Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I'm tired today cuz I was up too late playing the Daily Dollar tourney on Full Tilt last night. 7,900 players.  I played once before and came in 50th place.  I was hoping to improve my record but that wasn't the case.  When I donked off my chips (and I DO mean donked) I wound up in 330th place.  1,080 places in the money. I tripled my $1 buyin but the end was ugly.

I hade 123K in chips and was out about 3 hands later.  I got too tired, and just became a calling station.  I had trip aces and threw half my chips at that only to be out kicked by ace jack.  Obviously this guy wasn't afraid of me but I just kept calling.

I blame Waffles though.  I was playing great till he decided to call it a night.  Once he left I pretty much gave up.  I wonder where I would've wound up if I just went to bed and let myself get blinded out.  May try that next time.

I also played a little stud8 and was down a buck when I "stood" up.  LOL I was doing better before I started reading Super System 2.  Unforunately, the chapter on Stud8 didn't really impart anything that I didn't already know.  Play baby cards or big pairs - goal is to scoop the pot.

Tomorrow night, I am meeting up with  A POKER BLOGGER  for the first time.  Should be alot of fun - or he could be a crazy psycho - we'll see.  I've been very hesitant to meet any of you crazy people but I'm breaking my rule!  I'll tell you all about it on Friday.  And if you don't see a post from me on Friday.....CALL THE COPS! (jk i think)

Play smart.


Monday, June 28, 2010

I'm so hip, your grandpa broke me

You wanna know how cool and hip I am?  Well, guess who left me....ME....a comment?

A cool, female, professional poker player!  Oh. My. God.   Need another hint? How bout this! 

I can only aspire to her coolness! Funny just the other day I was reading that she placed 4th I think in a Venetian Deep Stack Event....The very event I was hoping to play in.  I'll get to Vegas yet!

For now I'll enjoy the fact that she was nice enough to comment here.

Play smart.


A Flower

I know the secret you don’t tell
We see your bloom and love it well
Beauty for all our eyes to see
Deeper within, I can feel thee
More than beauty, look further still
There’s softness there and iron will
Velvety, fragile, but oh for a touch
A stroke of a finger, is that too much?
One, then two, then thinking ends
Just breath and feeling, the softness sends
Taking and giving, yet taking still more
Floating on softness, the feeling you give
Others think pretty, but I know where you live

Original poem by the talented Very Josie.  Yes, I know you aren't into poetry.  Too fucking bad.


Just Another Manic Monday

I hit Barnes & Noble Bookstore looking for a book on Stud8 (Seven Card Stud, high, low 8 or better) and I was quite disappointed.  I found zero books on the subject!  There were a couple of Omaha books but the majority were all about holdem.

Once I accepted the idea that there were no books on Stud8, I decided to splurge on a holdem book.  There were tons to choose from but I ended up with Holdem for Advanced Players by David Sklansky and Mason Malmuth. $30 plus tax and it wasn't even very big!

After I got the book home I had a bit of buyer's remorse.  Why didn't I get Super System 2, which was A.) the same price, B.) had a section on Stud8, C.) was triple in size! I am a voracious reader and like to get my money's worth.  Then the cherry on top was logging onto my blog and seeing a message from Neo Baby that said I had to read the contribution by Todd Brunson in SS2.  That was all I needed to hear.

I exchanged the books with no problems at all. 

My plan is to read the Stud8 chapter first, and then start the book from the beginning.  Yay me!

It's hard to go in there and only buy one book.  Especially with all those "summer reads" piled on tables throughout the store. But I couldn't rationalize buying one of those.  I went to the beach with Cricket on Friday and she gave me a book she just finished called Good In Bed, so I do have something to read.  But damn I could happily spend the day there.  They even have a Starbucks!

Not alot of online poker for me this weekend.  Sugar Bear had two friends sleep over.  Here's an example of how I'm a pushover.  Friday he asks if Shane and Justin can sleep over and I say no.  So then he asks if they can come over.  I say sure and they show up about 6pm.  They get pizza for dinner (I didn't have any - boo!!!) and homemade sugar cookies warm from the oven for dessert.  Of course he wears me down and they sleep over, BUT with the condition that the boys leave in the morning.  Yet somehow they stay till 6pm Saturday night.  I swear there is one of me born every minute.

Work was a bitch (sorry evp) last week and so was I.  It culminated on Thursday with a board meeting at noon, and then project meetings to follow till the end of the day.  And my boss is on vacation this week so he wanted to go over stuff before he left.  Made for a very long Thursday but the good news is....he's gone!

For a whole week!  I still have a full schedule for the week but I'll be on my own.  Not that the boss is all that bad, but it'll be a nice break. 

And my boy is coming to work with Mama on Wednesday.  Only because he's been dying to.  I let him come with me one day last summer too and he loved it.  Truly I don't know why.  I'd think he'd be bored to tears but he got to check out all the models of the buildings we've designed and there's a big artist supply room which is kinda cool I suppose.  Then there's the snacks.  We have jars of pretzels, trail mix and candy.  And best of all, I'm there.  Me, candy and colored pencils....what more could you ask for!

And we'll be doing lunch with the receptionist - that should be interesting to say the least.

Play smart.


Friday, June 25, 2010


Mmmm I just woke up after such a good night's sleep.  I slept till after 9am this morning.  Amazing for me.  And now I have the whole day/weekend ahead of me.

I kicked ass at Seabrook last Friday, but I'm thinking of skipping it this weekend.  Instead I figure I'll work on my tan a little (that's hard work!), work out, hit the mall for some retail therapy, and cook some homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs (while staying on the diet).

Sounds a helluva lot better than working, doesn't it?

The spaghetti sauce and meatballs (my family calls it gravy but I didn't want to confuse you) takes hours to make so I haven't made it in a while.  Beauty cannot be rushed.  But once it's done then I'll be able to make a quick meal whenever I want.

In the past I've tried to pass off ground turkey meatballs instead of the real deal, but my son was not fooled.  And sonny boy loves Mama's meatballs, so he's in for a treat today.  According to him, his nana makes the best ones though.  And dammit I have to agree!  I think it's cuz I use leaner meat than my mom.  I don't know what else it could be because I follow her recipe.

