Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Chicks, Man

Women are so smart in the little game we call life.  I've learned so much from so many women in my life.  Lessons that I've carried with me for decades.  This isn't a testament to my memory, which is mediocre at best in some ways, but to long lasting impact they've made on me.
When I was in my early twenties I worked with a woman called Birdie.  One of the happiest people I've ever known.  She was maybe 350 lbs, and sported a crew cut, but spent 3 weeks of every year on a nude beach at Martha's Vineyard.  No clothes at all for almost a  month!  Talk about a great self image.  She loved every little thing about herself and her body and she's one of the happiest people I've ever known. 

It was my first job out of school.  I was doing cash management for a company that managed health facilities.  Birdie taught me my job, how to survive my first experience in an office, and covered my ass on many occasions.  I find myself  playing "The Birdie" role every now and again in the office where I work now.  I chuckle to myself but am happy to pay it forward. 

And let's not forget  my mom.  Born and bred in Sicily.  Mom taught me everything, but here are some doozies:

"Always knock with your feet."  As in, if you are visitng someone, you should always have to knock with your feet because your arms are full.  Never visit anyone empty handed!

"When the fox can't get to the grapes he says Oh they're probably sour anyway." 

"You can tell if a person is good or bad by the way they treat elderly people."

"Black matches everything."

"Pasta keeps cooking even after you take it off the heat."

So yes, women are smart in life.  Very often they are smart in business too.  So tell me this.  Why oh why do I think that women make the shittiest poker players?  Present company excepted.  :)

Saturday at Seabrook, I'd say maybe 5% of the players were female.  It seemed to me that all the women I encountered played 1 of 2 ways.  (both ways being shitty imo)

Too tight:  They'd play very little and check/fold at a minimum bet.  They seemed to be waiting for AA or KK and wouldn't play much else.  And when they did play, with something like AK they would fall on their sword for it.  Couldn't seem to fold ace high after the flop.  They would get chipped down and have to do something desperate.


Crazy Ladies:  There were some women that seemed to be in every hand and calling every raise with the worst hand.  Then they would call a bet after the flop with nothing.  I saw one woman call with nothing down to the river, just to catch a river card for a win, time and again.  How does she call with nothing?  She chipped up early with her river catches but was out of the tourney way before the final table.  You can only get lucky like that for so long.

I really did not see one woman who played well.  NOT ONE.  And that bums me out, but it reminds me of my worst tournament experience.  About 3 years ago I played in the Ladies Event at Foxwoods.  I think the buy in was $350.  The biggest buy in I have ever paid to play poker.

And the play at my table was terrible.  It seemed that no one really knew what they were doing.  It was a very frustrating day that ended earlier than I wanted it to.  I will never play another Ladies Event again, and truly, I don't even know why there are "Ladies" events.  I mean it's not frigging football.  Braun is not a factor, so why segregate women in a separate tournament?  Is it to make it easier on us ladies, by taking the big bad men out of the competition?  We play against men on a regular basis.  Playing at a table of all women was like The Twilight Zone.  I suggest you don't try it.

What I do suggest you do is play The Very Josie tonight.  At $10 + 1, it's practically free!  And if you're HeffMike, it IS free.  And there won't be a table full of women.  Only one.  And when that one woman takes you out, and you're tempted to insult me, remember this:  "When the fox can't get to the grapes he says Oh they're probably sour anyway."

Play smart.



KenP said...

Think you are pretty smart, huh?

"You can tell if a person is good or bad by the way they treat elderly people."

You better do windows. Me one week; Mojo the next.

Josie said...

Okay I'll do your "windows" but Mojo's first! lol

Josie said...

And my mother's wisdom about the elderly, isn't about someone over 55 yrs old. She's talking about someone incapacitated that is at the mercy of others. Big diff.

Wolfshead said...


just look at the way she treats me, both elderly and disabled. Shows her true colors.

And what does Braun have to do with poker anyway? They make electric shavers and coffee makers and such stuff. And I'll just have to insult you before hand then so you don't get confused by my motives. It's on GP alone that you should be insulted, you invite abuse, it's very rude if you don't accept it.

Josie said...

Yeah, let's look at the wolfie. You my dear, have gotten away with things that NO ONE in person EVER HAS.

Like calling me a peckerwood among other things....but I owe you a slap for that and crippled or not, you're getting one. Bank on it. Right after I hug you.

lightning36 said...

How scary. My dad always used to joke about pushing the doorbell with your elbow. My mother's nickname -- which everyone calls her -- is Birdie.

You don't think that maybe we are related, do you? And that I got all the genes for being good looking?

Josie said...

Lightning - that IS weird. I have never heard of anyone else calling themselves Birdie. We're like 2 peas in a pod you and I. But you're missing a gene or 2 IMHO. :P

PokahDave said...

tonight should be a grape-stompin' good time right? Ima gettin' that bounty!!! My grandpa used to joke about women with big feet. He would say "Those are good grape stompin' feet" he was German/Irish so he had a good time hassling my Dad the......sicilian one. So if he was going to play the poker tournament he would say "Women with big feet can stomp the grapes and make the wine...but they can't run fast...and I'm going to get that bounty!!"

Josie said...


I've got me some grape stomping feet. My sista calls them peasant feet or fred flintstone feet. Somehow sis and mom got these tiny size 6 feet.

Anyway Baby, you can dream but you ain't getting MY bounty. I mean, you're good, but you're not THAT good.