Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Poker Ten

Question: Ever play with a guy like this?
Answer: More times than I can count.

Card Player magazine published and article called The Most Annoying Player Habits at The Table.  Boy did they hit nail on the head with this one.  This strikes a chord with me because I am always mindful of the other players at the table, but many are not. Anyway, without further ado, The Top Ten Most Annoying Habits at the felt:

10. Players who always chop in the blinds, unless they have a big pocket pair.

The player reserves the right to decide whether or not they want to chop every time the action folds around to the blinds preflop. That being said, you can’t change your mind just because you’ve been dealt aces. If you “always” chop, then you “always” chop. Not just when you don’t like your hand. OMFG if the $1.00 SB is that big of a deal, perhaps you shouldn't be at the table.

9. People who wear headphones at the table and can’t follow the action.

There’s nothing wrong with listening to some music at the table to pass the time, but when it affects the flow of the game, perhaps you should consider turning it down or freeing up an ear to keep tabs on the action. If we can hear your music from across the table, then you certainly can’t hear the dealer telling you how much more it is to you. Mama likes headphones herself, but not at the price of not knowing every nuance of the game.  If you can't handle it, unplug those ears.

8. People who act like dealers, to the detriment of the game.
It is the dealer’s responsibility to split pots, take rake and bring in the bets, not yours. Also, believe it or not, most dealers don’t like it when you move the button, especially when you don’t tell them you are doing it. They follow a specific process for each and every hand and messing with that process only slows down the game. I'm sure you were the teacher's pet, but honey, you aren't the dealer or his pet.  Play your game and let the dealer do his job.

7. Players who intervene when they aren’t involved in the hand.

When someone asks for another player’s count, let that player answer and stay out of the situation. Sometimes, it’s not the actual chip count we are looking for, but rather the way our opponent answers the question. The one-player-to-a-hand rule applies in many situations, including decision making, showdowns and potential deals.  VJ soooo agrees! STFU if you are not in the hand.

6. Beginners who don’t understand how the blinds work or when it is their turn.

This may fly in the face of our no. 1 pet peeve, but most poker players would agree that while we enjoy amateurs at the table, we wish they at least understood how the game was structured. After a few orbits, even first timers should get that there are two blinds to the left of the button — one small, one big. I don't mind this so much, as long as you brought plenty o cash.  :)

5. Players with poor personal hygiene.
We understand that eight-hour sessions can quickly turn into 16-hour sessions, especially when you are stuck, but for the good of the game, please take a break to freshen up and pop a breath mint. Also, don’t forget to wash your hands after visiting the restroom or eating. We all have to touch those cards and chips at some point.  Please people!  Auntie Josie says so!

4. Cash game players who leave the table for big chunks of time.

Most casinos allow a player to be absent for two and a half dealer rotations before before their stack is picked up. That’s one hour and 15 minutes in most rooms. Players who leave the table to play the slots or pit games, or even have dinner, are being inconsiderate to the others who now have to play short handed. To combat this, most card rooms have a third-man walking rule, but it does little to prevent most roaming players. OMFG I've seen players gone for longer than two hours, yet their seat is still reserved for them.  Very rude!

3. Players who consistently act out of turn.
It’s fine if you do it once, or maybe even twice, but if you are consistently acting out of turn, or even telegraphing your intentions before it is your turn, you are hurting the game. It isn’t fair to the others in the hand to give away information. This problem is bigger later in the hand, when one player is attempting to apply some pressure against two opponents, but one has made it clear he has no intent to continue. You are messing up a hand/pot that may be mine. Pay attention!

2. People who Hollywood and take forever to make simple decisions.
Back in 2003 when everyone was representing a premium hand, it made sense to “Hollywood” in order to protect your tight, aggressive image. These days, it’s just a waste of everybody’s time. We all know you are raising with garbage and now that you’ve been caught, dump your hand and quit slowing down the game.  This is my biggest pet peeve! I am impatient by nature and a reader of people.  I know you don't have shit so don't waste my time with the fake hemming and hawing.

1. Players who tap on the glass.

If you are a poker player, do us all a favor and don’t tap on the glass. That is, don’t scare away the fish. This may be hard for some of us to remember, but the first time you sit down at the poker table can be a pretty scary experience. Don’t make it worse for the beginners by telling them how to play the game “properly” or even worse, berating them for playing “badly.” The games are hard enough and we need all of the fish we can get. Really, all you're doing is talking to hear yourself talk.  Bravo, you know basic poker strategy, but no one wants a poker lesson right now. STFU, um please.

I would have had a separate mention for people who are sick with a cough or cold but are at the felt.  No one wants their germs and it seems virtually impossible to avoid them when swapping cards and chips.  Stay home! At least until you're not contagious.  Then come back and bring lots of $$$.

Play smart and never tap the glass.



SirFWALGMan said...

How about people who go up to you and say "OMFG! JAMES WOOD! I LOVE YOU!" when you are trying to make some money at the 2/5 table..

Josie said...

LOL That's entirely different. I waited till he wasn't in a hand.

OMFG I met James Freakin Woods...and you witnessed it!

Gary said...

For some reason I imagine the guy who invented the expression "tapping on the glass" in this context was Foghorn Leghorn:

"Stop - I say, stop tappin on the glass, boy..."