Not that she's ever written a recipe down.  Hell no!  She doesn't measure anything either.  It's a pinch of this, a hand full of that, and two fingers of the other.  LOL 

Which is exactly how I cook too!  So it's hard when a friend loves what I've made and wants the recipe.  I try to write down what I do, but invariably I always hear that it didn't come out quite the same.  I tell them it's because I put love in my recipes.

Anyway, I digress.....

No live action this weekend, but I'll be playing a little online.  I've been playing stud8 a little and find it's alot of fun.  Unfortunately I know nothing about the game so the plan is to grab a book on it at the bookstore while I'm out.

Is there a decent book on the subject that you can recommend?  It would be most appreciated.

Gotta go.  The lounge chair in the back yard is calling me and my coffee.

Play smart.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Karma Baby

Some people think happiness is just a random stroke of good luck.  As though it will shine upon them like a sunny day...something they have no control over.  But that's not how happiness works.  Happiness is the end product of your effort.  You are the one in control of your happiness.  It's something you should seek out every day.  Finding your own personal happiness doesn't benefit just you either, it's a gift to others.  It just one more area where effort and hard work pays off.  You get what you put into it. 

It's karma baby.

The idea of karma really appeals to me both in life and luck, and when I ponder luck, I am ultimately thinking about poker.  Karma - We repeat the same mistakes over and over, banging our heads against the wall.  Making the same mistakes that generate the same miserable conseuquences.  Yet we think it's bad luck.  We're waiting for that ray of sun to randomly shine upon us instead of fixing problems and making changes.  Changes that will break the pattern.  Take care of the problem or it will just screw everything up again next time. 

I really think that's a major life lesson and poker lesson.  Next time that bad beat bothers you, instead of thinking "what a donk" try thinking, what could I have done differently?  Maybe you made the right call and got sucked out on so you think you're in the right, but maybe you shouldn't have even played that hand.  Maybe that's the lesson.  There are lessons everywhere if we just look for them, above and beyond "I was pot committed".

I lost my Step 3 ticket tonight. 

No, I didn't lose it to a donk.  I'm the one in control of what I lose.  I played my pocket jacks too hard.  I keep banging my head against that particular wall, hoping for a different outcome.  Perhaps I've learned this lesson.  I'll try something different next time and see if I can't get a different outcome.

Play smart.


And So It Begins

Still on my diet and I am HUNGRY!

I suppose all the people that tell me I'm a total bitch when I'm on a diet are right.  Below is a tiny excerpt from an email I received from Jew Boy today.

Well, for one, I wonder what species of bug is up your ass, undoubtedly dying of malnutrition because of this blinkered diet you're on.

Oh and that email was accompanied by an illustration....a bunch of  asses and one with a bug up it.  lol

In my defense it's a hellish week at work.  I'm sure that's it, not the diet.  :)


Monday, June 21, 2010

Starting off the week

Well I'm having an early lunch here at work and thought I'd do a little write up. 

First off I was almost late for work this morning.  Played on Full Tilt a little too much last night.  The number is still 4 but in addition I have a Step 4 ticket (valued at 75 smackaroos for you noobs).  I'm hope hope hoping to turn that into a $216 ticket tonight.

So cuz I was late I threw on a summer dress, left the house and got to work on time.  The thing is I NEVER (well hardly ever) wear dresses to work.  Only reason I even HAVE a summer dress is cuz I went shopping with Cricket a while ago.  She always talks me into buying things that I normally would not.  In this case, she talked me into buying THREE sun dresses, which have been hanging in my closet till this morning.

Anyway people in worked are shocked that I'm in a dress....a girly dress. People keep coming by and commenting.  Receptionist loves it btw....that can't be anything but bad news.  Cannot WAIT to take it off.

The other day I was mooching around on line and came across a post on a poker blog called Say Hello to My Leeeeetle Friend.  Well imagine my surprise when I discovered the leeetle friend he was referring to was ME!  It's a funny and smart little blog - take a look yourself.  No not because I am the title of one post, but because I'm the title of TWO. :) There's another one called Dear Josie.  That's not the only reason though - he's a good writer....and he's an Italian Texan.  That right there is pretty interesting. 

Diet's been going good but didn't work out on the weekend, although I was quite active.  Workout resumes tonight.

Play smart.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Scar Face

Scarred for life

See the scar?  That picture was taken the day after the stitches came out.  It might be a little more faded now but it still bothers me.

So here's what happened.  Poker night was over and I went upstairs to my bedroom, which has an old hardwood floor.  A nailhead was poking out just a hair higher than the floor.  As I walked by it my sock caught on the nail head, tripped me up and sent me flying head first.

So I fell head first hard with some velocity and the bottom drawer of my bureau was open a little and my head hit the corner of the drawer hard.  Really hard.  I was laying there dazed for awhile thinking about a concussion and didn't realize there was a hole in my forhead.

Yes a hole.  As much as I hate that photo above it looks 100 times better than I thought it would.  The hole was big and deep.  Big enough that I could put my finger right into it if I chose to.  Bleeding alot and like you could see right in.  It wasn't like a slice or a straight line.

Anyway, I go down stairs, try to get undazed and Cricket takes me to the emergency room.  My head is killing me, bleeding and I'm dizzy.

I end up waiting in emergency for 3 hrs before they see me, with an open hole in my forehead that was bleeding.  After complaining a bit a chick who looks like a teenager tapes a piece of gauze to my forehead and asks me on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt in your life, how much pain are you in now.

I figure child birth was the worst pain I've ever been in....compared to that I give this an 8.  I never should have said that.  Cricket says I waited so long because I didn't say 10.  But sheesh, I'm frigging bleeding from the face.  The gauze gets filled up and has to be replaced a couple of times.

And I'm in alot of pain but they give me nothing.  In hindsight I should've taken an ibuprofen before I left.

