Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Douche Baggery is Afoot

I was witness to a particular bit of douche baggery at Foxwoods on Saturday night that bothers me. Believe me when I play a tournament I'm very competitive and will do anything in my power to win, but I want to win because I earned it not because I'm a douche bunt. What, you've never heard the term douche bunt before? That is an old nickname of mine, coined by none other than Gary...The Crafty Southpaw.

Gary started calling me Douche Bunt because, as he put it " for when douche bag or cunt just aren't enough". He combined the two terms just for me! Ain't he sweet? He then shortened it to DB and hasn't used it in a while, I'm happy to report.

Anyway, let me tell you about this douche bunt move I witnessed. I was in the 8 seat, while the 10 seat and the 3 seat were in a big hand. Mr. 10 Seat was a regular and sort of recognized me as having played with me before and started chatting immediately in a friendly manner. He was in the process of getting a massage and was recommending I do the same. BTW he had a huge crush on his massage therapist and seemed quite worried she was sleeping with our waiter....our very very obviously gay waiter. Lemme just say that hetero men in their early forties do NOT have gaydar. Anyway, he kept telling me that I should have his girl rub me down. Hmmmm I always thought that I wasn't a fan of massages, but I may have been mistaken. I've never had a massage at the felt - and don't know if it would be as good as a massage where I'm relaxed and at ease. So anyway, I'm pondering this when Mr. 10 and Mr. 3 are in their heads up match.

BTW Mr.3 is the douche bunt in this scenario. There had been HUGE raises, reraises and calls both pre and post flop and the pot was huge; the type of pot that could make or break a tournament. Here comes the turn and Mr. 10 is pondering his next bet. This was a deep stack tournament and each player started with one red 5k chip. The problem was the 5K chips didn't really stand out beneath the orange 1k chips. They were very hard to see, which is why Mr. 10 said to Douche Bunt...

"How many 5K chips do you have in your stack?"

silence and crickets chirping

"How many 5K chips do you have?"


"I'm just trying to figure out how much you have behind you."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I need to know so I can make a decision on my next bet!" He started getting agitated...

"Oh, so you're just checking?"

"Yes, I'm just checking!"

The dealer hears the word "checking" and starts to turn over the river card while Mr. 10 yells "What are you doing, I haven't bet yet!".

The douche bag says "He checked!" knowing full well that his opponent hadn't. The dealer hears both sides, along with actually hearing the word "checking". The cherry on top is that the douche bag also claimed Mr. 10 made the classic hand gesture which means checking, which is a very bold lie. The dealer quickly decides to end this by turning over the river card, which is an ace.

Mr. 10 is furious and tells the dealer that he cost him chips. He states he was preparing to bet there and thinks he would've gotten a call. The floor is called over. He hears the sob story along with others (like me) corroborating his story. Floor guy decides that the play must stand as is. The dealer did hear the word "checking" after all.

Okay. There's still a bet to come on the rivered ace. Mr.10 jams all in baby!

What does the douche bag do?

After the jam, Mr. Douche Bag claims that the ace should be buried and a new card flipped over because of the previous controversy.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The floor guy was walking away when he was immediately called to return as the DB is insisting it's the right move. That damn ace must be burned!

OMG what a fucking cheating douche bag!

The ace stood where it was an the douche bag folded to the all in call. I'm still bothered by how unethical he was. He was a young guy, who I know I've played with before. I won't ever forget him and hope I see him again at Foxwoods.

Now about my poker uniform....Gary mentioned on his blog that he had to tell me to fix my top once or twice. This is true. Truly it doesn't seem that low at first. The thing is it's quite loose so it sort of kept drooping....and a bit of my bra was showing. After he mentioned it more than once, I snapped a pic.

I'm not thrilled with the pic. At all. I had to leave my house very early that morning so there was no time to blow dry my hair - it just sort of curled and puffed out. Bad hair and less than stellar make up application. I wasn't going to post it but it illustrates how my bra is showing more than a bit. This is why Gary motioned to me to cover my unmentionables.

Now since I'm incredibly vain, below is a pic of my hair when it's blowdryed.

Much better, right? BTW the top is a "sometimes" poker uniform. It's cool because it has these tiny hook and eye closures so I can close it up if I feel like it or leave it open.

Since I'm posting pics below are a couple from the 4th of July:

Boom! Taken in Salem, MA right before the downpour.

Also before the downpour.

Well that's it for today kiddos.

Play smart and don't be a douche bunt.



SirFWALGMan said...

lol whats wrong with the kid? He looks like he ate something bad..

Josie said...

No he didn't eat something bad. That his exasperated look that says "can you fucking believe my mother is trying to take my picture?" except he doesn't say the efff word.

Gary said...

Douche bunt...man, THAT brings back the memories.

That's about as horrible an angle shoot as I've ever ever heard in my life.

And re: your top, you were kind of giving the table a view of the whole deal. They're taking away my man card for doing it, but I had to help you fix things, if for no other reason than I needed to concentrate.

