really worth reading. Like Gus Hansen's Every Hand Revealed, and of course Super System.

Middle pairs are a tough hand to play and the worst way to play them is by limping in. You likely have the best hand preflop and giving your opponents free cards to beat you with is bad. The other possibility is a standard raise, like 3 times the blind, meh, not my preferred option either. I like to bet middle pairs and big pairs the same way. THE SAME WAY for the whole game.

Keep in mind that I play tight and aggressive. I don't play many pots, but when I do baby, I ain't limping in. So people at the table can tell I play selectively. And when I get pocket 8's and raise to 5-6 times the big blind - a few things can happen:

1. Everyone folds to me and I pick up the blinds. I like this! I get some chips and don't have to face anyone.

2. I get called by one person (two people at most but it's usually one or none). I don't mind this because if he's calling me I know that most likely he has two high cards - I get a little information going into the flop, and giving me information is BAD. If I raised 3 times the blind I MIGHT get a call by a suited connector, say a 6-7or a 9-10, but if the bet is 6 times the blind, most of the time Mr. Suited Connector has enough sense not to gamble that many chips against me.

3. And then there's the flop - I like looking at the flop against one opponent. There's alot of money in the pot and I like to take it down right here. If the flop is lower than my pair - I'm betting pot. If you've come along this far it's gonna cost you maybe the whole tourney to suck out on me. If the flop has one over card - same deal. One over card means there are only 3 cards in the deck that can beat me - if he has one, I'll find out right now or I win the pot.

This strategy works much more often than it doesn't - but it's part of a larger scheme of playing tight and betting strong with good hands. Like I said, very rarely do I limp. I'd rather toss my pair than call with it, and I've done that, when facing a big raise. I like raising big, not so much calling big.

Hey little college boy, did I justify my overbetting middle pairs? I'd like your opinion!

Play Smart.


Thursday, March 4, 2010


I'm here in work, clock watching. Boss has left the building and in twenty-six minutes (but who's counting) I will be doing the same. I figured I'd tell you a funny little story about another game I play in. I call it the L&BM game because all the players are lesbians or black men.

Everytime I play there I feel like a pork chop must feel if it found itself in a concentration camp. Let's just say I've got some "junk in the trunk" and both the lesbians and black men just can't get enough. And for the most part they have class and don't try anything stupid.....except for one guy.

So about a month ago we're all playing a cash game....it's getting late and I'm the only one winning. I am KICKING ASS - one of those nights when you get the cards and you don't get sucked out on. I have alot of chips stacked in front of me.

Out of the blue one guy says "See this money in front of me (he has maybe $30) I'll give it all to you if you let me have a look at a nipple.


I say I'm getting you're money anyway, why would I do that?

Everyone's dying laughing and he won't let up - over and over - wants to see a nipple. My answer is NO. Then he turns to the guy next to him "Troy you gotta do me a favor...how much money do you have left? Let me borrow it?" So between him and Troy he's come up with about $70 and again he says "$70 to see one nipple".

Now lemme tell you - I may be alot of things - but stripper isn't one of them.....even still - $70 to see a nipple? No touching? I ACTUALLY considered it for about 2 seconds and thought NO. This guy is creepy and the last thing I want to do is let him think this is okay. So no is my final answer.

One hand later I get AA and raise BIG. He calls just because he likes to play with me. I bet big on the flop and he's the only other opponent at this point and he calls. I put him all in on the turn. He loses and I have ALL his money....without a nip exposed. LOL

Why do men think with the wrong head? Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining. Ever since that night I always wear a low cut top when I play there and have never left that cash game in the negative.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wednesday Night at Josie's House

We had 8 players at the table tonight and played 3 tourneys. Two players in the money. Game 1 - I was out first because of a semi-bluff gone bad. And it occcured during the 5th hand of the game - don't think I didn't hear about being out so early.

Cindy was playing and she plays maybe once a year. She doesn't know anything about the strategy of texas hold'em and ignorance can be a dangerous thing. I have QQ and raise 4 times the blind. She calls and the flop is A 9 2. I bet pot and she calls. I don't put her on an ace as she didn't raise preflop - then again she can have just about anything. Turn is a 7. I bet pot again - most of my chips and she calls. Another 7 on the river - I have so few chips I go all in hoping she'll lose her confidence and fold. Yes she's pot committed but I know she doesn't realize that. Well it didn't work out. She instacalls with pocket 7's. She's made quads and I'm out. Cindy goes on to catch 4 full houses and trips at least 3 or 4 times. And you know what? She was out 4th. Couldn't hold on to those damn chips.