They finally put me in an exam room with a bed and I wait there for another hour.  I've been waiting for so long, I'm so worried about how this whole is going to end up looking and I'm in alot of pain. 

The doctor finally shows up and is very nice and concerned.  He tells me his father is a tailor and because of that he'll be good at closing up this hole.  He shaves part of my eyebrow too!!!  Cricket is hovering over every move he makes, and discussing all the options.  There aren't that many.  Stitch it up or glue it.  He stitched it up like his dear old dad would've done. 

It actually looks a little better than that pic.  It's faded a bit.  I bought concealer to cover it up but I don't use it.  It made the scar look more noticeable for some reason.  Go figure.

You know my profile picture with the one eye?  Some guy decided to morph the profile pic with the scar pic to make a complete Josie.  See below.

Some guys obviously have too much time on their hands.


I couldn't forget all of my internet friends!  Wishing all of you a Father's Day as cool as you are. 

Neo baby
Schaubs (waiting for the buns to come out of the oven)
Miami Don
And you Coop!!!


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Yes, I Did It Again

It was hot and sunny on Friday so we went to Revere Beach.  That's where Sugar Bear made his appeal.  "Can I pleeeease get Just Cause II?  I need it!  I played the demo and I have to have it!"

No Sugar Bear doesn't get video games whenever he wants them so I said no, but he can get it for his birthday, which is in August.  He wasn't happy with the answer.  And explained for the next two hours why he needed it NOW.  I don't remember his reasons but whatever.  Soooooo since he wanted it that much I came up with an idea.

I told him that I'd go to the Poker Room at Seabrook and if I won at least $100, I'd buy him the $50 game.  Sugar Bear was thrilled.  In the past he's seen me come home with fistful's of cash and knew he had a good chance.

You guys know I'd do anything for my son, right?

I played a sit & go (per sugar bear's instructions) and came in 3rd which was a net of $40.  I texted him and told  him the game was his and then I went on to play the 7pm $100 tourney.  48 players.

We started with 8K in chips.  By the first break I had 22K in chips.  Really good start, with a couple of lucky hands.

As I've told you, in the past when I play there I start the tourney being quiet and observant.  And when I bet a hand guys love to call me down with half assed hands.  Last night was no different. 

I had Q-J and the flop was Q-J-X.  I bet and one guy calls.  Turn is  a jack.  bing!  I check, he bets and I call.  River is an Ace. I check again he bets 2k (huge but I have the nuts) I raise him another 2K. He thinks a bit and calls.  He has ace rag (aces over jacks).  And 15 minutes into the game instead of having 8k in chips he has like 2K.

Not long after that I get a straight, which I bet, bet, bet with.  A different guy calls me all the way to the river.  By the time the river comes along it's no longer the nut straight but it holds up. 

Now I have plenty o chips to play with.  Mmmmmm.  We play and play and play.

I'm a short stack going into the final table but my favorite dealer is dealing!!!  Remember the guy I took the picture with?  Freddie?  It's him.  We are both thrilled to see each other and of course I call him my favorite dealer a few hundred times.

The chip leader is to my left and is NOT the brightest bulb on the tree, if you catch my drift.  At one point he makes a string bet and a woman calls the floor about it.  The rules are explained to him and when the floor guy leaves he says to the lady, "Look, I'm not trying to make trouble.  I have pocket Kings, you decide if you want to call those."  Ummm you're not supposed to tell what you're hand is.  You get penalized for that.  When he hears this, he picks up a stack of his chips and tries to hand them to the lady with an apology.  No you can't do that either!!!

And this guy is the chip leader!  But not for long.  I become "unshort stacked" because of him.

He's to my left and the big blind.  Everyone else has folded so I raise hoping to pick up his BB.  He says 'I know he's your favorite dealer so I'm not calling you."  Really?  That's what you base your play on?  So I try it again.....again, he tells me he isn't calling any hands I'm in.  Good to know!!!

About an hour into the final table he's first to act and raises.  I'm the BB with A-J and shove all in.  Do I want a call?  No.  But I want his raise and really don't put him on a hand.  Plus I'm trying to bully him.

He goes into the tank and then calls.  I say "Oh shit I'm screwed".  I KNOW that if he's calling an all in he's got better than AJ, right?


He has A-4 suited.  WTF If I lose to that, I am going to be pissed off.  But there was a jack on the flop and Mama was all set.  He gets up to leave and I say "Dude, I'm sure  you've got more chips than I do".  But he has like 200 less.  Bu-Bye.

BTW I called all ins about 4 times with the best hand and got sucked out on but whatever.  Cuz baby I am owning this fnal table.


There's over 100K in chips in the picture above.  I was chip leader but not by much when one guy suggests a 4 way split.  I just shake my head No.  It's after midnight though and the blinds are huge.  Although I'm the chips leader all 4 of us are within 20k of each other.  And this guy points out that if we split we'll get better than 2nd place.

I'm tired and although I know I could outplay them on a short table I take the deal.  But I had the most chips!!!  I want to call that a win.

These pictures are all starting to look alike but I swear the photo above was taken at 1am this morning when I got home.  Note to self:  don't take pictures when you're dog tired.

As I write this Sugar Bear is jumping  up and down waiting to get to Best Buy.  Other than that purchase, the rest of my winnings is going into my  "Josie Goes to Vegas" account.

Vegas better watch out!

Play smart.


Friday, June 18, 2010


This all took place about (16) years ago, when I was extremely young and naive.  I had been doing accounting for a company that managed head injury rehab centers.  I was there for quite a while until they closed their doors.  Actually they had over 200 employees and when I got laid off there were only about 8 of us left.  So I was unemployed for the first time since I was 15 years old. 

My hubby was working for a painting contractor at the time and the owner needed someone to run his office.  As I was doing nothing at the time, I jumped in.  Office of 2.  Me and this guy, who was odd to say the least, but whatever.  I worked there for a couple of months and whipped his office into shape. He was amazed and quite frankly the work was super easy and didn't require much effort.

