Monday, November 7, 2011


I played poker at Foxwoods on Saturday.  As I mentioned in my tease I played poker with a famous person.  Who could it be? 

A.)  James Woods
B.)  Usher
C.)  Waffles

Did you take a guess?

If you guessed all of the above, you are correct!  Um, sort of. 

Let's start with A, shall we?  After all, he's a very famous movie star. A huge fucking movie star, who I talked to and touched.  More than once!  Now did I actually "play" with him?  Well, it depends on how you look at it.  We were at tables next to each other, but I was playing 1-2NL and he was playing 2-5 NL.  (um and it was fucking JAMES WOODS)

Let me start at the beginning.  I was playing 1-2NL, spotted him and said to the table "I think that's James Woods!"  Everyone readily agreed and the dealer told me James plays there all the time.  Ohhhhhhh

BTW I go freaky crazy when I see a famous person, whether it be a movie star or sports star, but seeing him (fucking JAMES WOODS!) put me in a crazy to the 10th power mode.  I knew the last thing he probably wanted while playing poker was to be assaulted approached by a crazy lady but that's never stopped me before!  I decided I needed a plan to meet him.  While he was playing, his girlfriend was standing behind him, looking glum/bored/aggravated at being in a poker room in Connecticut.  Blah.... She was very tall, very thin, very blonde and very young.  My guess is she was about 25 yrs old.  I knew for my plan to work, I had to wait until Miss Glum left.  Below is a kinda bad picture of her.

James Woods' GF is the blonde standing.
Picture does not do her justice as she was much more beautiful in person.

So I'm staring at them, waiting for her to get bored enough to leave.  At this point I am in frenzied fan mode, and am not even trying to focus on poker.  Finally she takes a walk and I get my chance.  Faster than you can Josephine, I am up and standing by James, pretty much in the same spot the GF was.  I see he has a mountain of green chips in front of him, and he's in a hand.  So I wait, trying not to let my squeals bubble over....yet they did!  As soon as the hand was over I gushed something like "You're James Woods you know!  I can't believe it.  James Woods from Casino!"

He laughs and agrees that indeed that is him.  We start chatting for a bit (omfg I'm chatting with James Woods) and he asks me what I'm doing here.  I tell him I'm playing poker at the very next table and just haaaaaaaaaaad to see him in person.  And I love him.  Yes, I told him I loved him.  I told you I freak out around famous people, but for me, he's more than that.  He's a legend.  (I didn't mention that, but I wish I had)  So anyway, I tell him I love him and he kiddingly replies that I'm lucky his girlfriend wasn't around to hear that as she's the jealous type.

"Oh, you mean that teenager that was here earlier?" Heh.

He chuckled at that which pleased me to no end.  I made James Woods chuckle!  So now that I've broken the ice, I go in for the kill.

"Could I please take a picture with you?"  Yes, I know I was bugging him while he's trying to play poker, but I truly could not help it.  I was about ready to explode with excitement.

"Sure, but you might get in trouble from the floor person if you get caught."

"I'll take my chances!  Do you mind?  It'll be quick."

He told me to go ahead, and I surely did.  It was only one and done, because even I couldn't bug him even more than I already had.  So I squeezed in next him and snapped a pic with my phone.

Me and James Woods!

To the untrained eye he may look a bit exasperated, lol, but I choose to think he has a bit of a smile on his face; one courtesy of Very Josie.  I say this because the rest of the time he was playing he seemed to be downright scowling, but I digress. 

After I snapped my picture I realized that while scooching in next to him I touched him.  As soon as I realize this I say to his table.  "I touched James Woods!" And of course he's right there and all, so now I pat his back and say "I touched James Woods again!"  LOL  He and his fellow players are all laughing ( never know what reaction you'll get when acting like a crazy lunatic) and as I start to walk back to my table (the very next one) I back track and give him a gentle poke with my index finger and say "I touched him again".  Then I really return to my table.

When I get back to my table there is a new player sitting next to me; a black, handsome VERY well dressed young man.  I'm talking cashmere sweater, purple velour sports jacket and just the right amount of gold.  He says he doesn't understand why I'm so excited about James Woods, when I have a famous person sitting right next to me.  My reply was "Who are you, P. Diddy?"

He says no to P. Diddy, but claims to be Usher.  Damn but he does look like Usher.  Then he asks if I want to take a picture with him too.  Sure......  He is uber excited about taking a picture with my old self.  Why I do not know.  I scooch in to repeat the process and unlike James Woods, he wraps his arms around me before I take the pic like he's drowning and I'm a flotation device. (!)

