Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Too Many Stories....

I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!  Heh, that joke never gets old does it?

Over the next couple of days I will entrall you with stories about....

1.  Borgata.  It is the worst effing place in the whole world with zero consideration for their customers.  OMFG they suck ass.  I wish I could get the person I encountered there, her supervisor, and the ass I spoke with on the phone....and tell them that they should never have messed with me. They are a fat, pig, whore and I am going to make them pay. Their last days are going to be extremely painful and at the end they will be broken. Oh wait a minute, I'm not Waffles!  Borgata really sucks though and they will never have another opportunity for my bidness.

2. Wolfie. What I like about him is he's always full of good ideas about the best way to do this or that.  Plus he drove me here, there and everywhere with door to door service that I'm now accustomed to.  And the gimp can park in handicapped parking spots. Sahweet!  The down side was he was a c*** blocker as everyone asked me if he was my husband. (wtf do I look THAT old?)  j/k Wolfie! 

3.) Poker.  Yes, I have more than a few poker tales sitting in my head.  Once I got over the Borgata diseaster I played a TON of poker.  3 tournaments and hours and hours of 1-2 NL.  Mama did very well.  I consistently won in every session yet it wasn't the big win I was looking for.  The upside is that I added to my bankroll.

4.)  Asses.  When I play poker I meet always meet alot of nice guys and unfortunately, a few asses.  The asses are always burned in my memory moreso than the nice guys even though they are the minority.  I really don't get some people, who are just mean for the sake of being mean.  I met 3 major assholes.  The Ukranian(s), The Kid Beater, and Mr. Jupitor Florida.  All dicks.

Tune in tomorrow for my Borgata post.  In the mean time, please enjoy a little story I call

Ganna and The Ukranian(s).

On the first night I final tabled my first tourney.  Unfortunately there were only 4 itm and I was knocked out 8th.  I played well for hours but got a bit tilty when Ganna, the foreign female poker dealer gave me a 10 minute *penalty* during a critical point in the tournament.  It's ironic that dealer error factored into a final table for me again, but it did. 

I was first to act and when I folded my cards Ganna pointed to me and said "You're on break now.  You don't have to wait till this hand is over, you may as well go on break now."  Okay.  I get up, walk around a bit, check out the poker room, hit the ladies room.  I'm wasting time in the ladies room, fixing my hair....chatting with another woman...whatevah.  I feel like the break is almost over and as soon as I exit the bathroom a floor guy is waiting for me and tells me that I need to get back to my game.  There wasn't a break at all.  The games been going on all this time and the dealer was mistaken when she sent me on break.  I shiat you not.  When I get back to the table Ganna is gone, it's a new dealer who apologizes to me as the players tell me I've missed both my big and small blinds.  wtf!  I have no idea why she did that except that she wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree.  The next day she came in to my cash game to give the dealer a break and started apologizing profusely.  I told her not to worry about it, everyone makes mistakes.  Then she messed up a hand in the cash game too.  OMFG.  Luckily I wasn't in that hand.

Anyway, after I got knocked out of that tourney I joined Wolfie in a cash game. 2 hyper aggressive Ukranians were in seats 6 & 7 and Wolfie was in seat 9 and I was 10.  First hand dealt was A-A so I came out swinging.  I got plenty of action and took the pot down.  Seat 6 was nice enough I suppose but Seat 7 wasn't.  He was rude to the dealer and complained about every person's play.  Every time I won a hand he had something to say about what I was holding.  He kept getting felted and his buddy in seat 6 kept reloading him.  When I won another hand he said to me "I'd love to get you in a heads up for 5K.  You and me - anytime!"  I responded "Wow, you're buddy's going to let you borrow 5K after you lost all his other money?"  Anyway, they've been barred from pretty much every casino in AC for fighting at the poker table.  And I'm talking fist fighting, not arguing.  At least that's what they told me.  The rich one in seat 6 asked me if Wolfie was my husband, which I denied profusely.  :)  When Wolfie went to the bathroom seat 6 says "So he's not your husband but you're sharing a room with him?" 


"But I heard you say you were stuck with him so that means you're sleeping with him, right?"

OMFG.  I announce to the table that I am NOT sleeping with the guy in the loud hat and two minutes later Wolfie comes back.  LOL Then seat 6 tells me his brother-in-law like owns the borgata and can fix all my problems.  Yeah, I bet.

Then the floor came over and warned them they were about to be kicked out of the casino.  Seat 7 says "Listen buddy....."

"I'm NOT your buddy.  Address me as SIR or you leave right now.  Both of you!"

"Okay sir...."

Seat 6 says he wasn't doing anything wrong, it was all seat 7 but the floor guy said both of them had been warned.

Final hand is me and them 3 handed.  Seat 7 had been in every hand and this time he raised it big.  Luckily I had A-A so I repopped him.  Seat 6 calls and seat 7 says that I'm acting like I have aces but I don't and he repops me.  Heh. I just call to see the flop.

I feel like they're playing team poker (cheating) as they were always BOTH in the same hand together, but there's no way I'm folding this.  These guys were seedy to say the least.

Flop is 8 high.  Seat 7 bets and I raise $60 on top.  They both call. Turn is blank, no flush or straight draws so I bet big and they both called AGAIN.  I don't like this.  River comes and it's time to check.  Highest card on the board is a jack and I can't figure out what they have!  How could they match the shitty board after those big preflop reraises?  I mean raising big preflop is a bit of an insurance policy.  If the person calls  two reraises he isn't holding 8-6, right?  Yet they're both here to the river so they must have something.  I'm worried that somehow one of them have two pair so I check the river and so do they.  Seat 6 turns over A-A!  Seat 7, the loud mouth quickly mucks, and I turn over my A-A for a split. 

Seat 6 seems pissed and asks seat 7 what the effff was he holding and he said he had an 8.  Whoopdee do!  I tell seat 6 not to be upset as we get to split his buddy's money!  He moans "That's my money he's betting with!".

Awwww.  Time to get new friends!

Play smart.



Memphis MOJO said...

Great post. Can't wait to hear the rest.

lightning36 said...

Trouble just seems to follow you at the poker tables. I wonder why that is?

Bally's Las Vegas poker dealer, pointing to lightning36: "This is the nicest guy in Las Vegas."

He he he

Gary said...

Kudos to Wolfie for ferrying you about. Kudos to the brush for demanding some respect out of those two meatheads. Kudos to you for coming out ahead. Just kudos all around.

Josie said...

"Bally's Las Vegas poker dealer, pointing to lightning36: "This is the nicest guy in Las Vegas."

This is further proof that dealers are a few cards short of a full deck! lol