So one day he tells me that he bought a bunch of guns.  He was a gun freak/collector anyway, but this recent purchase was purely for an investment.  Sure enough, less than a week later he sold them for maybe 3 times what he bought them for.  Then he did it again.  I didn't really think much of it except these were illegal guns.  Illegal to buy and illegal to own.  That's why the profit margin was so high.

I really don't like guns.  They scare me.  I feel like guns are an accident waiting to happen, but I digress.

So he's making money buying and selling his guns and then one day he makes me an offer.  How bout we split a batch of guns?  We could buy 12 each then sell them and split the profit.  I said NO.   He kept asking.  He said he couldn't afford the whole batch but in a couple of days we'll more than double our money.

I don't do things that are illegal (mostly) and I hate guns.  Yet somehow.....maybe because I was unemployed (I didn't count this suck job as employment) I considered it.  If I did it, not only was it illegal but it would take most of my savings.

I must've been out of my mind.  Too trusting, too naive to say the least.

So I hand this guy a load of cash and he happily buys us a boat load of guns.  He'll take care of everything.  The reselling should happen in a day or two.  Then a week goes by.  Then two weeks.

It's not that I couldn't wait two weeks for my money but I knew I had made a bad decision and just wanted it to be over.  Believe me I wouldn't be reinvesting.

Every day I saw him I would ask him about the sale and he'd say the same thing.  I'm working on it, give me a few more days.  This is NOT good.

I gave some guy a boat load of cash to purchase something illegal.  What if he doesn't give me my money back?  Other than cutting his dick off what can I do?  I cannot go to the police and say hey, I bought these guns.....

The worst part was he sold the guns but needed the money to fund his payroll.  I don't remember if he told me this or I figured it out on my own.  I finally got my money back along with a little extra, but certainly NOT triple my investment.  I was pissed.  I was sure he got triple the return, but I had no proof and had to accept what he gave me.  He just said that all of a a sudden the price went down.

I couldn't believe I was so stupid as to trust this guy who always seemed weird to me.  It was a lesson learned although once it was passed I pushed it to the back of my mind and forgot about it.

Until about a month ago.

My son was playing some war game on XBox - maybe it Modern Warfare II or Call of Duty II or something like that.  He's got all these weapons to choose from and he says "Mom which gun should I use?  The xxx, the yyy, or the AK-47?"

Now Sonny Boy is fascinated with guns and I have no idea why.  He's not a violent or aggressive kid so it isn't that.  And he knows how much I hate them.  So just to be funny, I say "Pick the AK-47.  Did I ever tell you I owned a bunch of them?"


It took him a little while to believe me but he finally did and was soooo impressed. lol  Of course he keeps asking about it and I keep giving no details.  Not something I'm proud of...the exact opposite actually.  

One of the stupidest decisions I've ever made.


Thursday, June 17, 2010


A reader emailed me some advice about my blog.  I'm always open to input so I've been thinking about what he said.  He's not a blogger himself, but a reader who knows what he likes to read.  He says he likes the poker posts but he wants to read more about me.  Ugh.

He also says I swear too fucking much. lol  Maybe my f-bombs are offensive?  He may be right about this one.

Hmm, so what can I tell you about myself?

Meh, telling you stuff about myself bores me, or maybe more accurately it's difficult for me. Instead, take The Very Josie Quiz below.  The person who gets the most answers right wins a valuable prize.  please post your answers in the comments.  Jew Boy and Cricket, you don't get to play.  The correct answers are in BOLD.

1. What type of company do I work for?
a.)  Law Firm
b.) Architecture Firm - Yep I do accounting at an architecture firm....easy question
c.) CPA's
d.) Engineering Company

2.) Who is my favorite current Red Sox player?
a.) Big Papi
b.) Youk
c.) Josh Beckett
d.) Tim Wakefield - He's HOT.  I've met him twice.....make that met and TOUCHED him twice.

3.) How old was I when I lost my virginity? :)
a.) 20 years old - I thought that was old at the time
b.) 15 years old
c.)  22 years old
d.)  17 years old

4.) I have a facial scar from an accident 7 months ago.  Where is it? (you guys have seen plenty of pictures...were you looking at my face?)
a.) On my lip
b.) On my nose
c.) On my cheek
d.) on my forehead - Over my left eyebrow.  It's all I see whenever I look in the mirror.  :( but it's small.

5.) About 16 years ago I decided to invest in a quick money maker.  What do you think I bought?
a.) (12) AK-47 guns - Dumb decision, and yes it's illegal to buy 12 ak-47s...and I abhore guns. Long story, might have to be a separe post of it's own.  Weird shit.
b.) A bunch of loose diamonds
c.) Gold
d.) land in Florida

6.)  What's my favorite food?
a.) stuffed mushrooms (HATE)
b.) Italian sausage (HATE)
c.) pizza - don't eat it much but would if it didn't go straight to my ass.  LOVE pizza.  Even shitty pizza doesn't stand a chance if I'm around.
d.) scallops (liked them till I puked them up - now HATE)

7.) List all the ones I love to do...FUNNY ENOUGH I listed things I either love or hate
a.) knitting - tried and tried, but I just can't do it
b.) scrapbooking LOVE
c.) cooking LOVE
d.) cleaning - I like things clean, I just prefer someone else to do the cleaning
e.) sewing - can't do it and I hate it
f.) talking on the phone - i avoid it like the plaque...sorry I never answer the phone Jew Boy
g.) reading - LOVE LOVE LOVE
h.) holding babies - LOVE
i.) playing with dogs - ugh - not a fan of drooling animals that jump on offense Waffles
j.) wearing sunscreen - not gonna happen unless I'm in florida in august or at the equator
k.) cake decorating - LOVE

8.) Which of these tasks grosses me out the most?
a.) cleaning the toilet
b.) washing dishes - totally grosses me out - don't like touching dirty dishes with food particles. YUCK
c.) vacuuming
d.) washing clothes

9.) How many times have I seen Billy Joel in concert?
a.) 1 time
b.) 3 times
c.) 5 times - but if you got tickets, call me!
d.) 7 times

10.) What size bra do I wear?  (is this too much information?)
a.)  34DD
b.)  40E
c.)  32B
*Note I am adding a photo to help with this answer

11.) Which would you rather read a post about?
a.) The freak accident which resulted in the facial scar noted above
b.) The first time I saw a live penis
c.) The first time I smoked something wacky and for the record I have NEVER smoked a tobacco cigarette.
d.) My experience with child birth (I triple dog dare you to pick this one)

Well reader....I think you're going to learn alot more about me, and did you notice I didn't swear much?