Josie said...

@Gary, Puhlease! Don't bull shit a bull shitter. Do you remember leaving a comment recently like "I've played so much poker with Josie, her insignificant boobs don't do it for me, but she has nice cheeks." or something to that effect.

Gary said...

Josie, you don't understand. We could see your entire breasts, clothed though they were in a brassiere. No man is immune to that - but yes, you do have the cheekbones of a goddess.

Josie said...

OMFG I find it hard to believe you could see my ENTIRE BREASTS and never tell me that, except for a hand gesture. Luckily there was a witness. Let's see what Cranky says about what was showing.

Josie said...

Wait a minute! Did you say goddess? :) Have I mentioned that I'm vain?

Gary said...

I swear it's true. And I told you THREE TIMES to fix yourself up Josie, and not with just a hand gesture. I didn't feel it necessary to fill you in on the details until you accused me of bullshitting you.

Gary said...

CHEEKBONES of a goddess. A goddess named Zigomi, to be specific.

Josie said...

It was twice and maybe you were looking down my top and thats how you saw what you saw. I do remember saying to you "My eyes are up here Gary." But that's neither here nor there. Let's see if Cranky will favor us with her opinion.

Gary said...

Altogether possible - god help me, I love tits - but why would I tell you to cover up if I were that guy? If I were, say, a blogger from California obsessed with breasts, for example?

Rob said...

"If I were, say, a blogger from California obsessed with breasts, for example?"

@Gary. Gee, I have the vague feeling I should know who you are referring to here, but for the life of me, I can't place him.

@Josie, nice to finally hear why you had the nickname "DB". The DB in your story is beyond DB-ness. Getting a guy to repeat "checking" to make sure he didn't bet? Wow. I can't believe the dealer and the floor let him get away with that.

Seat 10 got screwed. Also, if a player asks for help on a player's chip count the dealer should come to his aid immediately if the player isn't instantly forthcoming. That's two strikes against this dealer.

Oh and nice pic. I definitely recognize those, I mean, you.

Josie said...

Rob, yeah the guy kept asking and asking and the dealer never once stepped in. Mind you seats 3 and 10 are quite far apart so the guy was practically yelling his requests across the table. They look familiar? Your pic was definitely more....exposed.

Rob said...

Josie, yes that's true, plus from my, um, angle, I got a better look than one gets from the pic itself.

Josie said...


Memphis MOJO said...

Some DBs will do anything to win.

Josie said...

Right you are Mojo!

Cranky said...

So, how to add my 2 cents to this controversy? I guess I'll just go with the facts as I saw them.

Since I am a lesbian, there's no way I didn't observe your cleavage. :-) I am happy to report we could see quite a bit of your breasts, but your bra was not entirely exposed. I would also add that, sitting on either side of you, Gary and I had the best vantage points at the table.

grrouchie serge said...

I don't get how the floor let this stand - but whatever.

Also, the other day at the table I exposed my bikini during a big hand to try to gain an advantage.

Josie said...

lol Hey! You guys WERE on either side of me! I think you prove my point - not much bra was showing - like the pic. if my entire boobs were showing as gary suggested then my bra would be too - that was a full coverage bra. TY Cranky - great playing with you! btw if I get a bit more tanned i'll look like queen latifah! ;)

Josie said...

grouchie, your bikini? is that code for something, like "eiffel tower?"

Cranky said...

Please let me know when you get more tan!!!!!!

Gary said...

There was easily 70% exposure at those points where you leaned forward. There just was. I'm not exaggerating for the sake of the story, I could see the lower curve, as it were. VERRRY little left to the imagination. My only thought: "Oh. My. God."

SirFWALGMan said...

hey no nipple it does not count.. XD. I was going to call you a goddess but Gary beat me to it.

Josie said...

lol I guess it doesn't count then. Mmmm well I will take that as you did just call me goddess....which is better than succubus!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

You are so goddamn funny. BTW, great rack! (Very important here in Vegas.) And you've got nothing on me in the vanity department. That Carly Simon song? As a matter of fact, it was about me. XOXO

Josie said...

LOL TY Linda - Rack is courtesy of Victoria's Secret - I always think of your line in your book where you mention VS.

CAP SMOKE said...

Hi Josie.

My name is Cap and I will be in vegas Monday July 16th. I will be in town for 4 or 5 days

I have wanted to meet TBC since reading his blogs back on Allvegaspoker and Vegaspokernow.

I see he has been having a rough time lately. I would be honored to take TBC to dinner at any place he chooses. He has shut down his blog and it is not open to people he doesn't know.

If you could pass him along my offer and my email I would greatly appreciate it. I would love to get some poker insight from him, as I love the game myself.

Thank you,



Josie said...

Hi Cap,

You can access Tony's new forum here --> http://sevencard2003.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=18&page=61

However, I'll email him to let him know. I'm damn jealous you're going to vegas!

Stump said...

Hey douche bunt, how about a new post?

Josie said...

Lollll okay, just for u stump!