Cindy's a riot. She's 6' 5" tall. No, I'm not exaggerating! That bitch is fucking tall. I'm 5' 1" and when she hugs me goodbye she has to squat far lower than is good for her. LOL One year for halloween she dressed up as Snow White and tried to draft me as one of her 7 dwarfs. Um, no thank you. Her exact words were, "you and six other short people will follow me in a line all night". Tempting, but I passed.

Anyway, I feel like I'm the best player at the table but I've been on a losing streak for the Wednesday night game. I think it has to do with how little the buy in is. I wait for the second game and try to play like I have alot of money on the line.

Game 2: I play really tightly and patiently. I don't even play a hand for the first 20 minutes, then I get AK. I hit it hard and everyone folds to me. Next hand is pocket 7s. I'm second to act - and my theory for middle pairs is simple. Overbet. That's what I do and pick up the blinds again. We keep playing till it's down to 4 of us and I have A10. Note: I haven't played Ace rag once, and that has been a good call. I would've lost with them every time but one. Anyway, I'm on the button and I go all in with ace ten and the big blind (Noodles is his name - well that's what we've christened him) calls me.

He turns over A six and that makes me happy. He doesn't get a six and he's out. What did he think I was going all in with? Less than Ace six, after I've been so patient all night? Noodles got his name, because he used to be a horrible player and was often asked "Did you noodle that out yourself" when he made bad call after bad call. Don't get me wrong, he still sux but he's improved - there's only one way to go when you're at the bottom and that's up.

When we're down to two players we split because everyone's waiting to play the third game. In the money! Woot!

To choose who deals first, we fan out a deck and everyone chooses a card. High card deals. More often than not, I usually win the deal. I dunno why. I wait till a card calls to me - looks a little shinier than the others and go for it. Anyway, one of the guys (my poker nemesis that I non-prejudically call Jew Boy) is unemployed and looking to make a quick buck. Jew Boy and I will bet on just about anything and we usually have some sort of side bet going. Tonight's side bet was a simple one. Whoever picked a lower card gave the other person 5 bucks. Jew boy loves a side bet, but he knows how often I pick the winner so he hesitates. Now both of us have chosen our cards, but neither have looked. I throw him a bonus and say - look at your card and then decide - I won't look at mine (this was for game one). He looks at it and and announces that he thinks he has the highest card....so I say then take the bet. And he does. He turns over a jack and I flip my card - It's an ace!!! Woot! For Game two he requests that we double the side bet and I say sure. Why not? I flip a king while he flips a 3, I think. Game three I have an ace and he has a seven.

Side story - remember, Jew Boy and I will bet on anything - but Jew Boy does like to have an edge. Once I called a card while I was cutting the deck and damn but didn't I call it correctly! So Jew Boy said I betcha $10 you can't do it again. He shuffles and puts the deck in front of me. I cut and show him a 4 AGAIN. Two more times after that we bet - he wants some money back and TWO MORE TIMES I CUT THE CARD. I shit you not!

Anyway - Game 3 involves Noodles but I'm tired so I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, when I'm at work and being paid to sit in front of a computer.

Play Smart.


Monday, March 1, 2010


Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to play any live poker this weekend. I'll be playing my weekly games - Tourney on Wednesday night at my house and a very lucrative cash game on Saturday night.

Since I have no new poker stories to tell you about, I'll tell you about the adjustment I've made in my play. I've stopped playing Ace rag. Specifically, I will no longer play ace deuce, ace three, ace four, ace five, six or seven. I've been watching the results of playing these hands for a long time. It seems to me that they lose at least 80% of the time. (regardless of whether or not it's suited you have to throw those starting hands away)

Here's what happens when you play those shitty hands. Either you get an ace on flop and lose because someone has you out kicked. Or you fear you're out kicked and don't bet enough, allowing your opponent to get cards on the cheap. Or you get your five on the flop and it starts to look pretty good and you call with middle or low pair just to lose chips.

YUCK - catching middle or low pairs just suck you in and you lose chips.

Trust me on this one - and if you cannot bear to toss those aces, be observant and start tracking just how many times they win and lose. Once you do that for a while you'll get on board.

ONLY time I'll play them now is if I'm the BB and there's no raise preflop or if I'm on the button and everyone else has folded. In that case I'd go ahead and triple the blinds against the big and little blind, but that's it!

This minor adjustment has helped my play and I hope it'll help you too (unless I'm playing at your table). LOL

And don't forget my favorite hand to play is Jack/Ten. That hand has busted pocket aces and pocket kings more times than you'd believe....but I'm not asking you to believe me, I'm asking you to start paying attention to it. You'll see for yourself.

Okay I gotta fly. I'll post the results of my wednesday night game. :)