Don't forget that whoever gets the most right wins a prize.  No, I'm not telling you what the prize is....not yet anyway.

Bam Bam, you're the man!  Pretty smart, for a Canadian!  Bam Bam wins with 7 correct answers!!!  And what does he win  you ask?  Entry into The Very Josie in July! 

Thanks for playing!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Poker, Diet & Exercise EDITED

Poker - I didn't play any poker at all last night, so the first number is still 6.  I rock!  I think I'll play one or two games tonight and see if I can't change that number to a 7.  Watch out if you're at me table.

Diet - Successful day one.  Stuck to the diet and I have carrots and celery to munch on today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  I bought a new bathing suit (really hot) over the weekend so I really should do my part to make it look good.

Exercise - Ummmmm Here's what happened.  I got home, messed around on the computer for a few minutes, then SHUT IT OFF because I was going to exercise.  I put on some workout clothes including a cute little spandex top, so I was ready to go.  Then.......I laid down for a little while and snoozed for maybe 20 minutes.  Got up, THOUGHT about exercising...I mean damn I was dressed for it so I had to. Except I didn't.  I thought about it though.  I think that has to count, right?  Fuck, I dunno what happened!

It's not like I'm a stranger to exercise.  I go in spurts of being consistent, and then nothing.  Trying to get out of this "nothing" phase that I'm in.  It's totally NOT my fault though.  I blame Ralph.

Who is Ralph?

Ralph is this pumped old man from Trinidad/Tebago.  He runs a fitness and karate center and is a friend of Cricket's.  I decided to take his class with Cricket a few months ago.

Cricket introduces us before the first class.  Ralph decides that he personally is going to change me.  He's looking at me, rubbing his hands together (I shiat you not) and tells me he can make me amazing or some shit like that.  I'm like, okay!  I'm on board!

He does the class but the whole time is focused on me.  And by "focused" I mean yelling at me.  Like a drill sargent.  "More!!!! Faster!!! Not good enough!!!"  Right in my face while the whole class is watching.  wtf!

Pushed me much further than I would've pushed myself though.  So that part's good.  The bad part is my knee.  I told him I have bad knees and can't really strain them.  He says that's fine BEFORE the class.

During the class he just won't let up so my knee is totally messed up.

Doesn't stop me from taking the NEXT class though.  As soon as I walk through the door he's on me like white on rice.  Fawk!!!  I'm a shy kinda gal and he's a loud kinda guy.  The whole class is watching while he gropes, feels and tells me again with glee that he can mold me. I just wanna be in the back of the class huffing and puffing but he just won't let me be.

Knee is hurting.  When he's yelling at me during the class I try to tell him that I can't because of my knee.  He says to just do it.  I try to work through the knee pain, when all of a sudden, BAM.  My knee gives...I dunno WHAT'S happening, yet I find myself on the floor.  Fuck.  I hop up and try to finish the class....pretty much on one leg.

After about 5 minutes of THAT, I stop...thinking I'm going to get yelled at but I don't.  He tells me to take 5 minutes (nice guy! that ought to fix my knee).  I do finish the class but my knee is toast.  And I mean toast.  I don't go back to the class.

About a month later I happen to meet him on the street when I'm visiting my mom......I'll finish this story in work so check back.  Gotta jump in the shower or I'll be late for work.

Okay, I'm back!!!  Today is my boss'  birthday so he just left for the day!  Woot! Yes, I sent him off with a birthday hug.  It was worth it to have a boss free day.  This is the kinda guy he is....the receptionist sends a card around for all to sign when it's your birthday.  He gets the card this morning...he isn't happy that 5 employees (out of 25) haven't signed it. So he gives it TO ME and asks that I get these 5 to sign it while he's out.  He says "I don't mind getting the card late - I'd rather have it signed by everyone."  Is it just me or does that scream "I'm a fucking loser".

So anyway, back to my misery with Ralph. By the way, Ralph doesn't really speak English...although he does try, so I understand maybe half of what he yells to me. 

I'm visitng my Mom and decide to take a walk and get some exercise.  Cricket and Sugar Bear (son) decide to join me.  About 10 minutes into the walk Sugar Bear wants to quit, so I leave them in the dust with plans to meet up when I'm done.  On my way back I see them on the street talking to someone.  As I get closer I realize it's Ralph.  Ohhhh Noooo!!! 

After the knee incident I never went back there and I KNOW he has a big interest in me.  I say Hi, and he is THRILLED to see me.  Hugs me (of course) and starts feeling me.  I shiat you not.  Like one would feel a horse though.  Squeezes my arms, shoulder, neck, waist....checking for what?  Pudge, I imagine.  He's hurt that I haven't been back.  I tell  him that I don't want to fuck up my knee again, but he still wants me to come back anyway.  He tries to lure me into his studio right there and then.  Ummm NO.  Then he tells me "I Love you, you know."  Mind you we barely know each other....and for some reason I do not know, say "I love you too."  As it comes out of my mouth I'm thinking...what the fuck am I saying?  I don't even like the guy!

So of course he says "No you don't!"  So I laugh and agree that I don't.  But come on, it's not like he really loves me, he just wants a customer.  I tell him I'll be back, but not today.  I haven't been back since. I probably would come back if he'd show me a little less attention.  Ignore me, for the love of God!

As I type this, I just got a call.  Receptionist rings in and says suspiciously "Do you know a Douglas?"  Hmmmm no I don't but I say I'll take the call.  It's Noodles from my live game.  When I pick up the phone, he's laughing and thrilled that he got past the CR.

Play and exercise smart.


