Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Poker, Diet & Exercise EDITED

Poker - I didn't play any poker at all last night, so the first number is still 6.  I rock!  I think I'll play one or two games tonight and see if I can't change that number to a 7.  Watch out if you're at me table.

Diet - Successful day one.  Stuck to the diet and I have carrots and celery to munch on today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  I bought a new bathing suit (really hot) over the weekend so I really should do my part to make it look good.

Exercise - Ummmmm Here's what happened.  I got home, messed around on the computer for a few minutes, then SHUT IT OFF because I was going to exercise.  I put on some workout clothes including a cute little spandex top, so I was ready to go.  Then.......I laid down for a little while and snoozed for maybe 20 minutes.  Got up, THOUGHT about exercising...I mean damn I was dressed for it so I had to. Except I didn't.  I thought about it though.  I think that has to count, right?  Fuck, I dunno what happened!

It's not like I'm a stranger to exercise.  I go in spurts of being consistent, and then nothing.  Trying to get out of this "nothing" phase that I'm in.  It's totally NOT my fault though.  I blame Ralph.

Who is Ralph?

Ralph is this pumped old man from Trinidad/Tebago.  He runs a fitness and karate center and is a friend of Cricket's.  I decided to take his class with Cricket a few months ago.

Cricket introduces us before the first class.  Ralph decides that he personally is going to change me.  He's looking at me, rubbing his hands together (I shiat you not) and tells me he can make me amazing or some shit like that.  I'm like, okay!  I'm on board!

He does the class but the whole time is focused on me.  And by "focused" I mean yelling at me.  Like a drill sargent.  "More!!!! Faster!!! Not good enough!!!"  Right in my face while the whole class is watching.  wtf!

Pushed me much further than I would've pushed myself though.  So that part's good.  The bad part is my knee.  I told him I have bad knees and can't really strain them.  He says that's fine BEFORE the class.

During the class he just won't let up so my knee is totally messed up.

Doesn't stop me from taking the NEXT class though.  As soon as I walk through the door he's on me like white on rice.  Fawk!!!  I'm a shy kinda gal and he's a loud kinda guy.  The whole class is watching while he gropes, feels and tells me again with glee that he can mold me. I just wanna be in the back of the class huffing and puffing but he just won't let me be.

Knee is hurting.  When he's yelling at me during the class I try to tell him that I can't because of my knee.  He says to just do it.  I try to work through the knee pain, when all of a sudden, BAM.  My knee gives...I dunno WHAT'S happening, yet I find myself on the floor.  Fuck.  I hop up and try to finish the class....pretty much on one leg.

After about 5 minutes of THAT, I stop...thinking I'm going to get yelled at but I don't.  He tells me to take 5 minutes (nice guy! that ought to fix my knee).  I do finish the class but my knee is toast.  And I mean toast.  I don't go back to the class.

About a month later I happen to meet him on the street when I'm visiting my mom......I'll finish this story in work so check back.  Gotta jump in the shower or I'll be late for work.

Okay, I'm back!!!  Today is my boss'  birthday so he just left for the day!  Woot! Yes, I sent him off with a birthday hug.  It was worth it to have a boss free day.  This is the kinda guy he is....the receptionist sends a card around for all to sign when it's your birthday.  He gets the card this morning...he isn't happy that 5 employees (out of 25) haven't signed it. So he gives it TO ME and asks that I get these 5 to sign it while he's out.  He says "I don't mind getting the card late - I'd rather have it signed by everyone."  Is it just me or does that scream "I'm a fucking loser".

So anyway, back to my misery with Ralph. By the way, Ralph doesn't really speak English...although he does try, so I understand maybe half of what he yells to me. 

I'm visitng my Mom and decide to take a walk and get some exercise.  Cricket and Sugar Bear (son) decide to join me.  About 10 minutes into the walk Sugar Bear wants to quit, so I leave them in the dust with plans to meet up when I'm done.  On my way back I see them on the street talking to someone.  As I get closer I realize it's Ralph.  Ohhhh Noooo!!! 

After the knee incident I never went back there and I KNOW he has a big interest in me.  I say Hi, and he is THRILLED to see me.  Hugs me (of course) and starts feeling me.  I shiat you not.  Like one would feel a horse though.  Squeezes my arms, shoulder, neck, waist....checking for what?  Pudge, I imagine.  He's hurt that I haven't been back.  I tell  him that I don't want to fuck up my knee again, but he still wants me to come back anyway.  He tries to lure me into his studio right there and then.  Ummm NO.  Then he tells me "I Love you, you know."  Mind you we barely know each other....and for some reason I do not know, say "I love you too."  As it comes out of my mouth I'm thinking...what the fuck am I saying?  I don't even like the guy!

So of course he says "No you don't!"  So I laugh and agree that I don't.  But come on, it's not like he really loves me, he just wants a customer.  I tell him I'll be back, but not today.  I haven't been back since. I probably would come back if he'd show me a little less attention.  Ignore me, for the love of God!

As I type this, I just got a call.  Receptionist rings in and says suspiciously "Do you know a Douglas?"  Hmmmm no I don't but I say I'll take the call.  It's Noodles from my live game.  When I pick up the phone, he's laughing and thrilled that he got past the CR.

Play and exercise smart.



Wolfshead said...

Hmmm, Ralph sounds a lot like sensei Chang, my old judo instructor.

Memphis MOJO said...

Exercising is great, but you have to listen to your body (I know you know that). When the knee says quit, you gotta quit. This Ralph sounds dangerous.

Josie said...

Mojo, I agree! Usually when you tell an instructor something is bothering you they listen.

Knee is feeling pretty good these days. I may actually do Ralph's program at home - I'm all set up for it, but at my own pace.

Josie said...

Ummm anyone else notice all the waxing and hair removal ads on my blog today?

My eyebrows look FABULOUS btw.

BamBam said...

WHY THE EF "does it always have to be "BAM" when something goes wrong?

I mean seriously.