"Yoah scarin the fish away, son! I say, scarin the fish! (to himself) bright boy - probably thinks a nine beats a pair of fours..."

Cranky said...

VJ - surprised there was no mention about people who speak about the hand while it's in progress. When I started to play live, that was my main transgression. I broke myself of it.

Maybe someday I'll play live poker again (she added wistfully).

Josie said...

Gary, lol I told you your impersonations are better received when heard....but go ahead and do the Indian customer service rep. :)

Josie said...

cranky, true but that's easily fixable by point to your cards and asking the person to wait.

Memphis MOJO said...

No one wants their germs and it seems virtually impossible to avoid them when swapping cards and chips.

The first winter I played poker in a casino (2004-2005), I got sick (and I never get sick). Now I'm more careful. If someone coughs, I either say something or let them know with body language know that I don't appreciate it. Back then, I started taking the hand sanitizer stuff with me, but I don't do that anymore.

Littleacornman said...

Any mention of James Woods always make me think of Family Guy...

Re rule 7,I don't play much live poker and until recently I thought I had to answer if a player in a hand with me asks for a chip count.I'm sure I heard some poker commentator say that's not the case.Keep me right Josie and tell me if I have the right to remain silent!

Josie said...

@acornman, sweetie you have the right to remain silent. anything you say can and will be used against you.

your fishponent also has the right to know your chip count, but you don't have to say a word if you don't want to. the dealer will count it for you. no other player should get involved though.

you should stay silent and stare ahead and perhaps open a button or two on your blouse....if you want a call, that is.

Littleacornman said...

Thanks Josie.I'm not sure how long a man wearing a blouse would last in a Glasgow casino but cheers for the tip!

phreephallin said...

This was quite funny. I would add people who moan, complain, or constantly bitch about bad beats, how good they are, or how bad other players are. No one cares to hear you tilting out loud!

Rule 10.5 Get over yourself...

Another one is people who try to act like a floor person and interpret house rules, but don't know what the hell they are talking about.

I once had a regular player try to tell me that in cash game, I had no right to know a player's exact stack size. She claimed that I could request the number of $100 bills behind, but not the number of chips because "poker is a visual game."

She offered to bet me $30 and I snap called. She called the floor over by name and he confirmed that she was wrong.

Rule 11. Don't try to act in the role of the floor person.

Josie said...

omg free phallin, you are so right. I do NOT want to hear the dozens of bad beat stories that are told to me over and over. If lose, get over it! Ugh - that would be high on the list.

lol at the woman who thought you didn't have a right to know her stack size. She got a $30 lesson.

Josie said...

Free Fallin, you're a kitty warrior! I love love love cats. dogs(and ducks) not so much. Keep up the good work. meow!

KenP said...

Next time you go to confession don't forget to mention plagiarism times two.

josiesboytoy said...

Okay I will add a few of my own. These are for home games and casino ones too

People who take forever to fold on every hand. It's not rocket science folks your 3 9 off suit goes in the muck

People who messily eat food at the table. I am sorry but watching you schlump down your meal is disgusting.

People who make change out of the pot in home games. Get your grubby fingers out of the pot. Ask your neighbor for change

People who chat and forget its their turn. It's okay to talk but keep your eye on when it's your turn to act or don't speak.

And lastly Ladies who wear low cut tops. It's distracting. Yea okay this does not bother me .what the hell else do I have to do between hands but admire your choice of attire and assets.

Josie said...

Ken, you're on to me.

lol boy toy :) the people chatting when it's their turn just kills me.

sevencard2003 said...

they left out the most annoying 2 things.

people who always straddle when its YOUR BB. the other day i missed outo on winning over $300 because i had 6T clubs let it go for the extra $2, no one raised, and id have flopped 4 to a straight flush, turned a flush and tripled up my chips remaining.

people who remind u to tip when u are out a lot of money and are planning to wait til the next pot to do so. its none of anyone elses business.

badbilly32 said...

the most annoying thing is when someone dumps THOUSANDS in an unbeatable machine then cries when someone gets on them about not tipping a dollar after winning a pot..sorry if you cant figure out that tipping and straddling are part of the game...IM SURE IF JOSIE EXPALINED IT TO YOU, you would change your mind!

badbilly32 said...

f.m.l. ! didnt you just write in your blog the other day"i plan on straddling every button at tonights session" youe a contradiction in terms!

Rob said...

Original post is a great list, #4 is my biggest pet peeve, especially when two people who are friends (or became friends at the table) go off together to eat or (ugh) smoke.

Oh that reminds me of another one....the person nexts to you takes a quite cigarette break and then comes back smelling like a friggin' ashtray. Yeesh.

Oh how about this one, somebody celebrates a winning pot by snapping their fingers and referring to themselves in the third person. Example: "Snaps for Josie!"

Josie said...

LOLLLLLLLLLL Rob! I haven't done the Snaps for Josie in years. :) You have no idea how awesome I am at the poker table though - it needs to be celebrated.

BTW if you are cokeboy, tyvm for following....I now have 51 followers!!! Snaps for Josie!

Rob said...

No, I'm not cokeboy, but I could probably be cokezeroboy. Anyway, since I was too late to be your 51st follower, I became your 52nd follower instead! So I guess you're now playing with a full deck.