Monday, June 14, 2010

The First Number is a 6

I'm feeling kinda distracted. Very rare for me.  I don't know if the best word to describe it is distracted or preoccupied, but something's going on because I just don't feel focused.  My mind's a wandering.

Played a bit of online poker this weekend.  :)  It was up and down like a merry go round, but certainly more up than down.  I won back all that mispent money that I invested in the 750K the previous weekend and then some.

As of 11:30 last night, my balance in Full Tilt started with an 8.  Yep, and 8.  As of right now, it starts with a 6.  :(

In an effort to keep myself accountable and not piss away my new found winnings, I will continue to post the first number here daily.  Maybe if I have to tell you about it I won't be so quick to lose it.  My goal is to change that 6 into a 7, then an get the idea.  Until it becomes a 12.


Play smart.


Friday, June 11, 2010

Happy Saturday

Happy Saturday Peeps!

I was writing up my post, and linking to Ken P who was nice enough to provide me with software to make the badge.  Of course I wanted him to just do it.  And get this, he said no to me.  lol What he actually said was something like "My name's not Waffles and I'll teach to fish instead of giving you dinner".  Or something like that. But Ken, I like dinner! lol However, I am checking it out. We'll see what I come up with. It might even be easy enough for me to actually do myself.  Only problem is it's like shopping I want to try ALL the options. Stay Tuned.

In the mean time, I've never seen Ken's blog has he evaded me for this long?  Of course I like it because the first post mentions................ME.  Toldya I liked this guy!  And he did the badge thingy for me after all.  It is at the top of this post.  I <3 Ken.  Waffles, fuck off.

The badge on the right is the final product of Gary's.  Doesn't it rock?  It even has the time posted! He only had to make one or two (or 22) versions.  Thank you Gary!

Full Tilt has been very profitable this weekend.  Started slow and then BOOM. Not squandering half my bankroll in a $216 tourney this weekend, that's for sure.  Only thing is I've only been playing Super Turbos.  Alot of them.  And somehow I got a Super Turbo free roll.  It's a 100K game - Sunday night.  I don't even know what I did to qualify.

Notes about Comments:

1.)  I am so frigging cool I have a comment from Scotland! It's LittleAcornMan.  Cute name. huh?
2.)  You MUST read Neophyte's commnt.  HIGH-larious.


In other news today is a spa day for me.  Manicure, pedicure and wax.  Eyebrow wax.  Fucking hurt like a bastard.  You guys have it sooooo easy.

Which reminds me of  a story.

I've always had eyebrows that need grooming. lol Perhaps it's cuz I'm Italian.  Yet my mother and my sister have light practically non existent hair, while my hair is dark and thick.  Cuz of this I always have to wax my eyebrows or I'd be sporting a unibrow....go ahead, laugh....I'll wait.  Keep in mind eyebrow waxing (as well as any other type of waxing) hurts like a mother.

One year for my birthday Cricket gets me a spa day.  A facial, a massage and yes, cuz my brows are always out of control, an eyebrow waxing.  It was a nice fancy place.

I get the massage and facial.  I'm all relaxed and happy....only thing left is the waxing. (which I dread)  As the girl goes to do it, she spills hot (very warm really) wax ON MY FACE.

A good amount of wax is now on the side of my face/cheek.  She apologizes and tells me she'll take care of it.  No biggie I think.  In my relaxed state I wonder how she'll clean up spilled wax.  There must be a procedure for when this happens but I can't noodle out what it would be.

Know why?

Cuz there is none.

She covers the huge wax spill with cloth and practically rips my fucking cheek off.  She took care of it alright.  Fuck.  Then she waxes my eyebrows.  I'm not a happy camper and she surely knows this.  She tells me she doesn't know how else to get it off.  I still think there must've been other ways than that. 

Play smart.  

PLAY! Or Else!

Support the Ronald McDonald House.  They provide lodging and support to families who are dealing with cancer.  Who knows who you're helping, but you'll be helping someone who needs you.  That's all you need to know.

Be like Nike.  Just Do it.

Jew Boy is working on the badge for The Very Josie.  He came up with a very cool visual. Can't wait to see it finished.  Pokah Dave is the one who reminded me that I should be advertising for my tournmament.  Duh!  Why didn't I think of that before?  Thank you Dionysus.  But I still owe you a beating. (at poker lol)

Play smart.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Damsel In Distress

Do you know what I need?

I need a badge for The Very Josie private tourney!

The thing is I can barely turn on a computer without messing it up.  I cannot make a super cool badge. (or a crappy one for that matter)  I bet one of you handsome, strong guys can though!


I would pay you with full tilt dollars.  Not alot of them mind you, just a token thank you.

If you think you can help a sister out, please drop me an email to let me know. It would be very much appreciated.




Very busy in work this week.  Still trying to play catch up because of year end.  The question is, do I go in to work on Friday even though I have to use a vacation day?  I'm leaning toward NOT doing that.  The owners are away, and although the reason to come in is to meet a deadline if they aren't there to see how awesome I am, did it really even happen?  If a tree falls down in a forest but no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?  lol

The worst part is I'd be so much further ahead but I'm waiting to get a report approved by my boss so I can proceed and he's just dragging his feet.  When I asked him for it for the 4th time he said "I'm not trying to slow you down, I just have other priorities."

And he hugged me today.  For no particular reason that I know about.  Grrrrrrrrr

Tomorrow is my awesome friend's last day at work.  :(  She's been at the firm for over 5 years.  Nikki, if you're readying this HOW DARE YOU ABANDON ME!  We went out for lunch today and she seems happier than she has in about a year, so perhaps it was the right decision  for her.  Not so much for me. 

Doing a group good bye lunch next week when Nikki comes in to clean out her desk.  And here's the problem.  The CR.  No one likes it when CR is included for lunch because she is embarrassing in public (I'll spare you examples).   If CR finds out she'll be upset she was excluded, especially since I'm arranging it.  But it's nikki's lunch not CR's.  And nikki isn't the only one who will be pissed if CR is there.  Still dunno what to do. 

I asked Nikki about it and she said to do "whatever I want".  The ball is in my court. (that's basketball talk - go Celtics!!!) 