Me and 'Usher'
Usher is giving me an overly zealous body hug.

So after this is done it's back to playing poker except I'm still keeping an eye on James Woods, natch.  Funny thing is he keeps looking over at moi.  I shiat you not.  Perhaps he doesn't meet crazy people very often.  When he looks over again, I start waving to him in a very frenzied manner and he looks away.  Fawk.  Then he looks over again (!) and instead of giving him a knowing glance, or showing a modicum of coolness, I resume the frenzied waving.  I have no idea why, but I did.  This time however, he starts waving back at me.  Yes, James Woods is waving back to me.  This is clearly an invitation, no?

My brain is back to planning.  I cannot do the same thing and interupt his game again, but I could walk by his table a few dozens times, right?  Not behind him like before, mind you.  I'm thinking this time I'll walk by the other side of the table and try to be a little more sophisticated when I glance over and make eye contact.  Yes, that's like closing the barn door after the horse has bolted but whatev. And not for nothing, but I was looking decidely know...for me.  Unfortunately, before I was able to put said plan into action, Ms. Teenage Girlfriend returned, looking none the happier this time around.  He's up chatting with her quietly, seeming to try to placate her, and then they both walk right by me and into the restrooms.  Awww they go to the bathroom together!  A couple minutes later James returns but the GF seems to stay in the bathroom for a loooong time. 

Someone at my table (perhaps me) mutters something about how long it's taking the anorexic biatch to puke up her dinner. (Bitter, party of one!  Your table's ready!)

So no, I couldn't put my plan into action BUT as the dealer told me, James Effing Woods plays there all the time.  We will meet again. Fo' Sho'.  It's karma baby, or kesmet or um something.

And then there's Waffles.....
And that my friends, is why first instincts are always the best.

Play smart.



lightning36 said...

Honor among thieves? You colluded and are upset? No soft playing is allowed. You are lucky you did't get booted out of the place.

Last February I played in some cash games against Lucki Duck and The Neophyte in Las Vegas. I did not want to bust them and did want them to bust me, but what happens in poker happens. I think we understood that and therefore had no problems playing against each other.

btw -- the guy sure looks like Usher.

Josie said...

Lightning, you're absolutely right. It was a bad idea from start to finish.

Yeah he does look like usher, doesn't he?

KenP said...

I go freaky crazy when I see a famous person

Does anyone else see a differentiation problem in the offing?

Josie said...

okay ken, i go freaky more so than usual. that better?

KenP said...

Sure, after all you've at least got great taste in men.

In 1988, Woods sued Sean Young for $2 million, accusing her of stalking him after they appeared together in the movie The Boost. Young later countered that he had overreacted after she had spurned his advances on set. The suit was settled out of court in 1989 when Woods paid Sean Young $250,000 -- Wikipedia

Memphis MOJO said...

James Woods probably wanted to give you a giant hug, too, but was worried about the GF returning at the wrong time.

Woods is supposed to be a real smart guy -- member of MENSA and all that.

Josie said...

Wait a minute - Woods sued young, but then woods paid young to settle the suit? Mama no understand.

Hopefully I won't be sued, cuz I'll be stalking him again!

KenP said...

Explain it to her Waffles.

Josie said...

@mojo - oh really? then james woods and I have something in common! (except I stopped paying my mensa dues but whatev)

lightning36 said...

Hmmm ... Waffles's blog post sounds much different from yours. Hmmm ...

Josie said...

I'll take your word for it.

The Neophyte said...

Oh sure you get James Woods when you play poker (My fave of his is Once Upon a Time in America) and I get a local newscaster named Reginald Roundtree. Reg is a good guy but he's so short the PQ calls him "The Mayor of Munchkinville" Maybe this weekend I'll get a pic of the two of them and post it.

The Neophyte said...

BTW he looks a lot like Usher but the hairline doesn't quite look right to me. The nose is him though.

Wolfshead said...

If you see someone famous in AC just remember, I'm not with you

Josie said...

@neo, post pictures or it didn't happen.

@wolfie, who knows who we'll meet at borgata!

Wine Guy said...

I have to wonder if a male went to a woman player and gushed like this, where he would have ended up? Forget even about the touching..

Textbook Bimbo-ism..

Josie said...

LOL@wine guy. Bimbo huh? Believe it or not that name is a pleasant respite from what I usually get which is that I'm a man.

That being said, you're a point. If I think a man made a fool of himself like that, he'd get the photo he wanted as well. But I also think you're right that a man shouldn't/couldn't reach out an touch a woman the way I did James FREAKING Woods. btw I like wine too!