In poker news, I played the mookie last night.  Small field.  maybe 22 players.  I was out early.  I meant to limp when I was a small blind and accidentally called a huge raise. Lost alot of chips when I had to fold. Eventually I went out with A-Q.  All in preflop with 2 callers.  Flop was Qxx, turn was a 6.  Dionysus had pocket 6s, made trips and I was out.

But I'm still up for the night!  Know why?  I bet you do!

Didja read these GUIDELINES for playing a 6 person Super Turbo?  Even with all those rules, I found the super turbo to be lots of fun and quick.  Perfect for a person with little patience.  I came in 2nd in the first 2 I played.  Both $2 games.  Upped it to $5 and when it was Mookie time I was 4-9.  I was planning on going to bed but decided to play one more because it was so quick. I won like 3 in a row!!!  So I decided to up the stakes again.

$20 (9) person Super Turbo!

I didn't know how to adjust the guidelines for the bigger table so I pretty much kept them the same.  First place baby!!!  $90 for first place!

I took some screen shots:

I played one more game, lost it and decided to call it a night, up more $$ than I anticipated.  Let's see if I can hold onto it.  Although even if I can't I'm sure Waffles can recommend another game for me to play. :) 

Play smart.  If you don't know how, then read this.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Is It Me?

May as well dress like a dude!

I played alot of online poker since this week. Alot.  And you know me, I chat a little and like to have fun while I play.  Guy after guy kept telling me they knew that I was really a man. 

"You aren't fooling me, you have to be a guy". 

"I know you aren't a girl.  You can't be."

"You're a dude aren't you?"

Different guys, different games, all convinced that I'm  I want to know why!!!!  My Full Tilt name is female and so is my cute avatar with the devil horns. 

Remember when I FREAKED OUT on Jordan for making incorrect accusations about me? He said that I was a dude pretending to be a chick to get readers.  I must've had a touch of PMS that day.  lol.  I didn't realize at the time that I'd hear that over and over.

Is it because I swear too much?  I didn't swear at all on Sunday but got about 5 of those random "your a man" comments.  What am I doing that's so unfeminine?  I am NOT mannish in person.  Yet these guys talk like I'm exuding testosterone or something.  And if I were a dikey kind of gal, perhaps I wouldn't mind so much. 

But I'm NOT.

It must be the way I chat, although I don't know what I'm saying that'd make everyone think I'm a man.  I'm not making fart jokes or anything.  In fact I don't think my chat is mannish at all....unless they think I'm a gay man.  lol    

Do you guys think it's the chat?  Do I seem like I'm packing a python when you're playing against me?  I really want to know!

Unless....Do you think it's the way I play?  Not so nicey nicey and a bit aggresive, I know.  But wouldn't that make me a bitch instead a fellow?

During the very last game I played on Sunday night a guy started chatting with me, and I made an effort to be girlish. Well it was MY idea of what girlish is.  Stupid fucking idea (and it damn near killed me).  I swear to God he said (and this is a quote)  "I like you Josie, but you're a guy, right?"  I damn near put my tits up against the computer screen.

Um, that's probably not a girlish response.  But still.

Play smart.


Monday, June 7, 2010

The Spanker Got Spanked!

Boy Does My Ass Hurt

I got my ass handed to me on Full Tilt and I didn't even swear.  Well I DID, but that was me yelling at the lap top.  No offensive language was typed by these talented fingers.

Let's start with the goddamn Battle Fucking Royale With Cheese

Although my table appeared to be a full one, at first only SuitedKings (you suck TOO) and I were actually there.  I picked up tons of those little blinds, spanked Mr. Suited Kings a little and was doing great.

Then fucking Morning Thunder shows up.  Hold up a minute.

That's your name dude?  Morning Thunder? You sound like a goddamn cup of coffee. (Mama DOES like coffee)

Anyway, I dunno Morning Thunder from Adam, except wait a minute....maybe I do.  I kinda remember him beating up on The One Who Got Away during a Mook, so maybe he's a half decent player.  Duly Noted.  But he can't outplay Mama is what I think.  And perhaps I'm right about that.

Unless you count a runner, runner win as outplaying, and I DO NOT.

At this point there are 4 actual players that showed up at my table, but it's a full one, so there are tons of blinds for stealing and we're playing 4 handed. 

I look down at 9-something.  Morning Thunder and I are the only two in this hand. 

Flop is 9-9-4.

Bet, raise, and I shove ALL IN Baby!!

Morning Glory calls me with TWO OVERS.  K-J or K-Q.  I forget which, but one of those hands.  Free Rolling Baby!  My actual thought was "I don't care if he hits his over pair.  I'm all set!"

Except the turn was a 10.

And the river was a Q (or jack) and he made an inside runner runner straight.


Then Morning Glory says "I hope you're going to be nice to me on your blog!."  What???????

I don't know this guy from fuck, do I?  Does he know me?

"Do you read my blog?"  I ask while I struggle not to throw the laptop on the floor.  Argh!!!! OF COURSE, he does!  He says "Yeah I read you.  I read Waffles so of course I read your blog too." 

So he's one of those readers that read but never comment.  There are ALOT of you guys out there.  Mama's feeling ass raped today, so you guys ought to comment.  It'd make me feel better.

Oh and Morning Bitch, how is it that I am NOT on your blog roll?  Yes I found you, and I'm not there.  Fix that shit PRONTO dude.  Add Mama.  You don't need to go thru Waffles' "I Hate My Wife" blog to find me. :)

Onto bigger things though.

Do I play the 750K event?  I have plenty of cash in my account and an itch to play.  NO I shouldn't have, but yes I did.

Got into quite a groove too.  More than doubled up very early on.  I even took a screenshot with my new screenhunter software! 

And then I pissed it away.  Now I know that the players I'm up against here are good, so I was proceeding with caution.  I took a couple of bad beats and was at about 3K. 

I raise it up big with A-J and get one caller.  Flop is J-8-3.

I bet, he raises, and I call.

Turn is Ace.  Bing! Top Two Pair!

I have less than 2K in chips so I shove All In!!!

He calls and turns over 8-3 bottom two pair.  Whew, what a relief.  I was so worried I was up against trips.

River is an 8 and I'm  out.  :( Just like that.  Easily my worst day for poker in recent memory.

Never should have played that 750K.  Hell never should have gotten out of bed.

Still have plenty in the Full Tilt account, but that's not the goddam point.  The day was so devastating I decide it may be time to take a break from online playing.


Yet, Morning Thunder might be playing The Mookie on Wednesday.  I've got a lesson to teach.  One that has NOTHING to do with money.  Just wondering if he can runner runner a win TWICE.  We shall see.  If he plays, I will too.

Play smart Bitches.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Morning Thunder SUCKS

Details to follow.

How Do You Get A Woman To Stop Talking?

Take away her chat privledges!  Fuck you Full Tilt Poker.

Plus I'm a repeat offender.  With my luck I may be going to jail. :(

This means it's time to clean up my potty mouth fingers.  No swearing for me today in the Battle Royale thingy.  I cannot repeat again.  Who knows what they'll do next time.  I'm going to have to practice typing the words "fudge" and "duckhead".

If you're at my table, please don't tempt me.

Play smart.


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Never Take Advice From A Guy Called Waffles

But should I?  I am frigging exhausted BECAUSE OF WAFFLES. 

As you know I had some success yesterday by playing those Steps games on Full Tilt Poker.  Waffles was telling me that he was going to play the Daily Dollar tournament.  I had never played it before.  As you know I'm very interested in that big $216 tournament on Sunday, NOT a goddamm ONE DOLLAR tournament.  But he was saying it's easy to go deep in it and it's good practice for a large tourney.

As he was playing it, I figured what the hell.  Only a buck!  I'll either double up quick or be down a buck.  No biggie. 

Eight THOUSAND Seven Hundred and Twenty-Five FUCKING players.  That's 8,725!!!  with 1,080 place in the money.  (if you call two bucks money)

I doubled up pretty quickly alright.  After I tripled up I thought, hmmmm, I may actually put a little effort into this.  Game started at 8:15pm

And went on and on and on.

Waffles was out after an hr or two. A-J vs A-9 and the villian caught a 9.  Bye Waffles!!

Except Waffles didn't leave.  He railed me for hour after hour after hour.  Fawk!  What did I get myself into?  For a frigging buck!

Not only did he rail me, but gave me solid advice, and listened to me complain about the goddam tourney for hour afer hour. (yes I complained ALOT)

And rooted for me RELENTLESSLY.  Till everyone knew very josie's name.  lol  He pretty much kept INSISTING that I win.  So I really tried.  By the way, don't say "I'll try" to Waffles.  Wrong answer!!!  His response was.  "No you do it or you don't do it, there's no trying!!!"  Frigging yoda.

Jew Boy also popped up as a rail bird and stayed for the whole game.  Jew Boy and Waffles kept the whole table laughing and me too for that matter.

And how long was the whole game that started at 8:15pm?   I donked off my chips a little before 3am.  Before that stupid move I played plenty of great poker.  Jamming when I saw weakness.  Playing "sneaky sneaky" when I had the goods.

Waffles played this tourney a few weeks ago and went really deep, for HIM anyway.  :)  He made it to 160 place, so that was the goal.  To do better than that.  Cuz we KNOW I'm better at poker.  Duh.

I did better than that.

Out of 8,725 players I came in 50th place.  And yes I jammed with.....wait for it......ACE RAG.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

I was exhausted, punch drunk with exhaustion, so it seemed like a great idea at the time.

I had played for hours with between 600k - 700K in chips.  Had a few beats and was down to about 150K.  Not shortstacked but not in my comfort zone.  Blinds were HUGE.  10K/20K with antes. So there was alot of money in the pot and I felt I wanted/needed it.

Besides the blinds and antes, 2 peeps limped in for 20K.  I have A-9 s00ted, so I jam all in while i have a decent sized stack.  Everyone folds but a blind who has K-Q.

Yes he gets a Q on the flop and no, I didn't get an ace.  I was out in 50th place.  For over 6 hrs of playing I won $15.

I kept chatting to Waffles that if I had just played the BIG tourney instead I'd be in some serious cash at this point.  His response was "win this and you can play that".

I almost did it.  cuz he kept insisting!  GOOOOOOOOOOO JOSIE over and over.  Someone at the table asked who I was....they also asked him to keep the cheering down, but he didn't. lol

lol I bet he can type GOOOOOOOOOOO JOSIE in his sleep.

I will say this.  All the games he's suggested I play have been profitable.  Maybe he does know something about poker.

Play smart.

PS.  One more thing!  I have this new ScreenHunter software that I downloaded (because I am soooooooTECHNO) and was dying to have a reason to use showing you guys a screen shot of a big win.  50th place isn't too shabby right?  I got so pissed off (yep anger issues) because of my ace rag demise, that I shut the stoopid Full Tilt windows before I took the screen shot.  Argh!!!  So you're going to have to trust me that I did what I said I did.  I do have witnesses though!

Friday, June 4, 2010

High Stepping!


I decided to listen to Riggs and Waffles and not blow half my bank roll on one tourney.  Instead I was advised to go back to the steps, which is what I did.

I played a $24+2 (2) table.  5 places get a step 4 ticket, 6-7 gets you your $24+2 ticket back.  I won it and got a $75 ticket. (see below)

Yes it's a shitty job at cutting pasting paintbrush, whatever you call it.  I'm lucky I was able to get it done at all.

Anyway, so I went up another step.  Used the $75 ticket for a 9 person...1st and 2nd get entry into the Sunday Brawl (valued at $256).  Not only did I do that, I pwned the entire table.  No one was even close to me after the first 15 minutes.

Check this out:

So Riggs - can I play this on Sunday or do I unregister???  At this point, the buy in is about 1/3 of my bank's still too much, isn't it? Fawk.  I could step it up again I suppose.  It is only noon.

I fucking rock.

Play smart.